#1 Trick to Online Dating? Take Massive Action!

[coachTanthony]

What is massive action? Being engaged on a daily basis and sending really good messages is the key. This of course is true as long as your photos are good and your profile is detailed. It's hard to connect with someone when you are super generalized about things you like to do. Hiking, fishing, and sports just ain't going to get it anymore...not that it really ever did. I have messaged many women in the last few weeks asking the last time they hiked or fished and most said stuff like "it's been years but would love to start again".

That's great but what are your hobbies and likes right now? Details are key. Try and get as specific as you can on what you like and what you want. If you are an avid hiker and are searching for someone with the same interest than simply say so. There is nothing worse than saying you like something just to fill some space and end up attracting the wrong person. If you are out of shape and think dating a fitness pro is a good idea think again. Many want to be more fit or adventurous and think well if I just find someone that already is... than I will be too. Reality is ...it just doesn't work that way.

Above is a chart that recommends sites based on age. This was taken from Mathew Hussey at his site. Check it out!

Ladies will complain that Men don't take an interest in their profile when sending messages. Well...my last 20 or so messages that I have received happened to be the same. Hi, hello, etc. This is a problem for both men and women. Sending 2 to 3 genuine messages a day is not hard to do. I've had many great conversations just by showing some genuine interest. Sure some don't respond back...you just have to keep going ...until you find the one. Squeaky wheels gets the grease! Can't hear the squeak with Hi's and Hellos.

Feel free to DM or leave a comment below if you have any questions about online dating.

[wolfcat87]

Massive action? People have to work this hard to meet people online? I mean, I literally log on and within a weekend I'm overwhelmed with interested guys even without any real effort. That's why I would only log on once every few months. it would take me that long to get through the people I met the last time. The people who are on every day are usually the less desirable sorts...

In my case I can just log on, send my off site contact deets, then I just get to know whoever I took an interest in when I was on. I think having an anonymous way to contact the person more quickly off site is key. I use kik. That way if they turn creepy I can just block them.

I do agree that men should focus on more than just Hi. Those guys only have their looks and profiles to fall back on, and men usually put very little into those things. Therefore, those men get skipped most often.

[Curmudgeon]

For you as a lady, sure. However, the ratio of men to women online is very lopsided, although it is has improved over the years as more women took to the internet. But it is still very much lopsided, and if the woman the guy is trying to contact is stunning, then lower those odds even more!

Often women are being bombarded with messages (or even more common and far worse, "likes" or right-swipes) and a guy's interest in her is lost on the bottom of the pile.

[TheBestUsername]

Dating as a woman sounds so easy. It's like fishing except that the fish file past you and you just pick whichever one you want.

[Juxtapose]

LOL! That's because you're a woman wolfcat87. You can just post some pictures and create a minimalist profile and watch as the men have to do all the REAL work.

Any man with two brain cells to rub together has looooong since boycotted online dating.

But as you know.. many men don't have two brain cells to rub together..

[wolfcat87]

Not all women have it easy online, but I suppose it might seem easier to men.

Honestly, if you can speak proper English, form full sentences and complete thoughts, put some effort into your message to us, and you can write a few times without turning into a pervert... then you are already way ahead of how bad most men are online. XD Also, do not act desperate. That's true for men and women. About 95% of the men I nix can't do those simple things. Beyond that it comes down to looks and compatibility. I'll date a guy who is not perfect looking at long as he does not repulse me. Compatibility is just random luck. Out of every 100 guys, a girl with standards might meet 1 guy who fits most of these requirements. Most of the time that one guy is not Mister Right in the compatibility department. It's not as easy as it seems. It's exhausting!

[Juxtapose]

"Honestly, if you can speak proper English, form full sentences and complete thoughts, put some effort into your message to us, and you can write a few times without turning into a pervert... then you are already way ahead of how bad most men are online. XD"

"About 95% of the men I nix can't do those simple things."

Harsh but I 100% believe that. It's amazing how many people can barely form a coherent sentence >_<

You're right on compatibility too. If I was rejected based on compatibility and not something trivial like my earnings then I wouldn't get sour over it. I just have very little faith in online dating but who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone for me if I go through enough matches.

I wish you luck in your search.

[cavmanier]

Guys tend to not want to put effort in initial messages to girls because response rates are somewhere below 10%. That's why they spam the same message to everyone.

[WalterRadio]

@Curmudgeon
"the ratio of men to women online is very lopsided"
It depends on the site. The ones I use have more women than men. Women will often make the first contact with me.

[Curmudgeon]

@WalterRadio please name sites. On behalf of all of us here. 😊

[Jxy95]

I think if you feel some connection, then try to move onto meeting in person stage to get to know them better. Sometimes feeling online does not translate in real life

[surferfelix]

I've done a take on this before and I agree with you for the most part.
Also, great chart with the dating sites.

Message quantities/bio's depend entirely on
a) What you're looking for
b) Personality types (someone who is more insecure might give, and seek more attention than someone who isn't, so partners with the same personality type can work in that case but there are plenty of situations where having the same personality type is a negative thing.)

This can in some situations, interfere with what you said about messages, because some people will prefer more engagement, whilst others might be too overwhelmed and will see it as a bad thing in early stages.

[OlderAndWiser]

Good profile, good pictures, send messages that indicate that you actually read her profile, and send several messages per day. That is my formula and it works. When you get a response, be ready to move to talking on the phone very soon and then be ready to meet.

It works.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[Logorithim]

It's kind of superficial and there are so many profiles to wade through that it's hard for one to stand out. It's just the nature of the beast.

I would advise just answering the ones you find most interesting and try to gin up a good conversation with them. Being in contact with lots of people is anyhow time-consuming and lacks depth. We wouldn't try to be in touch with dozens of possible partners in 3D, so why try it online when it stretches you too thin and doesn't lead to anything serious.

[StrangerByTheDay]

I just love this article.
Thank you for posting it.
In fact, it seems all the girls on tinder have become some kind of pilot?
They all love to travel, hike, etc... as you said.
You have those who say "Please don't stay silent", you hit them with a message and they don't reply, Irony?
You have those who say "i don't do much tinder, follow me on instagram" ... haha, yeah, like if you care about me, you just care about people following you!!!
You have those who say "surprise me" .. well i cannot see how if you don't swipe any picture right for a match
You have of course "I want a sugar daddy"
Girls who only post pictures with a big blank in the profile.
just say what you are really looking for by using this app. be clear. honest. that's all.
90% of them post pictures of roses or landscapes. OK. am i going to date the landscape?
No one would bother you unless you like them back then it is a match and you can chat.
and yes... the chat:
Hello_____________
Hi
more talking from my side_____________
oh
___________________
ok
so would you like to join me for coffee and have a real conversation
*Ghost*
She literally says 3 to 10 words max and ghosts.
I don't know if it is difference from a country to another. but I have stopped believing in those apps. I meet interesting people at the bar and enjoy my time interacting with people instead of computer screens :-D

[StrangerByTheDay]

FYI: i am talking about girls, because in fact I am looking for a woman, not a man.
So i don't really know how the men's profiles look like.
I guess they must be something like showing off the muscles and sport cars?

[TheBestUsername]

1# trick to online dating is to delete your online dating apps and never look back. Men and women have found each other for millennia and apparently now we're so apathetic that we need smartphones to do it for us. I don't if anyone is looking forward to becoming one of those levitating fat blobs from WALL-E but I sure ain't. Do you want to know how they have sex? Neither do I.

My natural human social instincts have been so sapped by letting technology do the work that I don't even know how to court the attention of a woman in real life anymore. I've never asked a girl out without doing it by text or some other social media/app and it's disgusting.

I'll be damned if I don't take back my balls and voice from technology.

[MrMAC777]

Great philosophy right here! 👍

[coachTanthony]

@TheBestUsername LOL nice!

[MusicMayhem]

There's too much an abundance of people/choice on dating apps. This leads to girls getting sick of hundreds of msgs to sort through and guys sending hundreds of msgs and getting nowhere because girls have the luxury of being very picky. If these app creators limited matches or active conversations to like 10-20 at a time say, both issues would be resolved or at the very least limited.

Everytime I've had success in talking to and dating a girl off an app, it's because she just joined the site and we hit it off before she got flooded with msgs so I avoided having to compete with a hundred other guys.

[Juxtapose]

^ this.

[aleach007]

I think what you wrote sounds great concept-wise, however I really don't believe there is a good answer to make online dating any easier. I believe that you can be the greatest writer, show interest and be invested and still have a situation where the other person just stops communicating. It's a just a hodge-podge of randomness and even though I am currently talking to someone it was based on a combination of timing, my/their interest level and pure dumb luck.

I agree with all you have written and think you have done a great job giving people a better way to communicate. I just know from experience and just how much dating as changed in general, that there are so many more misses than hits these days, which is unfortunate. Keep up the positive messages and I look forward to seeing what else you have to say in the future!

[coachTanthony]

Hey thanks for the comment! Much appreciated! I look at online dating like dieting. If you are only dieting one day a week you aren't going to lose much weight.

[steevo]

I think people should use their spell-checker more.
It subconsciously makes you look more intelligent than you are!
(Do you think I really knew how to spell "subconsciously"...)

[coachTanthony]

@steevo Yep no doubt... I hear ya!

[Anonymous]

The only real massive action to take is to quit online dating websites altogether and erase and delete profiles. Get off your ass and just go out there and talk to people instead or join a group activity club locally, such as meetup. com, you'd actually have more success in actually meeting somebody and actually having some fun and getting something done compared to online dating and hook up websites and apps. If it works out for you, great, keep it up, if it never works, it's just best to scrap it completely and try something completely different instead.

[coachTanthony]

LOL thanks for the comment

[JSmuve]

LOL! Shit only works if you're a model, in which you don't need online dating, or are in your 50s where those women want your attention.

Fact is, if you're an average guy with an average profile, it doesn't matter how detailed it is and how genuine your messages are because you're not gonna receive shit in return. Girls are just there for the ego boost and to "see what's out there". I can literally go through all the matches in my city and be interested in maybe 10% of them so in order to have a snowballs chance in hell of getting a response, I had to slum for uglier chicks because they're more inclined to respond. I gave up on it because I knew I deserved better and was selling myself short.

Nice feel good take for the hopeless romantics though.

[toolazyforausername]

I think it's better to take massive action in person. If you meet someone who seems kind, just ask 'em out. No need to use the internet. I feel like in this day and age, people are relying on technology too much to make social interactions (Ik I sound like a grandma but oh well). I think it's better to get off your screen and do things the old school way.

[HereIbe]

Yeah, because random crapshoots of whatever happens to randomly be in a random place has gotten you a FOREVER relationship, right? Oh, that's right, you're a little kid.

[WalterRadio]

You can say that because you are in high school, where you may come across a thousand single guys in a day. So if just 1% of them is your type and you are his type, then you are set for all four years.

It doesn't work like that in the real world, sweetie. You see the same dozen or two people every day. As people mature, they start pairing up, reducing the dating pool.

I did an analysis, and in my "every day" life, I expect to see one woman every six months that I would want to ask out. Given that she may not be available or interested in me, I would expect one new date every three or four years.

The numbers are much improved when I am traveling, but that is always going to be a difficult LDR.

Online, I can have my pick of several women who I would go out with and who would go out with me within a few days. And do you know what? The women I meet online feel the same way. They see the same few guys every day and they want better choices.

[StrangerByTheDay]

People indeed are giving permission for technology to take over.
It is controlling their social lives. I have deactivated many social media accounts.
even, I have been using tinder, most of them are just people with fake profiles. when i meet them in person, i just feel like i was talking to someone else.

[Browneye57]

Reasonable.
A guy's profile needs to be edgy or it doesn't get any interest.
I did a 'take on this early on... was pretty funny - on what a woman writes in a profile and what it means: Your Dating Profile Dissected - Or What NOT To Write About Yourself ↗

[CheckPlease]

Online dating desperate guys looking at bored girls who only date the hot guys they like.
No guy I know got any where with it and all the girls just do it for attention.
Guys have to work and send like 30 personal messages for like 1 reply if he is normal and lucky. Massive action is right a guy has to in order to actually get a date.

[coachTanthony]

Cool screen name dude! Thanks for the comment.

[HereIbe]

Yup, I never got married through online "dating". Oh, wait, I did!

[WalterRadio]

You have been using the wrong site.

I am no where near "hot". I am a middle aged nerd. Today is Monday. If I started now, I could have my pick of half a dozen girls from 19 to 25 years old who would be happy to meet me this weekend. I couldn't tell you how many women over 30 I could find online in a few days who would want to meet me, because my search criteria limits age to a maximum of 29.

To get your response rate up, be more selective in whom you send a message to.

[HereIbe]

@WalterRadio, it's also amazing the response rate you get when you emphasize things like a regular and steady employment history, how you're going to be at home as a nerd every night instead of out tomcatting with who knows who, etc.

[WalterRadio]

@HereIbe
Right, not living with parents is a good characteristic too.

[CheckPlease]

Must just be where I am here in LA next to Hollywood.

[WalterRadio]

"Must just be where I am here in LA next to Hollywood. "
I lived in SoCal for most of my adult life. I used online dating quite a lot there, and even met women there when I visited after I moved to Texas. Why would local women not date you, when they would date a guy from half way across the country? It is because you are not on the site where they are looking.

The one extra thing you have to be careful of in LA is to be mindful of former porn performers. I've run into a few at online dating sites. Do a background check, especially if any photo looks professionally done. Some guys might like having a porn star girlfriend, but it isn't for me.

[Salsacumbia]

Be honest and truthful. But be basic... then when its a conversation then you can tell them all your lies... ok no lol😉 but thats were you say your honest things you want to tell them of yourself what likes and things dos and take it from there...

[Juxtapose]

Online Dating Guide FOR MEN!

Step 1: Be rich.

Step 2: Be ripped.

Step 3: Be high in the social hierarchy.

Step 4: Study how to manipulate women via cheap, psychological tricks from pickup artists.

Step 5: Pump and dump.

Congrats, you've mastered the art of online dating!

[WalterRadio]

You don't need #2.

[JimRSmith]

I've never tried online dating, but it seems like a minefield, and your Take helps to explain why a lot of people are probably getting it wrong!

[burlen]

There isn’t any formula to successful online dating. Even the creepiest and well-written profiles and messages get mixed responses. There are too many variables out there that affect the outcomes of online dating.

[WalterRadio]

I disagree. The formula for success is:

1. Use the site that has the kind of women looking for the kind of man you are, and where you have a competitive advantage over other men that those women might get to know. This usually means paying if you are a guy.
2. Filter to eliminate spammers, ladyboys, and hookers. (maybe you filter for the ladyboys and hookers if you are into that kind of thing)
3. Write only to women who have a similar look or profile to those that have slept with you before. Ask yourself the question, "Does that look like the kind of woman that would want to have sex with me?"
4. Write to the woman as an individual, showing you have read her profile and have relevant questions she would like to answer.

A good fraction of the women I have met and slept with, even my current girlfriend, have told me that I was the only guy they ever responded to over hundreds of messages. The reason is that I followed the formula above.

[burlen]

@WalterRadio This is preposterous! Because it worked for you, you call it a formula? Has your formula undergone any testing for it to be considered valid, reliable and can be generalised over a given population?

[WalterRadio]

I test it every time I am looking for a new girl.

Most complainers, like yourself, fail to complete Step 1.

[HereIbe]

@WalterRadio, if I had followed your rule #3, I never would have met my wife.

[WalterRadio]

@HereIbe
#3 would have worked if you knew the right answer.

[HereIbe]

@WalterRadio, are you TRYING to sound stupid? If I had followed #3, I would never have met my wife, because my wife is utterly UNLIKE women who had slept with me before. I decided to go for broke and upgrade. It worked.

[burlen]

@WalterRadio Just because you've a way of doing things that work for you doesn't make it a successful formula that works for everyone most of the time. To be considered a valid and reliable formula it must be tested by a fairly represented sample of online daters. The test's results should be statistically significant to lend any claim of your formula's reliability and validity.

When I used to do online dating, I dated 3 women, slept with 7, ghosted about 20, and went on dates with about 15. I used different profiles and messaging styles on different online platforms (lovoo, okcupid, tinder, bumble, match, and beautiful people) for women aged 22 to 35. Even personalised messages, well-written profiles with 'great' photos yielded mixed responses.

Studies have observed there isn't a formula for successful online dating. One study showed even poorly written profiles and uncanny messages of highly attractive persons attracted positive responses.

[WalterRadio]

You are only supporting my formula.

You are going to get different results based on #1.

I am not going to do well on tinder. I do great on a couple of other sites. There are other guys (dumb college jocks) who might do really well on tinder and very poorly on the sites I use.

[milettescheepers]

Online datingl is confusing and fake just like social media. I also believe that it places doubt in a relationship cause youl always wonder if your partner is still on dating sites

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! Good post!
Online dating is pretty much as sophisticated as job hunting these days! :-)

[JessForAdvice]

I wish we could go back to having this huge computer in the corner of the room, phones with no dating apps.
It’s all fake. Choosing 1 selfie out of 500 to look good. Fake fake fake

[John_Doesnt]

My #1 trick is to photoshop myself into a sexy hunk and lie about my income. I actually get messaged by tons of chicks when I post a sexy fake picture of myself and say my income is above $250,000

[CaptainSmartass]

What if you're not exactly good with words? I can't keep sending first messages asking about interests and giving compliments where necessary.

Simples...

[HereIbe]

Ditch the compliments. All men try compliments. All women are used to them and presume they are insincere. Show evidence that you have bothered to read the text of her profile.

[veronicalynn]

Relationships would benefit from face to face interaction and less online interference