Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection


So, I'm going to make this short and sweet ladies. As women I don't expect you to fully understand why the opposite sex feels so different, but you're going to have to just take it on faith from mankind.

PRELUDE: No, no one can FORCE you to be their friend. The Friendzone doesn't mean that someone is forced to be friends with someone--it means that one person has genuine romantic desires towards someone who has genuine platonic friendship desires towards them. That's what the "Friendzone" is. It doesn't require months or years of friendship to be so--all it requires is one person who wants a romantic relationship, and one who wants a friendship.

1. Friendzone is real. Yes it is.

Let's make this short and sweet. Friendzone is when you have two people, Person A and Person 1.

Person A genuinely likes Person 1 as a platonic friend, and genuinely likes spending time with that person as friends.

Person 1 has romantic feelings towards Person A and wants to have a romantic relationship.

That's friendzone. Granted, upset girls have told me I friendzoned them. I've been friendzoned too. It's a viscous cycle. However, it is real.

2. No, no one has a duty to be your platonic friend. People have freedom of choice.

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection

Girls, I don't expect you to fully understand the why, but you need to understand that just as you have the freedom and every right to not date someone because you see them as a friend, that person has the freedom and every right to sigh, walk away, delete your number, and not look you up again. A girl snarking about "Sorry my friendship is such a crappy consolation prize!" Is every. Single. Bit. As pathetic as when I see a guy post about how girls only want bad boys with lots of money and such. I indeed was told the same thing--a girl told me to grow up and realize I could be friends with a girl without sleeping with her. I asked her, "You say we're friends. Can you tell me something nice you've said to me this year?"

She could not, and turned the question around, asking me to name the same--then she quickly regretted it when I was able to answer easily. The "friendship" ended.

3. No, your friendship isn't worth it if we have feelings.

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection

"You should be happy at least you get to be close friends with her!" Cries some well meaning teenage girl. Here's the problem. For men, largely, our romantic feelings and feelings of affection are intertwined when it comes to women. You know how you can have platonic guy friends you would never kiss but you adore them? No, it does not work like that often for men.

The vast majority of the time, several things happen. A. We will only spend time with women we are somewhat attracted to. Even if we don't want to date you a lot, if a guy is down to spend time with you, he's likely physically attracted on some level. B. No, it's not "he just wants in your pants." If a guy legitimately likes you and legitimately cares and legitimately has romantic feelings for you, he most likely cannot separate that and just be happy to hang out.

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection

Pictured above--how it mentally feels for a guy to know that a woman he cares about and has romantic feelings for is with another man.

4. Yes. Being friends with an ex is different.

Simple example--I dated a girl for a year or so. I was in love with her at one point. She was in love with me at one point. We talked for hours, we were great together. But The reality was we were not the perfect fit. She refused things that were dealbreakers for me, and I accepted she was not the woman for me, and she (I think) accepted the same. However we did indeed remain friends and chat sometimes. When a romantic relationship does not work out is NOT AT ALL the same as unrequited love. Unrequited love is painful and agonizing.

5. Have a heart, girls.

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection

Girls, I don't expect you to understand, just as men find it hard to understand many things about women.

But now you know, and if you get a male friend...

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection

If you have a male friend who develops romantic feelings for you... and you don't reciprocate... if you truly have any compassion or platonic caring for that man--walk away. He will be hurt. he may shed tears. But by distancing yourself sharply, you're being the kindest person you could be to him aside from setting him up with a cute single friend. You're stopping him from having a tortured hope things will change--you're freeing him to find someone who will return his affection--and you're helping him mature and be able to walk away, which is a skill men need.

Maybe he will return one day, older, wiser, with a girl of his own. Maybe you'll want him one day. Maybe you won't see him again--but you'll know that you did the right thing and treated him as a true friend. And knowing you did right by someone you cared about is it's own reward.

Yes, Girls, Friendzone is Real and It's Worse Than Rejection
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Most Helpful Girl

  • lilaqua
    This is such bullshit. Girl meets guy, guy is interested in girl, girl isn't. In order to be friendly girl offers friendship FRIENDZONING, WOMEN HAVE COMPASSION. Girl meets guy, guy is interested in girl, girl isn't. Girl ignores and leaves guy alone. WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH BITCHES NONE OF THEM ARE FRIENDLY. Cmon, it's a no win situation for us, have some compassion.
    Is this still revelant?
    • 1. I specified in the take i'm talking about when one person genuinely wants to be friends.
      2. You literally sound like one of those guts wailing "be too nice and you get friendzoned, but then you get shamed if you're bold!" grow up okay?

    • It's one thing to offer friendship. It's another thing entirely to throw a fit when the offer isn't accepted.

      Quit acting like the victim like there's no way out for you. There is. It's called letting the guy do what's best for him.

      If you already do that, nice, you're not the kind of girl he's talking about. If you don't, that's on YOU.

    • Mi2mi2a

      @FýrdracaDócincel no girl forces you to be friends. You don't want to be friends, don't be. It's your choice. why is it a girl's responsibility when you choose to be friends with her instead of walking away?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • LegateLanius
    If you meet someone, and you are attracted to them but they are not attracted to you, they haven't done anything to you. They haven't put you anywhere. They just doesn't want to be your partner, that's all. No one is entitled to the other person's love, sex, attention, or affection, and they have not done anything simply by not giving those things to them.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I'm specifically talking about when the person actually wants to be friends.

    • It still applies to that. You can't put friendship coins in and expect a relationship. Either move on from your feelings about them or not be their friend. It's deceitful.

    • Since several people have made similar comments I put in a paragraph to address this lmao

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • I love this video.. sorry for the subtitles.
  • I don't get it.
    The way I see it the friendzone is either 1) A made up alternate reality in one's state of mind, which the host keeps going to (mostly deliberately) or 2) A concept or idea.

    No one is pointing a gun to your head and tells you "Heya nygga! you gotta hang out with this attractive gal even if she doesn't like like you.". It's you (the host of that state of mind), who is doing that and you yourself (the host) are holding the same gun towards yourself. You can walk away from the friendzone as easy as leaving your home and as soon as you've been put in there.

    I have seen attractive women on repeated occasions. I once had feelings for them. I still see them but the feelings are gone because when they said "i have a boyfriend" is what "turned me off" from them. However it's not like we are friends but more like acquaintances.
    It doesn't stop me however from becoming friends with them still - if we mutually wanted to. Female friends are amazing!

    For this "kind of truth" I expect many blue downvotes but so what. Who can bare opinions these days anyway, let alone consider them?
    • I don't think you read the my take. Or you are just confused.

    • Unit1

      I did.
      My point stands still however.


  • SirRexington
    I love how everyone is saying it's the man's job to remove himself from the situation (something I agree with) but if a guy tries to leave then the girl will get mad, ask why he doesn't talk to her anymore, assumes he is a "nice guy" like all the rest who just wanted her pussy and is immature for not being able to accept her response.

    For some reason, people don't seem to be understanding that. Im also tired of women trying to justify why it's okay for us to to accept their bullshit.
  • nojokecarmichael
    The problem is that guys go into a "friendship" hoping to get more from a girl and string them along and trick them. Then when they don't get what they want, things your don't get in a friendship they want to claim they were "friendzoned". You don't get to do that to people; have them think you're going to be their friend when all won't you want is to have sex with them
  • 10dsw
    Of course this is rather easy to avoid - just hang out with a girl for a very short time and look for signs of attraction. If you get no signs of attraction just move on asap.

    The "friend zone" problem only happens to guys who hang around girls like fruit flies for months on end
  • hasrett
    No one is forcing you to stay if it's hurting you. It's your responsibility to leave.
    If you can walk away from a painful relationship, you can and should walk away from a painful friendship as well.
    • Once in a while, it's not about whose responsibility it is or whose job it is. Once in a while, it's about being a good enough person you want to do the right thing.

    • hasrett

      A guy staying in such friendship, it's pretty much accepting the situation as it is.
      And I think that, most of the time, people stay because they haven't really accepted the fact that nothing is going to happen and they still live in hope that maybe some wondrous day things might change. They stay for the wrong reasons. Not genuinely saying 'okay, you're not into me, I accept that and I'm really fine with just friendship'. No, mostly it's 'he/she might fall for me someday'. Which is just deceiving not just themselves, but the other person too.
      You can't really blame anyone in such situations. Someone falls in love, someone doesn't, it's no one's fault.
      But you also can't say that one side was completely fair.

    • @hasrett I agree with your opinion. I must say though I think he is more talking about when the girl knows that the guy is into her and allows him to make a fool of himself with this friendship between the both of you. Those girls don't want to be buddy buddy they want the internal validation of someone liking and adoring them so they keep him around just for that... and that is selfish and wrong.

    It's up to the guy to stay as friends or leave, not up to the girl to let him leave... that's up to him once he finds out that the girl DOES NOT have feelings for him.

    Also I have been friend zoned, and I know the feelings SUCKS. It's unrequited love... but I just LEAVE once I find out that he is not into me.
  • ObscuredBeyond
    Can't say I totally agree. There are some I'd rather have as friends still. But I need them to make their intentions clear. And let the agenda that the friendship revolves around be clear. And they need to respect boundaries, so I don't get mixed signals.
  • VaIiant
    Maybe guys shouldn't hide them wanting to get laid under the guise of a friendship, hoping to trick the girl into a relationship or sex.
  • Minducked12345
    I agree with this if a guy straight up showed me that they’re interested in being more than friends from the start. I’ve had guys who pretend to be friends and act like i’m in the friendzone and out of the blue confesses his feelings. Not cool having to lose that bond we built if i didn’t develop any romantic feelings
    This this is exactly what my "girl" needs to read, she has been so mean to me its not even funny... she says she doesn't care but constantly flirts with me... and romantically i have grow to love her... its been 3 years now and i still hold on to the possibility of us working out... it sucks... GIrls JUST BE HONEST... If you say you dont like someone... WALK AWAY dont sit and flirt with him... It hurts SOOOOOO bad... :(
  • Wally48
    I've gotten a lot of nice pussy referrals from girls that have friendzoned me, so it pays to be nice to them. I even had one become my wing girl in bars and parties. She just really liked me and took an interest in me getting laid. Brought me chicken soup when I was sick. So it doesn't have to end angry.

    But I agree, if you have strong feelings for someone and you get "zoned," its better to move on. Why torture yourself?
  • Blueeyes81
    I don't feel like its up to her to walk away. To me that is ridiculous. The only thing I have to add is be clear and concise when rejecting someone. The last woman I dated told me this after I told her I wanted to be exclusive.

    "I like you but am not looking for anything serious. I mean I still want to see you and do things with you just without the expectation that this has to lead somewhere. If it does, great. I'd be happy. If it doesn't , then thats fine as well."

    To me that's a maybe. That's asking someone who has feelings for you to be friends because MAYBE it may lead to something more. I walked away but in the back of my mind I wonder what if I I accepted her offer friendship, would it have lead to more. Or did I just save myself a lot of misery. I hate "what ifs".

    Long story short. That's my only gripe about the "friendzone". The rest Is on the person who was rejected. Be responsible for your own life. Just because someone put you in the friend zone doesn't mean you have to stay there.

    • Maybe it's not, but we all gotta try to be decent around here or no one gets anything. How many things do women want that we men can easily say "it's not up to me to do xyz?"

  • bacca400
    (Been there done that. Got the tshirt.) Try not to see the friend zone as a failure, just move on and find someone else. 9 out of 10 times the person will not want to date you. That's just normal for life. Everyone cannot be compatible with everyone else.

    Try to change your attitude about not getting a date into "opening a new chapter with someone else". Pining for someone you can't have does you no good and only does you harm. Good luck!
  • NerdInDenial
    It’s up to the man to walk away because the girl doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
    • Unit1


    • Sometimes, it's not about whose responsibility it is. It's about doing whats right by someone.

    • It doesn’t matter; if a woman feels something it is reality

  • questionsWanswers
    • sp33d

      You win the internet this day..

      god damn :D

  • OliviaDenny2000
    I agree, this is an issue that men are more likely to face than women, so I don't know why so many women deny this exists.

    I don't put men in the friend zone. I just reject them, and leave it at that.
  • Bluemax
    Well, this ought to be entertaining...
    • I'd say this nailed it. I only got friend zone once when I was 16-17. After
      one month I told the girl, "I'm not going to listen to you talk about whatshisname.
      I'm not going to be your friend, crying shoulder, etc. Call me if you change your mind".
      I walked away and son of a bitch if she didn't call me. Boy X hit her and she came groveling
      back. I told her, "If your ready to date and properly have sex, then fine. If not, don't waste my
      time". We dated for six months and fucked up a storm, Then I determined that she wasn't all that and a bag of chips, so I ended it. Last I heard she had a hard time with crack and meth and really has had a shitty life. C'est la vie !

  • Reach500
    I hear what you're saying, but I have a hard time believing that guys can't be just friends with a girl in a strictly platonic way. It may depend on the guy but I have seen it happen.
    • brocklee

      He is talking about the cases where the guy has romantic feelings and the girl does not.

  • Edanurus
    Hmm a lot of people seem to be reading this as being stuck in the friendzone is the problem.

    I read it as it hurts to be rejected and its hard to distance yourself from someone you care about, maybe not make it even harder having to hear how much of a bad person who didn't really care they are on top of that.

    But everyones always going to have an opinion so go figure
  • DinaM
    Well, after reading this... I don't think you have to worry about me ever wanting to be friends with you, so there's that.
  • lumos
    I've been friendzoned multiple times and I really don't get what the big deal is. If it hurts that much, distance yourself or tell her straight up that you can't be her friend. Simple as that. Guys who whine about the friendzone are creating a bad situation for themselves by staying close to someone who is indirectly hurting them. Yet somehow they also feel entitled to throwing themselves pity parties as if there's nothing they can do about it, when the solution to their "problem" is quite simple.
  • FýrdracaDócincel
    That's why you just do what's best for you and filter out the irrational opinions that don't know jack sh*t.
  • JustASmallTownPriest
    Believe it or not some of us actually don't mind being friend zoned😅

    I only have the attention span to be into one woman at a time so for someone to declare their intentions (either before I ask or when I do) it's best case scenario in my opinion

    I would much rather be friend zoned and have the choice of a platonic friend if I want one as opposed to being led on by someone who doesn't know if they actually want me yet

    Besides, if you have friends who are women it will help you a ton with other women (even if you don't realize it)
  • fueledbythc
    From my experience girls can't handle the friend zone. All girls i thought i was making friends with get cold towards me once they realize im not into them.
  • StickStickity13
    I absolutely agree with women crying about "My friendship is a consolation prize!" We didn't want to be your friend, we aren't obligated to be your friend.
  • Golden1445
    No one should be forced to be platonic friends, just like no one should be forced to have romantic feelings for someone. It really sucks when you get friendzoned, I've been there. But just because you have feelings for someone, doesn't mean that other person HAS to reciprocate. You can't help who you are and are not attracted to.

    Guys and girls can be platonic friends, it's about respecting the other person and their choices. If they choose to not be romantically involved with you, then you need to respect that. You also need to respect yourself, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. You should never have to beg for a relationship, if you have to convince someone to be in a relationship with you, then they are likely not right for you...
    • Golden1445

      I also believe that the person who is unhappy should be the one to proactively leave the situation. You are only responsible for your own happiness, if you are unhappy in a situation, then just leave. Sometimes it's difficult to just leave, but no one else can make you leave but you. Along with respect, it's about taking responsibility. She isn't responsible for your feelings of affection, just as you aren't responsible for her wanting to just be friends.

  • sp33d
    I don't.. even.. know where to begin. There are plenty of people around that are friends with each other. Men and women. You live in some strange alternative dimension where everything is coloured either black or white.

    You don't demand someone's friendship. You don't "reward" someone with your friendship. You hang out with your delinquent group, do stupid shit together, grab a 12 inch subway snack and go back to having fun.

    But nooo... instead, everything has to work the way you want it to. And when a woman decides she 'is not interested in you' it is somehow her fault and that you are trapped in some nightmarish "friendzone".
    It doesn't matter what her reasons are, be they some petty bs about looks or status or problems in her personal life or she's just a very busy person. You're done, move forward.

    Here's the problem: PETTINESS. Your girl thing woman "friend" is right. Grow up.
  • Introvert94
    I agree. If i think interest isn't mutual, i leave without looking back unless they contact me after a while.
  • MercylessMGTOW
    yes but if dont want this mess join mgtow unlike these feminist that say they care about your rights which they dont Mgtow geniuenly
    Cares about you men have a nice day :) :) :)
  • monkeynutts
    I have to admit that most women I know if I was 20 again I would bone them sideways. I don't have friendships with girls unless I'm sexually attracted to them, so if the girl has a boyfriend if I'm attracted to her I will be very aloof, and never let her get close to me. She can't be my friend she is taken. In the past if a girl only wanted to be friends with me, then often I would just go chase some other girl, knowing that I would still try to have a romantic entanglement with her some other time. All my friends are male, I'm fond of and acquainted with hundreds of girls. There is no such thing as a friend zone.
    • What do you think of guys that get close emotionally and sexually with a girl , then when she says her feeling he denied and says they are just friends. Now they are awkward friends. she feels frienzoned. He is being different like staring or avoiding look all together. Etc

    • @saltwater84 he never really liked her in the first place, just using her for sex.

  • VeryConfused987
    Incel alert
  • lsaiah
    It's only real for ugly people
  • DanFlingwing
    nice takes
  • Anonymous
    Haha, so not true. I have this friend who himself friendzoned me years ago. Now he told he has feelings for me so I told him I have no feelings left. He still wants to be my friend, even though I was ready to let him go. But he really appreciates our friendship enough to keep it up. Case closed.
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    It's also a kind of rejection
  • Anonymous
    Nobody is forcing you to be anyones friend. If you don't want to be in the friendzone then you're free to leave. If she isn't interested in you it's up to you if you want to be just friends with her or cut contact.
  • Anonymous
    I do agree.

    When we walk away, don’t spread nasty rumors about us, fantasize about us being raped or beat up or call every guy we do like an asshole. Or kill us.

    Go find a gal who digs you and maybe we’ll see each other on the flipside.
  • Anonymous
    Yes it's real. No it isn't worse than rejection. It's the exact same thing as rejection as a sexual partner--no more, no less. If it feels worse it's because YOU decide to stick around as a friend. That's something you can choose to change.
  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    If you don't want to be just friends, then don't be friends. Is that so damned hard?

    As in, when she says you can still be friends, you say "no". If she asks why, tell her the truth: "because I'm always going to wavy arelatioship with you, so l can't be just friends".

    Its called having enough of a backbone to be honest
  • Anonymous
    Plenty of women walk away from guys they have feelings for but know they’re no good for them and are just looking to use. They do it all the damn time and have no choice but to be strong doing in that. All you ever hear guys say on that is ‘well it’s her responsibility, she lets me so why would I stop’
  • Anonymous
    I agree with the post. And while it would be great if women walked from these situations, it isn't their responsibility. We are only in charge of our own happiness.

    But I am going to say some stuff that will hurt/piss a few people off.

    True love is mutual. Reciprocated. An imbalance where one side loves and the other doesn't is not true love.

    Friendzone works in a somewhat similar way. If girl rejects boys advances and offers him platonic friendship, the boy can choose to either accept or deny the offer. Those that accept hoping someday they will "get their chance" are gambling on paper thin odds. They are tormenting themselves. They existed before girl entered their life, they will easily survive without her. But they think crazy shit.
    • Anonymous

      Friendzone only materializes when girls offers this to boy and he accepts. If he declines, he is not freindzoned. She tried. He didn't allow it. So accepting it means you are participating and have in fact allowed yourself to be put in that place.

    • That's a semantics cop out.

    • Anonymous

      It is the truth. It is also empowering.