I am not in love. Let's just get that straight right off the bat. I've have had deep attachments to the few guys I've really paid any attention to in my life, but I am aware that I am not in love.
There is something that is said to be very important, and not just in romantic relationships, or even relationships in general; trust. It can come in many forms; trusting that the ceiling won't collapse, trusting that you can win a competition, and so on. Many people along with myself, tend to focus on things like trusting my best friend not to spill my secret or that maybe, just maybe, the guy I'm talking to isn't just using me.
As much as he probably hates to admit it, I felt used by him. Not in real life, we only had an internet communication. Anyways. Claiming to have "lost interest in me, but talked to me to be nice".....right...so that involves continuously trying to sext me, only talking about yourself, and getting me to send things I'm uncomfortable with? Riiight. After dealing with this guy (Let's name him Potato.) I just lost confidence in ever trusting guys again. Even though I was responsible for getting hurt by him, I swore to never trust guys again. I was wrong. Why?
I made an overgeneralization about guys. Potato was the kind of guy who follows 500 girls, and was willing to send pictures and receive them from which ever of those 500 and adding more chicks to his collection as we speak, yet claims to "Talk to a girl that he never gets tired of, and really interested in". Haha, I never wanted to laugh so much. Not in anger, nor resentment, but pure pity of a person who believes his own quack. (My inside joke with my best friend, don't ask. Just pretend I said crap, or shit, or whatever)
Anyways, back to the point. This happened like...2-3 months ago? Not that it matters. The thing that does, is that now, I talk to a new guy. Let's call him Diamond. (And yes, I'll explain why I gave him this nickname). Even though I've been single AF for the last 16 years, I have a habit of putting all my eggs in one basket; talking to one guy at a time, and taking things seriously. It can be said to be a weakness, but I consider it one of my strengths. I met both Potato and Diamond on this website actually, and even though the chances of something real happening is really rare, just knowing that someone genuinely likes me is more than enough for me. Not asking for much. Just a cute guy with a fun personality and actually cares about me is all. Most guys can meet the first 2 conditions. I have not yet met a guy to meet all three....Or have I?
Here's some background on Diamond. He's a little older than I am, super exciting, loves a good adventure, and kind. At first I was skeptical, and very recently I was still skeptical. Not because he did much to evoke that, but Potato's wrongs were bleeding into how I was viewing him.
And I was scared that I would have a repeat. But you know what made me decide to trust him fully, starting today? I decided to risk it all for nothing.
I would give him the ability to hurt me, and trusting that he won't. And unlike Potato, Diamond is the only guy that I have ever decided to do this for. Why? Yes, guys will be guys. He likes getting sexual over text. But he respects my boundaries, and is willing to work with me. And he also hits me up when there's nothing sexy to say other than I'm eating chicken wings with my buds. Lol I swear it never gets old.
And you're probably wondering still, wait, why do you trust him? Because I feel like his trust is worthy in exchange for mine. I'm not willing to send nudes, or overly sexual pictures. That's just not how I roll. When Diamond somewhat sent "it" out of nowhere, I was a bit shocked. Funny thing is I've told both Potato and Diamond that I don't want to receive stuff like that, because I don't have something to give them in return, yet they both somewhat let it just pop out of no where. But how come I trust Diamond, and didn't trust Potato? Remember Potato and his 500 chicks? Yeah. He flirts with so many girls that it's getting to the point where anything he gives me as a form of trust is just a basket of potatoes. His trust is so easy to gain that it becomes a ego boost to him rather than him giving away trust. His "Trust" is so common and not special. However, Diamond is giving me a basket of diamonds. And you'll see why I think so. Diamond and I are pretty close even though it's only been 3 weeks of talking. I like that it's not just sexual and also, that fact he does not talk about himself 24/7 (cough cough Potato cough cough ego boost). I'm not sure how many girls Diamond has sent these kinds of things out to, but he evokes the feeling that his trust is worth something. This is why his trust is worth something to me:
1. He's not afraid to tell me he's attached to me and doesn't want to lose me
2. He sends me pictures of him and his friends
3. He tells me about his day
4. He tells me when he is upset/ not feeling like himself
5. He provides me to comfort, and reassurance
6. He seems to listen to what I have to say
7. He sent me a video of him talking to me directly, and hoping I will be comfortable with him
8. He's not some immature kid ( he told me that lol)
If anyone wants to discuss the details, feel free to ask me.
I can't be 100% sure that Diamond won't hurt me, and that he won't leave me eventually. But like I said, if he genuinely liked me, that matters to me more than anything. I am taking a risk. I have a bad feeling about this, but I am not letting my perception ruin something special to me. I am not going to drop my own boundaries, but I will just trust that he won't just use me, or find tactics to misuse my trust. It's okay to take a risk once in a while like this, just be sure that your trust is being exchanged for a basket of diamonds, and not a basket of rotten potatoes. :) Take care everyone! -Sherry. If you actually read all of this, you deserve my respect. Hope this opened up a new persecutive of trust for you!