Insecurities in Relationships

[InvisaQueen]

Inecurities in relationships

So I was doing laundry the other day and I ended up over hearing a conversation. This guy was talking to a girl about relationships, more specifically, age difference in relationships. He was saying, and I quote: "I meet these guys who are like 20-29 years old and they say 'My girlfriend is 16-18 years old.' I mean really dude you find that imature bitch attractive? It's just wrong."

Not only did this shock me and anger me a little, but I was shook because my boyfriend is 4 (almost 5) years older than me and in his 20's. I'm turning 18 in March (yes I lied about my age when signing up for this website, I thought it wouldn't let me on). I started wondering if all people thought this way about relationships like mine. Of course this didn't change my love for my boyfriend. Not only did it make me think about my relationship but it made me feel very insecure and unattractive (not to mention I was just indirectly called a bitch). It bothered me so much that I actually had to call my boyfriend and grill him about his intentions in the relationship.

Needless to say I obviously had nothing to worry about. But this conversation lead to a deeper one with my boyfriend and it actually got pretty emotional. To be honest it was one of the best and most enlightening conversations I'd had in a long time. So in a weird way I'm kind of greatfull to that guy for bring me closer to the man I love.

[lightbulb27]

wouldn't date < 18 yr old if over 18 for legal purposes. Other than that, I think it is ok. There is a LOT of change during those years, but maturity varies between people and I can see why you'd want someone older.

[InvisaQueen]

I think maturity is a more mental state. Yes the body does physically mature, but I know 40 year olds who still act like they're 12.

[lightbulb27]

definitely, there is a child inside everyone. you'll find people stuck at different ages, or that child comes out at times. some people are 8 emotionally. It was the emotional impacting events I think that are memorable or freeze up the mind and control. So you'll run into those (conditionings/wounds/programming).

[InvisaQueen]

Exactly.:)
I'm glad someone shares my opinion.

[MrOracle]

That guy is entitled to his opinion, but most people don't share it.

[InvisaQueen]

I know. I don't share his opinion but I do know that people are entitled to have their opinions.

[Answermyquestions31]

Not to have sympathy for the devil but maybe the guy thinks there is an issue with much older guys going after younger girls and voiced it wrong. I was 17 with a 23 year old. Everything was fine for a long time until he turned on me. I was so young and taken advantage of. I couldn’t see that at the time but I see it now. A guy I talked to and entertained the thought of being with (he’s 4 years older) had reservations about me because of me being so much younger but said he didn’t care because he really liked me and enjoyed me but he did mention that he also doesn’t agree with my ex and his intentions. He said it’s not right for an older man to go after a teenager. He said the guy is immature and wants to take advantage of the younger girl and manipulate her.

I have deep issues since my first ex. I personally don’t agree with men in their 20s dating teens or naive women in general if they have no intentions of serious commitment and know that in the end the women will be hurt.

[InvisaQueen]

I do understand that. I'm sorry that happened to you, I know what it's like to be taken advantage of and it hurts extremely. But the guy I am with now I have known for a very long time and got to know each other before agreeing to date.

[devilman666]

The guy somewhat had a point. Your relationship isn't a problem in my opinion and where I live would be legal. I have an issue mostly with 25+ year olds dating girls far younger than them (like 7 years younger and in teens). Where I live it is unfortunately pretty common for 14-16 year olds to date 25-32 year olds. There is a point where you know some of these guys are preying on these girls.

[devilman666]

I knew a 14 year old who got knocked up by a 27 year old man... like, 5-7 year age difference is usually pretty cool, especially when your an adult or near adulthood, but a 8+ year difference, especially when younger than 16 and it starts getting messed up in my opinion.

[InvisaQueen]

That is really messed up. But I do know what you guys mean.

[Crocuta_Hyaenidae]

I think of people my own age as kids sometimes, and I always preferred older women as a teenager/young adult.

I can see how a difference in maturity and life experience would make a 5 year age gap seem inappropriate. It gets easier to manipulate younger demographics as you surpass them in age and knowledge.

Plus, we tend to be pretty protective of young women. Nature of the beast. Gotta shield you girls from harm. Drones to the frontlines, replicators to the rear and all that.

[VV3ZZY]

I like younger girls. And older ones. Not so much girls my age.

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take. ..

[Anonymous]

bullshit

[InvisaQueen]

Bullshit? Can you be more clear as to what you are referring to?