This is a post just meant for venting and it is part of my self love journey.
I can pretty much say this has been my biggest insecurity even since I was 14. They are quite big. Guys and girls stare. My friends make fun of them saying they're too big and nobody likes big boobs. I was told once I should get them reduced/removed. All of that hurt and I still feel the urge to remove them. Instead I'm going to the gym and trying to feel fit and healthy. They are about 36-37D.
I am 5'10". I thought guys hated tall girls , but actually I found out lots of them like models and would love a tall fit girl as the 'ideal' body type.
I still hate getting stared at and getting hate for my height.
I realized that if there are so many people wishing they were taller , while I'm here wishing I was shorter , that no matter what we won't be 100% happy with what we were given.
So I am starting to appreciate my height. I'm also working in a field that is male dominated and being tall helps me a lot with seeming more confident and getting respected easily.
Being tall is not a bad thing , i find it useful now. I used to wish I could look cute and get people to worry about me/ protect me. But I realized that that's just not who I am, and that's fine.
I am not skinny. I weigh around 160lbs. I have struggled with an eating disorder , badly.
When i tell you I am still sick with all sorts of diseases from being anorexic , I really am.
I never became underweight from the eating disorder , but I had very bad health problems.
I have curves but on me it just feels like I'm 'big'. I don't know how to feel good about not being skinny , as it is something I have seen as ideal for a very long time. I also wanted to look 'small' and part of that for me is being skinny. Basically the 'model' aesthetic.
I'm still insecure. I feel big. Im tall and I feel tall girls are immediately seen as 'athletic' 'fit' 'skinny' and I'm not skinny.
I still wish I was slimmer. I'm working on becoming about 140lbs and fit.
I love working out and that is how I'm working around the insecurity around my weight.
Not a big insecurity of mine , but I wear a size 9.5 . Pretty big for a woman. I know not many people really care if you have big feet , they're just feet.
But it just bothers me that my feet are not small.
I just try and accept this and ignore it. I know lots of 5'2-5'4 girls who wear size 8-10 . I am much taller so there is nothing wrong with my feet.
I feel stupid most of the time . People find this hard to believe since I get good grades.
Grades have nothing to do with intelligence in my personal opinion.
How I work on this is I study harder , try and think outside the box , try to understand things on my own as much as possible until I get to it's roots and can pretty much get that feeling of 'I understood this , I can answer most questions about it and can talk about this topic in depth'.
I hope this take isn't too long. I really want to accept myself fully one day.
I am not as insecure as I used to be. I can go outside now without getting extreme paranoia. I keep my eyes looking downwards so I do not notice others staring at me , until I feel confident enough to ignore people's stares.