Background: I write this as a formerly shy and insecure guy who had no skill or confidence around girls. If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want to help change your mindset. I honestly believe that if you take on board what I say, combined with your own effort and style, you can transform your life.
I want to show you in 10 steps how you can go from fearing women to being able to muster up the courage to approach them, remain happy regardless of the outcome and ultimately create amazing connections and experiences that you will be able to look back on and be proud of.
So let's begin..
1. Look in the Mirror
I'm going to spare you Chad's "jUsT bE cOnFiDeNt BrO" advice. Let's look in the mirror and work out the facts. Are you the best person you can be? If not, are you working towards becoming the best person you can be? Work out the things you're not happy with and determine whether or not you can change those things. These things could be anything ranging from your physical self, your fashion, your style, your career, your knowledge, your personality, your social skills etc.
2. Love Yourself
Ok, so you've now reviewed yourself as a person. It's now time develop a sense of self acceptance and pride. Listen, you're not the best person in the world and you're certainly not the worst. Life isn't about being the best person in the room, it's about being your best self. Work towards improving what you can improve and accepting what you can't. Realize you are a unique and interesting individual and you DO have a lot to offer those around you. Loving yourself is a must. You cannot step out into the wilderness and expect women to like you if you do not love yourself.
3. Only Allow Your Emotions to be Affected by those you Trust
It happens time and time again. You go out feeling confident and then someone says something or something happens that makes you feel like crap. Perhaps it's something that happened a long time ago that you still can't let go of. F-O-R-G-E-T about it. No one else was with you when you looked in the mirror and accepted yourself, so why would you let someone who doesn't know you half as well as you do alter your perception now? Some people are hurtful in life. It says a lot more about them than it does you. Ignore it. All that matters is what you and those who are on your side think.
4. Go Out With Friends
Engaging in new social interactions is hard enough let alone having to do it on your own. Go out with friends who you can have fun with and support you. Not only will it make the whole process more enjoyable, but it will improve your social value in front of women too.
"But what if I don't have friends to go out with"? Get some. This is again part of the foundations that must be built before having success with women. It doesn't matter if you're shy and/or introverted. You NEED to develop social skills in this world. Now I understand that me saying "get some" is irritatingly simplistic, but you can literally meet friends anywhere. You are not the only guy in your position where you live. You don't have to go far by searching on the internet to find like-minded wings in your area to go out with.
5. Accept Rejection*
Fear of getting rejected and being unwanted is a fear that everyone has had at some point. This ties right in with the previously looked at areas of loving oneself and not allowing people you can't trust to affect your emotional state. But let's really hammer this one home.
EVERYONE IS REJECTED. I don't care how amazing they may seem, they get rejected. Up until the age of 18, I thought I'd never been rejected. To be fair it seemed like I hadn't. Every girl I'd asked out said yes. Why? Because I only ever made an attempt on girls who I knew were 100% into me. But were there girls who I liked who might have also liked me who I never approached? Absolutely. Why? BECAUSE I REJECTED MYSELF. I told myself if they didn't practically throw themselves at me, it must mean they didn't like me. I told myself I wasn't good enough for them.
*The only person who you should never accept rejection from is YOURSELF.
6: Be a Giver, not a Taker:
You are a confident man, you don't need attention or validation from anyone. Rather, you are an awesome and interesting individual who has nothing but positive energy to give those you are speaking to.
You are not approaching a woman to try and get approval, her interest, her desire, her love, her sex blah blah blah. You are giving her the opportunity to step into that great life of yours. Now she may accept this opportunity or not. It doesn't matter.
Plenty of women can recall a time when some creep couldn't take no for an answer or became an entitled prick when she rejected him. Remember, accept rejection and embrace it. Women don't owe you anything. If I offered you $1000 and you declined, do you think I'd become upset and angry? As a high value man who has something to give, you can accept a "no" and wish them the best, because you know just around the corner there is someone else who is on your wavelength and will appreciate what you have to offer.
7. Be Self-Amused:
"What's with all this character bullshit? What do we actually say to women? Where are the openers? The pickup lines?!?!" - I'm not going to feed you with embarrassing and unoriginal one liners that you can regurgitate to people. It's boring, it's lame, it doesn't work.
I want you to develop your own attractive style. This will truly allow you to live in the moment and not be constantly in your head wondering what the next cool thing to say to the girl will be.
What you should integrate into your character is the art of being self amused. When I approach a girl, I come from the frame of mind that I'm going to enjoy myself and seek amusement, if she joins in, that's just a bonus. When I say something funny, I'm not looking into her eyes afterwards to see if she also finds it funny and approves. I'm looking elsewhere, because I've said it for myself primarily.
For example..
*I make eye contact with an attractive girl carrying a sketchbook in the street*
Me: Miss artist with the sketchbook, how are you today?
*Introduce each other, exchange names*
Me: I was just with my friend and was telling him about my deep desire for someone to draw me like one of their french girls and then you know, you came along, and I know it must be a sign..
^^ There's nothing particularly clever or smooth about what I've just said. But I'm saying it because in that particular situation *I* find it funny and that's what really matters. Be present in the moment, comment on what you observe and have fun.
8. Warm Approach over Cold Approach
Now if you're trying to desensitize yourself to rejections, you can most definitely do cold approaches. But from a quality over quantity perspective, I don't recommend it.
A cold approach is where you approach any complete stranger. A warm approach is where there's been some form of initial connection made first (this could be something subtle like eye contact or a smile, or it could be mutual friends).
If you see a girl is walking quickly, head down, headphones in..Chances are she doesn't want anyone talking to her! Whereas if she's got her head up, looks happy, clearly in the moment...Chances are you'll get a far more welcoming response.
Looking for these key initial signs could be the difference between having a great interaction and a girl looking at you like you're a piece of shit who's just gotten in her way before quickly avoiding you.
9. Don't become a fuckboy
So you've been gaming, having fun. But one thing that is always important is to remain honest and true. Don't lie. Don't mislead women into having sex. If you're only after sex, that's fine. Be upfront about it. She may not be interested but she'll appreciate the honesty.
When you do manage to find a girl who has a taste in you, always aim to keep that beautiful smile on her face when she thinks of you. She deserves it.
10. Just Do It!
Ok, settle down Shia. But in all seriousness we've now reached the end and what really is the most important part. Taking action. It's easy to read some words and then tell ourselves we'll do something. But actually taking action is a whole other step.
We have a short time on this earth. DO NOT waste it. What do you have to lose by taking action? Will you be 80 years old and congratulating yourself by not making an effort to meet that girl you had a crush on?...Or will you be 80 years old and finally realizing that life is short and regretting not taking the chances when you had them?
The clock is ticking. Remember that. With every second that goes by, it's a second that you are losing of your precious life. Make them count while you have the chance and get out there, the world awaits you! I wish you all the best :)
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