This is mytake on how I see dating these days and the things I see wrong with how dating is being done.
Disclaimer: Now these are my views and my opinions. You don't have to agree. I welcome other points of view, but please do so in a respectful way, or I won't bother to respond. Any overly offensive responses will be removed. Just like if you haven't bothered to read the whole thing, don't bother to reply. No longer replying to those who just respond to respond without even reading.
Dating used to be something to look forward to and something that made you feel special, alive, "love in the air" kind of feelings. But I feel people are ruining it with certain actions. These are just some of the things I think are hampering dating in today's world.
Now I know I'll get responses that that's how I met my spouse, and that's great if that worked for you!
But for the most part, I don't think dating sites are really working for the majority of people using them. Here are some reasons why:
1. Using for wrong reason-Some people are using these sites just to find hookups, not relationships. If you're profile states that, then fine. But some are claiming to want relationship knowing they don't. Also some just use those sites to pic collect or find someone to sext text or video sex with.
2. Misrepresenting Themselves-
Some people use a pic that's not the way they currently look.
Some claiming to be single are actually really married.
True story: My sister's friend was on a dating app. And another of their friend's husband answered her ad not knowing she was a friend of his wife!
Dating apps/texting gives you the false idea that you know the person by their words, or make you feel a connection that isn't going to happen for real in person if they weren't being truthful . Words are just words without action to back them up.
3. Multiple people at once-Now I know some will disagree here, but again the way I see it. It's one thing to be talking to multiple people to decide who you'd like to actually meet in person. But ,I feel once you do decide to meet in person, you shouldn't agree to meet with anyone else till after the first date. If there was a connection, why would you meet with anyone else, and not invest more time in that one person to see if the connection stays real, if it something that can develop into something more. If you're seeing too many people at once, how are you really taking the time to get to know that one person. It's misleading to you and the person / people you're trying to get to know. Me personally, if you are going to spend time on other dates with other people instead of choosing to spend that time getting to know me better, that's going to end it right there!
First Date Mistakes
People are putting too much thought, importance on little things that just shouldn't matter. Why? You're ruining it before it even starts that way.
Is who pays for the date really more important than the chance opportunity to meet someone special?
If you get too caught up in the details of the date itself, you're making it all about the date and not "the person".
How about a less pressure meet, than "date".
Me myself, I'd rather a picnic in the park or a similar barely any expenses way to meet someone for the first time. Takes some of the pressure and expectations off a "first date" . Less crowds, or atmosphere interference which makes it easier to concentrate, actually converse with your date.
To me, save the dinner date, or the going out for the evening for the second date if you both feel that connection. This way noone's whining bout paying for the date. Or expecting something just because they paid. Which is wrong anyway. Just because you buy someone dinner is no reason to expect to have sex with them. Sex should be a mutual want not an expectation/obligation sex. You ruin sex that way in my opinion. Which brings us to the next issue.
Nowadays people have too many expectations. Of the first date. Of the kind of partner/relationship they want. It's one thing to have relationship goals. But expectations is a set up for failure. Goals are something you hope to achieve and are less set in stone and you're willing to alter if it's the person that truly makes you feel happy and loved. Whereas expectations come off more as a demand, love can't always be expected, sometimes it comes when least expected with the person you least expect. Too high or too many expectations can close your mind or heart to what might be what you're really looking for, not what you thought you were looking for.
Even though he was my second husband, knew him longer than my first. Knew him since I was 13 to his 20. And if anyone had said then, someday you and him are going to be together and have a family together, I not only would of laughed in their face, I'd of asked what they were smoking. He wasn't the type I thought I wanted. And if I'd of stuck to that, I wouldn't of had the 20 years I had with him, beautiful daughters and grandson I have.
Life is short. Don't waste precious time on little petty issues. Looks change, money comes and goes. The truly great people, the relationship, the core and heart and soul of a person, the life you share, and the memories you create together should be what matters most to you.
Take more time
People need to take more time to really get to know each other better.
You really need to take more time before you:
1. Enter into a committed relationship
People aren't taking enough time to really get to know each other before jumping into bed together or a relationship together. And then are surprised or bitter it didn't work out.
I'm not saying knowing someone better guarantees a lifelong relationship without breakup or divorce. But there is a much better chance of it if you just go slow, let the expectations go, let things progress naturally, throw the time clock out the window. Sex will be better when it occurs naturally. The relationship will be better.
And lastly, Communication is very important.
1.Don't wait till you're in the relationship to decide if you want children or not. Or when, how soon. That should be discussed prior to entering the relationship so you know you're on the same page.
2. Discuss the things that are most important to you and what is most important to them in a relationship. And maybe try telling them the things you are willing to do for your partner and your relationship instead of what you expect from a partner or relationship.
3.Sex (this one a little more tricky)
No, sex is not/should not be the most important aspect of a relationship, but it is a big part of why some relationships fail. How soon you have this discussion depends on how soon you take the relationship to that level.
If you're waiting till marriage before sex, you really need to discuss sexual preferences beforehand in my opinion.
If sex happens prior to committed relationship, moving in together, or marriage, you have more time to have this discussion. But the more open and honest you are with one another, the better chance of sexual compatibility. It doesn't happen overnight. The better you know your partner and the more comfortable you are, the better the sex will be.
"That's all for now folks"🙂
Thanks for reading 😘