To anyone that has felt rejection, please read this. I can offer you some incentive and possibly some hope :)
Since fifth grade I was rejected by boys. The first boys name was Paul. I liked Paul in fifth grade. His friends came up to me one day at lunch and told me that Paul liked me, I told them that I felt the same way about Paul. Later, I found out that it was a prank and Paul didn’t actually like me. What happens on the playground stays on the playground. This my first feeling of ‘rejection’
Freshman year of high school, I saw this Junior in my PE class and developed a crush. This boy’s name was Allan. Allan was the first guy I made a move on. One day after PE class I asked him for his number and got it. I felt accomplished. A few weeks later, my friend started texting Allan too and things got confusing from there. Allan texted me out of the blue: “you are a failed abortion and I can’t believe the earth has spared you any air”. Okay you may be thinking that there is a lot of context behind that... but there really isn’t. This guy was completely emotionally-unstable.
Sophomore year. Tyler, was his name. He was the longest person I ever had a crush on. I saw him around campus but couldn’t work up enough effort to say something to him. Tyler was about to graduate high school and I asked my friend (who happened to be in his class) to ask him for his number for me. Classic move. It worked! I got Tyler’s number! We texted that very evening... although nothing clicked like I had previously thought it would. Our conversation was dry and honestly quite boring. After only a day of small talk via iMessage, he told me that he isn’t interested in dating me. Turns out that he had a valid reason for why... Tyler is gay.
Right after high school! I jumped into a dating app. Matching with new people, new styles, new profiles—I was intrigued by the possibility of potentially meeting someone important. Then I matched with Jaden. Jaden had a very unique personality to him. He walked his cat, he was very outdoorsy, dropped out of college early, he was a very relaxing dude. I liked Jaden. We texted and snapped for a few weeks and then we arranged a date. Correction: I mainly arranged the date. I was so excited to finally go on my first date with a guy. He just got off of work and was driving to meet me at a beach. I prettied up myself, did my hair, put on a cute dress, sprayed some perfume, felt beautiful. Five minutes before I left my house to go meet him he attempted to ghost me. Didn’t reply to anything I sent him and I called him out. He told me that he doesn’t want to see me because he thinks that I am too innocent and he is looking for someone more into the party scene. I should have seen this coming. I asked him what changed his mind and he said that what we had was “hunch”. Ouch. We had a “hunch”. I was just a “hunch” to him. I never spoke to him after that, but I didn’t hold any resentment, nor did I even cry. I save my tears for people worthy of my time.
Now this one really hurts. I save the best for last in my stories, but this one still brings a pain to my heart mainly because it is fresh pain. After Jaden I took a few days off of my dating app and tried another just for the sake of it. I met Gus. Gus commented on one of my pictures and we instantly made each other happy with every text. We texted, snapped, and called for about 2 weeks. This guy was special and I recognized that from the very beginning. He had nearly the same morals as me. Doesn’t drink, smoke. He’s humorous, witty, handsome. He asked me on a date. This would be my first legit date. We met at a local park and had a picnic. I brought food, he brought food. He talked and talked and sooner or later the park closed and he had to go. The night was still young so we drove over to the beach. It was 12am and we danced, walked, cuddled, talked some more and then it was time for him to drive me home. No kiss that night, only solid memories. He knew it was my first date because I told him. We saw each other the next day and the next day. The feels were genuinely mutual. We both felt those butterflies, and we both expressed interest in one another. I didn’t lose anything to this guy, I only gained. I gained my first kiss, I gained my first sexual experience, I grew my first heart break, and, once again, another familiar rejection. This guy was much older than me (6 years difference), and we are at different points in our lives. After about 2 months of dating, he told me that he was looking for something different, and that he can’t see himself in a serious relationship with me. This happened a few days ago, and I am still processing my emotions. I told him that I needed some time to process my emotions so that we can remain friends. This guy was my first love. I will always cherish the memories we made late at night, having fun, seeing one another. Perhaps one day we will be able to make more—maybe as friends. Until then, I am intentionally choosing to not think about this guy as much as my heart desires to think about him, Logic has suppressed me into this chain of obsession. This emotional turmoil disrupting my attention span, making me think that I am insane, when actually I am not. Time will only make things better for me in the moment but before you go, I want to get to my main point!
Let me tell you something. You clicked on this post and hopefully you didn’t skim through it. Through all of the guys I have met and liked, and even dated, I have learned one (of the many) valuable lessons thus far into my adulthood: life is too short. I will assume that you have been rejected at some point in your life. Whether it be by a significant other, crush, parent, friend, or stranger, you know the feeling of rejection. You probably felt angered or saddened by the thought of not having your expectations of someone meet the reality. You wanted a future with someone, and they did not feel the same way. You got the short end of the stick, and they didn’t. Take away that stick, that metaphorical stick, and you have two people with arms, legs, beating hearts, and brains. You have two people are both on the ground, both equal, both human. The person who didn’t get rejected is at the same level with the person who did get rejected. Instead of fighting over that stick, you can choose to walk away with less pain because once you introduce that stick into the picture, the person who has the short-end will get hurt. If you choose to walk away, no one is winning or losing. If you choose to disregard that stick, as much as you want to get back at that person, you will benefit in the long run. If you choose to walk away instead of fighting over that stick, you will eventually find your own stick alongside your journey that you will be able to hold freely in your hand. That you can lend someone if they need help walking. Once you find your own stick, don’t use it to fight over because no one deserves the short end of the stick.
That is all to say that rejection is only temporary. Rejection will always happen, but when it does, you need to move on. Take some time for yourself to find your stick. Take some time to process your emotions, find new hobbies, meet new friends, explore the world, try new foods. Work on yourself. You may think about the person that rejected you and that is normal. I bring up this metaphor with the stick because it’s quite beautiful if you think about it. Once you part ways on that ground, you will miss them less and less with time. It may take days, weeks, years, decades. Never rush your feelings. You can miss them everyday of your life, but ask yourself: is it worth it? Every time you miss them ask yourself that and answer it. Remember that the someone who rejected you will be walking away from you as well. They will come across their own stick and meet new people, find new hobbies, try new things. Maybe someday you will cross paths, but do not dwell on that possibility.
Learn to love yourself, for love is not earned, it is learned.
Hopefully I was able to provide you with some insight. Have a good day!