On masculinity, chewing gum and the friendzone [dating fails] (Page 2)
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Nothing better than a good slap to make someone fall in love with you 😂
I literally wanted to disappear in that moment, that was so weird of me, I still don't understand why I did that.
People do odd things when they are nervous, it happens. A slap was too much though, a pinch on the arm would've been enough.
I wonder what story you'll tell your kids. I met daddy and I slapped him and we fell in love? 😂
He pinched me so hard before that I now have a small hematoma lol. I told him not to pinch me that hard though, so it's all good.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't think we'd have kids with one another if we ever got together. I don't see myself marrying him either, he is - like all men I've met so far that I liked - not husband material to the extent that my parents would approve of him.
Is the approval of your parents that important?
Hmm. For a marriage, yes. Also, the men I met so far were definitely not people I'd have been happy with long-term, they'd only have made for good relationships but I always tried ending it before someone's feelings were hurt...
What was lacking in them?
I wasn't lacking emotional stability or comfort in my last relationship, I was lacking comfort in my first relationship though (only had two).
I was embarassed for both of them (didn't want to be seen with them for example) and knew that I would've been really happy with the most recent guy (almost a year now that he's gone) but it wouldn't have ended well.
You could say I was scared but that wouldn't be 100% accurate. I didn't make good experiences with either of them, that's why they're no longer in my life.
It happens, relationships are complicated.
Both of you have a flawed idea of what masculinity and friendship means
This (maybe)...
Maybe?
Certainity seems like a flawed idea
..*maybe ; )
Could you explain this further and offer solutions please? :)
If a girl did that to me, I wouldn't even want to see her again, let alone be friends with her. The key may be to do what you should have done in the first---treat him like a man (the exact opposite of what you say you have done), not your son or your pet.
Why the hell would anything that you made, besides the slap make him feel less of a man? Like it sounds really dumb. You chose the time and place of your date, you paid, you made him throw away his gun and you didn't let him see your phone. So what?
The slap would be whatwould end the date right there for me. I would drive you home dump you there and never call again.
What’s with American men chewing gum? I was watching a documentary the other day and the guy was chewing it at his wedding, during the vows!!! I see it all the time. It’s a massive turn off!
is it a cultural thing?
That sounds like a weird fluke to me.
@Ryfyle Yeah - also, we're both Central European and I offered him the chewing gum :)
@tallandsweet I'm an American Man and I have rarely seen anybody with chewing gum out in public. All I've seen is Cigarettes and misery. Lastly, it don't look like your relationship will pan out for much longer putting a dude on an end of the year waiting list would make me bounce.
@Jac2424 can you pm me?
Wow this is exactly what I think about when a situation like this happens like 100% on point
Is that sarcastic?
Nope not at all I’m being serious 💯💯💯💯
Okay, I got anxiety just from reading that lol. If I’ve learned anything from my 3 year relationship with my now Fiancée and getting married this month, you need to communicate with him more. Everything you wrote here? Tell him. For starters, just tell him you’re ready for a relationship.
Hi, thank you for your response. I did actually talk about all the different situations I felt strange in. I also addressed the overall vibe. I agree with you that communication is the key to developing a deeper relationship with one another, not in a dating kinda way, also in a friendship kinda way.
Personally, I feel like he tried really hard not to come off as creepy or like he's coming on to me in a negative way - I understand that. He even said that he didn't know how to act because he had forgotten about the "[my first name] guidelines" and I immediately knew what I had done wrong.
I had made him feel like I didn't want him to touch me, ever, which is not what I meant when I asked him to keep his distance.
Everything is fine now and we agreed on how much the friendzone sucks but that we'd each remember this time eventually and miss it. It's important to me not to get into something before I'm ready for it, and despite being ready for it, I feel like it would be better for me to just make the most of this whole friendzone situation until things get more serious :)!
We agreed on that and I think we'll be cool like this for some time now, let's see how it goes.
It's an aquried position for a guy. Never know he might of been wanting u to pay. Guys aren't or lady's raised like they once were.
He wanted to pay for my groceries a few hours before, he wanted to pay for food when we first met, so that's why I am assuming that he also wanted to pay this time. He looked at me really angrily when I was faster than him, thats why I love contactless cards.
I told him he'd only pay for me after we knew each other much better, but he doesn't seem to understand why I'm so strict about it.
you're shit testing him and he's failing miserably yet you still like him? This is a very fucked up scenario. I think you're just desperate right now.
you cannot fix what has transpired already. It sounds like he is the wrong guy for you if are so ambivalent. Based on what you said you did, he probably will not see you again. I wouldn't if it were me.
Did he ask you on the date or vice versa?
It was mutual. We both wanted to see one another that day.
Are you confident he’s interested? It sounds like you find him physically attractive but that can blind you to his clues.
This is complicated. It’s possible he’s normally more confident but maybe it’s was just an awkward first date.
If you like him don’t write him off. But my advice is to withdraw from contacting him for 2 weeks. If he contacts you be positive. Let him ask you the next date but give him signals you are open to it. But let him do all the planning next go around. Give him one more chance.
It’s possible he had something else on this mind. It’s happened to me. But one more meetup will confirm where everybody stands. But if he doesn’t ask you then he’s probably not that interested.
But don’t obsess over the “masculinity” thing. Really. Just don’t think too hard about it.
Don’t “make opportunities for him to do things” and expect him to do what you want. Do the things you want to happen. Did you act on opportunists he presented for you?
You dated a dud. You did nothing wrong in my opinion.
I cringed literally the whole time I read this...
Trust me, I cringed the entrie time it took me to write this, I'm too embarassed to talk about this with my friends.
Sounds like it just wasn't a match.
You sound like you need to be struck with a tawsee.
Maybe try not strategizing things?
What do you mean by this? I'm confused what you're suggesting. I won't meet up with someone I didn't make plans with, otherwise we'd just wander around the city and that's not my vibe or style.
It sort of sounds like you're using you brain to "optimise" outcomes instead of actually wanting what you want. You don't "have" to make things a certain way or create moments, it's okay you're not on a timeline. "Life is 90% of how you react to things"
Aww, thanks, that's actually great advice :)
Where have I heard that "90%" quote before? It sounds so familiar...
I think the "original" goes something along the lines of, "life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to things" as (I think) told to me by a teacher who used to carve almonds. I think I was sort of reluctant to the idea at first because of the butterfly effect and whatnot but since then I've sort of grown to "like" it, it sounds sweet, just right, 90%. No more and maybe no less (of course that's sort of fictional maybe..)
Yeah I guess it's a wisdom that gets passed around in slightly different phrasings over time. I dig it
Do you love yourself?
8 don't chew gum its a bit nasty sometimes
I don't see much wrong with it he's sound like he definitely deserves it most likely how he sounds as you said it there 😂
Maybe he is not into you.
You dont like this guy. Stop wasting his time.