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Why I resented women in the past.

Lynx122
Why I resented women in the past.

This is a complicated issue but I think it's important to talk about because it's quite widespread nowadays.

"The reason most men resent women is because their perspective is off. They’re focused more on things they can’t control and don’t like."

How it started

This was definitely the problem for me. I didn't understand the social dynamic of dating. Since my mind is kind of different I also wanted to find a girl that was compatible with me. I wanted to chose the woman but that's not how it works :D . It was like trying to hike but I couldn't see the height difference of the terrain so I'd just walk off cliffs or into rock walls. Because of my misunderstandings I tried way too hard and put way too much pressure on myself and because of that I pushed away any girl I liked. When I could have just relaxed and let her decide if I was the right guy. I wanted to have control because I was not comfortable.

Frustration

This lead to a lot of frustration and conflicting drives. I noticed that it wasn't working but I still wanted to make it work. Sadly I had many other issues that were even more pressing than this dating issue. Like why am I different than other people? Who am I? What will I do with my life? For a while also where will I sleep? And this meant that this dating issue just stayed unresolved for a very long time. I did try and inform myself online I tried to get all the advice I could but sadly it's 99% bullshit or it was just not the pieces to the puzzle that I was missing that they were talking about.

Why I resented women in the past.

Escalation through the Internet

And so this frustration just built up. I never had a problem with specific women that I met because of this it was just a general issue that I lacked understanding in. The internet then tried it's best to turn that frustration into anger, there seems to be a huge market. People making money off frustrated guys, blaming women. I didn't even express my ideas very much but these videos filled up the parts that I was ignorant about and didn't understand with their own faulty logic. I'm always trying to learn and usually I can tell people who tell the truth from people who have an agenda or just lie. But because of all these unresolved issues I was blinded in this case and bought into the bullshit. Thankfully I'm not a violent person at all but I can see how someone could become an extremist listening to these people.

How I got through it

Once I was kicked out from home I was quite alone but I found people online to talk to. Most of them were girls actually, who were good at listening. It was a lot easier to open up online. One of them even started my process of healing by asking me questions about my family and my past that I'd never thought about before and that made me start introspection which I'd never done before. But often I'd just vent about my problems or frustrations I'd even vent about dating or women sometimes and they didn't take it personally. It took years but I worked through all the questions that I listed at the top and now that I have my life in order in all these other areas I was able to finally get to this problem and understand what I didn't before and let go of the negative emotions.

Why I resented women in the past.

Conclusion

I'm sure there's many different reasons why men end up on this path but I see many comments today that remind me of the mindset I used to have. I do believe it sucks being a young guy today from a dating perspective. I saw some people say maybe we need social training in school. I don't know if that's the answer but it probably could have helped me :D. I definitely think young men need some kind of help to find their way in this world there's too many guys that would have a lot to offer who are just lost.

Anyway I hope this can shed some light on why this phenomenon is common today. And if any guy who's going down this road wants to DM me I'll do what I can to help :)

#dating #resentment

Why I resented women in the past.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    Good on you.

    I think such frustration points may actually be necessary for development of a healthy male psyche. No I'm not an incel lol, just hear me out.

    We need to face our darkest thoughts and feelings, but face them honestly, and fully, but simply observing them and not actually giving in to them. A child needs to walk up to a cliff's edge to really feel how every fibre of their being wants them NOT to fall off a cliff. Same in adulthood, only at higher levels of abstraction. So the cliff edge we must face may be philosophical in nature (say, the temptation towards nihilistic thoughts of individual worthlessness in the face of female rejection). Or it may be an ideological cliff edge, like the temptation of believing "all women are evil sl00ts because [blank], and only other men who feel the same way are on the path of right and truth".

    I mean, it's not difficult to understand why such ideas might take hold in a young frustrated man; Since it's the tendency of young men to be more frustrated than average, since they have everything to prove to potential mates and society at large; but have comparatively little in the way of assets to "bank on"; be they material, intellectual, or social assets. So they've got a deck stacked against them already, and so of course sooner or later there'll be a temptation to jack it all in and just become a bitter sexless stooge forevermore.

    But the error is getting lost in that; in throwing themselves off the cliff into the abyss, rather than forming the "correct" conclusion: that *cliffs are not meant for jumping off*.

    The frustration points are necessary, because if faced with sincerity and truthful self-examination, then they can become the basis of a more mature belief system. A belief system that understands WHY the abyss can be so tempting; but because of that understanding, is even more determined NOT to fall off that cliff edge.

    I consider myself pretty emotionally healthy in my beliefs about women. But I'm not gonna pretend that the red pill/manosphere rabbit hole on YouTube/reddit/etc isn't at all "persuasive".

    All it takes is to linger a few minutes too long on the memory of a cheating ex, and some bias-confirming "facts" about women's [sic] "evil hidden nature", and I could totally conceive how that rabbit hole could be my personal gateway to the pathological hellscape that awaits beyond the cliff edge.

    But the point being, is that knowing how "persuasive" the case for that can be, its made me more determined than ever to love with an open heart, and to cherish whatever relationships may come down the line, and to value women as true equals. Because if I don't choose that path, then I know of only one other path that's actually persuasive enough to get its hooks in me, and it's a lonely, hateful, nasty path to go down.

    And I'm just a regular ass guy who's thought this shit through, much like yourself. I can only assume the necessity for such introspection is the norm rather than the exception. Because any man who claims to have never known such temptations is either a world class bullshitter, a narcissist, or naive manchild that would see a boa constrictor in the jungle and think it just wants a hug. You GOTTA understand the pull of the darkness, so that when you choose to go towards the light, you have a sense of fucking urgency in your step.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Lynx122

      Wow, great comment thanks for stopping by :)

    • Cheers 😄

    • AmandaYVR

      Holy shit, Tom. This is one of the best comments, and most outstanding analyses I have ever seen on this site, in my entire time here.
      You killed it.
      You really are a most talented writer.
      I enjoy every opportunity I get to analyse the world with you.

      I am going to repost this here in future, to remind these types of males, once again, to see their error of their ways and try and get their head on straight. Women are not the enemy. One's own mind is.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Great take. And it takes a real person to admit their own fault, own up to it, and do something to change it. I'm glad you're on the path of healing and let go of the bitterness or anger that can control and consume people if left to just fester...
    Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it helps others find their way as well 💜🙂💜
    Is this still revelant?
    • Lynx122

      Thank you :) that's my hope as well :)

    • 🤞🤞🙏🏼🙏🏼

    • This is the greatest opinion on here
      Men should blame their own self and change

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

213
  • That's nice, Lynx. It's refreshing to see someone work through something and come out the other end with some insight and taking accountability for how they themselves influenced their life. You get big kudos for that 👍
  • VanillaSalt
    I’ve considered this position myself however I found it unacceptable. To accept your way of thinking would mean that the 2 years I spent on dating apps with 0 success was because Nobody saw me as valuable. It means after more than 5 years of self reflection and improvement going from homeless to having a 70k/yr job, playing an instrument, learning mma, having a vehicle, and having my own place wasn’t enough improvement.


    Furthermore it means men pursue and women say yes or no. Men have absolutely no say while women have all the say. I don’t feel comfortable accepting that I have no power in one of the most important choices of my life. Sure once you’ve made it women want you... if you didn’t want to struggle with me while I claw my way to the top I. The most unsightly way imaginable why should I accept you now that it’s smooth sailing?


    And what if it isn’t smooth sailing? Divorce has destroyed many men financially. Divorce means 4/5 of the time your giving her half what you own and she’s taking the kids. Dating isn’t equal and i am tired of hearing women bitch how hard they have it.
    • Lynx122

      I felt the same way I didn't wanna let go of that control. But once you accept that nothing you do can make a woman chose you it's actually liberating. It's a shift in perspective that changes everything. We do actually have control just not when it comes to the choosing.

      When you accept that the woman must chose you, you can stop trying to convince her and just help her along in the process. You can just relax and have fun with it instead of wondering if what you did was good enough.
      Your improvement was for yourself and it was enough. But if you don't change your perspective nothing you do will help.

    • I get this. I understand this pessimistic way of thinking women are bad and out to get me or just don’t care creates negatively but to just go with it like you say validates these horrible people.

      Now I’m willing to learn but I’m not willing to sift through the dumpster fire off choices that are women these days. I want to see a woman pursue me. I want to feel like their invested instead of just me for once. Sure these are things that won’t change easily but men are cutting women off by the millions and the resentments real and valid. You say power through it champ. I say show me what you got ladies.

    • Lynx122

      You're going up against our biology as a species, you're going up against nature itself you just have to be aware of that. It's not going to work out well for you. And if you keep your negativity if you can even find a good woman she won't want to be with you. I've tried this approach and I'm very stubborn but I'm glad that I've realized this is not the way. You can do whatever you like though.

    • Show All
  • ohshee
    What I like about this is you have taken the time for yourself and looks deep , because of who you wanted to become , when we are born. Our parents our family are our teachers and guides and teaching us is one thing but they guide by and in the way they live there life we as just a sponge watch listen and learn on the way we see it in that moment and for us that moment is the way we think it is. Because now thats all we know ,, and each day we grow if there is not another moment to expand what our thought might have been then we believe that's the WAY it is meant to be,, this is what I like about your post is no mater what or why ,, you still are findin%the pieces putting them together to keep growing to become the person you want to become. The other reason I like your post is because you can and do admit your starting point. To right now .. it's not that you are wrong or right it what your doing about it to make it better and the wisdom to want to change, and thu your words we can see and feel this. May we all be so blessed
    • Lynx122

      Yes that's what I'm trying to do. Thanks :)

  • YHL6965
    Nice take. I have been feeling very similarly recently and I think it's because I don't have my life together yet and isolation does not help. I want to meet people, socialize but, being in the middle of the countryside in the middle of a pandemic with no friends nearby does not help.

    I can't wait to get out of this frustration. Mine is not particularly directed at women in genera but, at times, it can be, especially when some toxic guys keep trying to paint women as parasites or other negative images, which can become a conduit to express that frustration at times, mislead by false prophets who think they know what they are talking about.

    Fortunately though, I have mets wonderful women in my life, whether it was on G@G or not and just thinking about them reminds me that women are not these negative images because some of them are wonderful persons.

    I think part of this frustration can also be tied to lack of affection, closeness or intimacy, creating a very strong unsatisfied desire that inevitably leads to frustration and/or misery.

    I think it's great that you were ready to talk so openly about what you consider mistakes of the past and take responsibility. Props to you for that!
    • Lynx122

      Sure thing, I was hoping it would help someone :)

  • Bella9191
    Very glad your eyes are open.

    Yes I think men are brainwashed and told the wrong idea about how to go after women,
    they are told to be alpha and dominant etc etc, and whilst you can be those things they misunderstand them
    first half the time it is not the Confidence or alpha quality that gets a guy laid but simply that he is hot,
    some men seem to be under the belief that women are less shallow than men, which is false women are just as shallow,
    second being alpha and dominant means creating a life in which women look up to you and want to select you.

    women choose men. Women make themselves available to men, and then men are able to select out of the women who have chosen them. The more successful the man is as a package deal the more women that will choose him, and then the more choices he will have.

    but yes men don’t choose women, women choose men, and then men choose whether it reject that woman or not, but of course women don’t make this obvious, they like to make men believe that he is the one doing the choosing when it is really her. Like the old fashioned dropping the handkerchief in front of the man you like. Letting him believe he is choosing you when really you chose him and dropped your handkerchief at him giving him the chance to reject you or not. Some men don’t get this, you can’t choose a woman, she has to choose you first.
  • GeneticMistake
    So basically you're saying be a simp and put then on a pedestal. We're not all humans they are inherently better and because of their biased status quo for generations they are entitled to be pampered and provided for by whoever they please and at a moments notice can and will crush their life and leave because they are told to "never settle for less."
    • Lynx122

      Nope you didn't understand anything.

  • alimusharfx111
    I want to contact you.. when will u free. Check ur dm
  • jekprotecc
    The incel lifestyle can really suck a frustrated, lonely single guy in. Esp if the guy has poor social skills. Stay away from hardcore incels and neckbeards they are toxic af
  • Hellothere213
    Great job man
    Im glad you understand and are not one of those incels
  • Jamie05rhs
    "Because of my misunderstandings I tried way too hard and put way too much pressure on myself and because of that I pushed away any girl I liked. When I could have just relaxed and let her decide if I was the right guy. I wanted to have control because I was not comfortable." Honestly, dude, I don't blame you at all. Women want men to lead, apparently. And they're so secretive that they'll never tell you that you ARE the right guy, even when they come to that conclusion. So I'd say our best option is just to wing it and let the chips fall where they may. If I get rejected for being too "aggressive," so be it. You only live once.
    • AmandaYVR

      I don't understand girls who want men to lead. Just can't put myself in their heads.
      Every relationship I've been in has been a two-way street. I really don't get it.
      I suspect a reasonable justification would be that it would then tell the girl that he's definitely into her. The more effort he puts in, the more demonstrative he is, the more it confirms to her that he wants her.
      But the cynical side of me says this just creates confusion, is a form of game play, and makes her look needy. Yuck.

    • Jamie05rhs

      @AmandaYVR Ikr. But see, the thing is I CAN'T "relentlessly pursue" any woman. Because I have been programmed to the opposite polarity. I was taught from a very young age that going after girls was wrong. Because it is harassment.
      So if I get the signal that someone is not interested in me, I just leave them alone and move on. If she wants me to "prove that I want her," she's going to be sorely disappointed. I'm not playing those games. .. Besides, everyone who knows me knows that I am a passionate lover, and I am loyal and faithful to the death. I don't have to prove sh*t to these heifers.

  • Makeushiver
    I think it's important to bear in mind are ideas that become fixed like your first sentence when you mentioned, "their perspective is off". The only thing you can truly say there is they're perspective is different from yours. stating that their perspective is off you make yourself the arbiter of what is correct and incorrect in people's viewpoints. Everybody thinks that way but the fact is we can only say their perspective seems different. I don't think either gender has the market on correct thinking
  • Lion91
    Their is saying about that. So true
  • Anonymous
    Sounds like it's a very common thing that many guys go through
  • Anonymous
    Don't put all of the onus on men. Feminism encourages hatred toward men and the destruction of our customs and institutions. Most feminism is the product of homosexual women (aka Lesbos, Lesbians and Lesbots) so the fact that it disrupts and destroys customary practices between men and women is not a surprise. I have changed from desiring a relationship with women where I supported them in a monogamous relationship to seeing them for what they are, which is the enemy.
  • Anonymous
    As a young guy I had these problems. I'm not sure whether I'm autistic or whether my problems came from the fact that I'm introverted by nature and I had a rough childhood, but either way I get it.

    I also managed to go from being hopeless with girls to becoming a lot more confident and finding dating/getting laid quite easy, with good advice from people who knew what they were talking about. I've known plenty of guys similar.

    The problem is that as you say 99% of advice online is complete bullshit. There are a lot of guys giving advice who have no business doing so because they're not successful themselves. That's where all of the anger and hate comes from really.

    What I also notice however is that guys like yourself always turn to women, and while many of those women are well-meaning and as nice at it is to have good female friends who care, they also piss me off because I can see how they prevent guys like yourself from ever actually succeeding. I'm not hating on women or being pessimistic, it's just a fact.

    A while back I gave you some honest advice about the dating scene. I was accused by a certain women of being an angry misogynist for doing so, but that's not the case at all. When I'm straight-forward and realistic as I give women advice about men I don't get accused of being angry at all, but when I do the exact same for men I get backlash.

    When I speak on this topic it's never about encouraging hatred, it's about understanding the dynamics between men and women in a realistic manner so that you can succeed. That's it. Like I said before, the ones who are the most resentful are those who aren't successful. Men who succeed aren't resentful because there's no reason for them to be.

    With these women their primary motivation seems to be to prevent men from being resentful, and that's it. You've come to believe the things which those women have taught you to believe and they've done exactly that. But they haven't taught you how to actually succeed in the dating game at all.

    Or maybe I'm wrong and you have a girlfriend, but if I'm right they've taught you to be happy not being successful. While telling you that guys like me (been in a happy relationship with a great woman for years, had no problem getting laid before that) who could help you to better your situation are "toxic", and you believe it. I'm not selling anything either by the way, I'm not scamming anybody.

    For example you say that women choose you, you don't choose them. That's nonsense. That's the kind of mentality that really fucks a lot of guys up because many of them end up settling for the first girl who likes them back and have no standards of their own. When you're attractive enough (in general, not just looks but also character) you choose also. Trying too hard is a bad thing, but so is going to the other extreme.
    • Lynx122

      Don't worry I'm not going in the extreme the other way I, just needed to accept that I couldn't control dating and that like relieved a burden from me and changed my perspective. I know a man can also chose in a way and should have standards but I was just going about it in the wrong way. I didn't really take advice from these girls I just talked to them about my life and stuff. They didn't want to push me in any direction.

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