A lot of guys seem to be talking about how they fucked up with a girl because they were too afraid to make a move, in particular going for the first kiss, because they weren’t sure whether or not she’d want to.
Many will tell them that it’s fine and that they’re worrying about nothing, but they usually mention a week or two later that the girl has gone cold on them.
With many women it’s like you have a window of opportunity, and if you don’t take it at that point the window closes forever as she moves on. You have to strike while the iron is hot.
There are two reasons that the window closes. To her you seem not to be interested or you seem not to be confident enough, because how the hell could you not notice her blatantly obvious hints?
It’s a waste of time to complain that women aren’t direct and that they hint, that’s just how they are. You’re also not direct if you’re asking that question anyway. You’re as afraid of making an overt move as she is.
This is how you can tell, it’s really simple test when you think about it.
Imagine you’re speaking to a gay guy, and he starts to slowly get closer to you. What are you gonna do? Assuming that you’re straight you’re gonna move back to maintain the distance. You just don’t want him to get too close, it just feels weird.
Now imagine an attractive girl doing the same thing. You’re not gonna move back, you like the fact that she’s getting close. You’re probably starting to get a little turned on. You want to kiss her.
Now imagine that each one in either situation puts their arm around you and makes strong eye contact. This amps up the sexual tension further because their intentions/interest become more obvious. The only difference between this being creepy or enjoyable is attraction. You’re probably not gonna let the guy do that in the first place, but with the girl you’re excited.
It’s the same thing for a woman with a guy she’s not attracted to vs a guy she’s attracted to.
If she’s allowing you that close she’s open to being kissed. You can just go for it.
Dealing With A Knockback
Only one time has this ever “failed” for me, but it wasn’t really a fail. I’m chilling at a table with a girl at a club, she seems to like me. I have my arm around her, she’s talking a lot. I go in for the kiss and she gives me her cheek and then shakes her head at me.
This is your biggest fear right? OMG, so awkward.
No not really. It doesn’t have to be. It all depends on how you handle it. Read the situation using the above example again.
A gay guy tries to kiss you. Do you give him your cheek? No, you back off and go “whoa what are you doing? No”, or maybe worse, and you leave. It wouldn’t get to this point anyway but if it did you’re not giving him your cheek are you?
If she was completely uninterested she would ‘t have given me her cheek. She’s just not ready/not comfortable enough yet.
How she acts afterwards depends on your reaction. The key is to back off but not to apologise, not to pout, not to get upset or flustered. Act like it’s no big deal, shrug and laugh it off. Anything else and you either look desperate or you make the situation needlessly awkward.
That’s exactly what I did with that girl. Shrugged, laughed it off, took a sip of my beer and she just giggled and rolled her eyes at me. About an hour later she just randomly kissed me and we ended up going home with each other at the end of the night.
It’s really that simple. You’ll never be 100% sure, there’s always a risk of rejection, but as long as you’re not doing anything stupid you’ll be fine. Learn how to read body language better and stop being so cautious.
Most Helpful Opinions
Ok, anonymous, I actually approve.
You've made a convincing argument that other men overcomplicate this.
What they are thinking is, "Well I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable if she's grossed out by me." That idea is so present, because it feels like the ultimate rejection of who you are.
Your method prioritizes you, what you want, not her or her discomfort.
I don't think you'll change the minds of the aforementioned guys, but maybe for the ones who are teetering on the edge, wondering, maybe they'll tip over and say, "Wth do I really have to lose."
On the gay kiss scenario, you're talking about it from a straight guy's perspective... right?
Cause a lot of girls would rather a gay guy kiss them than a straight guy they don't like (it's always non-sexual then), just in the same way that they would cuddle up next to them, no big deal. It's the intention that matters.
I know, I was like that as a teen until I gained more confidence.
I basically realised that it was just a numbers game. As in many women will just not be into me, but some will. A "rejection" then became not such a big deal because someone else will like me, and I'd rather not waste time chasing one who doesn't. Too many guys do that just because they fear a "no", because they focus on this one girl they're not even dating and they put too much weight on it. That's why their dating life sucks.
The gay guy comparison is really about trying to get guys to understand how to read the girl's body language. One thing you'll see guys complain about a lot is how they don't pick up on women's hints, I don't think that men are as naturally able to read non-verbal communication as women are. Some of these guys also do see these things and they mention it but they still don't make a move even though her signals are blatantly obvious, because they're still not sure. The girl is usually not going to allow a straight guy she doesn't like to get that close in the first place, just as a straight guy isn't gonna let a gay guy that close in the first place.
Your reasoning is sound 👍.
(You didn't need to anon. It's good stuff.)