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Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

Jean-Marie_Céline
Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

As I'm getting out my post vaccine fever, I found myself re-thinking about some discussions and talks I've had over the years, I started thinking about rebound relationships.
Rebound relationships get a bad rep, but honestly I don't think this bad reputation is completely deserved.
Sure, getting right back into the field after a break up can sound not really ideal and it's not for everyone, but I think that for those who are so inclined, have a clear picture of their emotional and physical needs and are honest and conscientious, rebounds can actually be a good thing! So let's see how!

- First of all, be honest with the person you are dating or hooking up with

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

Honesty is a must. Don't hide anything that is important to your prospective relationship, be it dating or a hook up. The other person is NOT a toy or a mere way to make you feel better, it's a human being with their own feelings and expectations and should be treated with respect and dignity.
You want to date? Say it and give some context about your recent break up, as wel as what you are looking for.
You want to hook up? Say it and be honest about what you want vs what you don't want.

Once you've given this person all the elements, it's up to them to decide if they wish to go on or not.
Your wellbeing and needs are important but so are theirs, remember that this should be something good for you both and not just for you.

- Never, EVER, compare them to your ex

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

This is the biggest autogol - own goal in English - that you can do. Don't compare them to your ex, neither in positive or negative ways. They are their own person and have nothing to do with your ex, so it's not fair to make comparisons even if your it feels easy to do.
This is true also for how you think of them - I know it's awfully easy to compare them to your ex in your mind, but try to avoid that as well. Clear the field.

- Get into the mindset that you are moving on from your ex

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

This is the important part. You are getting into a rebound because you are not completely over your ex, but you have to be into the mindset that you are already moving on and that this relationship will help you with that.
If you are not confident about this, then don't get into a rebound. I know it sounds harsh, but you'll be wasting your time and the time of the other person.

- Benefits of a rebound

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

For the conscentious person with a healthy mindset, a healthy rebound can bring a number of benefits (no pun intended) that touch all the spheres of their being, be it a romantic relationship or a purely physical hook up.

  • You are getting into a new experience, which is positively stimulating for the mind
  • You are feeling appreciated again. In my experience, this was a big thing after my first break up. I was being taken for granted while the new woman appreciated and was happy about everything I did for her, and this was very refreshing!
  • You feel desirable. Especially if you were being taken for granted or neglected in your previous relationship.
  • You are making another person happy. This is a must. Whenever it's romantic or purely sexual, making another person feel appreciated, desiderable and overall happier like they are doing with you; this should be one of your goals in the rebound.

- Rebounds aren't doomed to fall apart

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

Despite popular beliefs, rebound relationships can be very durable and evolve into healthy long term relationships. It's not always the case, but it happens.
I've seen it with some of my friends and my fiancée herself was a rebound at first.
Like they say, never say never!
Naturally, be sure that such an evolution is what you want and that you are comfortable settling into a relationship that started as a rebound. As always, honesty and clear communication are key.

- Rebounds aren't for everyone

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing

And being single is not that bad. If you do feel you need to recover by yourself, take a break from relationship, and just take care of yourself on your own, by all means do it!
You know what's best for you better than anyone else.
Dedicate time to yourself, engage in hobbies and activities you are passionate about, start new projects.The power and the choice are in your hands!

Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave your opinion!
A hug from me,
Jean

Getting over someone by getting under someone else - why rebounds can be a good thing
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Most Helpful Guys

  • NathanDavis
    Since I never had a terrible break up, or got into a relationship in which things went sour and I ended not satisfied. I never really felt the need to get over someone, I have been lucky to be able to recognize and also "negotiate" on the way out, been able to reach mutual agreements, we completed cycles. Sometimes it was for the best, other times we had to do it for <reasons> and the later were the times when it sucked.

    And that is when I actually had to get over it, rather than someone. And that's when and where I relate to the last point on your take, I very much prefer to take a break from it all, and to focus on myself, but also on others around me like my friends, my family and my very own particular interests, which are things that I do not mind, when I dedicate less time to them while dedicating myself to someone else I am very into in a relationship.

    And also have to say that, while I've been able to complete relationship cycles in good or better terms, there were times in which I met someone very interesting "right away" or close enough to a break-up, and then yes, I have definitely getting involved with that someone but just on the intellectual and some emotional level. And those times have been a "rush" of a different sort for sure, because I still had some of my previous relationships in my system. Something within me will make me think and feel that is not completely right, but I just won't see it as something wrong to do. I just get a feeling and sensation of dilema while at the same time I tell myself it should be no issue. But still have not done it, I've always taken breaks within my committed relationships.

    Is not something I can rule out in the future, and if it ever happens, I'll be smarter about it, very similar to all the points you brought up here.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you for sharing your experience, I wholeheartedly appreciate it!
      I'm glad you never had a bad break up; and your approach to relationships and break ups is very mature, if I can say it!
      It's good that you take care of yourself, and I'm sure that if you'll ever be in a rebound relationship, you'll handle it very maturely and tactfully.

  • OlderAndWiser
    I do think that the odds are against rebound relationships working but it is certainly possible for a rebound to turn into a good long term relationship. The relationship you are in now is an example, right?
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Siren777
    Personally, I think rebounds are a bad idea. I wouldn't like the idea of leading someone on without interest. To me it's using someone. I would in my opinion stay away, even when someone has offered a few times in the past. Noooo thank you.
    Everyone heals differently, I don't have a problem if others do as it's there decision but I wouldn't.
    Is this still revelant?
  • menina
    This was interesting. I've never heard about the concept of rebound before so reading your take was good for me.
    I guess rebounds are not for me. I know I would need time for myself and to get over my ex before moving on and starting a new relationship.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

76
  • Jjpayne
    I agree, one of the best ways to fill a relationship void is to fill it with another relationship, start changing your old relationship memories into new ones
  • Poppykate
    Personally, I think that rebounds are bad. Individuals should just recover and start fresh with someone new.
  • chocolatepenguin1
    I couldn't do if. I am in a relationship and have been for 3 years now. If we ever broke up I I couldn't sleep with someone immediately as I am a demisexual
  • devilish-cutie
    Sure but its not easy to find anyone you like to even have a rebund so if you do chances are you might have connected anytime.
  • pleasestopthis
    This is interesting... I'm glad it worked out for you. I personally am not interested in rebound relationships as I feel like I'm using the other person and that makes me feel uncomfortable
  • razelove
    I agree with the honesty part, though my view is that it's essential in any healthy relationship. A friendship based on lies is no friendship at all, much less a sexual relationship.

    Taking time to myself helped me a few times, and rebounds helped as well. Really it depended on my mindset, and as you had mentioned, if I could get with someone else while not thinking about my ex constantly.

    I have broken up with a few women because they just would not shut the hell up about an ex, their exes, and did the whole comparison thing. Not something I care to deal with, get back with his ass if he's so wonderful, tell stories about how I'm a dick to another guy, see how long that lasts. I don't get that. Leave the past in the past, or it'll be part of the present.
  • Liam_80
    Rebounds are for weak people who want to use and manipulate the targetted future partner just to get back to normal life.
    They SUCK THE LIFE out of the other to get theirs back.
    The one who is being USED as a rebound suffers. They are destroyed emotionally, mentally and start to have trust or anger issues from being betrayed.
  • Pterodon
    Very bad thing. All a rebound does is mask the pain of a breakup. Those feelings can’t be squelched forever and they will come to the surface which then ends the rebound. Best to stay single and get the grieving over with instead of delaying it by using a rebound
  • PaynefulPleasures
    If you don't give yourself time to heal, the outcome will never be real ✌️
  • shalt
    I got herpes from a rebound of my biggest life love ever, now I'm unhappy I have a leech and my bank is drained
  • Justneedtokno
    Not recommended
  • Marhaban-1
    I think rebounds are bad as you are not thinking straight at the time
  • ShedzJo4322
    Only really helps me if the guy cheated
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