As I'm getting out my post vaccine fever, I found myself re-thinking about some discussions and talks I've had over the years, I started thinking about rebound relationships.
Rebound relationships get a bad rep, but honestly I don't think this bad reputation is completely deserved.
Sure, getting right back into the field after a break up can sound not really ideal and it's not for everyone, but I think that for those who are so inclined, have a clear picture of their emotional and physical needs and are honest and conscientious, rebounds can actually be a good thing! So let's see how!
- First of all, be honest with the person you are dating or hooking up with
Honesty is a must. Don't hide anything that is important to your prospective relationship, be it dating or a hook up. The other person is NOT a toy or a mere way to make you feel better, it's a human being with their own feelings and expectations and should be treated with respect and dignity.
You want to date? Say it and give some context about your recent break up, as wel as what you are looking for.
You want to hook up? Say it and be honest about what you want vs what you don't want.
Once you've given this person all the elements, it's up to them to decide if they wish to go on or not.
Your wellbeing and needs are important but so are theirs, remember that this should be something good for you both and not just for you.
- Never, EVER, compare them to your ex
This is the biggest autogol - own goal in English - that you can do. Don't compare them to your ex, neither in positive or negative ways. They are their own person and have nothing to do with your ex, so it's not fair to make comparisons even if your it feels easy to do.
This is true also for how you think of them - I know it's awfully easy to compare them to your ex in your mind, but try to avoid that as well. Clear the field.
- Get into the mindset that you are moving on from your ex
This is the important part. You are getting into a rebound because you are not completely over your ex, but you have to be into the mindset that you are already moving on and that this relationship will help you with that.
If you are not confident about this, then don't get into a rebound. I know it sounds harsh, but you'll be wasting your time and the time of the other person.
- Benefits of a rebound
For the conscentious person with a healthy mindset, a healthy rebound can bring a number of benefits (no pun intended) that touch all the spheres of their being, be it a romantic relationship or a purely physical hook up.
- You are getting into a new experience, which is positively stimulating for the mind
- You are feeling appreciated again. In my experience, this was a big thing after my first break up. I was being taken for granted while the new woman appreciated and was happy about everything I did for her, and this was very refreshing!
- You feel desirable. Especially if you were being taken for granted or neglected in your previous relationship.
- You are making another person happy. This is a must. Whenever it's romantic or purely sexual, making another person feel appreciated, desiderable and overall happier like they are doing with you; this should be one of your goals in the rebound.
- Rebounds aren't doomed to fall apart
Despite popular beliefs, rebound relationships can be very durable and evolve into healthy long term relationships. It's not always the case, but it happens.
I've seen it with some of my friends and my fiancée herself was a rebound at first.
Like they say, never say never!
Naturally, be sure that such an evolution is what you want and that you are comfortable settling into a relationship that started as a rebound. As always, honesty and clear communication are key.
- Rebounds aren't for everyone
And being single is not that bad. If you do feel you need to recover by yourself, take a break from relationship, and just take care of yourself on your own, by all means do it!
You know what's best for you better than anyone else.
Dedicate time to yourself, engage in hobbies and activities you are passionate about, start new projects.The power and the choice are in your hands!
Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave your opinion!
A hug from me,
Jean
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