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Singledom: Choice and Lack of Responsibility.

AzzaBlue

This is my first take so I'll try to keep it fairly short and simple.

So I've been a member of GaG for a few months now and I've seen PLENTY of women who are single and (dare I say it) miserable who post questions on this site to have their own confirmation biases sated; which is usually some variation of how "men suck." It is truly baffling to me how these women can be so out of touch with reality, which is why I decided to write this take.

Disclaimer: This take DOES NOT apply to all women but rather the women who are very verbal about being single and unhappy about it. Also most of what is written could also be applied to men as well.

Who is responsible for your life?

I will start by asking you, the reader, one simple question. Who is responsible for your life? The answer of course is YOU. The only person that you have control over is yourself. It is on you and only you to make sure that you are safe, healthy and content. It is up to you to determine what it is that you want in life and how you are going to achieve it. And this is where I believe a lot people fail, particularly women. It's great that many of you know that you want a long term relationship/ marriage with someone, but you've got to put in the work to make this desire a reality. And the reality is that many of you women don't put in the work and are therefore single because you choose to be.

It is up to you to recognise and seize opportunities.

Whether you know it or not, there are plenty of opportunities that you could have seized upon, but for whatever reason, you failed to notice those opportunities or were to proud or afraid to act upon them. To help you better understand where I am coming from, I will use myself as an example. I currently have a subscription with the online dating site Plenty of Fish. As of late, my profile has been getting a lot of attention. The problem is though, most of that attention is coming from single mothers. Now, I want to say for the record that I've got nothing against single mothers, however I would never date one for the simple reason that I don't like children. As it stands though, I have many opportunities here. I could have given any of these single mothers a chance and sent them a message(s). And who knows what could have happened. Right now one of them could be "relieving some of my stress" while I write this take. But this obliviously didn't happen, because I didn't take advantage of those opportunities that were presented to me. The choice to not compromise on my standard to not date single mothers, was just that. MY CHOICE. Therefore I am currently single because I choose to be.

I have heard/ read far too many times of women complaining how they can't find a good man. Even though many of these women have acknowledged that many men have shown interest in them, however these men were deemed unsuitable for various reasons. Height seems to be the common reason. Now, I am not going to judge women for having these standards, it is your life and you are entitled to want what ever you desire. But you need to understand that many of those opportunities could have developed into something amazing. But you chose not to give those short blokes a chance. Like me with the single mothers, you chose not to compromise on your standards. Therefore you are single by choice, so take responsibility for that choice.

Refusal to grow and adapt.

I cannot tell you how many times I've read women sharing their sob stories over how they've, on multiple occasions, have had their heart broken by the players and f@ckboys. I and many men have heard the same story over and over and it's kind of getting ridiculous. Look I am sorry that you got screwed over by one of these A holes. Now maybe (I say maybe) the first two encounters with such an A hole could be chalked up to bad luck. But come the third encounter, suddenly a pattern emerges where YOU are the common denominator. But instead of recognising this pattern, you do the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result. What's the definition of insanity again? As a result, the pattern/ cycle repeats. The harsh reality is that you choose to perpetuate this pattern as you refuse to look inwards and reflect on YOUR actions/ failures and therefore grow as a person. Like I said before, the only person that you have control over is yourself. It is pointless to blame others for your problems or expect other people to change. Therefore it is incumbent on YOU to change and adapt your approach. Example: Are you meeting all of these f@ckboys at bars, night clubs or any place that basically promotes hook up culture? If so, a possible solution is to stop trying to find men at such places. Instead, join a club of some sort: Example, do you like tennis? If so, join a tennis club where you'll have the opportunity to meet many men who have the same interest. The point here is that there are plenty of things that you can do to up your chances of finding Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

There is no nice way to say this, so I'll just go ahead and say it. Most of you women are single and miserable because you are lazy. And that is pretty much all there is to it. Despite it being being the 21st Century many women still cling to outdated notions like "Chivalry" and/or "Tradition" as an excuse to avoid putting in any real effort and going out side of their comfort zone. Many women still claim that it is the "man's job" to do the chasing. Sorry but this is a cop out, as you refuse to act like adults and be proactive because, again you are lazy and also, dare I say it, gutless. In addition to this you want men to pretty much pay your way as if you nothing more than little children. You selfishly place the majority (if not most) of the burden of responsibility on men which has resulted in many men coming to the conclusion that you are simply not worth the effort. But this is a topic for another take, another time. Again it is your life, and if you want to follow the traditional script of being submissive/ lazy then go for it. But if and when this tactic fails just remember it was YOU that chose that path. From the sound of it though, this approach is not working very well for many women so maybe as per my previous paragraph you should consider changing and adapting your approach.

I could go on, but I think that I've made my point. So now I will end this take by asking you, the reader, two simple questions. Are you single and miserable? If so, what are YOU going to do about it?

Grow up and take responsibility for your choices.
Grow up and take responsibility for your choices.
Singledom: Choice and Lack of Responsibility.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • TruthBringer
    Amazing take! One would truly start growing when he or she looks within rather than blaming the world for their 'bad luck'. But of course, all of this will fall on deaf ears of these women you're talking about. They rather sit at home blaming men, than to actually try to see their own flaws and improve on those.

    I myself am glad to have learned this lesson early on in my life. Hence why I managed to get the career and relationship I want. I would never had made it if I were sitting at home doing nothing other than feeling sorry for myself, blame others and not learn from my mistakes
    Is this still revelant?
    • AzzaBlue

      Thank you. Yeah, I used to play the victim card myself actually. Many years ago I was very angry and bitter at women as I was constantly rejected because of my height. Long story story, events occurred in my life caused me to change my outlook on life. Simply put, I didn't want to be angry and bitter anymore so I forced my self to grow up, reflected on my actions and decided to work and improve on my self.
      You're probably right that mytake will fall on deaf ears. But hey at least I tried.

    • @azzablue Good for you mate! I'm glad you managed to get out of that mindset. Unforunately, many won't. And honestly, I don't even care. I'm living and enjoying the good things my own life that I've worked hard for. Something that these people don't ever want to do.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Brainsbeforebeauty
    Single, but not miserable... Rather be alone and lonely sometimes than with someone ave miserable all the time... Not a bad take... But these things can be attributed to males as well as females... Also bars aren't the only place where fuckboys are. They could be a co worker, they're all over the internet and dating sites.
    Is this still revelant?
    • AzzaBlue

      Absolutely. I mentioned in the disclaimer that most of what I wrote could be applied to men as well. My point with the f@ckboys was to encourage people to stop playing the victim as it gets you know where. So instead one should and take some control of their life which is I believe where true empowerment lies. Thank you for taking the time to read my take. Appreciate it.

    • I agree about taking responsibility... If someone cheats on you once, is on them... But if you stay for years and they keep doing it, well had the choice to leave that person. But if stay and put up with it, then got what you got...

    • AzzaBlue

      Exactly. You get it.

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