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Love and Relationships in 2022: The Way Through


Dating. People. Relationships. They remain some of peoples' greatest curiosities. This is why many of us/you are here. You want to know how others think. Especially in terms of how they think about you. What is your value to others? Your appeal? How do your thoughts and ideas compare? Are there people out there who, although not the same as you, could appreciate you? This is #socialmedia. This is #GAG.

Love and Relationships in 2022: The Way Through

See these birds? Beautiful, huh? All unique, diverse, beautiful in their own way. Yet here they are, in boxes, easily comparable. Do any stand out more than others? If so, that is because of your preferences (in this case, distilled down to simply colour and pattern.) They are of equal intensity, and only the hues are different. So why am I using this photo, of all the trillions of possibilities, to exemplify dating today? Well I like the boxed nature of it. This is actually my favourite bird photo of all that I have seen my entire life (and I've looked at and saved quite a few, I must say), but I like it more as a metaphor. This is what we wish dating, choosing a partner, was like. So many wonderful choices, and all lined up and ready for our choosing. Some tweet like this, and some tweet like that, but they are each as appealing, just in different ways. But the reality is something much different.

More Like This...

Imperfect. Seemingly wild. Chaotic. Unpredictable.

Arthur Polonsky, Wounded Bird, 1961, Ink on Paper
Arthur Polonsky, 'Wounded Bird', 1961, Ink on Paper

First, a dose of reality. Dating is not going to get better anytime soon, or before it gets worse... probably. Why? I'll summarize it simply as this: the internet, and our brains. Technology is fast and evolution is slow. "But then why are you writing this?" Because all hope is not lost. What we need is a bit of attitude change, a recalibration... perspective.

I wrote a mytake, The Death of Dating It was all right. It wasn't particularly popular. It explained (my theories) on the why's, and attempted to give a bit of a pep talk on how to reverse the ship, but ultimately, my title was too dark. But what I learned from it and since then, from many, many, hours - years, in fact - of reading, listening, thinking, and talking with others, is that regardless of circumstances, regardless of how the world is, people want hope, and at any given point in time, the desire, the drive, to pair up, is innate and enduring.

Our logical, rational, thinking, large grey matter brains often tell us the problems, and our memories hold the emotions of the pain of past experiences, but it doesn't matter how big the real estate of these components is in our brains. There are biological drivers, and the amygdala - the first to form in the brain - that will never die, never fade away. It's built into our hardware, and it wants to survive, to have sex, pleasure, and so much more.

Sex is more than just the act of sex. It builds intimacy. It's affectionate. It bonds. It feels good to be wanted. Sex is validation of who we are. But sex is temporary, fleeting. What, then, sustains us? Connection. Understanding. Being heard, listened to. We want to talk, share, and connect. Sex is often a tool we use to achieve something much greater than the temporary high.

But I'm not writing this to help you get laid. I have little interest in helping with that. This is about why we're not all fucked. (Or being fucked, lol. Or wanting to fuck.)

Despite every, "Yeah, but..." the proof of desire (for sex, love, connection) is in the numbers. What gets clicked on? Straightforward, illuminating, clear, how-to's. Answers. Solid, well-founded, suggestions and advice. Clarifications. (I would have said 'information' but that has been so bastardized now, along with 'facts' and 'truth', it hardly feels apt to include, sadly.) So I'm going to try and shed a little light, give a little hope, and maybe... a way through.

Love and Relationships in 2022: The Way Through

Problems with Dating Today, In a Nut Shell:

  • The Static Image: Most people are eliminated as potential partners because of a profile pic online. (Or several pics.) Still/static images are always less flattering than video and real life, which, by contrast, show many angles, shifting lighting which creates depth of field, light and dark creating nuance, etc., and the removal of body language, language and conversation, pheromones, personality, community and a shared network of people which help vet and unite in at least some commonalities while providing a certain amount of safety and security, all factor greatly into our decisions about who we ask, and allow, into our lives.
  • Filters: Dating app filters have tallied and quantified human beings, assigning not just identifiable characteristics but value, worth. The average height globally for a female is 5'4", and 5'10" for a male. There's been a massive uptick in the search for a 6' male, and why is that? Because the option now exists, because of filters. Same thing goes for body shape, age, hair colour, and many other metrics.
  • Economic Instability: An unstable, unpredictable economy, high cost of living, shrinking middle class, growing divide between rich and poor, the pandemic, all exacerbate instability. Money matters. But wealthy people are few and far between, and wealthy people (and yes, I'm using 'wealthy' not 'rich,' because they are not one and the same) know they are desirable, and the smart and wealthy are not going to give up this information about their assets, their net worth, to people only to be used for their money. Just like celebrities who can, despite what shallower minds think, feel lonely, and used, everyone wants to know that they are liked for who they are, not for what they have.
  • Fantasy vs. Reality: It's a highly competitive world, and a series of world events have slowed individual progress, for many, to a crawl. The world went online... and for the most part, stayed there. The fantasy metaverse will become a more and more appealing alternative to the harsh realities of... reality. It's easier to escape and pretend one is a superhero, or a supermodel, in some other alternate universe, than to work on oneself.
  • Social anxiety: Simply put, people are getting out of practice on how to converse, and how to do it well. Why? Again, the internet. #Emojis are not words, #Likes are not words, and "Hey, how are you?" is just not going to cut it, in terms of sparking conversation online and inspiring someone to want to chat. Without peoples' faces opposite us to give us clues and real-time information, misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and just not enough information is creating anxiety and poor communication. The art, and skill, of truly good conversation, is dying.

Today it's All About the Paper

People can 'look good on paper', or look bad on paper. (Or, in modern terms, your social media presence/footprint/status, ancestral background, age, health, attractiveness, education, occupation, net worth.) The thing that's been stripped away, strip-mined out of all of this now, is the decision to look beyond surface. No one wants to admit that they don't compromise enough. And I know people, the greatest people I know, all have truly legitimate reasons for why they are not in romantic relationships. There's no point giving examples, but suffice to say, there are many reasons and they are all valid. I understand, and agree with every one of them. But generally speaking, there is a trend to not give the less-than-ideal on paper a chance.

And for those who are in relationships, who did ultimately make a choice, the common refrain is just how particular, how unyielding others are, how high their expectations, and just how much work it is to maintain even semi-healthy relationships. It will never be a cake walk, aka easy. There will always be work, compromise, and negotiation. Perhaps even daily. And it is everyone's prerogative to make these choices, these decisions to stay or to leave. Marriage contract or not, commitment to another, and, yes, often putting their needs and preferences above one's own, is necessary. No one who is in a relationship is happy all the time. No one likes their partner all the time. It could be distilled down to something like love and frustration vs. freedom and loneliness. One does not exist without the other. The key is in the ratio, how much, how often.

I don't believe the state of dating will improve as long as people fish in the online pool. (Because as I said: essentially, filters. Also, the 'swipe left' gamification such as created by Tinder.) Can you find love online? Yes. That's a firm yes. But what is happening is that the more people do reach out (which are almost always males - probably due to a combination of a slowly-dying social custom, 'tradition' of it being a man's 'job' to do so, the false female-led myth that 'men love the chase' which is absolutely wrong for the vast majorty of men, and the biological driver that is sex, felt more strongly by men), the more the effect of rejection tallies and amplifies.

Men are more cause-and-effect, problem-solving oriented, strategy-based. That doesn't mean they are better at solving problems, or analyzing - they are still just as prone to developing biases, feeling emotions, and losing objectivity - but nonetheless they do work for results. And when they don't get them, their disappointment manifests in various ways. (Anger is not pleasant, but society has often taught men that vulnerability is not as acceptable as some of the other more hot-headed emotions... apparently.) So this initiating, reaching out to girls/women... it will end. And of the ones who are doing it, a large portion of them tend to be players, which do not represent all mankind. Not even close. They are merely the bold ones who can take rejection, and pick themselves right back up, only to try again. It's a strategy that tends to pay off enough for them to continue. But it leaves the incorrect impression that 'all men are dogs', which is just not true. The truth is that the quiet ones simply do not get factored into the equation.

It doesn't feel like it's ending yet, perhaps, to you (girls), because you still receive looks on the street and new messages and notifications in your inboxes. That's because they're new men, not the same men. But one by one, men are trying, not having success, or worse, and checking out. There's little point in veering off into a discussion about INCELs and MGTOWs, but they are the extreme ends of a trend. There are many men who are still trying, and many who are not but they do not spend any time pursing, or bashing, women. They're busy with their lives (not thinking about sex and how to get laid every 8 minutes like some stupid 'study' once declared.) Because most men, just as women, do want compatability and quality, not quantity, when looking for a life partner, and the only thing that would truly motivate them to be in a relationship is if they met a truly great woman. And I mean great.

So, Where Has the Motivation Gone?

Mostly it's due to [bad] experience. And what follows is often a reprioritizing, a deciding of what is truly needed, and what can be done without. "It's too much trouble. People are too much." And why have so many experienced so much they wish they hadn't? Unselfish, ethical, sound-minded, reasonable, giving, curious, open-minded, people seem to be a rare commodity nowadays. Has morality (and I don't mean chastity, etc.) gone down? I don't have an answer for that; at least not one that I should take the time to address at length here. Experience is a great teacher. It tells us where to invest our time, and how to make the most out of the future; it also sometimes steers us in directions to avoid future pain and discomfort, rather than teaches us how to risk again... only this time, with greater clarity and wisdom. As the saying goes, 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.' Really, it comes down to being fed up, and self-preservation. Understandable.

Aside from the general (and always true) difficulty and challenge of finding those with like minds, there is another factor at play. When people feel they have more choices (even if choice is an illusion or delusion), they are less likely to choose. The Paradox of choice is a stymying caused by anxiety of making the wrong choice, which creates decision paralysis. They choose nothing. "It's too much work."

Then you've got the [what I will call] level-uppers. They want more, or they want change. They're probably apt to say, "Variety is the spice of life" or some other less delicate euphemism or motto. You men call this hypergamy in women, but guys have their own version which is based basically a tighter piece of ass. (Who conveniently neglect to include this into the equation.) They're two birds of the same feather. They exist on both sides of the fence. Level-uppers are not committed. They are opportunists. Often, they're still in the relationship but spend their free time shopping online, or on the street, for a next possible replacement.

The Solution?

Anyway, back to how to solve this. What is the solution? I expect it will not be online, on dating apps. Each account, each person online becomes little more than a series of pixels and poorly-summarized profiles about what they want, and less about what they offer. The hopefuls market their wares and hope they get a nibble, but more and more are checking out, despondent at the selection. The offerings appear spoiled. It is difficult to find people to share your life, and bare your soul. But life is like that - a series of no's, and then one day a yes. Just as a job, or a move, or a birth or a death, can dramatically alter the trajectory of one's life, so can one person. I don't believe in fate, but I do believe that serendipity happens, and that good fortune happens by both the randomness of life, and by sheer will and volition. Never underestimate effort. Set-backs are not an excuse for apathy. Indecision and inaction have killed more dreams than taking risks ever have. Look for someone, or don't look for someone, but know that whomever you have in your life (be they lovers, friends, or otherwise) will take compromise, and understanding, and open-mindedness. A hell of a lot of it. You do not have to 'settle' if it compromises your core values. But you do have to come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect, everyone is a work in progress, faith is a choice, and acceptance a decision.

If you have not found someone you want to be with, and who wants to be with you, maybe luck has not been on your side. Or maybe you have not put your best foot forward. Or maybe you are not at the place in your life that you wish to be, or a place to receive, or give, to others; and that is fine too. But it is not, I can assure you, that "all people suck" or some other all-inclusive, derisive, commentary about the state of the world. You may live your life single, or live it with another, but whatever the case may be, there is no shame, and there should be no judgment, if you live your life honourably, with integrity, no matter your relationship status. Be the person you want to be. Support instead of blame. Appreciate instead of judge. Love instead of hate. It will make your journey a lot more pleasant in the mean time. And if you don't find love, don't discount the rest. Being kind to others brings appreciation, being understood, and that is often more valuable than someone in your bed.

Love and Relationships in 2022: The Way Through

And Some Final Words (Because I Do Love a Good Metaphor)

My main point is that people are unknown. You do not know their colours, or what lies inside, until you give - time, patience, respect, and an open mind. If they don't warrant it, then so be it. I am not saying everyone is worth it. I am saying that perhaps the answer to today's dating climate, and a feeling of aloneness sometimes, is patience. Not just patience that one day this person will come along (they may, or they may not) but patience to observe, and to listen. Give people a chance to want to trust you. To entrust in you. Be a trustworthy person. Be interesting. How do you achieve that? Be curious. Learn, grow, challenge yourself, look inward, look past others' exteriors, and fight. Fight to not be one of the many people who wallow in negativity, disappointment, and pessimism. Many do not understand “Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.” ― Aldous Huxley, Texts & Pretexts: An Anthology With Commentaries. Stop wallowing in the state of affairs - the dating climate, what some person from your past did to you, what you did not get, what you lack, what is not fair, or who's got more than you. They're excuses. Deflection, self-pity, entitlement will get you nowhere in the end. Accountability is growth. The truth is, everyone is missing some things; everyone was slighted somehow, sometime. Be a person who looks up, remains open to possibility, and sees the colour in life. It's all around us. And everyone has colour. What we don't all have is the desire to look, and to appreciate. Nothing is clear, or known, from a distance. To see it, you must walk forward, your eyes must be open... and sometimes your heart must be too.

Love and Relationships in 2022: The Way Through
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  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    Excellent take. I sometimes skim read these longer types of posts, but this had me hanging on every word :D

    I identify with a lot of what you covered, and the main takeaway for me is that people need to stop fussing over which party is most "at fault", and start moving the needle towards positive change, in whatever way they can actually apply within their own life, their own community, their own wellbeing and mental state. Even knowing that "dating is hard in [current year]." ESPECIALLY knowing that dating is hard. If it were easy then it would lose all its value, since any basement dwelling loser could just step outside and snatch up all the most "quality mates". Finding a quality partner means BEING a quality partner first. Or at least it means starting out on the path to BECOMING a "quality partner", knowing that a good woman/man will appreciate the W. I. P. that you are. After all, there's nothing like "work worth doing", and becoming a better version of yourself is the best work any of us could ever undertake, no matter how fumbled the execution may be at times.
    LikeHelpful 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      That's very much appreciated; especially coming from you with your writing abilities. You are a pleasure to read. You make me think.
      Completely agree.

  • Lliam
    Excellent MyTake, Amanda. Great advice. Well thought out and well written, as usual.
    I don't disagree with one thing you said and I really can't think of anything to add. You covered it.
    I just thank the stars that I was dating before the digital world came into being. :-)
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • AmandaYVR

      Thank you, Lliam. 🤗 Thanks for your support.
      Yep. It wasn't easy before, but it seems harder now!

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Bl0n6eguy
    I could not bring myself to read the whole thing, because it felt too depressing, and I'm already in the "no objective success camp".

    The most frustrating thing about today's world is that Women tile against "The Male Provider" yet still hold men to that financial expectation; this also applies to our character - I grew up in a school ran by Female teachers, and I fall into the "Nice Guy" camp as a result.

    Poor economic success, not being top tier in looks, toxic attitudes towards men... It all compiles into a tsunami of hopelessness.

    I have a crush I am lovestruck for, but I expect the worst nowadays. I haven't asked me her out because women say they don't like it.

    Our generations obsession with looks and perfection has lead me to order cosmetic surgery to remove freckles this Sunday. But even then, our shattered society, mass anxiety and gender cold war will probably make that insignificant...

    And they are surprised young shy men eventually find bridges... I've been born into a world that now exhibits disdain for who I inhabit; we are nothing but drones, and only the exemplary are chosen by today's queen bees - the rest die in defence of the hive, or are gobbled up by the dark world outside it's sugar coated walls.
    Like 1 Person
  • ZDoes
    I couldn't agree more, maybe a little less but I'm convinced we are at least discussing the field of play; it's inconsistencies, contradictions and associated madness.
    I've come to some Ill fitting but workable hacks. Mental masturbation to the enth degree that may not leave you feeling satisfied, but you will probably feel as if you've been buggered. Forewarned is well... This is so counterintuitive we're all just plain screwed... Or not? As the case may be

    First challenge... honesty. Honesty with self about self and with others about self, desires, needs, likes dislikes etc etc etc.
    I believe that if one can get this right, everything else falls into play comfortably. Much easier said than done.. here's the cold hard truth:
    None of us is honest. Forget about honesty with others, let's just stick to "about self, with self".
    WE ALL FAIL. All of us. And we know it. But we deny it anyway even when found out and exposed. We have all been ancient Egyptian pharaohs, kings and queens of denial. ALL OF US. How do I know? Glad you asked.
    When we meet someone for the very first time we present our best. We present ourselves using our best concept of self or best things or best possessions our best ideas are best behavior or best techniques yada yada yada best best best. This is and of itself a fabrication and a fib of epic proportions and is one of the main reasons why relationships have a tendency to crash and burn at around 90 days. We all know this at time It's when the relationship starts to get a little comfortable and without realizing it we start to slack off and back off on some of the perfectness that we were exhibiting when we first got together. The problem here is not necessarily with us and our character lack of or any other mix but rather just how we're presenting. The angel in all of us at this stage of the game is not who we want to be playing with and exposing and showing, well not if we want it to be a long-lasting relationship and here's why. The angel is temporary. Our perfect self is at best a fake it till you make it kind of thing. And more often than not if you're an average human you are far from perfect just as I am and every other idiot I know. Now if we switch the surround for just a moment and at the beginning of a relationship we bring forward our inner demon our devil then ask you one the slob the drinker the smoker the guy that doesn't like to do dishes, the girl who just simply refuses to do laundry so buys new clothes on every Friday. We've all met them we've all been them we are them. This is the part of us that has or holds on to addictions some mild and some severe we hide them away in the darkness hoping that nobody will ever notice. And then we hold ourselves in shock and dismay and other confusion after 3 or 4 months the truth of who we really are starts to sink or rather seep out when we're not looking and we are kick to the curb because whatever behavior we're involved with on that level is just not acceptable to the person we were enamored with. So in the start of this thing I mean I ask you to think about this for a minute. What would it be like if we were up front forward and honest and exhibiting and living as our true selves the inner demon the inner devil I'm saying we do not put on our best behavior we do not put our best self forward in fact go the other way if you're looking for something to bond with your partner think about bad habits smoking drug use drinking sexually addiction to all of the nastiness that we hold on to to a greater or lesser degree ubiquitously. I think just this minor little switch and approach to developing a relationship at least presents our partners and ourselves with an honest baseline to deal with and to get to know. And in fact who will be getting to know as closer to the truth then the fabrication of perfection that most of us put forward at the beginning of a new relationship.
    • ZDoes

      I'd like to apologize for the poor grammar and form of that essay. I had a very large amount of information to come out and was lacking the patience to sit in actually write it out so I do apologize. That's the result of voice typing. Anyway I would really appreciate any comments or ideas that you may have on this basic single first idea about honesty in a relationship. And then let me know and I'll either answer any questions and open it up for criticism.

    • AmandaYVR

      I'm goona' give this a shot here because you asked so nicely for me to respond. But I tell ya, this is tough. It definitely needs way more paragraph returns, and voice-to-text is not great. Not for long stuff.
      The more you write, and the less organized it is, the more you will lose readers. Even I'm struggling on this one.

      Ok, on to the specifics...
      I don't agree that no one is honest, everyone, always in self-denial. I know some damn good people and they do fess up. It, accountability, is one of the reasons I have them in my life. I am tough on myself, and I do, honestly, expect the same in others. I want to be someone's cheerleader, not their critic. Don't put me in the position of having to be. There are degrees to this, of course. Everyone prefers to project a good/better/best image of themselves. It's natural to want to protect our image, identity, and ego. So we all judge each other's level of honesty and accountability. We decide who loses credibility, because of this. (Those in government are classic examples of this.) It's a dangerous game to risk your character and reputation. It's questionable whether you will ever get it back.

      I don't mind people presenting their [mostly] best selves when we first meet. However, I will immediately notice if they have zero self-deprecation. I can't stand boasters. To me, humility is far, far, sexier than overconfidence. But of course somewhere in between these two is ideal. False modesty is dumb too. Don't be desperate for affirmation, yet also don't be the other who is stingy with compliments or positive observations, or worse, negs others to try and buoy themselves.

    • AmandaYVR

      Your suggestion about putting it all out there, being that real and raw, would, to me, show a complete lack of effort. Just like showing up for a date on time, don't bring your laundry with you and throw it on the table, and expect the other person to be happy to hear it all. Secrets are earned. Vulnerability should be given to the carefully chosen. People who blurt out too much too soon are seen as being not-discerning, and then the receiver knows they are probably being told without being particularly special. Who wants to be one of many? It might even feel like a test - 'Accept me as I am [or forget this]'

      I agree with you that there is probably too much postulating, presenting a better image than is reality. But I don't have this problem, never did. I'm pretty warm and although can be shy, I can easily disarm people. I personally think it's easy to do, not being braggadocios. People like some honesty, some rawness, some vulnerability, and I personally find that people will often follow in kind. If they don't, they're not for me. I'm not even interested in them as a friend.
      So it's difficult for me to wrap my mind around why some people do this, struggle with this so much. Be real. If you don't see it in others, move on. I think it's pretty easy to see - if someone never says anything negative about themselves... well they're lying.

  • DeeDeeDeVour
    This is a very insightful MyTake.
    One a lot of people can learn from.
    Like 1 Person
    • AmandaYVR

      Thank you so much, DeeDee. I appreciate that. 💐

  • KlinkyCoder
    I don't want to write a whole long thing right now, but it's a combination of all these factors and with men dropping out it doesn't help that males are being told outright or implicitly that their own sexual desire is perverted and sinful or impure of mind. This has sneaked into other areas. Read this Reason.com - Bizarre Bedfellows
  • joshctlee
    The problem with dating today is people have unrealistic expectations of love. Love is a choice before it’s a feeling. People expect the feeling before making the choice.
    Like 1 Person
    • AmandaYVR

      Half of the world is still doing arranged marriage (and they tend to stay together longer than 'love marriages', but that's not always because they are happier. Ultimately people want the power to choose such an integral component of their lives.
      I don't think it's realistic in modern society to expect people to choose to love. They want to feel. They want to be inspired. They want to have enough feeling invested to make all the work and sacrifice worth it.

      I agree that expectations are factoring in, in a significant way. But I also know that it is not an issue, applicable to all people. There are people who should be better, who should treat their partners better, and so it's no wonder that there is frustration, or a checking out and simply not wanting to date anymore. It doesn't feel worth it, given how many people are.

    • Lliam

      Not to invalidate one single thing have said, Amanda, but I actually agree with joshctlee, if I understand what he's saying.

      A person first has to believe that there is such a thing as love. They have to be prepared to love and be loved for there to be any possibility. THAT is the personal choice that they have to make before ever meeting someone that they have "feelings" for.
      I'm not talking about hopeless romantics who falls in "love at first sight". That's not realistic. It's more a fantasy based on projection. Life isn't a Disney movie where two people fall in love and then "live happily ever after" as if there will be no challenges from there on out.

      But love isn't all romance. After all, we might be willing to risk our lives and make sacrifices out of love for our parents, children or others, even cherished pets.

      So "realistic expectations" of love in a committed relationship requires more than passionate romance. "There will always be work, compromise, and negotiation. Perhaps even daily. And it is everyone's prerogative to make these choices, these decisions to stay or to leave. Marriage contract or not, commitment to another, and, yes, often putting their needs and preferences above one's own, is necessary. No one who is in a relationship is happy all the time. No one likes their partner all the time. [No one is perfect.] It could be distilled down to something like frustration and love vs. freedom and loneliness. One does not exist without the other. The key is in the ratio, how much, how often."

      Love in a committed relationships requires, above all, mutual regard, respect and trust. If two people have that, they can work the other stuff out.

  • exitseven
    Good MyTake. I agree with everything you wrote. I have been married longer than I haven't but it still resonated with me.
    Like 1 Person
  • 19magic
    I love your take Amanda and I certainly agree on your view of internet kills conversation. A lot of time I'm shite at it, I don't know what to ask or do or say to keep things going. My interests rarely coincide with others and when they don't I can't talk. I see it at work one of my colleagues she's 45 and chats to everyone really freely and finds common ground and I'm always amazed at how she can do that. I had a friend in uni and he was around 40 odd and we all called him the social butterfly and made friends with about 40/50 different people I ended at making about 15 or so friends via him people I would have never met or conversed myself if he didn't introduce us and both of these people were before internet. I've simply never known what to say a lot of times irl and online Convo just goes dead I simply know nothing else to ask or say.
    Like 1 Person