3 mo

Why guys are not threatened by a woman having a professional career

Avicenna

I recently saw a comment from an anonymous female GAG member in her 40s who stated that men her age she met when dating were threatened by her career. The purpose of the Take is to explain why that was very unlikely and also to explain what she may have misinterpreted.

Why guys are not threatened by a woman having a professional career

Reasons Why a Guy Likes It When His girlfriend or Wife Has a Great Career.

1) She contributes more to your joint finances/he doesn't have to pay for everything

Let's face it- the cost of living is high these days and it's great if you can share expenses when it comes to dates, vacations and other activities.

Why guys are not threatened by a woman having a professional career

2) It's a feather in a guy's cap if his girlfriend or wife has a good-paying job.

This is signaling- if he can attract a high-earning girlfriend or wife, he must have something on the ball, especially given the relatively high prevalence of hypergamy among high-earning women.

3) She's more confident/not insecure about losing her man

4) She can help him expand or strengthen his professional network

So what might a guy not react positively to?

1) If she's arrogant about her career- indicates she might think no one is good enough for her (except of course to pay for the first date).

2) Signs she is hypergamous and isn't really interested in him.

So what do you think? I don't think a guy that has a problem with a woman having a professional career would even make it to a first date with one.

Why guys are not threatened by a woman having a professional career
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Most Helpful Guys

  • OpenClose
    I mean I wouldn't be bothered too much by it. Means the house budget can shoot way up.

    My main concern would be how much value SHE sees in ME if she out earns me. Dated a girl who was training in neurosurgery, so my engineering job would have been spare change. We basically figured I would work remote and be a stay at home dad of sorts. Figured I would set up a shop. Maybe start an engineering YouTube channel Colin Furze style.

    But I've heard too many other stories of girls straight up leaving their "leech" of a boyfriend because "if I'm making more than him, what's the point of him at all? What happened to the real men who PROVIDE for their women?" And THAT is when it becomes threatening.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Hu64dcbkk

      Men should be men not effeminates.

  • Fuentes
    Some women really think dudes wanna deal with masculine women. It's cool you have a good job but if you think you can SON me & argue with me about how everything goes it's not going to work. Lol has nothing to do with being scared of the job.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • midnightmoon05
    No… guys are threatened by crazy women. I work with 99% women … a lot of them are pretty crazy … especially the pretty ones. some are just control freaks.
    women who are career oriented and can take care of her husband is the idea. It really has nothing to do with her career, it has to do with her proities and how well she is able to build a life with the man.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Avicenna

      100% correct

    • OpenClose

      Maybe social selection will take over. Women who want to be successful but still think it's the man's job to provide for them without being provided for will be the ones to lose out. Women who are okay with taking on this role will be the ones to gain.

    • Hu64dcbkk

      @OpenClose effeminate males are complete losers and nobody respects them.

  • spuitkaas
    As a high-educated woman, I don't think it's persé the job he's threatened by. Many men get their feelings of value from how helpful they can be for people. I think women who are high-educated or have a good job have worked really hard to get there and have learned how to get shit done and be independent (not just financially, but many more things). Men feel threatened by this independence, because they feel like they can't add something to her life and feel valuable. They can't help her financially, maybe emotionally, spiritually etc, because to get where the woman is she had to master these things already and has difficulties being vulnerable and asking for help because in the workplace your have to show your competence. Especially in a male dominated field.
    Also I do think men are also threatened by a woman being more intelligent than he is, because again he can't play that mentor/protector type of role that would make them feel valuable.
    This idea of men being valuable only if they can help in a few certain ways stems from patriarchy, same thing that women sometimes only feel valuable if they're sexually attractive to men or can be nurturing. It's toxic to measure self-worth in this way, because shen you don't have it, your self-worth plummets.

    This is by the way a lot more in men that are already a bit insecure. More confident men are more okay with a competent woman because they measure their value with other factors than just "being helpful" in a superficial way.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    • ananias55

      You had more misses than hits with this post. First off, a man doesn't value himself with how much he can provide. That's an ideal society has pushed onto us. We value ourselves by how happy the people in our lives are. That's why most men can live in a small apartment with just a TV and a computer. Cause it's that simple for us to be happy. Society taught us that women value men who provide so we push to be the best at that. But its wrong. Most of us don't need a lot to be happy. But what all of us want is our girl to be happy.
      So if she wants to have a career and be wealthy, as long as she's happy then it's a win for us.
      You're right about us not opening up. That's because every single time we've opened up to a woman. They've used that info against us. Or they shut us up. We were taught by a very young age that our emotions don't matter. Even now, if I were to open up to a girl. They'd only think that I was whining. And they wouldn't want to hear it.
      You can say otherwise. But that's the reality.
      Our options are to not open up and get mocked for it.
      Or open up and get mocked for it.
      We can't win.

    • spuitkaas

      Don't you think that that ideal that is pushed by society does influence men's feeling of self-worth though? I think if it was only making their partner happy, then why are there so many relationships where the woman is unhappy and the man doesn't seem to care? Where men are deadbeat and a man child, expecting their partner to take care of them. Like I get your point, but I'm not sure that's the whole thing. Also many men are very unhappy single and living on their own. Data also shows that older, single men are one of the most unhappy demographic. Maybe I'm wrong though, but I'm curious about your perspective.
      It's also because I have experienced dating men who thought I was intimidating or too intelligent. I asked them about it. Sure they can lie, but why would you lie in admitting an insecurity?

      I'm sorry you have experienced women invalidating your feelings. Have men done that as well or only women? I think a lot of women are a bit salty sometimes, because some women experience worse hardships than men. If this is factually true or their experiences is not sure ofcourse. It's like complaining about a leg cramp to a person who just broke their leg. However just because someone to your standards might hurt less, doesn't mean they're not allowed to complain about it. Especially because every hardship is experienced differently by different people. A broken leg can be the end of the world to a Olympic runner, but can be just an unfortunate event to someone who works at a desk. Many people can't put their own experiences aside though.

    • ananias55

      That ideal does change how men think and act. Now they feel like the only thing they can do to get and keep a woman is show her how much he can provide. And it does work with some girls. But he comes that. Just a provider, the woman doesn't need to love him if she's comfortable and it happens way too often. One thing about most men is, we stop caring when we find no solutions. We're technical and we have a very direct way if thinking. If a girl says she's cold. We give her a sweater. Ext. So when he stops trying it's because she can't be happy. A good portion of women will make problems where their are none. When a man can't make a woman happy, and if she constantly dismasculates him by mocking or belittling him then he will 100% stop caring. He won't leave because he is now in an abusive relationship.
      I do agree that we have a lot of deadbeat men. I won't excuse them. Some men will always cheat or be abusive. The issue is women want to change them, they need to get it through their heads that those men will never change and dump then before he knocks her up. The signs are there. But lots of women ignore it.
      And yes men and women get lonely. It's true for both sides. We want someone there for us. But men are much more lonely in their youth while women get more lonely as they age. We're reversed, cause a good portion of men get more attractive as they age. And women are born with the world at their feet when they're in their prime. Studies show most men prefer 18-23 while most women prefer men 45+
      And of course we would lie, most men aren't idiots. We have to pick and choose what insecurities we let you know we have. Cause when a woman says she wants a guy to open up, that means she wants him to have specific flaws. They don't want the truth. Cause if he says something she doesn't like then she will leave. Its safer to never open up.

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  • DizzyDesii
    I think a dude would be supportive. I think they would not continue to support her career if she makes more than him, brags about it, and makes him feel less of a man for not being on the same level
    Like 2 People
  • Shiningtempest
    @Avicenna I don't care if she has a professional career. All I care about is whether she has shared hobbies, can get along with my friends easily, & a compatible lifestyle. Thus, I am willing to date a woman who works as a Fed Ex delivery driver if she has a pleasant demeanor.
    Like 2 People
    • Avicenna

      You have your priorities straight

  • AncientWisdom
    I’m a successful man I don’t care if a woman has a career. I think females confuse their behavior with men. Most men don’t think that way.
    Like 2 People
    • Avicenna

      I think there’s a lot of truth to that

    • @Avicenna Yes if you look at modern women they are jealous , and covetous of what each other has if one woman has it some want it. proof of this can be obtained very easily. Get a wedding ring put it on the appropriate finger go to a club or bar where you are not known with that wedding ring on your finger , and watch what happens. Its very telling about the female mind set. Please don't take my word for it. Try it and see you will blown away. I was for sure.

    • Avicenna

      Absolutely true. Happened to me in other contexts when I was married.

  • Babygirl_S
    They want a career woman in my culture. Housewives are seen as uneducated or outdated. I don't think this is the case in western countries. A Gag user told me that her career as a healthcare professional turns men off.
    Like 1 Person
    • Avicenna

      I think the working hours, not the profession, is what might turn a guy off from a woman working in healthcare, not the profession itself, because it's well-paying.

      Housewives are almost nonexistent today in the West, and with the cost of living being quite high, few men can afford to have a non-working spouse.

  • Wester1967
    Personally I have zero interest in dating a woman in her 40s. Second, a career is not conducive to having a family. It's conducive to having a nanny and therefore why shouldn't I marry the nanny? She'll be taking care of MY kids and HER kids. Sounds like old lady is rationalizing because she chose a career over a family in her 20s and 30s and now projects her own bad decisions on to men. Has issues with maintaining a relationship with men and / or wants to cosplay being a butch man. Otherwise she would not be dating with a career in her 40s.

    THis is how it works bro. I could care less. I DO NOT CARE about a woman's career. It's means zippo zilch zero nada to me. People always think everyone else is exactly like them and wants what they want. So a woman wants a great professional guy with a career. So she goes out and becomes a great professional with a career. It does not work like that. It's a mistake. Hopefully young women will figure this out before they reach their 40s with zero chance of having a family and blaming men for their own problems.

    Gotta run. I got a date with a 23 year old in Macas
    Disagree 2 People
    • You dating a girl young enough to be your daughter? ….. why have kids when you can just find one to date.. Does she call you daddy? Normally I would find that weird but I guess it's fitting in this situation. That poor girl.

  • Moose304
    As an actual fact, I find intelligent articulate professional ladies to be sexy as hell! It's been my pleasure to have known many of them over the last 40 years. Here is what turns me off. I can't stand a damn harpy! If you are working around me it means you have proven yourself ready for the big leagues. You start that I can do anything a man can do but better bullshit. I'm saying bye! Take that bullshit somewhere else because your harpy bullshit is boring me! I don't give a damn what's between your legs or how big the tits are! I don't care what your skin color is. I measure you by can you do the job! Now, I have decades in upper management. I took pride in assembling teams that got the jobs done. About 10 years ago I dropped a tough problem on the desk of one of my systems engineers on a Friday afternoon! This girl was one of the best engineers I ever had around me. By 9 AM on that following Monday morning, she had it solved AND the solution integrated! Of course, I let my bosses know about her. Today she is still working there and has about 70 engineers working for her. In general, men that are threatened by women are insecure people. One of the things I was always having issues with was calming an insecure man down! I also fired a few of them as well. Two types I will send packing! A harpy and an insecure male! I have no use for either!
  • Malgaran
    Something I noticed a lot on this site is how so many people speak in absolutes about how either woman or Men act, behave or do, when in reality no such absolute exist. Of course there are men who are insecure about these things, of course there are probably woman who are as well. Being insecure is so common, most people have insecurities or fears for that matter, which of course often lead to illogical behavior.
  • 007kingifrit
    women always confuse "not interested" for "intimidated"
    Like 3 People
    • Avicenna

      Good point

    • Hu64dcbkk

      Women are the weaker sex. Many times many women grasp at straws to feel they have some power. Its like that Napoleon short guy complex idea.

    • @Hu64dcbkk that's true

  • Miristheiss
    I am not really concerned about career.
    Have a job you like... sure. I would have only married a girl who prioritized her marriage and family.
    I was never intereated in a woman who made a career her main priority.
    Soldier, doctor, lawyer, politician, police... these were careers I would not date someone in.
    My wife is a children's librarian.
  • Subarugirl
    No, but men do have an issue with feeling emasculated. There are a lot of men who feel emasculated by a career oriented women, or by a woman who makes more than he does. There are a lot of men who associate their masculinity with making money. Obviously not all of them do, but a lot do. Which is why you see so many men using money to find a partner.
    • Avicenna

      I think that group of men is considerably outnumbered by women who look down on men who make less money than them or are less educated than them.

    • I don't necessarily believe that is true. Actually I think that as long a the man has a similar drive and ambition a difference in income or education it's really much of an issue as long as he is contributing in other ways. How ever it is important to realize that, for lack of a better term, birds of a feather flock together. People tend to gravitate to people with whom they share similarities with, interests, level of education, as well as socioeconomically. There are those who look down on others, but that is hardly gender specific.

    • Avicenna

      I think that group of men isn't as large as you think it is. It is true that there is a lot of assortative dating.

    • Show All
  • globetrotter22
    True equality is when a woman can legitimately obtain a high powered career without feeling the impetus to go around saying “oh look at what I despite patriarchy” bs. Have a humble (yet proud) attitude is what you earns you RESPECT from men. We are not “threatened” by it unless you unnecessarily use that to your advantage.
  • Mangospacho
    Yeah, it sounds like a strawman argument that all these guys are threatened by a woman who makes a lot of money. Some of the least threatening women I know have high paying jobs and earned their position based on talent, not being a dominating figure.
    Like 1 Person
  • Kaamraj
    A woman's professional life doesn't contribute to her sexual mean value (SMV). From a purely biological standpoint it does nothing for her sexual fitness and fertility.
    • Actually from a biological stand point it does. Heterosexual men (in general) are attracted to women that make them feel more masculine, which is why you generally see men choosing sexual partners who are smaller/weaker then they are. While you are right that having a career and being independent financially and in general, doesn't effect sexual fitness and fertility it does effect how you perceive her.

  • Hangry06
    Why are we trying to ignore the truth? Who are trying to protect by spewing these lies?
    This is just the logical side. Men just like women have pride and get emotional about this stuff
    .
    Helpful 1 Person
  • Sarah6h8888666
    I don't know- but these days more women are attending college then men I believe as per statistics. Therefor, it is much more the norm than it ever was.
    Like 1 Person
    • grega239

      Because the government went out of its way to get more women into college. And by out of its way i mean they've made college hostile to men.

      And getting a degree in gender/womens studies is useless so theyve achieved nothing

    • @grega239 and 90% of scholarships go to women

      there's something called the girl effect (studied in swedish schools by psychologists) where girls get given better grades independent of doing better work

    • And you are right. Men actively try to cheat and scam other men, or at least hold them back. They call it toxic masculinity. Not sure if its toxic or not but thats what happens.

  • nawtee_me
    I agree in that if a guy has a problem with a girl having a professional job probably would not even go on a date with one. Personally it doesn’t matter what she does as long as she does something and enjoys it.
  • bamesjond0069
    She can have a career... as long as she does all the cooking and cleaning and isn't stressed out all the time. I date women so i expect and demand they fulfill the womans role, go figure im not a faggy.
    Disagree 2 People
  • notwoke
    Since I have a high income, a woman with a big career where she is the boss is a negative to me. I find these woman to be "bossy" and difficult at home since they learned this masculine behavior at work. This is "non instinctive" behavior for women but it can be taught and I do not value it. I also find these women aren't going to pay for any joint expenses either. My money is "our money" and her money is her money. If she made a lot at something like art or modeling that would be "great", but I've worked around a lot of female technology executives that aren't physically unattractive women, but I can't imagine being attracted to them because of their personality. Most men at work also dread working with these women and are eager to discuss this with other men, but do what they must do to be successful and advance their own career
    LikeHelpful 3 People
    • Hu64dcbkk

      I hate those women too. I've had my share of female bosses. I never want a female boss but it seems they get hired a LOT

    • notwoke

      @Hu64dcbkk so the company has a defense when they get sued for discriminating they can demonstrate that they are not discriminating because here: "We are promoting females!", even if it's a burden on everyone it's better than getting sued for millions

    • Hu64dcbkk

      Probably. Its ridiculous. Maybe they need to just hire good, moral, trustworthy bosses. We have a severe shortage of those too. They love hiring aholes. My sexual harasser got promoted even.

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