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Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Anonymous

This take is not to offend anyone who is going through this disorder. I just want to share my experience in dealing with someone who did.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

For starters, dating apps are not my usual go to. But I decided to give it a go. I came across this awesome guy but happened to notice he only took headshots rather than full body/portrait shots. I mean thats fine, we all do it or have done it.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

After reaching out to get to know him better, he showed within a matter of days that he was quite insecure about his looks. He named every flaw you could think of from external appearance to internal/hygeine to genetics/DNA. I admit, I cringed a bit but his personality outside of the bashing was so intriguing that I didn’t want to give up on him just yet. Plus, he had a really handsome face.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Then came the harder conversations. He admitted to having this disorder. I wanted to laugh it off just thinking he was being paranoid but then he continued to refer to himself as a beta and he even started starving himself. Yet he refused to exercise.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

His job consisted of making deliveries to people around town and with every person he delivered to, he’d bathmouth them to me over the phone. He’d call them fatass, pizzaface and so much more. He even said one girl looked “hurt” which is apparently another word for ugly.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Now mind you, he saw my pics on the app and claimed to have liked them. But it was closing in on video chatting with one another and I was extremely paranoid after seeing him trash people on the daily. He promised he’d never think negatively of me, but come on, I’m not an idiot.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

So we end up sending videos to eachother as a test run. I’m being extremely vulnerable because I normally dont videochat within the first week. This guy gets on cam and looks like freaking Tom Holland!! I’m all googly-eyed and having an internal nervous breakdown because this upped the stakes. I start to question if he downplayed his looks on purpose or if he’s truly insecure.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

He’s looking all confident but constantly stating in the video that he's looking like shit. I boost his ego with genuine compliments about how handsome I find him. Then I actually send a video of me actually looking like shit but it was the best I could do. I’m not photogenic. See unlike him, I accept my flaws and try not to whine about my insecurities. Mind you, he doesn't even acknowledge my video. He just ignores it then 7 hours later replies that I’m not bad looking. Thats like the ultimate rejection.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

From there, our great conversations began to show a lack of emotion. My insecurities are through the roof and I’m refusing to send more videos and postponing our video chat. He’s constantly bashing himself and others yet telling me that I look fine and that he would have stopped talking to me if I didn't. Wow way to make a girl’s day, huh?

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

So i try to have a deep respectful honest conversation with him. I tell him that it hurts to see him badmouth everyone including himself and that its causing me to think less of myself. He then says he’s no longer looking for a relationship, but that he’d like to keep getting to know eachother. Hmm, how random.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

The next day he asks why I deleted all my videos from our chat. I told him because they hardly get acknowledged like I acknowledge his. He then waits til I’m getting ready for bed and hits me with this long message stating that we aren't moving forward in a productive way and that I’m showing red flags that he just can’t overlook. He feels that I’m off talking to some better looking guys when I’m not around him. Anytime he even heard my phone vibrate, he’d question who was texting me so late.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I literally cannot believe that someone so insecure would try to hurt me or others so much just to deflect from their own issues. I wouldn’t say he’s ruined me, but he definitely led me to fish for compliments from some randoms that night. Thankfully they saw what he didn't. My self esteem feels a bit restored, but I will never forget what he tried to put me through.

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

If you suffer from insecurity or body dysmorphic disorder, please learn to love yourself first so that you don’t go around hurting others like that guy did. I beg of you.

#HurtPeopleHurtPeople

Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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Most Helpful Girls

  • blueberrybrain
    Seems like a vulnerable narcissist. He’s not outwardly arrogant but he expects you to make up for what he (thinks he) lacks. He doesn’t even match your energy when you’re complimenting him.


    I don’t know him and I can’t diagnose him but google covert narcissist and see if I’m on the right track.


    My partner and I have body dysmorphia. When I don’t feel comfortable about my appearance I try to hide it and *hope* no one notices. I would not go on and on about my insecurities - in my experience people with body dysmorphia will hide their insecurities much like someone hiding something embarrassing like if I were to rip my pants. Imagine going up to every stranger and explaining you’ve ripped your pants and you hope no one realizes.


    It’s never the way this guy has presented it… but then again I could be wrong
    Helpful 3 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I looked over it. I’m not exactly sure if thet describes him but I wouldn’t be surprised. He seemed so selfless because he often put others needs before his own. But he's just really mean and bitter deep down. Sad because he often covered it with jokes and laughs. I’m just glad to be away from him now. You gave a great answer. I’m sorry you’re going through BDD as well. I’m sure you’re lovely, just remind yourself of that daily

    • MCheetah

      @blueberrybrain
      How tall are you? Is it related to that?

      "When I don’t feel comfortable about my appearance I try to hide it and *hope* no one notices."
      And this isn't always true. I try to hide my shortness insecurity, but it usually just makes it that apparent because tall people don't care about their height (unless they have BDD like you and me), but I loathe and despise it in ways words cannot describe. So it's hard to hide, at times. Especially when someone implies me to be worthless or a valueless person through a backhanded compliment (calling me the "A V E R A G E" word).

  • hellomellow7
    That’s so interesting I did not know that disorder existed. And I’m so sorry he put you through that, even if he does have a disorder which he’s aware of he should try to control it and not hurt other people I would think.. especially if he’s someone that’s insecure you’d think he’d understand. But maybe that’s what gave him a ego boost. I’m glad your not talking to him anymore, definitely don’t need that negativity in your life ❤️.


    Makes me wonder about my boyfriend, he doesn’t shame anyone, and he’s never said a bad word about the way I looked and complimented me, but when it comes to him he’s shy about sending selfies, almost never chest selfies lol, and the first time we were going to meet he was terrified I’d think he was fat.
    Helpful 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Well Looks like it worked out for you and your guy. I’m glad he's more understanding and less insecure. I hope it works out for you both. Also, thank you very much for taking the time to read

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • MCheetah
    This guy literally sounds like me, except for the handsome part and badmouthing part. I talked about this before on GAG. But I don't badmouth other people based on their looks. (If I badmouth someone, it's based on their negativity, hostility, or being foolish.) I don't look like Tom Holland or come close anything handsome at all. Dating Someone with Body Dysmorphic DisorderI ended up feeling the way I do due to Precocious Puberty severely stunting my physical development, most notably my height. I stopped growing at age ten at 180 cm; kinda somewhat tall for a child that age, but inferior/horrible for a modern First World adult. All my friends, relationship, self-esteem, and will to live disappeared by the time I was 18 and I realized I would *never* get my "long overdue" growth spurt. I was stuck like this forever. Every single woman ever rejecting me for being too short only doubled-down those feelings, but they were there regardless of what women thought.

    As for "love?" How can someone love when they've never experienced it before? I'm talking about myself and hypothetically here. That last line sounds like the love of my life (although TBH I doubt if she ever truly loved be back). The whole "love yourself first so that you don’t go around hurting others." Self-loathing is a motherf*cker.

    But you're right, hurt-people hurt people. Some hurt others, some only hurt themselves.
    Helpful 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      Thank you for providing such an understanding. He unfortunately was bullied throughout high school and I guess its gone on to affect his behavior and self doubt. It seems like you understand your issue and hopefully you will work on whatever you consider to be your flaws so that you can allow the right person to fall for you

  • Gurdy2816
    This is unrelated, but I think you are a really articulate writer! I enjoyed reading your story.

    However about the guy... he definitely has self-image issues, and I am really sorry to hear that. Everyone deals with mental health and self-perception differently, and unfortunately, I think he is so self-consumed in his own insecurities that he is not able to give you the attention you desire in a romantic relationship. That's ok, it is not your responsibility or duty to fix someone. He might just need some more time to become comfortable in himself before being able to have a relationship.
    Like 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      Yea i told him to go focus on loving himself

  • Sarahr123
    He sounds like a narcissist and unfortunately I have known a few men like him who tried to make me feel insecure even though I know I am absolutely beautiful but I always know what they’re doing and cut them off. It was only my first boyfriend I put up with for several years because I didn’t want to be with more than one person in my lifetime.
    • Anonymous

      He claimed he wasn't trying to make me feel insecure. Its not like he said anything negative about me. It was the fact he badmouthed everyone and then never complimented me although he wanted me to compliment him. So it felt like maybe he thought negatively of me as well

  • Man-O-Metal
    Wow! I never knew about that disorder before. Don’t let an experience like that give you self doubt. Hopefully he can find someone that appreciates him in a way that he can become comfortable with himself. I also hope you find someone who accepts your compliments and attraction to them!
    • Anonymous

      Well the turn of events was hat he could accept my compliments but he never gave any in return

    • Which is very rude. I find it only proper to pay a compliment back in a “dating/flirting/getting to know a possible new love interest” scenario. Clearly that guy just doesn’t have enough self respect to be available for a real date yet. But, all experiences lead us to more dating knowledge. So, all in all, find a good take away and move on to the next one

  • quandaledingle
    i think i have slight bdd, im really insecure about my face / bodyfat and my lack of muscles / jaw. but i want to become better looking before dating so i dont hurt someone tbh.
    Like 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      I hope you’re not but i do like that you’d try to fix your insecurities and not project them on others like he did

  • exitseven
    I am not sure why people get these disorders. I always found it interesting that 90%+ of people with eating disorders are female. That to me suggests these problems are caused by society and not some underlying organic condition. This guy must have had some traumatic event that caused this. Now he is trapped in his own mind.
    • Anonymous

      He was bullied about his weight in high school. But he's really skinny now

    • exitseven

      I was as well and now I workout a lot and ran marathons before I got old. I just like an active healthy lifestyle, I don't think I am nuts. I am self conscious about something about my body but it never prevented me from having relationships with other people.

    • Anonymous

      It annoys me that he prefers to starve himself and refuses to exercise. Thats why he sees no improvement

    • Show All
  • litty
    That's not characteristic of body dysmorphia. That's just someone who really hates themselves and will drag anyone into the mud to be miserable with him.

    I have body dysmorphia, and I don't go shitting on people. The thing about body dysmorphia is no matter what you do to change yourself, you will scrutinize the smallest thing even if others think you've made an improvement. It's an OCD that's related to perfectionism. There is no such thing as perfect, which makes it a vicious cycle of futile attempts more extreme than the last.

    You also don't need to fish for compliments from others. Validation from others will only lead to more emptiness. When no one gives you a compliment what will you do? True love and the self esteem that follows comes from within.
    Like 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      He didn't fish for compliments. I complimented him because he turned out to be absolutely handsome and sweet when he wasn't bashing people. I just found it odd that he kept asking for videos of me in return then would pretend as if nothing was ever sent. He never complimented them or anything and would talk about any other topic. One time the most he said was oh not bad. Like a day later, I’d ask why he kept asking for my stuff if he didn't really care to check it out and then he’d say I was pretty and didn't need to be insecure. But he was more insecure and I just expected to be treated how i treated others

    • litty

      The videos you sent him were the compliments. It's like if someone smiles at you, it can make you feel a bit happier. Well, he got a video from a pretty girl, so his self esteem was boosted.

      From the people I've crossed similar to this guy is that the ones who are the most judgmental do not have control over their own lives, so they exert their matter-of-fact opinions on others to give themselves purpose.

    • Anonymous

      This makes so much sense. Thank you

  • GreyestClouds
    That guy was trying his hardest to micromanage who can compliment you and become your friend. It's called obsession that leads to unhealthy toxicity. People like him harm others' well-being. Being a cunt who tries to control another person's life and body dysmorphic disorder are two different things. Having body dysmorphic disorder is less worse than being a cunt to me. I would get rid of him until he gets over himself.
    • Anonymous

      Yes he and I are nothing now

  • sp33d
    Note to self. When starting a relationship with someone, look actively for red flags!
    Like 1 Person
  • HawkPerception
    Some real psychos in the world. This is why I hate the world. Most humans have the emotional intelligence of a doorknob.
    • Anonymous

      Yea its sad

  • Texasgal95
    He really needs help more than you can give
    Like 2 People
    • Anonymous

      I suggested professional as well

  • Jamie05rhs
    I'm confused as to why he liked your pictures but he didn't like the video.
    Did you doctor the pics?
    • Anonymous

      No I don’t filter nor edit. He claimed he did like both, but the problem was that he would say how he liked the photos but never the video. He knew how shy I was about videochatting so we agreed to practice by sending a video first. He overlooked it all day so I assumed he found me unattractive. This happened on more than one occasion. He did not even try to call me cute until I told him that I’ll never forget that he referred to it as ‘not bad looking’

    • Jamie05rhs

      Well, if he didn't think you were cute, it's probably better that he didn't lie. Right? Be honest: would you have preferred him to lie?

      I know it's rough, and I know it hurts. But sometimes it's better to be hurt a little bit early on than to be hurt a lot later.

      Also, he wasn't mean. The comment he gave was a polite one.

    • Anonymous

      He claimed I was pretty when he looked at my pictures. He also claimed i was pretty in the video but it was like a whole different day and it was after i discussed his initial reaction to saying that I wasn't bad looking. So in my opinion, he was lying to save his ass. I told him I’d always remember him saying I wasn't bad looking and then he got mad and said that I was showing redflags. But he's the one who starves himself and badmouths everyone so of course I find it hard to believe he could think anything remotely nice about me

    • Show All
  • leighbee
    I have bd and an ed so it sucks. It affects you and everyone around you 😕
    • Anonymous

      I will pray for your recovery. I’m sure you are a lovely person. We must stop doubting ourselves

    • leighbee

      Thank you! I am sure we will get there eventually 💙

  • Daniela1982
    Did you and MCheetah collaborate on this question?
    • Anonymous

      This post was about someone who tried to make others feel down about themselves. I was not trying to bash myself or others so what are you trying to say

    • MCheetah is always complaining how short he is at 5/11 and makes threads like this. In fact I was thinking you were him and posting as a pink anon.

    • Anonymous

      But i’m not complaining about myself. I’m sharing a bad experience with a guy who bashed several others. There’s a huge difference so please dont make assumptions

  • Lyndsielee666
    nice. I’ve almost died from bd and anorexia 😀👍🏻
    • Anonymous

      I’m glad you’re still here with us. Hopefully you no longer view yourself negatively

    • Still do but that’s life🤷🏻‍♀️

  • athlete_7
    Most of em are gym guys or women on tik tok or ig
    • Anonymous

      Yea he turned out to be a tik toker. I can't believe I fell for his insecure act

    • athlete_7

      Social media is a lie lol lighting can make normal stuff look like magic. Smh plus comparison is a thing that makes peeps insecure i wish we all appreaciated how defferwnt everyone is as a person.

    • Anonymous

      Our personal video chat was not on tiktok. I was just saying he turned out to be seemingly confident on there

    • Show All
  • Joker_
    I can relate
    • Anonymous

      To me or him?

    • Joker_

      yeah lol

  • Anonymous
    He sounds like he is being emotionally abusive and is an insecure narcissist. Lots of people think being narcissistic means being ultra confident but it’s usually the opposite and narcissists are very insecure.


    I’m body dysmorphic right now because I love lifting weights and got a wrist injury and am losing muscle bc I can’t workout so I have become very insecure about my body but I’d NEVER use that as an excuse to insult someone else.


    If I’m insecure I know how insecure other people must feel too so I try my best to build others up because I have body dysmorphia. Now I’m actually very careful with what I say to other people because I don’t want to insult them at all. Being insecure isn’t an excuse to bring other people down and you shouldn’t tolerate that in a partner. Just know that not all people with body dysmorphia are like this and many guys suffer from it quietly and never tell anyone. He sounds like he has lots of other issues and is abusive and manipulative.
    Like 1 Person
    • Anonymous

      If anything I’ve learned to embrace my insecurity and use for good to support and love others. I think it’s awful how insecure guys become abusive and narcissistic.

    • Anonymous

      *how some insecure guys become narcissistic*

      I don’t really think you should sympathize with him much honestly he is obviously just using it as an excuse to insult and berrate you and that’s not what body dysmorphia is at all. It is simply an insecurity in one’s body. The abuse is unrelated and completely uncalled for it and you shouldn’t buy his excuses or put up with it

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for explaining that he's just an asshole and that the disorder had nothing to do with it. I no longer associate with him

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