Dating

Tips for Flirting With and Dating a Shy Person

Anyone ever get in the situation where you kind of like that guy, but he's so dang quiet and won't even keep a conversation going? Or that girl that never talks and always looks away when you try to hold her gaze? Ever get frustrated trying to break away the shell of a shy person? Well here's some tips coming from a shy girl dating a shy guy:


Flirting


No matter how you go about it, you are going to make the shy person extremely self-conscious and awkward when flirting with them, so keep that in mind. Make your flirty comments as light-hearted and well intended as possible. Guys- notice and comment on changes in how she dresses or styles her hair. This shows you are paying attention to her, which she may not be used to. You can also brush her shoulder/hand when she says something funny that both of you laugh at. Girls- laugh at his jokes, even if they aren't funny. Try to incorporate calling him "manly" in your flirty way because that will make him feel powerful and confident. You can also brush his shoulder/hand when he says something funny and both of you laugh. Any other time could make it awkward and weird for them.



Getting to Know the Shy Person


1. Breaking the Ice


A simple "Hi" will do.


So you've found the ideal person that you want to be with, but you don't know how to go up to them. You notice them, but they haven't noticed you. What do you do? You need to make yourself known to them. Show them that you are an actual human being living on this planet and you are interested in them. One easy way is to say "hi" be it at the workplace or in the hallways at school or walking across campus. Throw in a "good morning" if you're feeling lucky. Be sure to smile big and make eye contact with them. Even if they don't realize you're there for a few days, keep it up. They are bound to notice.


2. Breaking the Ice More


Slow and steady introductions.


When introducing yourself, wait for the oppurtune moment. Approaching in the library, in line waiting, or on breaks at work are great places. If you've been watching them enough (sounds a bit stalkerish) and know their schedule, time your schedule to where you walk by them and make a comment about the weather, etc to start a conversation and then introduce yourself when you separate. Remember, they are going to be shy and not talk a lot, so make yourself as calm and inviting as possible! Make sure your arms aren't crossed (unless its cold) and smile as much as possible. Laugh too when its appropriate. Also, be prepared with a variety of topics depending on how long the walk will be because they aren't going to feel comfortable enough to keep the conversation going. Keep the topics nuetral and noninvasive.


3. Breaking the Ice... Still


Isn't Facebook a bit oldschool?


If you can find the person on Facebook (try googling the school or workplace along with their name if you can't find them), this is a superb way to start talking in a virtual, noninvasive setting. Plus, there isn't a need for that awkward "can i have your number?" conversation... yet. You can also use other social networking sites/apps (i'm not as familiar with them as with facebook). Talking on Facebook is a way for you two to connect without being in person (a plus for them) and become more comfortable with each other. Talk about funny stuff that happens to you so it makes you less intimidating and more of a friend to them, and of course, ask neutral, polite questions to them like "what classese are you taking", "how long have you been working here", etc. These are easy conversation starters and can get things rolling for you.


4. Getting the Number


Dun Dun Duuunn.


If you weren't able to find them on social media sites/apps, you're going to have to talk more in person. Start suggesting things like "see you at lunch!" or "see you on break!" when you part ways to lead up to getting the number. Make sure you're still easygoing and calm around them. I know you are going to be nervous (they are too), but try to not show it. If you can find an excuse to get it, that would be great. Unfortunately, thats not how things turn out sometimes. Hopefully, by this point, you have established some shared interests. Do your best to find a funny picture or meme online and be like "hey, i seen this picture the other day and thought it described you perfectly!" or maybe it related to some conversation you two had. Either way, you need their number to send it via text message. You can also use the "i have a picture i want to send, but Facebook won't let me" or something excuse to get her number too.


5. Going on a Date


Who wants to go on a date?


If you've reached this step your rolling fat and probably a couple months older (these things take time). At this point, you're texting/messaging still and they are showing interest. Time to take things to the next level! If you're the guy, you've made note of some things that she likes (be it watching movies, drinking coffee, bowling) and have an idea of where you could take her. If you're and old-fashioned girl, start dropping hints about movies you want to see or a concert you want to go to etc. Cross your fingers that he'll pick up on them. If you aren't old fashioned, then do what I suggested for the guys.


I suggest a group date to start out with. This gives you some more time to interact with each other, but in a less personal setting. It takes some of the pressure off the shy person to keep that awkward conversation going.


6. Breaking the Ice... On the Date


Okay. I'm on a date.


Chances are they are going to be extremely nervous and awkward. Don't let that hurt your self esteem. They would be like this with anyone. Prepare a bunch of conversation topics before hand, but this time, include some stuff about what they like. If you are unfamiliar with the topic, make sure to ask them lots of questions. You will start to see more and more of the "real them" come out when you do. This makes them more comfortable with you because they are familiar with the topic and talking about what they like with you will forge more of a connection. Share personal stories of yourself with them (like funny stuff you did growing up) which furthers that connection. They will think "Wow, thats person. Hey that reminds me of something I did-" and suddenly they are revealing personal stories about themselves to you. You just broke another part of their shell off! Its important to be calm and easygoing. Pay special attention to your body language because they are going to pick up on any nervous signals you are giving off.



Things to Remember


1. They will always feel awkward about everything. You can ease this by assuring them "they aren't stupid/silly" and saying "This was a lot of fun!". You can also be very receptive to them when they are talking.


2. If they don't say a lot, that doesn't mean they don't like you (to a certain extent). Remember these are shy people where it is natural for them to hold their tongue and listen. You can help them by asking them personal questions and listening attentively when they do talk.


3. Realize that you need to take things slow with them- have patience. A lot of the time they are shy because they guard themselves against other people. If you meet them, introduce yourself, and ask for their number all in one day it will probably make them very stressed. I'm not saying that won't work, but if you want to increase your chances with them, put those goals over a period of time. Use the signals and their responses to you to judge when to take the next step.



My Personal Experience


Funny pictures helped me a lot with forming a connection with my boyfriend. I was actually the one to get his number because I wanted to send him a picture of the moon. Granted the moon isn't that funny, but after we got each other's numbers, we sent tons of funny pictures. We formed inside jokes about the pictures which formed a deeper connection between us.


Body language is so important. On our first date he kept sighing and I was thinking the entire time "Oh gosh, he hates me. He is bored to death." However, the opposite was true. He, being a shy guy, felt awkward and nervous and that is how he relived his tension. He didn't even realize he was doing it! Him sighing was stressing me out. It was a vicious cycle. My point being- watch for negative body language.


If you can relate with them about anything, the better. My boyfriend and I both being shy, understood the complications and feelings that come with it, so we understand each other more. I know a lot of people won't have that in common, but that is what ours was. Find that thing that you both are passionate or very familiar with it and use that as the foundation of your relationship.




I realize that a lot of what I said can be applied to non-shy people too, but I hope the tips I included can help you get the shy guy or girl you are looking for! Feel free to include any of your tips or suggestions in the comments :).



Tips for Flirting With and Dating a Shy Person
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