How to handle a lack of interest by women

[strangeatcircleK]

This is actually both a question and a proposed answer My Take. Maybe even a Journal of where my life is at currently.

To start, I will state my dilemma. I notice there is something missing in my life that makes my life feel complete and on track.

As I thought about it, I feel like it related to my social needs. One, of not wanting to be alone and two, of wanting some interaction with the opposite sex. I have many guy friends and family but currently I lack any meaningful friendships or relationships with other women.

It feels like my life currently void of positive female relationships and as bold as it is to say some form of female rejection.

I have positive interactions with female co-workers but it never leaves work because my co-workers like to keep their life and work separate. I tried going to in person dating. I had some great interactions and what I felt to be meaningful connections with other women. However, when it came time to pick which guy to go on a date with, I was the Charlie Brown at the end of the line, that felt like I was the last they wanted to pick.

Overall, I don’t see myself as a bad guy. I am a kind and nice person, maybe kind and nice to a fault. Many Many Many Many women say, I don’t know why you can’t find someone, you are a great catch, (insert meme here) 😊

I feel like there is also part of me that is more affectionate in nature. I enjoy hugs and closeness more than the average guy does. And it is difficult when its ok as a woman to cuddle up close to a friend but a guy can’t do the same thing. I think I also yearn for that simple friendship companionship.

Even to a point of asking, do I have to swap genders to experience this. Having such a radical experience with Bumble friends, saying I was straight and wanted girls that were friends, there was one option and the rest were guys but saying I was bi-sexual, all the options for friends were nearly women. What do I do with that?

I would love to find a new girl

or two guys, a girl and a pizza place girl.

Just to have as a friend I could lean on and connect with. To be open and emotional with. I have been very close to paying for cuddling too, just to have some time to talk with another girl in an accepted closeness that made me feel like I was non-threatening.

Its honestly hard to know what to do in a way that will be meaningful. To have meaningful positive steps that I can take in my life.

Part of the answer for those looking for answer to this question, Tantra Speed dating was incredibly helpful but again, that was where I had good interactions which with a lack of response after.

There are library events, which are free, but at my age, it is hard to find anyone that I can connect with that is not in high school or in old age.

There are public settings such as concerts, theme parks, festivals, conventions etc.. but it is also tricky to know how women want to be approached without being too intrusive to their space

There is also volunteering, of which I am trying to find times that will work around my job schedule.

I feel like grade school, high school and college with classes and more specifically clubs are really the best way to find people.

There are event places such as meet up .com as well and those can also be helpful

But it is difficult to say, I am ready to be in a relationship, I would like a friend… but not being able to find a girl/woman that is willing to take a risk or trust me. It is difficult.

I am not sure if this will help anyone and maybe it will… but I hope someone can relate to what I am going through and/or have suggestions on what to do next.

Thank you for reading 😊

[Alli112]

Half your post sounds perfectly reasonable, who doesn't want to have a healthy romantic relationship?

I will call out one thing though, you keep alternating between saying you want a romantic relationship and saying you want a female friend (but like, with romantic elements like physical affection). That right there is pretty much your explanation for why your bumble friends experience went the way it did. Women are hesitant to intentionally become friends with men at times (especially in spaces like bumble which were originally designed for dating) because men will join something like the "friends" side of the app saying they just want a female friend, and then start pushing for romantic or sexual engagement from their "friend". Of course your partner should be a friend, but it feels really icky as a woman to try and be friends with a guy who said they wanted to be friends but is constantly hinting at more.

Make sure you separate out the idea of a "female friend" and a romantic partner. A friend friend should be treated more or less the same as a male friend, and never like a romantic partner unless they've expressed interest in that type of relationship with you specifically.

Meeting people as an adult is hard. no doubt, but just be careful of what your intentions are when meeting people. Friends to lovers is great, but not if it's actually "one person pining and the other uninterested".

Good luck though. I hope you find some good people in your life.

[strangeatcircleK]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I really appreciate that

[Alli112]

Np, I'm sure you don't mean badly by any of it. It's just very frustrating from a woman's perspective when a man tells me he's interested in a friendship and later confess he was always romantically interested to a degree and he's saying something now because he developed stronger feelings. I get that it can happen, but it really makes you question how much of your friendship was even real and how much was some guy hoping to hang around long enough that something might happen or that to scope you out enough to determine if you're worth dating. It's just unsettling.

[strangeatcircleK]

I think for me. I'm looking for both. I'm looking for a relationship but I'm ok with a friendship. Hopefully it starts with friendship and naturally goes into a relationship. My goal is not to trick people but to simply enjoy a meaningful connection of some kind.

[Alli112]

I get it, I do, just be careful. It's easy to hurt a person if you approach them with unclear intentions. But I think if you put energy into communicating, being empathetic, and being respectful, then even if someone does get hurt, then you'd at least have tried to prevent it.

[LordMadara]

a rule of thumb for men in these thriving times

never take a womans advice

[Misscouincouin]

Im not into this but I heard many couples formed through friends connections.. like a friend of a friend. Hope it helps otherwise my advice would be just NEVER change to try to attract 🔴🔴🔴 Life mysteriously works sometimes ☺️

[SkatPak392]

never change just to attract? are you not aware of how much bullshit this is?

[Misscouincouin]

So rude not bullshit for me you asked for opinion I gave you mine now you do what you want 😌

[SkatPak392]

you women never know what the fuck you want.

[Misscouincouin]

Oh sorry asker I confused you with this guy answering me🫣 thanks for the mha 🥳

[Anonymous]

Your last statement about how you aren't ready for a relationship caught me off guard. Someone who genuinely wants romance, would never say they aren't ready for a relationship.

I think that you likely just need an ego boost along with a caring therapist. You feel like you don't have anyone to talk to about your innermost feelings and that no one truly cares about you. You seem to already know that your male buddies are incapable of these types of things. But you know that women are capable of these types of friendships. That's why you are seeking a female friend.

Honestly, girls don't usually befriend guys to be their BFFs. Just the same way your male buddies usually wouldn't look for a girl to be his BFF.

Dating life tends to correspond with your social life. If you don't have much of a social life, your dating life will suffer. The most common way married couples meet is through mutual friends. If you don't have many friends, you won't have the " mutual friends " to connect with new female acquaintances. The cold approach on the street is the LEAST effective way to meet your match. Most couples do not meet through the cold approach. Don't let the TV shows lie to you.

I can tell you don't have much of a social life. I would really advise on joining a sport where you can meet the same group of people every so often. Volunteer in your local community, this will connect you with others.

Joining a group is better way for meeting your match because you really don't know who you're asking out on a cold approach. She can be physically your type but entirely not what you're looking for. When you ask out someone from your volunteer group, you already know what she is like and what you like about her. This really increases your chances of a successful date. Not only this, you will make new friends.

[LordMadara]

Im not in the mood for bashing the female pyschology at the moment

sadly women dont know what they want

dont date but rather push to find a opportunity for close ties ie friend of a friend , party invitation etc

women tend to be less $tupid and accepting in such scenarios, a lot of them feel happy safe and excited in such environments,

women dont have social skills to interact with a man who wants sex/ relationship etc they become self centered or closed or feel unsafe 😂 weird people

but go for gatherings or friend of a friend typa scenario, 🤷🏽‍♂️ they want validation from a friend if its the right guy to fuck

$tupid i know but thats their operation close knit

[BonzoInBitburg]

I've never had someone say to me that they can't believe I'm single. I've had many people try to set me up with their single friends as soon as I became single. It tells me you're too nice. Don't be a people pleaser. Get some hobbies and do interesting things so you have interesting stories to tell. Be a consistent and reliable good man and people will notice. And most of all, practice talking to women, any woman. They're all the same until they aren't

[Anonymous]

It's very simple...

Matthew 6:33

''But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.''

Nothing else will make a difference.

[SkatPak392]

we didn't come here to be preached to.

[CuriousFlo03]

Very interesting.

I used to struggle as well and after years of suffering , it forced me to look at things from a practical pov.

What have you tried so far to connect with more women sexually or romantically?

[captain_voidwalker]

I find that working more hours and stashing away money tends to help me forget that I'm about as attractive as hot puke on a sidewalk

[strateguy632]

Good suggestions

[SkatPak392]

Juice ain't worth the squeeze. Let deaz hoaz rot.

[CharlieCutePredator]

Leave the women😂