Why are guys so confusing and what should I do?

[Simslover92]

I matched with a new guy a week ago but he said he wasn't looking for a relationship so I stopped talking to him. Now all of a sudden he messages me and says he sort of does.

And I just started getting back into talking to the guy from basic training again who also didn't want to pursue anything serious up until recently. I don't want to ruin that. I really liked him from January before he pursued someone else and now that we reconnected I want to see where it goes when he gets out of basic training.

What should I do? Do I tell the guy I recently matched with that I want to see where things go with the military guy or pursue both at the same time?

He wants to see me next weekend. The new guy I matched with recently.

Gosh this makes me feel like such a slut...but at the same time I need to keep my options open. So what should I do?

[sage2021]

So, in one week Bachelor #2 all of a sudden wants a real relationship with you after saying just 1 week ago that he doesn't. So, what was the reason for him changing his mind? Was he seeing someone else and it didn't work out so you are his second choice? What did you do that was magically different in 1 week for him to change his mind? Inquiring minds want to know.

It's not fair to Bachelor #1 to be dating another guy while he's in basic training and can't be with you right now. Would you like to be him when he finds out that you're with someone else? You cannot do the lie of omission and not tell him that you are seeing someone else. If he ever finds out about it and it wasn't right away and from you, expect to be dumped immediately by him.

Bachelor #2 - my gut feeling tells that you need to pump the brakes and find out what made him change his mind about you in one week? My gut feeling tells me that he's a player and Bachelor #1 seems more caring and down to earth. He's not proven to be flighty like #2.

I never could see two guys at once. The first time I ever tried doing that, the guy who I really liked and wanted pulled up to my house and parked his car right next to the other guys car (really fast) while we were saying good night.

After he left, the other one got out of his car and came in my house. As we were walking up to the house, I looked at him and threw my hands up in the air and said "Well I guess I had 2 dates tonight." I didn't know what else to say.
It really didn't bother me for him to see me with the other guy, because the guy I really liked had a bad case of commitment phobia and told me to see other guys.🤷🏼‍♀️

If you like having sweaty hands and sweat 🥵 each time you have to cover your butt with a big blanket learn that you are going to be a liar. So if you can handle that, then just do it. 🤪

[Simslover92]

I know I know. It's definitely not something I want to do. I need to make a decision and fast on who I should pursue. I'm leaning towards Bachelor #1 like you said.

[sage2021]

I have an after thought about Bachelor #1.
After he finishes basic training, where will he be stationed? That could be a game changer if you won't be close enough to have a real relationship with him.

On the other hand, if Bachelor #2 is going to be geographically desirable and Bachelor #1 might be in another country or something, then you gave up Bachelor #2 and end up empty handed.

Ask Bachelor #2 if you can have some time to think about it. 🤔

[Simslover92]

Bachelor #1 is supposed to be going to school in January which is two hours away from where I live. Bachelor #2 lives near where Bachelor #1 will be going to school. So they will both be pretty close.

[sage2021]

They after school where will he be stationed?
I was a Navy wife so I know the drill.
You gotta find out where he's going to be stationed after school.
That's going to be the deal breaker sis

[Simslover92]

Ok I will. Thanks.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂❣️

[Simslover92]

You're welcome 😊 ❣️

[HawkPerception]

Sounds to me like both guys just want to get in your pants and after you said you were looking for something serious, they changed their angle to get in your pants because they couldn't find any other options for now. Sounds like they want to play the nice guy until they get bored of you.

What blows my mind is how you see these clear red flags and are still indulging them. They must be some real stud looking dudes to keep you interested after saying what they have.

If you want something serious, change your filter

[Simslover92]

Thanks. I think I will definitely do that. Both did sort of bring up sex so you're right. I will steer clear of them and try to find a guy that really wants something serious with me.

[HawkPerception]

Wow a girl that took my advice 🤨 What strange universe is this?

I joke, I joke 😂 I appreciate you keeping an open mind and genuinely wish you luck 😊

[Simslover92]

Lol thanks again! 😊

[RedTiefling]

Spot on bro, this behavior seems obvious to me. The power of the stud muffin.

[Finchie40]

The same reason girls’ can be confusing as well, especially these days with how things are , most people in general are nervous to get into relationships these days , because of all the horror stories they read and hear about , through friends’ or social media etc.. A lot of people say they want to fall in love , and be in a committed relationship but after they receive it , they eventually change their minds and end up breaking someone’s’ heart , which can make that person with the broken heart to put walls up , to protect their heart. I use to always be a relationship kind of guy , and I still am , but after having my heart shit on a handful of times , by selfish girls’ I no longer rush into a relationship with a girl , I prefer her and I to be FWB’s with some strings attached first , to give her and I time to really get to know each other , before making the decision to be fully committed to each other , because most people
In general do not know how to be loyal and
Faithful unless it’s on their terms , and a relationship doesn’t work that way whatsoever, unfortunately a lot of people these days are selfish people that think they are missing out on things , I have witness and experienced loving relationships ‘ until one of them decides they no longer want to be committed to their partner anymore , because of selfish reasons. Thinking grass is greener on the other side. So most guys’ and girls’ these days , want to take things slow before having their heart shit on , by a selfish person that changes their mind. I was happily married to my wife for over 20 years until she decided she no longer wanted to be committed and chose selfishness instead , now that are kids’ are older , I honestly feel like I was lied to all these years by her with her selfish behavior and choices. to the point I feel like what’s even the point of having a relationship with someone if they are just going to change their minds eventually. So until I meet an amazing girl that understands what it means to be in a committed relationship, my ass is staying single.

[ohsheeT]

Well the guy who said wasn't into a relationship that was his polite way of saying that he was not interested. Probably because he was talking with somebody else

And now that somebody else is not interested in him, so he's coming back to you. So that tells you a kind of guy , he is right there , that's to check nope , you've got a shot , you blew , it , see ya

The guy in basic training\nMany men come up with this idea to pull on the heartstrings of women that they're going to be going into war or what have you you're gonna have to make your own choice on this one

And I forget about the next guy. I forgot what you said about him. L o sorry about that

[LuciusTheOdd]

If a guy is interested in something serious, He either would’ve said so initially or it would’ve just evolved into that organically.


Intentions certainly do change when you get to know people, but not on the flip of a dime.


Also If a guy is interested in something serious And you reject him, he is either going to move on And find someone who’s interested, or if he sees something in you he might chase a bit, But a guy who really wants something serious isn’t going to just disappear and magically show back up again.


Then again, silently playing both fields also seems off because If one of those guys was actually interested in something serious and you’re out there also talking to some other guy It might be mildly disrespectful.


I know modern dating culture Encourages the idea of playing the field and seeing what you get, But that’s also one of the main reasons why dating culture sucks now.

[egan3141]

Little late to the party, but here is my take on the "dating multiple people" part. If there has been no talking of going exclusive or being boyfriend/girlfriend, then both sides can date as many people as they want. Dating is just getting to know people. In a sense, it's no different then just hanging out with someone. So, until you like them enough to ask for exclusivity, date however many it takes to find someone decent.

[Simslover92]

That's true. You're right. Thanks.

[dudeinohio]

Ok. Discussion of sexual topics while in the talking stage is a no no. My rule is to never bring such stuff up until the second or third physical date... unless the woman brings it up first.

I'd move on to someone else like you are planning on.

[aquamarine321]

I don’t think or believe guys are confusing, and I’m not saying this because I’m a guy, I’m saying this this maybe because females misunderstand a guy bravado guys are very straight forward unless they’re lying

[Simslover92]

So why change your mind on something so serious? Is it because of loneliness because both of them confessed to being lonely? Like I don't get it. I was ready to give up on both guys and then they changed course and now want to pursue me seriously. That's whats so confusing to me.

[aquamarine321]

Well, if you knew better you would know they’re not seriously interested in you, but because you want these guys you can’t see what’s happening

[snapkingmatt]

Is it the guys that are confusing? Or are you all just finding your way?

Honestly, just do what your heart tells you. If you want to hook up with him, do it. You're just meeting them, not getting married.

[Flower7]

Neither guy is very interested, from the sound of things. Best to keep searching. There should be an immediate spark, not a “hmm maybe she’s worth getting to know” after a long period of time.

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah? Try BEING a guy trying to figure out girls!!!

[Simslover92]

Yeah I guess it's both ways but in the situation I don't understand why they would change their minds about pursuing something serious with me. Was it because I pushed away?

[FunkyMonkee]

There's this old fashioned thing called, "dating". You go on dates with whoever you wanna go with and you test the waters of each person to see which one you like best or fits well with you. Of course, they're not ALL gonna be a good match and you gradually weed out the ones you might have an issue with and stop dating them and, eventually, you narrow it down to just one person and you stick with them. The next step is called, "going steady". That means, you two have decided to become a couple and you both no longer seek out other options. Unless something happens to break you up, going steady eventually leads to engagement which then leads to marriage and then kids, if you both choose to have any. Hopefully, you'll both live happily ever after.

[Shiprex]

It's not them who are confusing but your decision making that confuses you.

It's unfair on both if you're Going to string them out on some wish and prayer. Choose one and go for it.

[snermcger]

Well first off you need to keep that monkey in your pants or you won't 'feel like a slut" you will be.

Second you should feel free and be free to date as many men as you want as long as condition one is met.

Have fun.

[ABC1x1x]

Guys aren't confusing
They are very easy to read. They literally tell you exactly what's on their mind, if you ask. You dont ask or listen.

[Simslover92]

I did. First they said they didn't want a relationship at first, then sexual comments pursued and when I didn't respond really positively to that they then changed course and said how lonely they were and they wanted to take me on a date. And it didn't have to go there. Just get to know each other better. So which one is it? You want something serious or just to fuck? That's what I was confused about. But obviously it's more than likely the latter now that I really think about it. So I will probably not be wasting my time with either one of them but I really like the military guy and may give him a chance to redeem himself. Just because I go on a date with him, doesn't mean I have to give him sex. I don't know. I have to really think about it.

[ABC1x1x]

Sounds like you already figured it out. GET YOURS. dont complicate it with your female brain.

[Ironco]

At 33, you should have figured it out by now.

Do what you feel is right.

[Simslover92]

I'm a late bloomer

[heruncommonsense]

Males mever turn down sex. They always want relationships and they never commit.

[Staximus]

The military guy is going to be shipping out somewhere soon so don't get your hopes up with that

[DryGermanGuy]

You are just talking to several guys, getting to know them. That's perfectly alright!

[virgo2267]

A true slut is always open for business… be the slut they need you to be. Just don’t turn into a whore all the meanwhile

[Still-alive]

If they’re sending you mixed messages I would honestly stay away. You want a guy who is clear with his intentions with actions to back it up.

[Xawyx-2]

I think you should wait for some more serious opportunity,

[AngryCarl2]

They're both fuckbois but if you're okay with that just get them to line up.