Girls these are the rules I live by and they haven't given me sorrow yet.
Guys read this as a little (non-scientific) guide to women + some explicit do's at the bottom
1. State the obvious
You’re not looking for a relationship and neither am I.
Make sure both of you stated this in some way.
But hey… you never know, right?
Right! But if that’s not the initial intention then don’t start off hoping he will change his mind. Chances are he won’t and things will just get awkward. And painful!
A lot of guys (sure, not all) can do the emitional distancing thing way better than us women. – see below -
2. Limited information
His Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, … are all so good ways to find out everyting about him. They’ll paint you a picture of who you’re dealing with.
But I thought you weren’t looking for a potential husband?
Stalk just enough to make sure he’s not a total psycho Then stop.
A few pictures will give you enough to say you’re physically attracted and a little info will make sure you’ll have something to talk about.
Knowledge is power to some extent. Like the not-a-psycho-part, but beyond that it’s just more reason to become emotionally attached.
Or the exact opposite, but you want his body, not his hobbies/family/friends!
Keep some anonimity for yourself too.
Don’t become facebookfriends!
Don’t follow each other on anything!
If it doesn’t work out, some stranger doesn’t know everything about you.
Also: it’s easier to cut them out of your life if you’d want to.
If you don’t really know each other that well, you don’t know one anothers communication habbits.
He might not text as much as you’d like: He doesn’t initiate much, doesn’t respond all the time, … but that might just be his way of communicating and has nothing to do with you. Don’t overanalyse!
That said: If you’re not comfortable (I know I’m not!) with someone just texting when he wants sex and never because he wants to keep in touch (usually just a couple of texts in between) then don’t put up with it. You’re more than a matress even in a hook-up relationship!
Don’t bombard him with texts! It’s a hook-up, not a romance novel!
Not texting every day gives off a signal: I’m not thinking about you all the time.
Even if you are, it’s always a good idea to keep some space in time between texting.
You’ll distance yourself emotionally that way. And he won’t get the impression that you’re falling in love and this might be the time to start ignoring you.
4. The rule of three!
If you’re hooking up with someone and feel like you might want more in the long run, but there’s little chance he wants the same:
Apply the rule of three.
Hook-up no more than three times. By the third time you’ll have a good idea of who you’re really dealing with and potential emotions will have surfaced.
Still just want his body and nothing more: Great! Keep going for as long as you like.
Started to feel something: Third time was the charm. Now RUN!
Maybe make sure he’s really not interested in you that way if he’s really amazing.
Wouldn’t want to miss the love of your life.
5. So you did fall for him…
So your female brain (and the endorfines and oxytocin) finally got the better of you.
That’s very normal.
Be aware that those irrational feelings of wanting to date him may exist just because of those nice hormones mentioned above.
You are biologically determined to like him after a couple of rounds (or maybe even just the one if you were trying to fill an emotional void)
It’s nature. So screw nature in the best way Descartes thaught us: Use reason.
Is he really the perfect match? He’s probably just a good lay…
Does he really give off signals? He’s a man. He ’s not thinking about your future together when you’re on top of him.
If he doesn’t appear to feel the same way:
1) Distance yourself: Don’t hook-up for while and find out if the feelings subside. Don’t text first. Go online and talk to other people for a while.
The good thing about a hook-up is that you don’t really have
2) Tell him: Well, this is the most tricky one. It might blow up in your face. Prepare for that and don’t be too surprised when it happens. He never promised you anything. Move on to the next one!
6. So he fell for you…
Great to be appreciated!
Well it’s really up to you now.
- You like them: go for it. Dating is fun and i fit doesn’t work out you just lost a hook-up.
- You don’t like them in that way: You just lost a hook-up. But be respectful in turning him down! Don’t keep hooking up: it will end ugly.
FOR THE GUYS
Guys: If you met a girl you like hooking-up with and don’t want to be an asshole…
Text her the same night/morning after the hook-up! Every time ! ! !
Sure you don’t want to seem like you’re declaring your love, but a ‘Always nice
seeing you ;-)’ gives her the confirmation she needs.
Oh I just can’t stress enough how important it is to not ignore her!
We will feel objectified and we will eventually think ‘Well FU then!’
You don't have to reply to every 10-text-convo we send... You didn't sign up for that, I know. But responding enough is crucial. Even if you text back short messages every day; We'll get that you don't want the novel-texts, but feel that you like us enough to put in the effort of aknowledging our existence and/or need to talk to someone.
Make us feel human! It’s not your job as a hook-up to make us feel like a godess. But treating us like a human being is just the right thing to do.
It’ll keep our confidence intact and will result in a more fulfilling hook-up for you.