So I wrote a take on Dating as an Asian male. A lot of the comments that arose from that were related to Pick up Artists (PUAs) so I thought I'll do a take on that.
First off I don't consider myself a 'pick up artist' or PUA by any means even though I've read a lot of their stuff, studied their materials and even used their materials. PUA is big business, do a google/youtube search and 1000s of videos will pop-up. I first read and applied their materials about 6-7 years ago. I'm not really in the 'scene' so to speak, but of course I have done what most young guys my age do - go out and try to pick up girls with LOTS of trial and error as well as following the aforementioned techniques. Now I've dated my share of girls (~50+), 'picked-up' and slept with many as well. I've also been in long term relationships too (currently in one now). So I feel I have reasonable ancidotal evidence/experience to write this take.
Since the explosion of PUA in the last 5 or so years, they've been getting a lot of hate. Some of it is due to a lack of understanding of what PUA really is (at least in my opinion).
So here is my personal and honest opinion on 'pick-up'. The good and the bad. Again these are my opinions. They will offend some people as opinions always do.
What is PUA?
- PUA is a big business now. It's money driven and targetted towards a growing number of lonely and sexually frustrated men. A lot of the marketting over-sells what PUA really is or is capable of. And unfortunately these men are none the wiser. They become disappointed with the results and will eventually conclude: 'PUA is rubbish because it's all about looks/money/height/race!'
- Despite its name. When it comes down to it, PUA is really just learning to how present yourself in an attractive way to women. It's not really a 'manipulative tool' that people make it out to be. Women are not idiots, they know what is really going on when you approach them asking them for their opinion on 'who lies more'. By suggesting that PUAs able to manipulate women into bed with basic conversational skills, is like implying that women are stupid enough to fall for these 'tricks'.
- Most PUAs I've met are nice genuine people.
- Some PUAs are ego driven douchebags. Some of them are/were 'loser/nerds' in school without ever having success with women. When they do experience some success their heads explode and egos go through the roof. But I guess you'd find these types of people in all different areas/hobbies in life.
- A minority of PUAs do have some sort of vendetta/hatred towards women. They feel that women have mistreated them their entire life and now that they can use/abuse the women they do get. Again, this type of men are in all areas of life.
Does PUA really work?
- Yes.. and no. Most of us (99%) will be limited when in comes to dating in some way - whether this is physical appearance, wealth etc. PUA will not change that.
- PUA will not be effective if the operator (guy) has poor social skills, physically very unattractive, any major disability and doesn't have basic things in life down pat (has a job, some where to live etc). Unforunately these are draw backs that aren't really compensated for just by 'knowing what to say'.
- PUA is NOT magic. It will not allow the average guy to start pulling 10/10 models. PUA is learning how to present yourself in the best way so that you give yourself the best chance. So if you are a 5/10 guy, you will now succesfully and with consistency pull the 5-6/10 girl.
- PUA is a skill. Like any other skill it takes time to learn and get good at it. Some are naturally good at it, others will take longer to achieve the same level of competency.
- Like any skill, without consistent practice one will not get good at PUA and therefore won't work.
PUA is not about long term relationships:
- Yes and no again.
- No, it isn't about long term relationships: Because its engineered around approaching lots and lots of women. To an average lay person this might feel like the complete opposite of finding that one partner or special someone. Also a lot of PUAs will have a particular reputation about them.
- Yes it is about long term relationships: because how does a long term relationship begin? You see an attractive girl. You approach the girl. You say Hi. You capture her attention, you get into an interesting/good conversation. You get her contact details. You text. You set-up a date. Everything up until this point is what PUA emphasises and getting to the date is arguably the most difficult part for most men. Yes, the goal of PUA is sex, but to get there is where 95% of the work is done. The same work that needs to be done if you were to pursue a long term relationship. Therefore, getting good at PUA does help you find and more importantly ACTUALLY GET that special someone.
Ask me below, I'll do my best to answer them.