Is being a player really that bad?

[Anonymous]

I've always wondered why players have such a negative reputation. Women especially seem to hate players and the games that they play in order to get the upper hand, but I actually have a lot of respect for players because they utilize situation to their advantage.

Most women seem to seek attention and validation from men, so if a player comes along and gives that attention and validation to a girl for his own gain, then what's the problem? She's getting what she wants and he is getting what he wants. Is it his fault that the woman falls hook, line and sinker for his charming manner? Is it his fault that she will have sex with him and then try and place him in the confines of a relationship?

Now plenty of women play games, so if a player wins the battle of games, then surely the girl should just accept that she got outclassed by the better person and admire his gamesmanship.

What do you think? Are players really that bad?

[CatcherSei]

It is pathetic and selfish to manipulate people and treat them as targets instead of PEOPLE. Especially when using the completely disgusting and predatory tactics of the PUA community. And outclassed by the "better person"? Really?
And it's illogically inconsistent of you to first say,"She's getting what she wants. . ." and then "try and place him in the confines of a relationship," because that indicates that those two people weren't on the same page. It indicates that the woman thought she was starting a relationship, and the guy thought they were just screwing around -- or that he lied to her about it.
Furthermore, I've never heard the word "player" applied to women. Usually when people make a value judgment on women engaging in this behavior, the word I hear get thrown around is "slut" -- as a pejorative. I personally think that there's nothing wrong with being promiscuous as long as you're not spreading around diseases and you're not lying to or manipulating anyone, but that's a conversation that mainstream feminism hasn't gotten around to yet.

[justbanANNAz]

well its quite simple.
a player isn't a man id respect because he doesn't treat a woman like a human. he treats her like a sexual object. the fact that our natures are fragile and seek attention or love seems to give him the permission that he can play around with that like our hearts r unbreakable. of course a woman is gonna fall for charm if she can't see through his mask... but u can't seriously b blaming her. anyone who instigates a problem is the one to b blamed.
of course she will have sex to him because he's giving it to her! he's the one who's creating this illusion that she's special when she's really just a toy. yeah women play games too that theyre guilty of, but dont even try to sit here justifying the wretched nature of a player.

[Asker]

But if women like stringing men along for attention purposes and putting those guys in the friendzone where they can use those men for their own selfish reasons then why can't men play on a woman's feelings to get what he wants. They're both as bad as each other aren't they?

[justbanANNAz]

they truly are man. thats exactly what i said.
I'm just saying, whoever starts it gets the blame. so if he's a player and he knows it, he is to blame. if she thinks she's some kinda heartbreaker man eater thing... then she's to blame for being so stupid.

[evangelista]

I really dont see how u can say that they both get what they want!
if a person wants to be a player i see no harm, as long as you are honest with the other person, if that persons choice to accept it or not. its definitely not funny playing with someone elses feels and a player hide its because even he know that its wrong to do so.

dontt do to other what you won't like to be done to you, its funny when its someone else but what comes around goes arround.

be what you want just and feel comfortable with but please respect other human being feeling as if it was your own... i dont know anybody that would be happy by being played with... really dont!

[Asker]

I wasn't say I want to be a player. I just have respect for them.

[evangelista]

im sorry that my writing made u think that i think you want to be one!

i was actually talking about that "how can you respect or admire someone that behaves the way I mentioned?

I wasn't talking about u yet a player that u "respect"

[Asker]

Well yes that's fair enough, I was merely stating that I admire people who ultimately get what they want.

[AdamThomas]

I just find their hypocrisy hilarious. You must have seen the way they defend women who sleep around and attack any man who dares criticise them as being a misogynist and a slut-shamer right? They'll tell him how disgusting it is and how men try to control female sexuality.

Then they turn around and do the same to men. This is the slut-shaming male equivalent.

They claim that all players are manipulative, that they all play with a woman's emotions, that they all lie, that they only see women as objects. But don't you dare say that sluts (women who sleep around) are like that you chauvinistic misogynistic pig!

[kheserthorpe]

If he's lying or leading women on he's an asshole.

If he's using what he knows to be playful and attractive and is open about what he wants than good for him.

[TheLastGirlScout]

I think I have a different idea of what a player is. To me it's someone who isn't committed to one person and isn't interested in a relationship and who has multiple partners. My friends used to call me a player because I always had a lot of guys on booty call and most of them wanted a relationship, but I didn't. But with your idea of a player, well, he just sounds like someone who has to lie to get girls into bed. Isn't that a bit sad?

[Asker]

Yes perhaps, but if it works for him, then surely the outcome of getting what he wants is all that matters?

[TheLastGirlScout]

If he's a self serving and egocentric, you get out of life what you put in, you want to lie and cheat then it will probably come back and bite you in the ass, when you finally fall in love with a beautiful woman she probably won't respect you that much because you're a lying douche, so probably end up treating you like shit and sucking off your best friend or something. Treating people badly almost always comes down to your own deficiencies as a human being and not being happy with who you are, dress it up however you like, if you aren't happy being you you usually take it out on others.

[Asker]

You raise valid points there, I am not a player, nor do I want to play people's emotions, but there are plenty of women who do this that and they're constantly getting men.

[TheLastGirlScout]

Yep, many people are attracted to confident and outgoing people, they are also attracted to what they can't have... :)

[Asker]

I tend to give up quite easily and move on.

[TheLastGirlScout]

I can't say I've ever had to pursue someone, I've basically told people that I'm taking them home, but they barely refused, and I'm very lucky that I've never been dumped or rejected (as far as can remember anyways) so haven't had to move on...

[Asker]

That is rather fortunate.

[TheLastGirlScout]

I know, I do count myself very lucky indeed, very lucky, especially since I'm no supermodel and I have a very sarcastic personality, it's a wonder anyone likes me at all!

[Asker]

I'm quite sarcastic too.

[TheLastGirlScout]

They say it's the lowest form of wit, but I say that's the lamest comeback to my amazing sarcasm :)

[Asker]

It's the lowest form of wit and the highest form of intelligence.

[TheLastGirlScout]

Oh so true!

[dipta]

Players are liars, dishonest and basically bad people imho. Why respect them?
I'm sure they themselves think they aren't doing anything wrong or convince themselves of that, but they're mistaken.

Not everyone sees love as a battle of games and is only looking for some fun. That's the problem. They play with people who never knew they were in the game to start with.
Maybe you'll understand when your gf starts doubting all of what you say and do because she has met one player too many.

[Asker]

I'm not a player though and I would never play a woman, but plenty of women in the past have felt the need to play with my emotions and head.

[dipta]

I didn't say you were a player or that some women aren't bad themselves. I just don't see why you would respect them for it.

[Asker]

Because they're going out and getting what they want, I respect people who do that.

[dipta]

It's not cool when you get what you want at the expense of other people, cheating, lying, etc.

[Asker]

But if the girl is getting the attention and validation that she wants, then it seems like a fair trade off does it not?

[dipta]

It's all a lie! There's no real attention and validation. And even if there were, it lasts for a moment and you feel much worse after you realize he didn't even see you as a person for a minute. Players don't care about how you feel, if you're doing okay or not. They will pressure you into doing things by basically putting you down and whatnot. If they aren't 100% pleased, they'll just leave and call you delusional and clingy. They're more like vampires really.

It's because of these people you can't send a message to someone without thinking you're being "clingy". Stupid word. Yuck.

[Asker]

So players has made the dating game that much more difficult?

[Asker]

have*

[dipta]

Well, for sure as a woman looking for a relationship or something real you haven't much of a choice but assume all guys just want sex from you and get your defenses up, to which many guys take offense of (including players themselves!). Not easy.

I'm not sure it's even good seeing it as a game. It's too tiring and bothersome really, so I'm just going with honesty. It hasn't taken me nowhere so far though, so maybe I'm the one mistaken.

[dipta]

I think it's so hard already finding someone you like, much less having people tricking each other into thinking there's a connection when there's not... Wasted effort, wasted time, broken hearts, unamended trust...

[Asker]

I view the situation much like you and want the same thing you do, a great relationship with a great person.

[dipta]

You said it much better and in fewer words too...
But well, maybe things will be effortless with the right person, when they see things as you do and decide to trust.. =)

In the meantime, stop seeing players as achievers and successful!! They're not, lol.

[Asker]

Well they are successful at getting women, we cannot lie, but I'd rather my success was measured in my career and the money that I earn.

[dipta]

That's a bit like saying someone who cheated and betrayed people and got himself a promotion is successful, or stole some money and now is rich is successful. They're not.
Guess it depends on what you define as success in life.

But wish you good luck in your endeavors!

[Asker]

I understand where you're coming from and I agree with you.

[HarryStyles]

I've always tried to live my life with the belief when you commit to someone you should treat them with respect - and equally not put up with a girl whom sluts around... which is why I'd never date a girl who has a male gynecologist.

[dipta]

girl who has a male gynecologist = slut?
I don't see the correlation...

[HarryStyles]

This isn't the 1960s, in every town there are plenty of capable and qualified female gynocologists available... yet a chooses to have a man to stick his fingers in her and do her breast exam for the annual well being checkup. No - If I were the boyfriend/ husband, I'd want my partner to treat me with a little more respect than that...

[MaskofInsanity]

Players, male or female, use manipulation to entrap potential partners. Its deceptive, nasty and selfish.

[Izzy2102]

Because most players lie to get into a womans pants.

And for me personally I wouldn't ever date one because I want someone who feels about sex the same way I do

[Asker]

I'm a virgin, so I have no idea how I feel about sex, but I can understand that no woman wants to fall foul to a player. Is it wrong of me to know that a player's behaviour is wrong, yet still have respect for him?

[Izzy2102]

What I meant is that I think sex is some precious and intimate that you should only share with a special person.

And ya I think that's kinda weird

[Execu]

Morally it's shitty, playing games and toying with people like that, both sexes do it though. With that said I don't personally have a problem with it since both people have probably played people before.

[kangy]

Yes very bad coz they play with people feelings and are selfish

[Asker]

What if a woman is playing games with you and you decide to turn the tables and really get her a good'un, is that nasty and selfish?

[kangy]

If the guy do the same thing to a female player, what makes him different from her? I wld choose to walk away

[Anonymous]

Girls don't give a shit about the feelings of those they reject, therefore I don't give a shit how a player toys with theirs. I applaud the player.

[Asker]

Man that's some bitterness there bro.

[Opinion Owner]

Can I get one reason why I should be sensitive to those who are insensitive?