What makes a guy want to commit to a girl?

[Anonymous]

I have had many guys like me, ask me out, chase me, woo me etc. However, many I haven't liked, a few were interesting and even fewer I genuinly liked.

The last two groups of men just never wanted to pursue a committed relationship with me. They weren't assholes, immature etc. They were nice guys who didn't like me. Its fine, I know I am perhaps too hideous for these guys or something. I know this may sound controversial, but I wish I could be ugly so I could simply blame it on my looks. To realise that I have a shit personality/character because of which guys don't want me.. makes me wonder what is so nasty about me. But that is an endless story, my real question is.. What reasons do guys who act interested have, to reject a girl? I would just like to know why they never liked me enough to pursue a relationship with me.. namely why "I'm not worth it"

[bijinbijinbijin]

No you are going after the wrong guys. There are two differnt types of guys. There is the group of guys that just want to be single and fuck around and then there are the guys that want love and a relationship. There really is no trick to it. No making a guy want a relationship, no changing him. no nothing. You just have to date a guy that wants a relationship.

I can guarantee you that every guy that is in a loving longterm relationship (and i mean one that lasts longer than a couple years) right now was not changed into wanting a relationship by the woman he is in a relationship with. He actaully either always wanted a relationship, or he went through a phase of chaos and confusion and then decided for himself that he wanted a relationship. The woman that he is with just happend to show up in his life at the right time.

I have met many guys who say that they want relationships and then they date a woman who is super confused about what she wants, she will lead him on, or give him the run around. Just like there are two types of guys, there are two types of women too. The women that like to fuck around and be single and then the women that want love and a relationship.

The men and women that want love and a relationship just have to pair up with each other and then they can proceed with the relationship.

I had to learn this. a lot of the guys i was dating only wanted sex and no comiitment and i know there is nothing wrong with me because i am a catch and actually wanted to be a good girlfriend to a guy. I eventualy got annoyed by it so what i did was i decided to be active about it. Any guy that would ask me out or want to talk to me or whatever, i would find out up front what his intentions were. I would say stuff like "so you sure your girlfriend doesn't mind you talking to me?" and he would say "i dont have a girlfriend" and then i would say "no girlfriend? why?" and he would either say "im not really looking for one right now" or "i just hae

[Asker]

Yeh you are definitely right about me for some things. However, the guys I usually like and who show interest in me.. end up committing to either the last girl or the next one. I'm never a rebound but I just don't fit the bill :P. I have always been disconcerting about the men I pick and make sure we are clear about things. Sigh, I just need to somehow figure out why I'm not good enough. Thanks though, a very clear description of the situation.

[bijinbijinbijin]

"i just haven't met one yet." that right there is how you determine the guys that like to be single and fuck around from the guys that want love and a relationship. I eventually sorrounded myself by a handful of guys that were looking for a relationshipn by doing things that way. I ended up chosing the guy that i actually had chemistry with and he is now my fiance. When he first asked me out i asked him the same thing that i asked everyother guy and he said " i dont have a girlfriend but it would be nice to have someone i can connect with and grow with" he also said "I tried dating other girls but it really didn't get anywhere". Just go after the guys that want relationships and you will find one.

[Asker]

I'm so happy for you :D. But I don't think you realise the severity of my situation. I had a guy who said the same thing your fiance did. I've had a few guys say it and mean it. Some dated me but it didn't work out. One recently said it and pursued me. He did everything a boyfriend would do and I also made myself as available to him as he was to me. But eventually, after he made the first move and kissed me. I said I would like to move things forward and he said "we don't have a future and never will" That definitely hurt and made me feel so small and meaningless. But i replied saying ok and walked away with my head held high. But how many more times am i supposed to be strong and accept the pain from heartbreak each time. I'm tired of it, I just don't get why I am so undesirable if I'm a beautiful girl. Can I really be such a bad person that no one in this whole world can actually fall for me? It sucks... I'm staying strong but it sucks and it feels so unfair.

[bijinbijinbijin]

listen to me girl. You need to stop telling yourself that something is wrong with you. If you really belive that about yourself then im sure a guy would be able to sense that and really would think something is wrong with you. He would know that you have a self esteem issue and only jerks want a girl with low self-esteem because they like to manipulate her and take advantage of her whereas a decent guy is just not a jerk at all so he wouldn't even bother with a girl who has low self esteem. When you date, you should not be trying to latch on to just any guy, you should be looking for the one that you have chemistry with, the one that makes you feel comfortable being yourself with. You are suppose to be getting to know him first. If you just give your heart to a guy and invest your feelings in a guy before you two have fully comunicated that you two are headed towards a relationship, then of chorse you are going to feel heart broken when you find out that he doesn't want the same thing

[bijinbijinbijin]

same things as you. So I am begging you to please get your self esteem in check so that you are not blindfully giving your heart out to just any guy that you date and then getting your heart broken. I really want you to find someone too. You might try to tell me that you really did use logic when choosing these guys but look honey, as long as you dont have confidence in yourself and you are letting these guys get you down, then you are blind and you really do not know your worth.

I really would like to talk to you more but i find that it is annoying trying to post all of what i am trying to say to you in these little message boxes. If you want to you can send me a private message.

[Anonymous]

I might know what it is. That last group of guys, who you really like, do they generally have a lot going for them? Pretty hot, great job, confident, fun, outgoing personality, treats you well, experienced, etc? It's not necessarily you. I mean, it could be, but also many of them tend to have a lot of options and have that "next-best-thing" syndrome going on. They either take forever to commit, or don't do it at all. I don't know, maybe your situation's completely different, but yeah.

[Asker]

You're completely right. I make a conscious effort to go for guys who aren't major hotshots. More simple guys but even they seem to be a catch and they feel quite secure about themselves. But yeh, I have tried to settle for something less. Its not easy but I am trying to appreciate different kind of guys and create more options for myself. It hasn't been working out well so far;)

[Cant_even]

If you've got the whole package e. g. they love how you look, personality, independence, the way you are in all aspects of things, whether you match how they are etc then I'm sure thats when they'll commit.

[Asker]

Yes generally speaking...

[asker999]

At what point in the pursuit are guys turning you down? 1 date, 2 dates... This makes a big difference in why I am turning a girl down.

If I don't want to see a girl more than once, they did something to make me lose attraction to them.
If it is after 2-5 dates, I am probably attracted to them to some degree but there is something I am not willing to put up with.
2-5 Months in, I truthfully knew pretty early on it wasn't going to last forever but I enjoyed their company enough and wanted to keep getting to know them.

How do I know it won't last? I need someone that is laid back, I cannot deal with really emotional people. I am far too logical and we just clash. They need to be independent, having someone that depends on me bogs me down. Whether they mean to or not. I don't need anyone else, but I do desire them and want them in my life. We need to be pretty close to the same place in life, meaning career, achievements, family (no kids), I don't drink anymore so someone that isn't all about getting trashed. They have to have enough going on themselves to keep conversations interesting. I lose interests in things that are simple, if there is no complexity then I get bored very fast.

[Asker]

They usually flirt and semi-pursue. At a critical point, they go back and forth before fizzling out. While I keep patient but vocal about what I look for in a man. I maintain a good friendship but they never want anything beyond that. Even when they are attracted to me, we have good conversation, etc. I jsut don't have the whole package and an important piece of the package is missing... I just can't figure out what it is.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Well it maybe because you aren't opening yourself to a committed relationship. Let it be known through action that, that's what you want.
What makes them commit? stupidity! jk.
in all seriousness, love. If the man falls in love with you and you show readiness to commit with him, there should be no problem. It has to be mutual commitment.
And don't wish you were ugly girl. Embrace that beauty!

[Asker]

I always used to believe that. And yes, I have had a difficult time opening myself up. But once I did, it was with all my heart and genuinly. It took a long time before I did, of him loving and caring for me and us building a great friendship. Finally, he kissed me before I moved away. I said I wanted more and he said "we have no future". Where do I go from here? If even this could go wrong for me, then how could anything possibly be right. Do guys hate outgoing girls? funny girls? easygoing girls? Is there anything guys really don't like in a girl? Perhaps I possess one such ill quality.

[PiuBelloAmante]

I doubt that. You seem to be feeling down, do too heart break. its gonna take a while, rejection sucks and well i get rejected 8/10 times i approach a woman or try to make a move so i get constantly hurt. I was recently in a committed relationship and gave it all only to be cheated on.
I wondered what was wrong with me as well, but than i realized that the only thing wrong with me was a negative attitude.
Face these new hardships with positivity!
Guys love the characteristics you just named (well me at least)
Guys mostly don't like rudeness and sass or when a woman challenges their manhood
it doesn't seem like thats your problem though. Give it time love will come to you...(and me i hope!)

[Asker]

Yeh you're spot on. You have been through a lot yourself so I can see that you understand what I am going through. At least you had a committed relationship, I couldn't even get that far;). I'm not negative though or bitter. I'm glad none of my friends or family have to face what I do. They all find romantic happiness while I am in the same place, year after year. I have come to accept it. By the age of 26 when all your friends find happiness and have had good relationships, I realise that I have given it a shot at things that didn't give anything in return.. except for pain. I accepted the pain, dealt with it and move on. I never allowed these things to keep me sad for a long time. But i do want to at least know why I don't deserve it.. just a simple answer but a long journey to understanding why I am not worth it.. I just don't know why..

[PiuBelloAmante]

Some time, in the future love will find us. lol.
My dad found true love with my mom at 53 years old! she was 33. They both had to wait a very long time You are still very young and i think you will have a very bright relationship in the future
Good luck i just went through, still going through actually the same things so if u need any help just message me.

[BiffWebster]

unless the guy cares more about you then himself then id say he ain't worth it. And yea no one wants to be ugly or considered ugly...-_- bad things happen

hey look i don't mean to sound mean, but is it safe to say that maybe you are doing something that is attracting these kinds of guys around you. I mean if i didn't take care of myself, and dressed like a slob id probably attract the wrong kind of girl to me. A girl that is the same as me or worse -_-

[Asker]

Yeh I am definitely doing something that is getting me these results! You're correct and its not mean at all :P. I am fashionable but choose more elegant and classic styles. I wear subtle make up, I love heels but don't wear slutty clothes. I love elegant dresses etc. I have really nice hair and eyes (Indian origins). I am curvy and thin. I am funny, goofy, intelligent, social and outgoing. I seem extremely confident but I'm actually quite shy. I am extremely friendly and am always smiling. But I'm sure my negatives outweigh my qualities :P. What is it that guys absolutely do not like in girls? Should I be less outgoing? Talk less? Less independent? Less expressive? More expressive? Less guarded? More guarded? No clue why I attract the same crap...

[BiffWebster]

i do not know either.
i guess just look at yourself more. Don't go crazy analyzing tho. Maybe you jump in too quick idk. Just try to take it easier i guess is what i mean.

[Asker]

I actually take things slowly. I enjoy taking it an enjoyable pace. I can't stand rushing into anything. Also because that increases (my already slim) chances of it failing. But I don't know what it is. What are definite put-offs?

[BiffWebster]

well i don't know you well enough to say anything. If you have close friends... maybe you should ask them if your doing anything wrong, maybe even one of those guys would tell you. I mean you deserve to know wtf is wrong, if its you even right

[Asker]

Yeh I've asked people. They say its the guys and not me. But I don't believe that at all. I know its something with me, just don't know what. Maybe I'm too nice

[BiffWebster]

well id say take a break for a while. Collect your thoughts etc, then move out again

[Anonymous]

Honestly, sometimes it is just fun to flirt at first. Most guy won't fully commit until they actually are very interested in the girl. Most if not all will usually commit to attractive girls only. It is shallow but it is somewhat true. We will flirt with the more average girls and see where it may lead. Hope I make some sort of sense lol..

[Asker]

Yeh, so I'm most likely average? Below average? But I'm one of the prettier ones in my group and I am the only single one. They all have great boyfriends... Not sure if it counts for my case

[Opinion Owner]

You may be average. However, guys sometimes will not make a move on a cuter girl of a group because they're afraid of rejection. There are numerous factors to take into account here. I will be able to tell with a picture.

[ccp16]

I personally need an independent girl who is funny and can keep up with really witty banter. Cute, pretty or beautiful (not sexy or hot) is a nice perk.

[Asker]

But you may meet many girls like that, how do you select which one to commit to?

[ccp16]

Maybe I am not the most desirable guy in the world, but which ever like me back! and I guess not to be shallow but if I had options (never occurs), I guess the cutest!

[talldude]

when the girl makes you feel special, takes care of you is faithful to you and show a lot of interest

[Asker]

Nah, I know for sure that they don't care about that! Oh wait, maybe the "show a lot of interest" part makes the difference...

[talldude]

i personally care for these things xD

[Asker]

I'm glad you notice when a girl shows these things. I'm sure all guys want it but I don't know if guys really cared about it when I showed genuine love and concern

[Asker]

Or they wouldn't have let go of me so easily

[talldude]

when a girl that i initially wasn't interested in her and shows me love and affection and interest i start liking her back happened to me many times

[JSmuve]

You pretty much answered your own question... if they find out they don't like her personality they won't want to commit to her.

[Asker]

What kind of things do guys not like in a girl? I mean they like me in the initial stages but when things have to get serious, I'm just not good enough. What traits could I have that are so horrid. P. S I am well groomed, have a sense of humour (perhaps a problem?), outgoing (perhaps I talk too much?) and I'm sure i have many other crappy traits. But I know plenty of girls who are less nice than I am or as smart and they do just fine. I don't understand why I am so disgusting.. I really don't. I never even knew I was hideous, I'm only finding out now

[KittyCakes20]

Ugh I've been wondering this too. Like its so rare to find a guy that actually wants to be with you. Guys are so selective. I'm something they want to try, not keep..

[Anonymous]

A guy will want to commit when he decides he likes your personality not just your looks.

[Asker]

Yeh I guess I'm a good ego boost and nothing more. I don't dress provocatively. I am elegant and fashionable. But yeh, i'm just not girlfriend material... I accept it. I should try to ask people why i am not good enough. I have done it in the past but everyone says I can get an amazing guy. I guess they are my friends and family, so they don't see my flaws. One friend suggested dating guys who I am not attracted to. Id rather die an old maid than not be attracted to someone.

[Opinion Owner]

No, I don't think its your personality! Its probably just that he was already falling for someone else or something. And plus every single guy likes a different personality, you probably haven't found the one yet.

[Asker]

Nah I was the only girl he talked to. They usually just don't want me, so it is something with me. They'll like me, take me on dates but then when I want to move things forward after allowing it to go slowly, they make sure they get their out ;). And the one is overrated. Doesn't exist. you'd be lucky to fall in love with your bestfriend, but my luck wouldn't even allow those feelings to be reciprocated :P. I hope i cn figure out why this always happens to me, i have asked the guys but they never really tell.. its always vague nonsense.

[the_champ]

If everything you say about yourself is true then your probably a bitch to be honest with you.

[Asker]

Yeh could be, how do I change that?

[Asker]

But to be fair, I have seen many girls who are what I perceive to be really mean and nasty, get great guys. I wonder if its the real reason for why I can't get men. But since I am the unsuccesful one, it could be. Maybe I am a bitch or am perceived as one. Both are just as bad :P. Any tips on how to not be a bitch?

[the_champ]

I only go for nice girls so I sure know what it takes for a girl not to be a bitch. One big thing that makes a girl a bitch in my mind is if she tries to fuck around with your head.

[Asker]

Yeh I don't play games though. So now you have me thinking I'm a bitch and I don't even know why you think so... This is going to be a great life.. from here onwards. Anyway, thanks for trying to give some feedback, I'll ask my friends if I am indeed a bitch or if I seem like one and take it from there

[the_champ]

I dont even know you, thats just my conclusion based on everything you said because otherwise your would have a great boyfriend by now. You can DM if you want.

[Patrick321]

Simply loving that girl and having a burning desire to want to be with them

[Asker]

I'm doomed :P

[Patrick321]

lol why?

[Asker]

No guy has or ever will feel like that for me. They don't really want to go there with me

[Patrick321]

You don't know that, i think you just need to find the right guy :)

[Asker]

I have met the right guys, I am the wrong girl though. But I don't know why I am. And I do know it, I have done things differently, improved myself and made real efforts. In the end, the outcomes are never any different. But thats why I respect a guy's decision. If he doesn't want me, I'm sure its because he can find something better for himself or he wouldn't have let go of me so easily. And that is a good enough reason for taking the right decision

[Patrick321]

Keep Trying!

[Anonymous]

Stupidity. Stupidity makes a man want to commit. And he should very much so be "committed"

[Anonymous]

Are you a giver or a taker?

[Asker]

A bit of both. I do like being pursued, I guess I am a little traditional that way. But I am flirtatious with someone I am attracted to. I am extremely caring. But basically, I'll start giving once I know its worth giving. Otherwise I take it slow... its partly just who I am and partly because I have never been truly liked, so why give unless its the real deal (which it never is). Guys will pretend it is but it never is

[Opinion Owner]

Without honest intent and positive expectations, you'll never get honest rewards of positive results. You have to set the tone for what you want and expect and bring that to the table yourself. That doesn't mean do it blindly, but if you aren't offering it, why would anyone else?

[Asker]

To be honest, guys know from the get-go that I am not looking for anything casual and I give them that same respect. Its not bad to be careful, or is it so bad? How can that keep me single... I guess I'll try to be more aware if a guy ever makes the mistake of showing interest. But I don't think I have the energy left. I just wanted to understand why I deserve to be rejected over and over again.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if you are very emotionally guarded "careful" you'll likely put people off with that alone. If you hold back too much then it makes it a lot of work for the other side. You have to give a little on faith, not bet the farm. That giving, gets you something in return usually. When it doesn't you back off. You still have to start with the expectation that things are going to work and be willing to give from the get go though.

[Asker]

Thank you, its constructive insight. I'll pay attention to how I behave and react from now on. :D

[Diego9O]

Love, love, love

[Anonymous]

Personal endeavors.

[Asker]

Needless to say, I did my part and with genuine intention.