A guy kissed me on the cheek at a pub, should I tell my "bf"?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a guy for three months. I've met his family and I'm spending both Christmas and New years with them since I can't spend it with my family. We talked about what we wanted and we both agreed on a relationship, we aren't in one yet though.

I went away to celebrate a friend's birthday. We went out this Friday , guys were hitting on me but I told them I've got a bf already (easier that way, and I do want to be in a relationship with him). Most guys immediately backed off but there was this one guy who said "okay, but that doesn't mean I can't think of you as beautiful." I didn't know how to respond, I got flustered and said something like " Uhm, thank you. Well, as long as you respect that I'm in a relationship that's fine... I think". He said he liked the fact I told him right away. Somewhere along I lost sight of my friends and we began talking again, he had an interesting life, strictly platonic, and he was the type of person you easily could be friends with.

I found my friends later that night and me and the guy said goodbye, I gave him a quick hug, he held on to me though and then gave me a bit of a lingering kiss on the cheek. I froze, taken aback and then backed away from his arms right away, he looked at me, both amused and a bit confused I think. I then mumbled "uhm.. okay bye" and headed towards the door. Before that happened he added me on Facebook and I accepted. Later that night, after we said goodbye, he appeared at the same bar that we were at and he came up to me and began talking again. I was friendly but told him I wasn't interested, I had a bf. He asked if we were serious and I said yes. We continued talking for a bit and I told him I could be his wingman if he'd like, he declined.

I felt awful because he probably felt like I had given him signals allowing him to do this. I really didn't think I was since there wasn't any flirting involved whatsoever.

Should I tell my guy about this incident?

Updates

+1 y

Feel like I should add this:
I don't want to mess things up, l really don't feel like I was a part of it and I didn't want him to kiss me at all. But I'm big on honesty and trust, that's why I'm conflicted.
My guy's ex cheated on him, so I don't know if it would be a good or a bad thing to tell him.

[JohnScofield787]

Yes probably. I think you need to be careful what you say. You do not want to be deceitful, but you also don't want to start something unnecessarily. Guys are jealous (I would be if some dude kissed my girl - i might just punch him through a wall). And He is going to question how you got in this position in the first place.

So if I were you I might say something like (use your own words) " Something happened on Saturday night that I wanted you to know about..." then go on and tell him that you were hanging with your friends and there was a guy with them. You told him you had a bf and he seemed cool with that. When you went to say goodbye to him, he reached in and kissed you on the cheek. You again reiterated that you had a bf and you left. There is nothing more to say really... you told the truth, you didn't lie and everything else is going to get him riled up. He is probably going to ask a few questions:
1) why didn't you tell me sooner? Answer: I didn't want you to get upset, but the more I thought about it the more i thought you should know.
2) Why would he just "kiss" you, what were you doing? Answer: He was with my friends so we were all just talking, I told him I had a bf and thought everything was good. Maybe he was just trying to be "cute" since he didn't kiss me on the lips, just the cheek. But otherwise I was not doing anything but hanging out with everyone. (All true... you just didn't add that part of the time you were hanging alone with him)
3) Do i need to punch him? Answer: No, I told him and left. He backed off and I know that won't happen again.

The reason that i am saying don't add other stuff is that I think you learned a lesson. You don't Hang with a dude for any reason if you have another man. I think you know that now, and it was just a mistake. You don't always have to flog yourself for all your mistakes. Learn from it and move on.

Anyway, my very long two cents. Hope it works out! I am sure it will

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice. I understand what you mean and I'll try to put it in a non-dramatic way. Isn't withholding the same as lying though?
I have several guy friends, always had so I've never really seen it that way. And I don't really mind my guy having girl friends since I trust him not to do anything. I'm also a very social person who loves getting to know new people, so I didn't really see it that way. But I definitely won't let it happen again, hanging out with a guy that began to hit on me wasn't a good idea at all. I really didn't think of it that way since the majority of my guy friends has admitted to having a crush on me. Don't want to sound full of myself, sorry if I did. Thanks again.

[JohnScofield787]

Yes in a way withholding can be the same as lying... but i would say it also has to do with intent. People sometimes say little white lies, because they don't want to cause trouble by saying "No, your dinner you made actually sucked." so instead they say "it was good thank you."

So I guess I am just suggesting that if telling EVERYTHING is going to cause you unnecessary problems and you aren't going to get into this situation again, then perhaps you skip that part. If he isn't going to freak and you want to tell him everything, do it. You know him!

[Asker]

I understand, thank you. I honestly don't know how he'll react at all, and I'm so nervous. He's a very open and happy person, I'm not sure if he'll get mad or quiet. Probably the latter. Thank you for your time and advice! :)

[Kshppatel]

I would say tell him more for you than him because it seems like you feel guilty about it.

[VioletBurlesque]

I probably wouldn't for a while until you guys had been dating for a longer period of time. You could play it off as a joke later in the relationship when you both are more understanding of each others lives outside of the relationship instead of risk a misunderstanding right now. Keep in mind that it's okay to laugh and hang out with other guys, but you have to be more honest about your feelings. That guy is shameless and you felt uncomfortable at times, right? Even after hearing you were in a committed relationship (even if you weren't) the fact that he was okay with that and kept pursuing means he'd probably do the same to you if you were to drop you're current relationship for him. (He's a bit sleazy even if he's a good guy). Good luck and happy holidays! 😊

[ValarMorghulisTR]

Tell him. It's not healthy to keep things like that from your bf if you want a serious relationship. And don't feel awful about it, you didn't ask for it, you didn't kiss him and you flat out told him more than once that you had a boyfriend. He disrespected your relationship by knowingly kissing another guys girlfriend. However, you could have told him it was inappropriate and that you did not appreciate it. You continued to talk to him after he disrespected your relationship. So you are both in the wrong.

[Asker]

That's what I was thinking, my friends told me it wasn't a big deal since I didn't want him to do it, but I don't want to start off with secrets.
You are right. I didn't talk to him much afterwards though, I pretty much said "As I said before, I'm in a relationship already, I'm sorry but I'm not interested in you that way. I could be your wingman though if you'd like?" He declined telling me he didn't need a wingman, I said that's fine and wished him a good night and we parted ways. He later came up to me one last time but I walked away. I'm rarely rude and I think that guys sometimes misinterpret it as something else.
But you are absolutely right, I should have downright told him I didn't appreciate it, it wouldn't have been rude of me really. I wish I had done it.

[ValarMorghulisTR]

Your only mistake was not telling him off, and I'm sure your boyfriend will understand. And honestly, most women wouldn't know how to react in the moment either. Good luck!

[kathleenkelley13]

You shouldn't have talked to him at all once he said that :/ just walk off so you dont lead him on. It wasn't a good move to add him either. Im sure youd get mad if it were vice versa. But yes, it wasn't completely your fault but those little things make a BIG difference on the situation. Tell your man. He needs to know what happened

[Asker]

I'm a very social person, and since he seemed fine with me having a bf I didn't really think of it that much, that was a big mistake on my part I admit. Thing is we were talking like I would talk to anyone, no flirting whatsoever, and he didn't flirt either so I thought it was fine. I of course removed him from fb after he kissed me. If the roles were reversed I'd probably get a little jealous but I would trust him enough that it was nothing more from his side.
I'll tell him when I see him, thank you for your time and opinion :)

[Brownrecluse1224]

Nah, it's not a big deal. You didn't participate in it. He did it not you. It shouldn't be a problem

[Anonymous]

Yes. Tell him. Honesty and all that or something. /gag

[Asker]

You are right, thank you!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank everyone else. It was a community deal.