Is he using me as a placeholder?

[Anonymous]

So there's this guy I've gone on a few dates with, he's paid each time and made it known that we're dating. Yet I get the feeling that he's currently "dating" me until he finds someone he's more into. Or maybe he's dating multiple women? Here's why I've come to this conclusion-> he's not affectionate with me (usually I know early on if a guy wants to sleep with me or wants to seriously date with the amount of affection shown). There's no hand holding or touching done on his part so it's awkward and these dates feel more like casually hanging out with a friend. Also, he's still active on dating sites. Other guys I've dated in the past would delete their accounts from the very beginning. Not the case with this one. Is it too early to bring this up? Is this man just stringing me along until he finds something better?

[thetundrawolf]

He is not serious.

The reason why you feel like he is not serious is because your gut instinct is telling you, and your gut instinct is always right.

I'd caution you to understand that if at any point during dating, a guy shows you large amounts of affection, it does not mean he loves you. it means he loves your body, yes, but what about your heart? If he cared for your heart he would wait for your body.

I am just telling you.

Listen to your gut instincts. Not your heart. One day they will both line up, and that is the man who will love you fully.

[Asker]

I understand the showing too much affection part isn't a good thing but this guy isn't showing any at all, including the not holding hands thing.

[thetundrawolf]

If he is still on dating sites, what does that tell you? He might not be interested in your body, which is a good thing. He may be seriously shy, do you think so?

[Asker]

That he's looking for someone he likes more/stringing me along til he finds that person? I don't know

[thetundrawolf]

Well, I do not think he is too interested, but I can tell you, it'd be a long time before I so much as held a girls hand I'd date. Maybe he is trying to do the right thing and leaving physical affections out of it, lest he be tempted. You really should confront him when you feel the time is right in my opinion.

[QuirkLover]

Give it a few more dates and then confront him. Is it possible that he's just more shy in the beginning? Or isn't deleting his account because you guys aren't super serious yet? If he hasn't gotten more "flirty" in a date or two, confront him so if you breakup at least he'll know why.

[Asker]

Not sure what's holding him back but if we continue to date I do want things to progress

[QuirkLover]

Maybe you have to make the first move. Only do it once or twice though so you know you aren't doing all of the work. Then after that you should be able to tell after that if he's using you or not by the way he responds.