Am I a placeholder to my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend does everything except break up. We hadn't seen each other in weeks and he blamed it on being busy. Not saying he's not but he doesn't have a big job, or own a business so I can't see what he's busy with. I never notice this until this month but he has been doing this since last year, month after we started dating. Months ago, he didn't have a car and he was still using the excuse he was busy. Like I said before, we hadn't seen each other for weeks and he doesn't care. BUT what I don't get is the only time I can get him to spend time with me is when I threaten to break up with him. He will not let go. Any time I threaten to break up with him because of something wrong that he did he will fight it. I even went a week without talking to him and he freaked out. I don't do anything wrong so he can't find a reason to break up with me. I will do something so small and he might give me a silent treatment for a long time. I will never know why until the silent treatment is done and he tells me the petty reason. ... If that was really the reason. I've tried so many times to spend time with him but he comes up with an excuse last minute. We plan on days he is off work and he will purposely go into work and act as if they called him in. Or he will plan on days he has to go to work or I have to go to work and want to see me that little time before its time for me or him to go to work. so that he doesn't have to spend much time with me.

I understand breakups don't take two people and I can move on, but I'm curious to know why is it so hard for him to just end thing?

[Anonymous]

None of us are mind readers or in his shoes, so of course any answer you get is just speculation unless it’s coming from his own mouth; so I hope you take these answers as such and not too literal. Anyway, what I’ve learned about the situation you have going on is that it’s just about control. He wants to be the one breaking up on his terms, not you leaving him on yours. There are perks to having a relationship, like for one not being lonely, sex (if you two have it), and someone to do things with. But none of that matters if the relationship is as unhealthy as yours sounds, and it’s just not very worth it. If you think it’s time to hang it up and leave then stop using his responses as an excuse to stay, and leave. You don’t need his permission or agreement — you’re not going to get that anyway unless it’s him leaving you. So rather than invest more time and energy into this guy, just let it go. You’re strong enough to get over it and move on, so maybe you should do it.

[Anonymous]

okay a few things. you're either the other woman, he's secretly gay (not joking), or he's stringing you along until something else better comes along. he doesn't want to actually be single. and maybe he likes control.

[boggboss]

Because he would prefer a toxic relationship to no relationship