My bfs sister took the front seat?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are both 23 and the other day we had to give his sister a ride to the train station. I was sitting in the front obvs when we went to pick her up. She knew I was coming and saw me sitting there and didn't get in the back which I thought was really presumptuous of her. I mean whenever I ride with friends if I am chilling with them and their so I go to the back. Of course I was polite and got out without causing drams but I found it odd that she still expected to get the front seat over his own girlfriend even after she knew I was there. I was really taken back. The only women I would expect to get in the back seat for is someone a lot older like an older generation like mom grand mom someone like that. An older neighbor. Certainly not a young able bodied sister. I told my boyfriend later I was really hurt that he didn't say to his sister hey is it cool if my girl sits in the front seat? Do you think my boyfriend should have said something?

[Ozanne]

And now the old saying "taking a back seat" sure gets literal here, doesn't it? I totally get this. It's putting you in a place where you aren't 'together'. You're not even sitting together laterally. It's like the child who gets tossed in the backseat over the adults. It's sort of the pecking order of who matters in one's life, so I can see how it would make you feel bad.

I can't presume what she would have been thinking, because there are a lot of possibilities. She could have just thought "I'm the sister, I come first," or "I've got a lot of stuff, and I need to sit in the front."

Sometimes protective sisters often don't think about their boyfriend's girlfriends if they've only been together a short time too. Sitting in the front seat before you came along in to his life was probably the norm for her and she just did it without thinking or considering that you'd take offense.

Your boyfriend isn't going to say something *after* the fact. A lot of guys usually don't go confronting people about things like this because their girlfriend found it important over an hour ago. But he might keep it in mind for next time. Guys can't stand confrontation between their women and their female relatives. I think it's probably up there with worst things ever - having to keep the peace between them.

If you get along with her otherwise and there wasn't much of a fuss after she left, maybe you can just keep it in on your mind for next time if it means that much to you. Just burn it off and try and forget it. It certainly wasn't your boyfriend's fault. He probably never even saw this as an issue whatsoever until you brought it up. As for his sister, she probably didn't either. Now that he's aware and you know it could happen again, stake your claim on the seat by either not leaving it, or placing your things on the seat if you have to get out of the car for any reason. That will send a message for next time.

[Asker]

Yeah i think I'm just going to be subtle about it next time by just leaving my things in the front seat. I am not going to bring it up to her I'm going to let it go this one time. But I still don't think its a matter of oh I'm the sister I come first or oh I'm the girlfriend I come first. One shouldn't come first my boyfriend can love us both equally but in different ways and honestly it is common knowledge that someone's so gets the front seat. Nothing to do with coming first.

[Ozanne]

Okay it's just that you felt strongly enough to make a question from it, so I interpreted that to mean you felt as though you came second. Maybe I'm wrong? Why were you upset then that you had to sit in the back?

[Asker]

It is more the assumption that I get the back over his sister
Like from experiemce unless it is someone a lot older it makes the most logical sense for the partner to get the front seat. It is more the fact that the sister didn't have the common sense to be like in her head oh duh his girlfriend is sitting in the front better get to the back and my boyfriend just let's his own girlfriend sit in the back.

[Ozanne]

Ok that's what I mean, you took it as she wasn't really respecting your position.

[Asker]

So what is your opinion should I have been able to stay in the front seat ad his girlfriend

[Ozanne]

You were sitting there first, you were doing her a favour AND you're his girlfriend. She should have sat in the back.

[Applefan1]

Well your boyfriend is kind of stuck in the middle here. If he says something his sister will be pissed off, if he does not you are hurt. However, I think I would have said something. I agree with you his sister should have automatically got in the back seat, especially since you two were helping her out in the first place by taking her somewhere she needed to get. I would not mention it this time but if she does it again I would say something.

[Asker]

I dunno I think when a guy is in a serious committed relationship generally as long as the girlfriend is in the right (which you said I am) he should put her first. That being said I'm going to let it to this time but if it happens again I will say somrthing

[Applefan1]

Yes what my point is he is trying to keep you both happy. I am sure he meant nothing by it. I do personally think he should have kindly asked his sister to sit in the back but unless it keeps happening it is not worth making a massive fuss over I mean it is not the worst thing in the world he could have done either.

[PiuBelloAmante]

ehhh i think thats super awkward, i think he didn't want to make things super awkward

If i saw or thought it would bother my girlfriend, i might say something like, "this is the queens seat, sorry princess but you gotta go in the back"

but still sticky situation

[Asker]

Not really tho its kinda common sense in my book that ones so gets the front seat except with exceptions that I mentioned

[PiuBelloAmante]

wait i misread this!!! i mean its his sister right!
dont make the guy feel bad about it! its his sister!

i thought you said it was your best friends sister and your boy friend was doing her the favor

Damn he couldnt push his sister aside for you, i do think its awkward that she took the font seat though
just get over it, he was in a tough spot, and its no big deal

[Asker]

That was rude just get over it. Its not "pushing his sister aside" to politely say hey can my girlfriend siy here. I think its weird that me as his so has to sit in the back seat. Like I said it would be completely different if it was someone much older then they get the front seat because its easier forthem. So its OK for him to push me a side and make me get out of a seat I was already sitting in but its not OK for him to politely ask his sister to sit in the back and let me sit in the front. It doesn't matter if it is his best friends sister or his own the point is so should get front seat. I didn't make a big deal about it to her I did get in the back and didn't say a word. It wasn't likening flipped out

[PiuBelloAmante]

he meant no harm, its whatever dont make it a big deal

[Asker]

Yeah but its the fact you think it is OK to push me aside for his sister but its not OK to push his sister aside for me

[PiuBelloAmante]

Well if he had a choice both of you would sit in the front, its not fare for him to choose between his family and his lover

[Asker]

Right but I was already sitting there. It wasn't like his sister was sitting there first and I expected her to move if that was the case I would have gotten in the back. So it isn't about choosing anyone it is just logical since I was sitting there already that I shlyldnt have to be the one to move to the back just like if his sister was sitting there first I wouldn't expect her to move. Its literally common sense...

[PiuBelloAmante]

yeah, i think the weird thing is that she took the front seat from you...
I don't know... just dont hold your boyfriend accountable

[evenlift]

Aww, his sister is a little jealous maybe.

[Asker]

Of what. A boyfriend girlfriend relationship is completely different from a bro sis relationship two different types of love.

[evenlift]

Yes, but perhaps she understands that she has been knocked down a notch in the ranking of important women in her brother's life.

[Asker]

Its not about ranking her sitting in the back doesn't mean she is less important to him than me. We are equally important to him just in different ways.

[JuicyBrain]

@Asker I don't think you understand. You are trying to use logic to explain emotions. It doesn't work that way. Yes, logically what you say make sense. You do not have the same relationship so it shouldn't be a problem. But emotions don't work like that. Why are do many women feel cheated when their boyfriend watches porn? Obviously it shouldn't matter no? But still... His sister may be jealous of the relationship you two have. Not the sex obviously, but the closeness. She was the most important women in his life for a long time, she has a hard time letting him go... What she did is not ok and you shouldn't let her do it again. Your boyfriend said nothing cause he didn't want to create drama either. Next time, he might choose to do otherwise...

[Anonymous]

odd... but no, she's blood

[Asker]

What does being blood gotta do with it? First of all I was already sitting there and she acted like I should be the one to. move and she didn't even have the courtesy of just automatically going to the back. Your argument is that she is blood my argument would be well I am his serious girlfriend and it is just common sense that usually SOs sit together. I shouldn't have to move to the backseat from a seat I was already in in my own bfs car. That's so disrespectful to my relationship. Unless like I stated it is someone older and not like 3 years older like a parent grandparent someone like that