How do you deal with guys that decline a dance and why do guys go to a club if they don't want to dance and have fun?


How do you deal with guys that decline a dance and why do guys go to a club if they don't want to dance and have fun?

At the clubs my friends are all the best dancers they flip and spin the girls in our group and they balance them in the air. Our group is the best dancers the most beautiful group the funnest and nicest most sober group that is there only to dance. I am only learning and I am not great but they make me look good on the floor. here is the deal I want to meet new people cause everyone is pretty coupled up so I ask people to dance. And when a guy says "no" I get crushed. It takes do much confidence to ask. I dance with anyone and talk and joke with anyone that comes up to me out of kindness. I am there to have fun. I know I am not a snob even though it might sound like it but it is really true our table is always full of dance teachers and everyone stays fit from dancing. I am not a flashy dancer like my friends but they are teaching me the basics they make me look good. And sometimes I get asked a lot by new people up dance. But some nights I try to just ask someone "come on let's dance" and they are like "no I am good" and I am wondering wtf is wrong with me. I check to see if I am ugly. I'm not. Am I obnoxious or sloppy or bitchy No!!! Do guys know how mean it is to say No! I get it which is why I always talk and dance with people that come up to me. I usually walk away feeling rejected. But one day I said "well that is ok I am here with my friends and they are awesome dancers. I just thought you looked bored!" how do you handle a guy when you are rejected? Or keep it from ruining your night. And guys why do you act so superior? I am no super model but I am not ugly either and I am super nice. I don't get it. I didn't really go to dances growing up do I may not have the right way of asking.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It might be that the guy sees you dancing and is a little intimidated because your friends are all good and they make you look good. Many guys sre not secure enough to go out and look like "second violin" so to speak. Maybe you should try something - next time you go, don't start dancing with yout friends, but stand back and see if there is anyone who interest you. Since you seem to be strong enough to approach guys, go to him talk to him and try "my friends are all great danceers, but I am not and I feel intimidated sometimes because I am not that good a dancer." then ask him and see. The guys also might be more intimidated by the others, (or they might not be there for dancing?) I am sure it is not you - guys are kind of self conscious at times.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Hmmm. You do sound like a lot of fun. Your picture is great, you look very hot actually. Honestly, you also sound like you may be a lot to handle. You may be very intimidating to someone who doesn't have the same level of self esteem as you do. You sound very outgoing and very friendly, but maybe a tad too much. Going to clubs and meeting others can be very nerve-wrecking for a lot people. I can imagine how some people would not like to be dragged to the center of the dance floor and put on the spot in front of the whole crowd. Sounds like your dance is very attention getting and you may be coming off as too much for these guys to handle. That is the vision I am also getting here. I also get the sense that I would dance with you, get to know you a little and then boom, next song you are off dancing with someone else. I would not be interested in someone like that either and I think I would also probably turn you down. If the dances were slower and more intimate and we could talk a little I would love to take that dance.

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    • I actually met a nice Christian guy that I really hit it off with. He asked about everyone I was dancing with. I said I come out to learn. Then I said excuse me I need to take this chance to dance with this guy cause he is a great teacher. I have waited all night. I came back and he was gone but he invited me to his church. And I would rather meet him that way next time. I told him the story that I never went to dances and my son is away for a few weeks so I am going out every chance I can to learn how to dance while he is with his dad. I didn't want to exchange numbers with a nice guy like that at a bar. That is the type I am looking for. I made sure he knew and understood why I was dancing a lot and it is just till the start of August. Then I will normal out and be responsible again. That I don't go out when I have my son all year. If I do it is rare!!! He has to be having a sleep over. I don't ditch him to go out. I don't cling to a guy because I don't want to seem needy.

    • There, that was a great way to break the ice and an excellent explanation of your situation. Any guy who said no to you lost out. I am glad you met someone nice. Personally, I would never want to meet anyone at a club either.

  • For me, it would be intimidation. My buddy is trying to get me to get into salsa. Dude is disgustingly successful with women.

    These same guys just need to keep going out to the club, gain exposure, just get more comfortable with the environment, maybe make a few contacts in the community, then they can build their way up. It takes time, especially for the guys who are inexperienced.

    My buddy though, if ANY woman asks him to dance, he will dance with them. He is almost instructor level in skill, so for him, teaching and making the women feel good is all the incentive he needs. It is a great feeling when as a guy you can provide that to a woman. I suppose those inexperienced guys are probably downing on themselves because they feel women want a guy who has that level of skill and isn't going to be as impressed with a guy who barely knows the basic steps or has two left feet.

    Maybe you could learn a tiny bit more, and then use that knowledge to open guys up. Tell them that you would like to dance, and if you notice that they are on the fence and not giving a flat out "NO" to you, then tell them you can teach them some basics.

    You never know where it may lead. The guy could in the very least be a great friend and you might even get him to open up the next time you see him at that particular club. Maybe ask him if he plans on coming back, use that to give him an excuse to learn more. Now you have sparked interest in dancing in him. Even if he simply uses you for the experience and doesn't show romantic interest, no big. You made a friend. Do this with other guys too, and you might meet one that really is into you as a romantic interest. Spread the love! At least that is what it seems that the dance community is all about...

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  • I see this day in and day out. There are a lot of guys at the club for one thing, and it isn't dancing (well, maybe between the sheets). For whatever reason, they can't dance, are self conscious of dancing, whatever, they just look to chit chat with women.

    In my club, there is a surge in these guys around midnight-1 o'clock. They come in figuring the women are half in the bag, less likely to insist on dancing, and are easier to get to skip to making out.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Why did you feel the need to show your photo?
    Is it to show how "hot" you are?
    I think you are pretty attractive for your age, but a photo wasn't necessary.

    The fact of the matter is,
    In life even the MOST attractive people get rejected.
    It's a part of life.
    Just because you feel you are pretty doesn't mean every one will say yes to you.
    That doesn't make you invisible to rejection.

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    • I seriously tell my friends wtf? I have major confidence issues actually I never had a teen social life. I never said I am attractive just not awful looking. My friends are attractive people. They are coupled up so I just want to meet people that are not coupled. I put the picture of me working out. Not my best one. Just an honest one. I figure people will assume it is my looks. So I put a picture. To put it all on the table. What is going on? What do I exude? Is it cause I am not a good enough dancer like the others? Or so guys boost their ego by bring jerks?

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