"You're too good for me." What does this really mean?

I've been involved with this guy for two months now. He is "dating" someone, but I am not entirely sure what that means anymore since the girl seems to think that means "girlfriend" instead of casual dating. Either way, it was obvious that we liked each other, but I refused to have an actual relationship if he had a girlfriend or something like one. He tells me the other night that he is going to break up with her, then turns up later saying that they are going to stay together. (So it sounds like "dating" meant relationship after all. ) He gives several reasons why, such as giving her a fair chance and some things that made sense, but then he hits me with this:

I'm afraid to date you. It seems too good to be true.

And he tells me how I always understand him, I'm smart, cute, and pretty much his dream. He also said that other guys might be afraid for the same reason (when I sarcastically asked how it was possible that no one would want me when I'm supposedly this great).

So, what I am having an impossible time understanding is- why? Why wouldn't you date someone who is everything you wanted? I don't understand it at all. He seemed to sincerely like me, so I'm really confused, on top of the usual hurt of rejection. I really never thought of myself as all that special. In fact, I usually feel much the opposite. So why would he ditch me for someone who is consistently mean to him often and doesn't understand him nearly as well?

Guys: What would make you say that?

Girls: Any experience with this sort of thing?

Over a year later, I can now tell you that it meant that he never really intended to leave her. He did for a short time, dated me, cheated on me with her, cheated on me with a couple other people, and I finally gave up. No idea what he is doing now.
And no, we were not just casually dating. He told me he loved me and that we were in a serious, monogamous relationship. He refused to get rid of his ex though and she stalked us both until she finaly won him back. He never once stood up for me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually, that's either a graceful rejection line (and a great deal better than "It's not you, it's me.") or a legitimate "You're amazingly out of my league." I've never used the line, but what Avalace says is pretty much dead on, here.

    It's not so much that you have to prove you really do like him (hopefully, he's noticed that by now), it's that he has to take you off that pedestal, so that you're in the range of mortals like him.

    I would suggest you tell him what you like about him; make it seem like he has some impressive qualities that make him more in your league, and downplay how awesome you are (make him feel less overwhelmed). It might also be that he thinks you don't need him, or that he's got nothing for you, so I would suggest talking with him about things he does better than you, particularly if he can teach/tutor you in them. It'll make you seem a bit more approachable, and as he gets to know you better, he might realize what he's missing.

    You may not be able to turn him around until he sorts out his current relationship, in which case, just take what he said as a compliment, and don't let it get to you.

    • Thank you for your help! He broke up with his girlfriend about a day after I had posted this message. I've been trying to be supportive and will follow your advice after giving him a little time to recover from that. Thanks!

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What Guys Said 4

  • The main factor is his lack of confidence in himself. Since you are this "perfect girl," he places on a pedestal. With a low self-esteem, he is afraid that you will reject him because you can easily find someone better. If you were to turn him down, not only will he lose his current "stable" relationship, but he also stands the risk of losing you as a friend. All this adds up and he is too scared to risk what he has for what could be better.

    • Thank you for your answer, it makes sense. Even when I told him that I like him exactly as he is, he still seems unconvinced. How could I make him see that I really mean that? Or is it possible?

    • If you were to make a move on him( kiss him), that might make him realize how much you care for him. The downside to that is he still might not leave her and then you might have to deal with an angry girl. Otherwise you probably should just move on.

  • I think he has more feelings for the other girl than he is letting on, and he feels guilty for this and can't leave her over you, so sadly you missed out. He could have been saying those things about you to try and butter you up a little, but I hope he wasn't.

    • I think that's what it meant. We ended up dating for a while, but he cheated on me with his ex (the girl he was dating in my original post) and and with another girl he met while we were dating. He is still fooling around with both of them and refused to quit doing so when we were dating, so I finally gave up and dumped him for the sake of my sanity. He still tries to flirt with me even after all that, so I guess he was just a player trying to "butter me up" as you put it. =-/

  • Hi, the reason why he's saying you're too good 4 him is that,

    1. Its either you're making yourself too available.

    2. You're calling him too often,i.e. you're not allowing him to miss you before you call.

    3. He's getting what ever he wants from you too quickly so he thinks you're very predictable.

    see, try to avoid this things or move along with your life and don't repeat this mistakes when you date a new guy.

  • Lack of confidence.


What Girls Said 3

  • well, "youre too good for me. I don't deserve you." can indeed fall into 1 of 2 categories.

    1. someone who genuinely does have problems with low self-esteem. usually, this is usually addressed BEFORE sexual intimacy and your heart already being invested into the individual.

    2.common guyspeak for "im not that into you" as greg brenhardt would say AN EXCUSE IS ALMOST ALWAYS A POLITE REJECTION. this is almost always what your looking at, when he decides "hes not good enough" AFTER sexual intimacy has taken place, along with your heart being invested.

    its almost always the second, rarely the first. he's not so gracefully attempting to shine you on under a veneer of false humility. men AND women both seem to jump through all sorts of ridiculous hoops, rather than mustering up the moxie and chutzpah to simply tell the person they just don't feel theyre the one

  • OMG..yes..a few years back I was fired from a relationship..He(the love of my life, we have mutual feelings for eachother) told me I was too perfect for him and that he started falling in love with me and he just wasn't ready for that type of relationship..i was left confused as well..its been 6 years since and I'm trying to figure out if we will ever get back together or not..it hurts alot..it was very unexpected..we still talk and stuff but I'm afraid to ask him about the past..i don't wanna b rejected again!

    • Well, what ended up happening in my situation was that he finally broke up with the other girl, dated me, cheated on me with her... and several other girls, and eventually just stopped trying to fix things. I'm still confused because he seemed to have feelings for me, but completely sabotaged the relationship at every chance he got. He never got over his ex, never got rid of her. I think that maybe "you're too good for me" was just an excuse. Really, if your guy wants you, he'd go for it.

    • (cont.) I know it sounds bitter, but if you have been waiting for years for this guy to shape up, I don't think it's going to happen. It is really hard to move on, but you've got to try. I'm still trying to get over my ex and all the damage he did (he was my first everything...) but I know in the long run I will be so much happier than when I was wondering what the deal was and getting hurt. You deserve someone who will snatch you up and tell you he loves you, not someone who leaves you hanging.

  • I have also been told that I was "Too Good" for someone.

    Great start to a relationship- and 3 months in he breaks up with me and states one of his reasons that I was just "Too Good".

    One of my close guy friends tells me that this means he was probably cheating on me and suddenly developed a conscience- my friend had used this same line on girls as well.