Signs a girl is keeping you as a backup?

[Anonymous]

How can you tell she's keeping you around as a backup?

[Paris13]

As wise as I am her, dear, if she is Talking or even Texting Today and Tomorrow you are Not hearing Anything, she may be looking and lurking somewhere else and then Suddenly... One day out of the clear blue come find You. It also can Happen when if you both are Dating and mating.
If she has a full circle problem pattern of Doing this and Screwing you with This, then you are what I call a "Back pocket boyfriend."
Good luck. xx

[pr3ttybr0wn]

If she frequently cancels plans and reschedules at the last minute That could be a sign that she putting other guys before u

[Asker]

Okay so I asked her out to an event she had asked me out to, but I couldn't make it so I had to reschedule. She then didn't get back to me in time/gave a wishy-washy answer and I ended up having plans. She apologized and gave a counter offer almost immediately, but then when I tried to finalize the plans with her she flaked but this time didn't give me an alternate time or an apology but seemed genuinely upset she couldn't make it.

[justbanANNAz]

the biggest one is when she's giving u her time only when it suits her.

[ConsultantIsBack]

came here to say this

[justbanANNAz]

got your back brother @consultantisback

[Asker]

So do you mind elaborating on this?

[justbanANNAz]

you're basically her option when she's bored and wants entertainment. if she's out with her friends or has another guy wrapped round her pinky, she'll suddenly be 'busy' or just uninterested in you.

[Asker]

Okay kind of get the feeling that's the case. She will plan things then flake when I try to get a committal, if I end up ignoring her and talking to other girls she gets jealous, if I am around and I don't tell her she starts getting hyper active for attention and will make her presence known, and crap like that

[justbanANNAz]

well there u go =/
I'm sorry but those are all surefire ways to tell. u know what though? i think it's better for you that you've found out now. don't let yourself get used like that. u deserve much better.

[kittykatbrat]

This is me with all dates.

[Asker]

@kittykatbrat what way with all dates?

[Azara]

who spends time with anyone when it does not suit them., the does not really make sense. no one makes plans when they donor want to or when its a bad time. i see people saying this a lot, but what would it men to spend time with someone when it does not suit you... sounds off.

[Asker]

@Azara Okay so what would your input be?

[justbanANNAz]

what i mean is that she only uses him for her convenience, when she wants attention or some kind of affection that she isn't getting from someone else.
in other words, he's an option. obviously i didn't mean it in the way u interpreted it hah @azara

[Azara]

oh ok. thanks for clearing that up, because i really never understood what people meant :)

[justbanANNAz]

all good hun @azara =]

[kittykatbrat]

@Asker Me giving dates my time only ever when it suits me, which lately, is rarer and rarer.

[AngryGoddess]

You're in the friendzone but she flirts with you constantly.

[Asker]

Not in her friend zone, admits she likes me, asks me out, but didn't follow through

[AngryGoddess]

Unless there's another guy in the picture, you could ask her out. If you have trouble finding time suitable for both of you, the holidays are coming up. A backup happens only when the girl is pining for someone else, I don't think that's the case here.

[ReneDS]

She ignores you, you aren't one of her priorities, she cancels dates at the last minute, she only has time for you when she feels like it, she tells you she doesn't know what she wants, etc... as a guy who went through all this, just forget about it bro. you aren't a backup plan, you can be someones first choice if your not holding on to some dumbass bitch who ends up being a single mom.

[timmy111]

Perfect

[OlderAndWiser]

She will not confirm plans very far in advance. Gives vague answers when you ask about how she has been spending her time. Doesn't introduce you to many of her friends.

[Asker]

Well she invites me to plans far in advance, although I wasn't able to confirm, but I made sure to let her know this and she was perfectly fine with that, but closer to the date when I did try to confirm on the day I said I would she flaked. She's never really been vague about how she spends her time... although I mean it doesn't mean what she's saying is necessarily the truth either.

We met through her friends, and they insisted I add them to social media and invite them out.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe she simply does not give much respect to the commitments of time that she makes. Is she available on Friday and Saturday nights most weeks? If she has a Plan A and it is someone else, she will be busy most of those nights.

[Asker]

Well SHE asked me out Friday night, a week and a half in advance.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some people think nothing of making a plan and backing out at the last minute because something better came along. If that is the situation, maybe you are not Plan B, but it appears that you are also not a high priority to her.

[Asker]

Okay, figured that might be the case. Just kind of annoying because whenever I ignore her she goes out of her way to get my attention. If I don't chase her up on her vague plans she starts chasing me really hard and pleading with me to go to one of her events.

When we first met and she saw me talking to other girls (even taken ones) she would constantly try and jump in the conversation and grab my attention or would never not be in the room we were in.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me you're not the same guy who uses girls because "they should have been with me first!"

If she got broken up with and jumped to you straight away you would be a rebound. But that's about all.

[Asker]

No not at all, I just have a situation where a girl is being non-committal with me despite the fact she's the one who said she wanted to date and asked me out but then bailed... so I assumed she wasn't interested and started talking to other girls. She found out so she pursued me heavily again, and started being really involved again, even asked me out again, then she flaked.

So I am trying to figure out if she's just keeping me around for attention/a back burner option.

[Opinion Owner]

You should confront her about it. Ask her what she wants because she's sending mixed signals to you.

[Asker]

In my experience that's never worked, because they can just play dumb and then they'll throw a negative label on you.

[Opinion Owner]

Not always. Best to just try it out. Ask her what she wants. There's nothing wrong with asking for clarity. But I wouldn't ask her if you're a back up or something.

[bryon]

When she will hang out with you when it suits her or cancels often at the last minute. Or when she doesn't seem into you when your together.

[Asker]

Okay, so she made plans two weeks in advance but then couldn't follow through but didn't give an alternate? My comments apple24 and OlderAndWiser might help in understanding this.

[Heyyakk]

She says" thanks but maybe later" when you ask her out.

[Asker]

Okay so I asked her out to an event she had asked me out to, but I couldn't make it so I had to reschedule. She then didn't get back to me in time/gave a wishy-washy answer and I ended up having plans. She apologized and gave a counter offer almost immediately, but then when I tried to finalize the plans with her she flaked but this time didn't give me an alternate time or an apology but seemed genuinely upset she couldn't make it.

[gwail]

she gives you just enough so you dont leave. but not everything

[Asker]

How can you tell this from playing hard to get?

[gwail]

im not 100% but if she's playing hard to get she does want you so you will get her after a few tries. but if she is stringing you along sje never says yes or no. or onky says yes when she has nothing better to do. basically she treats you like the one basketball player who isn't that good but the coach keeps him on theteam for emergancies. sorry i dont have any exact examples to pull from. im always straight forward with guys because i dont want to hurt people or i want to hurt them as least as possible

[Asker]

So as I told kittykatbrat and apple24:

She pays attention, at first it was one to one as far as attention give take, then she would pull back and when I didn't chase she would come back. Could be a day could be a week, but would always come back and then the cycle would repeat.

She didn't know if she could make a date I offered, but day off tried to get me to come out with her, within a few hours (like she wanted me to come out with her in a couple of hours), but when I told her I was already busy she offered an alternative time and date - a week and a half in advance but she flaked on that date 3 days before, when I tried to finalize it.

She also initiates some communication, she never gives short or one word answers, if she gives anything below a paragraph it's multiple one sentence texts.

[Asker]

Also has already admit feelings for me and told my friends about it.

[gwail]

she could just be busy. do you know what takes up her time?

[ranma187]

my advice. run as far as you can. speaking from experience.

[Asker]

That doesn't explain the signs to me!

[kittykatbrat]

She never initiates any communication, dates or invitations.

[Asker]

Okay, so she initiates some communications, she initiated some dates and invitations but she flaked when it came time to finalize things.

[allahu_snackbar]

Simple, you'll feel like that's what's going on if you're honest with yourself about it.

[Dylanguest1989]

Def. think I've been a back up like after a break up some girls will be all heyyyy bud and I'm like nope.

[Asker]

That doesn't explain to me the signs lol

[Dylanguest1989]

When she all of the sudden starts talking to you again out if no where is the biggest sign.

[Zanecyber]

watch her social media,. girls always talk about their relationships, if she's talking shit bout her boyfriend then she hits u up ur only a back up

[apple24]

when she isn't pay attention to you!

[Asker]

Well she pays attention, at first it was one to one as far as attention give take, then she would pull back and when I didn't chase she would come back. Could be a day could be a week, but would always come back and then the cycle would repeat.

[apple24]

sounds to me like you need to have a chat!

[DBmusic]

I have never heard of that

[Entity]

You can't.