I hate being an Indian male in the United States?

Hi everyone! Let me thank anyone in advance who took the time to read and respond to this long post.

I'm an 18 year old Indian guy from the States in my first year of university and I'm a virgin.

I was born in India and moved to the US with my family when I was about 2. Despite living in the US for the majority of my life, my family has refused to assimilate into Western culture and has remained traditional. They still have me call every night and have me visit every weekend (30 mins away). My family is against partying and dating. Even socializing at late nights.

Up until high school, I was a pretty sheltered kid. I was pretty socially awkward, didn't really know how to talk to people, didn't really have many friends, and got made fun of a lot. It was only after I went to college when I worked on myself a lot to become more social and to learn how to make friends. Yet women has still been a huge struggle for me.

Over the past month I started caring more about school and my interests, and I have found myself to be more confident and social. I made a lot of friends.

Yet when it comes to girls, that has always been a failure on my end. I can't bring myself to ask out some hot chicks in my algebra class. My roommates and friends have hooked up/had relationshi[s

I like Asian/White girls, and I'm attracted to them the most. Yet, I've never had any success whatsoever with them. It's like they just don't want anything to do with me.

I'm social and enjoy going out
I hit the gym (average looking, but lost weight)
But even with all this, I still can't get a girlfriend. Non- Indian and Indian girls are just more hesitant to go for me for some reason. My genes (5 foot 9, tanned skin, 160 lbs) are also not helpful.

TLDR: Grew up in a really religious and traditional East Indian house, was awkward and shy most of high school and college, worked on myself to become more confident, and still never had a girlfriend.

The reason why I hate being Indian is due to their position as least desired in the dating world. And I've been raised to be more academically smart (but failed a few classes) rather than be social/romantic. My Asian/White/Latino friends are balanced in all 3 aspects, and I've just started being more social.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't see any of the problems that you've encountered, namely the lack of success with white/Asian girls, as being directly related to your being Indian.

    Girls are not obligated to like you for any reason. Many white guys get turned down on the regular, even if they are also working out regularly, and doing well in school.

    • I'll be honest, I've witnessed many times Indians not being accepted in a social group of non-Indians over their ethnicity. I'm sure not everyone is like this but I've seen it many times that it doesn't shock me anymore.

    • Show All
    • Hey. I'm here for you folks #USARMY


Most Helpful Guy

  • I see your point.. Your family is strict to tradition and that didn't help you to fully adapt yourself in U. S. society in the beggining.. But I don't think that this is the main reason of not having a relationship. You are just 18 and I am pretty sure that there are many more 18-years-old guy who still don't have relationship. I believe that you place obstacles in that matter, by yourself. Subconsciously, you excuse yourself for not having a relationship yet, by blaming your origin. But i don't think that this is the real problem. You already have done great progress with making friends, so you have try a little bit harder with girls. It is always hard in the beggining, for everyone. So, you could ask your friends to introduce you to their females friends. Not just for a sexual approach, but as friends as well. Female friends can always be helpful ;) So, don't blame your origin for this. Just try to meet some girls, have female friends and slowly you will find your way, as you did with male friends. I hope this could be helpful for you, I mean no offence


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, here's the problem: it's hard to be butthurt over the fact that your race isn't accepted and then turn around and only want to date people of a certain race. It's a touch... hypocritical.

    The issue you are running into could very well be your personality, it may not be that you're Indian. However, I would be lying if I didn't say Indian men have a bad reputation to most Western people. There is the consensus that they are extremely religious, misogynistic, and aren't quite as with the times as most Western guys are. Traditional views aren't as popular as they used to be, so people may assume that you're a traditional Indian male and be turned off by this.

    Also, just as you are attracted to white and Asian women, they may not be attracted to Indian men. You have your preference, they have theirs. They may only be attracted to whites or other Asians themselves.

    All I can suggest is to continue to improve yourself and hope for the best.


What Guys Said 8

  • I can understand since Indian males have a bad reputation or something since most white or Asian girls dont really go for Indian guys. I would just try and self-improve and work on attractive qualities that girls would like.

    i suggest this site to start off and you can always do more research:


  • Meh, you can always tell people that's the way you grew up, that way they know your deal and can accommodate you. At college there was a dude from a religious family who was an atheist, we took him under our wing and got him drunk as a mafucka, good times! ahahahha

  • LOL I hate being a single MALE in the united states.
    I have two kids whom I love and I can't see or even raise.
    I have a sex drive that I can't use, I want to but I can't find a descent woman who is attractive, single, has a good personality (descent) and who wants to be with me.

    Thanks for the reproductive organs god.

  • Hi,
    I'm a 27 year old white guy from the States, graduated from university and I'm not a virgin.

  • Get an arranged marriage in accordance with your culture. Don't worry about the girls getting with other guys bro. They are really not worth it.

  • See if a guy doesn't get girls then it's bc of his personality and looks not BC he's Indian

  • What does this have to do with you being Indian? Our situations are the same and I'm not Indian

  • Short answers:
    - you know why you didn't have a girlfriend in high school. So stop using that as evidence for your future. You are changing. Let the past go
    - my cousin (white) married an indian guy. I know a whole bunch of 5'8" guys who are married. Is it a plus to be 6'? Sure. It's also nice to be an astronaut billionaire philanthropist with a great face, chiseled muscles and a famous singer and athlete.

    No guy has all these attributes. You don't need them all. You need -some- good traits, and then to find girls who value those traits the most.

    Keep being social, try getting used to being -social- with girls. Once you are comfortable with that, then you can start trying to flirt. Keep hitting the gym. This isn't going to change overnight, but there's no reason that if you keep working on yourself you couldn't be great with girls while still a young man.