I want to re-attract her?

Me and one of my friends had a fling last September and everything was going great. She wanted to spend time with me, sleep with me and do romantic things with me. It was amazing, I was like finally! A girl I want to be with! She is beautiful and we have so much in common! She all of a sudden went cold on me and me being too nice I chased her and came off weak and needy and she ended up rejecting me when I asked if things were going further. I was crushed! She told me best friend that she likes me and doesn't want to mess things up so why the he'll did she reject me?

Over the next few months I kept trying to push her towards me, obviously to no avail, but when I drunkenly confessed my love to her I decided I couldn't take the pain anymore and told her that we can't talk anymore. She told me that she can't bare not having me in her life and that she can't commit to me because she is too emotionally unstable. She wanted to just stay friends until she is ready for a relationship.

Since then everything is very platonic. She always talks to me at weekends and asks me how I am and shows interest in my life. She once told me that she misses me. The problem is that she is meeting up with other guys, not for romantic interest because she is notoriously promiscuous and she asks me if I met any girls and how it's going with dates I've been on. We also slept together in my bed a few weeks ago but she only wanted to cuddle and go to sleep (she couldn't get home). She clearly doesn't see me in that way anymore but when I tried to get away from her again recently she asked me "what's going to happen when I start properly liking you, are you just going to walk away again". What do I do to get to the point that she wants to give us two another chance because I can't stop thinking about her, I don't know if I'll meet a girl I'll like as much as her?
I'm gonna give it one more chance and be the guy she got with in the first place. I'm just going to friend zone her and date other girls and if she comes around, she comes around


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry dude, she's using you. She likes the attention and effort you put into chasing her. When people say they're not ready for a relationship and only want to have a fun time with you, you should run for the hills (if you're looking for something serious). This girl won't change anytime soon and she'll keep you on the hook for as long as possible.
    I used to really like a guy who was emotionally unavailable too. I also kept thinking "what if I don't meet someone like him, I have to keep chasing him". Turned out it was a big waste of my time since 3+ years passed and absolutely nothing happened, nothing changed and he kept fooling around with other girls as well.
    This girl talks about the future as if you're bound to be together at some point, only because she wants you to keep chasing her. She likes the attention and affection. You're her backup when she feels lonely or when she doesn't have another guy who's showering her with attention. That's what the guy did to me, how he treated me. He was only affectionate with me when it was convenient for him, and didn't care when I came to him for it.
    She's also guilt-tripping you in order to make you stay.
    "what's going to happen when I start properly liking you, are you just going to walk away again"
    That's an extremely hypothetical scenario in which she talks about feelings she DOESN'T EVEN HAVE. Saying this to you for "genuine reasons" would be 100% pointless as it doesn't hold any true weight (because it's only hypothetical and might not even happen, ever), but due to the fact that it's emotionally manipulative, she said it anyway.
    Run from this girl. Seriously. You shouldn't even stay friends with her. She'll just keep using you and building your hopes up. Trust me, you'll find a girl who's 100 times better than her AND who's ready to commit.

    • Thanks for the great advice. I just want to forget her and be happy again. What do you think is the best way to get closure from this situation because I don't really ever want to see her again but she has one of my shirts and I want it back?

    • If you want your shirt back then you're probably going to have to see her again (asking her to mail it to you would be kind of awkward). You just have to prioritize. What's more important, the shirt or not having to see her face?
      Also, some advice on "closures" in general: you will never get the perfect closure. The perfect closure doesn't exist. That's not how our minds work, sadly. Our minds keep processing the past after things are over and we've cut ties. People think that "the perfect closure" will magically heal them and stop the pain/hurt feelings with the snap of a finger. Like I said, our minds still keep processing things so it's hard to just let go like that. Time will be your closure. Little by little you will get over it, until one day your mind doesn't have to process it anymore and you've finally moved on and healed. It won't happen overnight.

Most Helpful Guy

  • to mw it sounds as though she like being chased and is using you. its like she is trying to keep you as a back up for the time she feel fit to settle down and stop sleeping with every other guy she wants to.
    i truly understand wear you are coming from and the pain you feel. someone for one acts like they love and care for you and on top of it sleeps with you. but you need to start thing with the other head instead of the one below the belt. open your eyes its a game to her and she is winning because you allow her to control you and your life with no benefit to you.


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What Girls Said 2

  • You just continue to show your interest in her. Right now, she can't see that you feel greater feelings than a friendship towards her, but when she finally 'snap back into her senses', you should still continue to strive for what you want. You don't want to be the guy that just left her hanging. Trust me, she'll appreciate it. 😊

  • I would be careful because it sounds like she's playing games I don't mean to offend you any but that's what it sounds like to me


What Guys Said 1

  • Just went through this.. women (and I guess men) can be brutal in using someone until something better comes along. She thinks she's too good for you and the best thing you can do is show here you don't agree by disappearing.

    The best way to get someone's attention, is to remove yours.


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