Why am I not attracted to anyone anymore?

Okay, so I'm a 20 year old female and I honestly haven't been attracted to anyone for years. The last time was when I was in high school. Even then it was just a crush. Also, I've never been in a relationship before. Have I ever kissed anyone? Yes, when I was 17 and even then I didn't enjoy it. Maybe it was because I forced myself to go through with it just to get it out of the way. And I wasn't attracted to him at all. From there, I guess it kind of put me off. And I haven't been interested in meeting anyone for a while and that was my first and last kiss since then.
I know this may sound strange but I think reading has given me unrealistic expectations in a guy. By this I mean, I read a LOT. And I feel like I subconciously keep expecting to meet someone and instantly just know... If that makes sense. But obviously thats not going to happen.
Whenever I look around at my friends and family, it always seems so much easier for them to let themselves be attracted to someone and be in relationship. But why not me?
From what little you all know about me, can you maybe guess why I'm not attracted to anyone anymore? Is anyone else going through this? Any advice?
P. S. I'm not gay, if thats what anyones thinking Lol.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hard to say without knowing, but in general, if you can't find anyone at all you're interested in at least a first date with then usually one of the following is going on:

    You had a really bad experience in the past with a guy, and your subconscious is preventing you from being attracted to another guy to protect yourself.

    You aren't happy with yourself, or otherwise depressed, and you think there's something about yourself that needs fixed before guys will like you, so again you subconscious tells you that you aren't attracted to anyone to protect you.

    You're cynical and/or anti-social (which is also often the result of the above) and you aren't out meeting new people to be attracted to.

    You have unrealistic or idealized expectations that a real person can never live up to, so no one you meet seems attractive to you.

    • Well when I was a kid I did have a really bad experience involving a guy. Not going to say what, but trust me it's bad. Though I wouldn't think this would have a negative effect on my dating life because I rarely even think about it anymore. It's just something I kind of threw under the rug and ignore.

      I'm not depressed at all. I occasionally go out with my friends (though I realise I should go out more), I work full time, I do the things I love like reading and sketching. As for my self-esteem, it's never been high but compared to how it was in High School, it's much better.

      I wouldn't say I'm cynical per say, but I can lean more on the anti-social side if I'm being honest. I realise I should go out more, and maybe learn to be open to accepting offers of going out with a guy when I'm asked, instead of making up excuses to not go. I don't know why I do it? Why I shut down these opportunities, when I know later on I think to myself, I wonder what could have been had I accepted.

    • The last one seems to fit quite well with me. It's something I've been thinking that could be a major reason for my lack of attraction to guys. It feels like books are my escapism. A place were I can just run away and for a time live in these made up worlds.

    • You could always go see a professional, but if you don't want to do you could try and be your own therapist.

      Write down a list of what you think you want to be happy and excited about life. Do you want kids? Write a book? Keep a journal everyday with what you did to get closer, and if you did nothing why you did nothing.

      You can also make a list of traits you would like to have. Think about things you'd want people to say at your funeral when die. Keep track of what you did each day to become that kind of person you want to be, and if you didn't.

      Ultimately if you don't work toward your goals the reason is always fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of pain, something. The hard part is figuring out what exactly you're afraid of and overcoming it.

      And yes, I read a lot of books too lol. Mostly self-help and personal development ones.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you know what kind of person you are attracted to?

    • Guys who have nice personalities. Who are thoughtful and we actually have stuff in common and have similar interests. Someone who's easy to talk to and trustworthy.
      And of course I have to be attracted to them. I'm not expecting a supermodel or anything like that, just as long as there's chemistry between us.
      Also, a guy who doesn't use slang, thats an instand turn off for me.

    • Show All
    • You are not clear

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What Guys Said 3

  • Im the same where i dont really feel like im truly attracted to someone. I still find them good-looking but not really attracted. I think its bc you need to spend more time with someone to develop feelings. Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love needs time to build. This is why we go out on dates so we can spend more time with someone to see if feelings do develop and if we are compatible with them. So just give time to someone who you may think is a good match and give time for feelings to develop.

  • Some guys your age are so scrawny and unman like lol. Thats probably your reason.

    • Lol I'm always open to going out with older guys.

    • Thats typical also nature running it's course. Older men are more stable and we'll handsome 😏 hahah 19 year old dudes are dumb.

  • Look at my profile pic OP. Will change your life.


What Girls Said 1

  • I'm going through something similar though I conciously have decided I'm not dating anymore. So I no longer find anyone attractive as a result. I think it's something you're doing unconsciously.

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