Why is no one ever attracted to me?

[Creativenickname]

Okay, so I'm pretty smart, I consider myself to be nice (albeit a little random and goofy), I am not horribly unattractive and I can at least face some kind of self-confidence. All this meaning, I'm not a WOW-girl, but I'm not the worst person ever.

Fine, I can't flirt for the life of me - because my self-esteem is like way down here (insert pointing gesture towards floor), but I am really extroverted most of the time in non-romantic situations. I haven't had a boyfriend since 5th grade (i.e. same as none). And yes, I know that I could try and flirt with people even though I'm a coward, and that it would be good for me. But that's not the point, not right now at least.

I mean, why does nobody ever approach me or seem attracted to me or anything? Not at parties, not at school, not on the street. Okay, the street is kind of too much to ask for if you're not Megan Fox. And is it something I can do to change this?

Updates

+1 y

Whoah, I'm really overwhelmed by all these positive comments (and compliments). Although I may not believe the "they're all intimidated" just yet (hey, in all fairness, one would have to be pretty damn arrogant to go around and believing everyone's attracted to them, but won't say it). But it is a nice confidence-booster to think that way occasionally, even though I don't really believe it.


I'm just gonna have to grow some balls and start approaching people.

Thanks again, everyone.

[gedanken]

If that picture of you is in fact you, then trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Guys at your age are shy, and a more attractive woman is more intimidating. The first guys who traditionally learn how to ask girls out are the assholes, because they just don't care and are extremely selfish so they want nothing more than your body, and the good guys with confidence who come from good, loving families and had a lot of support. The older you get, the more normal the socially awkward/smart guys become and then they find their own ways of asking girls out, whether it be through romantic gestures or just manning up and doing it. At your age the more intelligent guys will be more awkward because they have fewer people that are like them and can relate to them, resulting in some awkwardness, and they'll tend towards smaller, more supportive groups of friends. The same is true of the kids with the psychological disorders and abusive families, which are sometimes also the smart kids, and with them it's 50/50 at your age, they're better to be with when they've gotten older and recovered a bit from their issues.

The point this boils down to is this: why don't you take a good look at the guys around you in your school, and ask one of them out? At your age the guys'll love that. If you're surrounded by a group of girls all the time that can be especially intimidating for the shy boys. Be strong, and make your own path. You'll be happier for it.

[Eiffelgirl21]

much agreed!

[MohammedF479]

Reasons I won't approach a girl:
1. Clothing is too revealing (I'm religiously commanded not to sexually look at the opposite gender, except a spouse)

2. Bitchy or self-obsessed character, or repulsive character, or too sexually open

3. Obese (I don't mind overweight, but I'm not attracted to obese)

4. You're too aesthetically pretty (I get tongue-tied around very beautiful girls, but a lot of girls don't reach the "too pretty" threshold, and you don't, so that's good)

5. You look busy (no one should disrupt a person that's busy at the moment... unless they're busy about the wrong thing, then they need disruption big time)

6. I don't have a plan to attract her

7. In a group with more than three people total (I hear that approaching a group of three gives the best chances)

8. You're at a place not meant for meeting girls (street, grocery shops, etc.)

9. She appears to lack receptivity or availability (odds are she does lack one or both)

Don't worry. It gets easier for girls as they age, if it's not easy in your twenties (Pigs can fly if it were otherwise). In the meantime, try approaching more, and to maximize your chances you have to approach at places where it's considered okay to do so. You don't have anything to worry about in looks, and that should really be an encouragement.

[Kiwitulip]

Your only young...you look beautiful though and older then 16, like people say I think at that age most guys just don't have the confidence to ask girls out yet.

I've been there with the low self esteem at you age, but confidence really does come with age. When I was 16 I wouldn't say a word in class because was so shy but to others that looked stand offish, but now at 24 I'm a million times more confident with who I am. Ya just gotta develope your inner self which comes from life experience and love yourself and know you are beautiful :). I bet ya within a year or two your gonna have to fight guys off with a stick

[baby12345]

come on..relax.you are too young.find your own life style, keep hobbies, meet friends, learn languages, feel pretty and confident and you will see guys start liking you...you need to have your own style, way, self love, self respect.its not about your beautiful face.its about personality.

the way as you perceive yourself.

good luck

[woohoo_friday]

You and I, exactly the same. Minus the 5th grade boyfriend, haha

It kinda sucks, especially when other girls make it look so easy. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but just know that you're not the only one out there that has this problem. :-)

[WaleedHassanien]

Dear QA,

I checked your profile...you seem intresting-I mean that- and also have a uniqe personality.
you are fun too-based on how you express your thoughts and intrests- but a bit too shy!

reading the update only make a thought came to my mind " having no boyfriend at all is better than struglling with perv and wierdos untill you meet the right guy".

Noone denays the impact of the media portraying females in a classification based on looks-mostly fake- ...you will meet the best guy for you..how did I knew that? I have no idea but its somthing I wish for you.

Yours,
W H

[woohoo_friday]

I suppose that's true. Although one could argue that I might not be able to judge whether I have a good guy or not if I don't have any experience. Although I know that's not true, because I'm an excellent judge of character. :-)

[SuRpRiZeD]

jesus what a fruitcake

[woohoo_friday]

Who, me?

[TurbulentDan12]

Coming from a shy guy I can say that there are many many girls I've wanted to date that I just didn't ask out. I'm not going to show every girl I'm ever attracted to that I am because that's not me. Sometimes to get the shy guy to notice you/ask you out you have to do a lot of work yourself because they may be just as if not more shy than you are.

It may not be the same thing but I've never been approached by a girl either. Although I'm not the most attractive guy ever, I realize its probably not because there was never ever a girl who was attracted to me. Its just because nobody mustered up the confidence to ask me out. I think you should think the same way and just realize that we all need to do some work to get asked out and its not going to just come to all of us.

[woohoo_friday]

That's a very good way of looking at it. I guess after trying, and failing so often, it get's a little discouraging... I have this itty bitty little fear of public humiliation (I know, EVERYONE does...), plus, I'm get uncomfortable being the center of attention, so that's probably holding me back a bit too.

And for what it's worth, I don't think you're bad looking at all. :-)

[TurbulentDan12]

Thanks :) I think we all need to learn how to put ourselves out there a bit without fully embarrassing ourselves. Nothing is easier for a guy than asking a girl out he knows likes her. It would be the same as if they are already in a relationship.

[Asailum]

I looked at your pic and your hot. Here's some food for thought:

most guys don't approach girls very often if ever. they don't even give compliments or show ANY signs of interest to ANY girls because they feel guilty and repress their desires COMPLETELY.

Now that might seem silly and ridiculous, but there is a much bigger force at work here that places shackles of guilt on these guys.There's lots of pressure in everyday society to feel ugly, weak, unworthy, etc that these guys just give up 100 steps before even saying hello.

"friends" also don't want to see their buddies doing better than they are out of jealousy (although they would most likely never admit it or are even aware of their own behavior).

Thats why so many attractive girls start getting insecure and feeling undesirable. The guys just hold back from guilt and the girls think they aren't interested at all.

[htowngeorge]

Amazing. I thought I was the only one with your problem at that age. I was the same way you are now. I'm the grandpa dude in the room here though I don't know you so there would be nothing in it for me to lie to you and nothing to gain from it, so if that's you in the picture I saw, the guys who like you rather they would want to admit it or not, and I'd bet not, they are most likely afraid to approach you because you are a very beautiful girl. That's God's gift to you, not a fault and just remember that :)

[thisGUYknows]

i am gonna assume you're trolling or that picture isn't really you. because the girl in the picture is really pretty and if you're smart like you say you are then it doesn't get much better than that.

if that picture really is u, then obviously guys are intimidated by u. think think you have a boyfriend or only date models. it may be how you carry yourself? guys may think you are a model so they're not gonna try at all. I mean honestly, there has to be guys hitting on u. I was gonna ask if you go to bars or clubs but it says you're under 18? if I was your age I would assume that you only date guys over 18 who have nice cars and a little bit of money. I am not trying to be mean but that what I would assume. try being more outgoing. how about you do the approaching for a change?

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

Just because you don't get approached by guys doesn't mean they are not attracted to you. Some guys might just be shy and others might not know how to initiate a conversation. And it doesn't matter what you say as opposed to your non verbal "speech" and body language. So if you want to flirt with a guy, make sure you make good eye contact and smile a lot and that's half you're flirting right there. Your "low self esteem" might just come off as looking prude and snobbish, which might intimidate lots of guys from even approaching you.

And also, you're like 16! What's concerning you so much? You have your whole life ahead of you.

[Kain6th]

I'm a shy guy. at least at first, and especially when it comes to women I'm attracted to. To get me to approach the girl would have to be really friendly and maybe even a bit humorous with jokes. I have to be comfortable around you, and throw in some hints that you like him, you aren't good at flirting, but verbal is only half the battle. you know keep your hair down around him. Dress a little cuter. Also try to get him to talk about his interests, and see if you can relate to them. If there's any feeling he has, he might ask you out.

You might also try to take the initiative and ask him out too.

[woohoo_friday]

Ooo, been there, done that. As I commented below, I have this thing about public humiliation... For some reason, every guy that I have attempted things with is already taken. Makes a little difficult to keep trying! :-) But I definitely know what you mean.

[pavlove]

It's not just that you're so good looking guys are scared, no, its probably your attitude and body language that's telling them no-go no-go. Even really confident guys don't like rejection if they can help they just are fine with it if they at least have a decent chance. One thing for me is when a girl SMILES at me I know its on. But then again for me it doesn't take much.

Other such moments:

When she asks me my name...it's on

When she sits close enough to touch me...its on

When she asks me anything at all unprompted...its on

Oh, and also I feel kind of weird about approaching a girl whose alone. I mean why is she alone? She's probably busy. It seems slightly creeperish to hit on a girl whose by herself whatever the situation.

[RaphaelRossi]

please, don't grow a pair of balls! :o

ahahahahah

just kidding, well, I am this average guy, and from where I am I noticed that looks aren't all, the way you feel about who you are counts the same, or even more, than the way you are...

like...if you are an 8 (from a scale from 0-10 which I believe you are) and act like a 3 because of your low self-esteem, you will be treated as a 5, the other 5's won't flirt you because they think your good enough for them...and the 8's won't flirt with you because they think you are not good enough...

I believe that you just need some confidence...more self-esteem...and I believe that this question will help, just look at these comments and compliments you got...when I saw your picture, on your profile, I couldn't even believe that you were asking this :o

well...this was my opinion...i hope more people agree with me...

thanks

[Anonymous]

i'm just gonna randomally throw this one out but, wow...absolute stunner. and you're swedish.

a true swedish beauty. don't ever doubt yourself! you have a natural prettyness, like a 1950s Hollywood actress plus that dress looks really nice on you as well.

about getting a guy, it'll happen...you're young, pretty and I'm sure you are a decent person. just be friendly to people, open up with those you feel a connection. if you like someone show it - us guys aren't always great at picking up hints. GOOD LUCK.

[slipslender]

perhaps the guys who are interested are also shy? :p I feel like if you just try to be more pro-active about your situation, you'll slowly increase your own self-confidence and that will, inevitably, change the way you interact with guys, the vibes you give off, etc. guys/girls alike are more cautious nowadays... nobody wants to take a chance.

[SnackG]

This. 100% this. lol

[slipslender]

lol :p

[woohoo_friday]

Psh, easier said than done... After years of trying, and embaressment, and awkwardness, my... pro-active-ness, is at an all time low, and I'm not really sure how to work it back up... But thanks for answering, and being supportive! Haha

[slipslender]

i think you just have to keep on trying lolll, it's definitely hard, not going to deny that... but it can be worth the effort too :) and no prob.

[Anonymous4Ever]

I agree

[Rain17]

dont stress about it.. been there.. just be happy with yourself , have fun.. I know it sucks to hear it and its easier said than done, but its true.

let it come to you dnt try go and finding it ..

btw your a pretty girl and nobody knows how to flirt at first. blah just forget it, confidence its letting people think your OK , even when your freaking out inside :P

[SkateAllDay]

Ahh! I love girls like you! goofy, silly, and playful personalities drive me wild! You're like a diamond in the rough. Often overlooked, but actually quite precious. You seem like a girl I could really just talk to for days on end without ever getting bored.

[ncsquirll99]

i would probably tap you. Upload more pictures though. And yea don't go for the "they are all intimated thing" even though for the looks of you and by the way you wrote it may very well be true. I would probably be a bit timid around you. Just be sure to really be willing to go out and talk to someone. You don't have to ask him out but just show that you are interested. OH .. and SHOWER with expensive body wash and shampoo and wear a pretty perfume.! It makes a world of difference.

[NessielaKee]

You're really pretty, a little like Emma Stone (my fav actress) before she went blond. And if you are smart and fun as you say, the only problem might just be your shyness. I have the same problem too but I'm not nearly half as pretty as you...LOL, it's okay.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Bet money they are attracted to you (you're physically attractive and if your personality is truly nice, random, goofy fun then ya that's gonna attract too), but people probably think you're already with someone or you wouldn't be interested in them. And guys in general are getting fairly sick of constantly doing all the approaching work tbh.

But it sounds like you've got things worked out and understand you are pretty appealing :P just gotta be more out there and such.

[browolf]

In the scheme of things like attracts like. Trouble is alike for you is guys that won't have the confidence to approach you. You have to be that which you want to attract. I'd guess smart guys with more confidence. Fix yourself and the rest will sort itself out.

[Voltaire]

Maybe you should try to be more approachable. I don't know what kind of clothing and makeup you put on, but it's much easier for a guy to work up the courage to talk to a less made up hot girl than an average girl who wears more of it. At least, it is for me. Not entirely sure why.

[aikidy]

You're too Beautiful and attractive , some guys also have low confidence

Like "omg , that girl is so Pretty , I can't approach her because she has already many boyfriends".

If you show people that you are Modest, Friendly , warm and open..

There will be no problem..guys will come running to you

[sikoo31]

i think you're really cute. your eyes are beautiful and you have nice hair.

the cleavage there doesn't hurt either.

and I'd like you just for being smart.

and the fact that you have no idea how pretty you are just makes you that much cuter.