How can I find myself attractive if nobody has ever been attracted to me?

[Anonymous]

Lately I've been struggling a lot with the way others perceive me.

I used to think I was somehow pretty, and now I just feel really ugly because the truth is if that was the case then some men would have been attracted to me.

But nobody has ever been.

I look at myself in pictures and such to get a better idea of what others see when they see me and I really understand why I've always been single.

It's annoying though, because obviously feeling ugly won't make anyone look better.

Do you think that if someone has never had anyone interested in them, hitting on them etc.. then that means something must be wrong with the way they look?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone for the answers. Somehow I was also asking for tips and advice on how to feel attractive despite having no "proof" of being so. But I guess people just focused on the second part of the question and most people seem to agree that if one has never had anyone asking them out, hinting at interest or sth like that then there must be something wrong with the way they look.

[3boys4me]

Well one of my girlfriends is about your age and is going through this same thing. She is pretty, nice body, dresses well, cool personality, and super smart. I think her issue is that she looks and acts really sweet and innocent and throws off that whole virgin vibe. Guys in her age range are just hitting their sexual peak so maybe that's a turnoff. She's also super bad at flirting and guys that may have been interested in her assume she's not and they back off or put her in the friend zone. I guess if I were you I would work on changing up your look a bit to make yourself a little more attractive to guys. Also try throwing out the right vibes to show them that you're interested and then polish up on your flirting skills as well. It could be a combination of things so just try some little improvements and I bet that will help immensely. Good luck!

[vickonator]

how can anyone answer this if they don't know what you look like?+ anyway, whatever you do, don't get insecure. be confident in yourself. Maybe you might now be photogenic, and you appear different in photo's... a lot of people do. whatever the reason is..if you're not confident with what you look like, then try something new, try a new make-up style, wear a new outfit, do your hair differently, just don't ever put yourself down. there are actually hideous girls out there, who have tonnes of guys who like them... why? because they're confident, sometimes.. it's not actually your looks.. okay? it's shyness, or insecurity... be happy! ^_^

[Asker]

I'v'e been confident, believe me.

It's only now that I realize that well my love / flirting life is empty and shows no signs of getting better that my confidence is taking a huge toll. I'm 23. How can I still be confident in my looks when no guy I have ever come across has shown signs of interest. I only seem to be friends with them. That's why I'm questioning myself and wondering if there is something awful with my looks that I had failed to realize.

[DarkSamus]

Sometimes, peoples depression oozes off them. And people can be sensitive to a damaged aura. If you are confident and happy, take care of yourself and dress well, someone is bound to be attracted to you.

Best advice is for you to be someone who you would want to date.

Would you date yourself?

If your answer is no then work on what bothers you, don't mope around, put on a little make up, dye your hair, change yourself and you might be surprise by the results. Your still young and you ave a chance to change your life around. Do it while you can!

Good luck!

[Asker]

Would I date myself? I honestly can't answer this question. I'd have to project myself in a guy's mind to do it.

[Flamingo117]

It must be different for men because I know quite a handful of guys who are good looking and have no egos or find themselves not as attractive. There's this one British guy I know who literally looks kinda like Matt Bomer with a nice quiet personality...but he's dating this ugly snob girl who is in the lowest social order. It's insane.

I however, don't know an attractive girl who believes herself ugly. I feel like they know since girls are innately socially and emotionally intelligent. I could be wrong.

Anyway, I think you need to go out more. Try to find a social group that goes out to clubs and get involved in the party culture. No matter how ugly you are (look at Snooki), you will find a guy and you will get laid.

[Asker]

sure getting laid shouldn't be an issue... I was more asking this on a self confidence /esteem point of view.

[Flamingo117]

Show me a pic, and I'll let you know if you're good looking :)

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

Not necessarily. It could just mean youve surrounded yourself with more attractive friends so they tend to get the attentio instead of you.There's also the large chance that your personality/vibe is not one that people feel would result in comfortable or even sucessful flirtation, a simple example of this kind of thing (except for men) is the 'nice guy'/friend zone where girls may just not feel able to flirt with them or have no desire to; not because theyre unattractive, just they don't appeal to them in that way because of their personality etc.

[Asker]

It might be the case for men but women are constantly told that men are visual creatures. So if a girl has never had guys showing interest and attracted to her then this must mean she's ugly or at least that something is wrong with her looks, wouldn't it?

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

Its not only men who are visual creatures. Women are equally superficial they just don't admit it as freely. You seem to have decided there is something wrong with your looks, but until you post a picture I can neither agree nor disagree with you

[Asker]

Yes it's true, women also consider looks important but it's not the main thing that creates attraction. A guy's behavior, attitude and confidence is key in creating attraction. I had a fiend show me a guy's picture once and from all the things she had told me about him I was expecting him to be very aesthetically handsome, it turns out he was rather average, but it seemed he had every other thing going for him.

For woman it's rather different, women are taught that their looks is the main pull

[Asker]

in creating attraction. Hence all the make-up industry, and the emphasis on being pretty, fit, tight butt, curvy figure etc.. etc.. Being a woman nowadays is for a huge part looking like a woman.

It's because of such consideration that I have to wonder if there is something wrong with me or not. Like I said, I used to find me okay looking, overall cute and at best on good days pretty. But seeing as there is no guy I am aware of that ever showed interest or asked me out or anything that could

[Asker]

make one believe they're attractive, I have to ask myself what is wrong with me.

[MeGirlAnt]

You shouldn’t listen too much to what other people say about you. If you used to think you were ok looking, and sometimes even pretty, it’s because you probably are.
I tell you this because lately, I’ve been going through a similar situation. I’m 18, and I’ve never been approached by a guy either, even though I’ve tried to flirt with some of them sometimes. I used to think that the problem was on my physical appearance, but the truth is that I know I’m not ugly. Because of this, i came to the realization that the problem was on my attitude; I’m really shy, hence, I may seem awkward and unapproachable at times.
This is why, I think that your problem lays on you attitude and not on your looks, which is something that you can actually work on, so don’t be so hopeless, and ignore the rude and pessimist comments made by some of the people on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone has had one secret admirer! Even "ugly" people, because there's always those who are attracted to personality more than anything.

So don't be too hard on yourself. Write down all the stuff you love about yourself. Contemplate on them. Be happy!

[Asker]

Thank you for trying to cheer me up.

[Opinion Owner]

I do mean it though. It's much better to focus on the good than to mope.

[vickonator]

even hideous girls have had guys attracted to them! you might be doing something wrong

[LOVEEEEEEEE]

I'm just being honest. That's just my opinion. Of course I could have said it nicer...

[Asker]

Yes it's true too. It's certainly a mix of wrong behavior and bad looks.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be real with you here...I think if you were attractive, other guys would have found you attractive by now. Even mean girls get guys if they are attractive.

[Asker]

you have a point. That's also how I think.

[LOVEEEEEEEE]

Same here...

It can mean that you're ugly or are mean or just have a mean vibe.

[vickonator]

you have an mean vibe, what you just commented was so disrespectful and rude, who are you to say something like that?

[iPood]

She's just giving an honest answer, I happen to agree

[Asker]

It's okay, I didn't find it rude, I was asking for people's honest opinion. She gave me hers. And I understand it.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same exact way.

[Aaron1994]

I'll date you lol.

[Anonymous]

im ugly too no girl has found me attractive

[bedsportz]

I need a pic first