My girlfriend goes to EDM music festivals and clubs with her single (very promicuous) girl friend. Should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

So I've only been dating her for about 3 months and already she's gone to two huge electronic music festivals (booked before we got together) with her single friend who seems to meet guys at every event or time they go out. On one occasion her friend ditched her at a club in Europe to go back to a hotel with a guy she met that morning and went back to the hotel with him, leaving my girlfriend alone at the club. Not cool in my opinion and I said so, but she's not my friend (genuine concern for my girlfriend being alone at a club) Then last weekend she went to a festival in NYC and they got ridiculously drunk ion their first day there and at about 8pm that night I got a text saying "I left the festival" and then was unreachable by text or phone for several hours (i was very worried of course, and my mind wandered to places where she might not want to be reached at that time) but I called her at 3:30am and she finally picked up and said her friend had met up with a dude she had met on one of their previous trips and his "ginger troll friend" and she couldn't deal so she left by herself (very drunk) and went back to their hotel and crashed hard. Was probably about an hour journey back to her hotel but she didn't write me in that time (other than "I left the festival") whereas she was texting me the whole time her friend ditched her at the club on the previous trip. She said she was so drunk she just wanted to crash. I believed her. We talked about it when she got home and it seemed like a plausible scenario. She has another trip planned in a couple months with this same friend. I'm worried she could get super drunk and this time her friend will meet a guy who isn't a troll and is hot and fun. Am I being paranoid that she could drunk cheat (even though she says she's in love with me and would never do anything with another guy) or worse get ditched by her friend and get into trouble when she's wasted and alone. Both bad but one is way worse. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Since it's so early on in your relationship, I say to continue to trust her. Some parts do sound kind of iffy, but, as you said, a lot of it could be due to just plain drunkenness. Most of what you described does sound like she's telling you the truth.

I'm sure you tell her that you worry, but tell her again before she leaves. Even ask her (but don't be pushy) to keep you updated every now and then, just to reassure you that she's okay.

If your relationship with her is pretty strong & communication is good, then you might go as far as just being plain honest with her and tell her how you feel about her friend & her going out, etc. Tell her about all your reservations & fears that she could have drunken-blacked-out-sex. This type of honesty could serve to strengthen your relationship.

I don't think you're being paranoid at all, and you have every right to be concerned over your girlfriend's whereabouts and actions, especially when she's with a friend who is quite promiscuous and free with herself.

[linds34]

I think the real worry is her judgment and maturity. I get that it's fun to get drunk, but who goes to a strange city and gets so drunk by 8 p. m. that they can't communicate by phone? A lot of bad things could happen from that, not just cheating.

[Meggers4Ever]

Continue to trust her unless she proves otherwise. I go to music festivals with my very promiscuous friends and the thought of cheating is never even on my mind.

[Asker]

But what if you were out with one of your promiscous friends and she had picked up a guy and his friend was hot. Would you just ignore him or be polite and talk to him? What if you were super drunk and been talking with him all night and then your friend invited both guys back to your hotel?

[Meggers4Ever]

I would probably talk to him, unless he was a jerk. Even if I was super drunk, I would never put myself in a position to possible get harmed or cheat on someone. I would probably do what the girl in the question did, and leave and go back to my hotel room. It's not the wisest decision, but not the worst either.

[scorpio7890]

You would probably talk to him while u have a boyfriend? Wow... If it was opposite would u enjoy it too?

[10dsw]

To be honest... no you're not paranoid at all. It's not if she's going to drunk cheat... it's a matter of when she's going to drunk cheat.

The girl you describe is not "girlfriend" material. She is hook up material, especially if she is 30-35 like you and still behaving like this.

If she truly "loved" you, why would she be unreachable by phone until 3:30 AM? Imagine if a girl loved you... would you ignore all her phone calls until 3:30 AM?

[Asker]

Well the big reason I believed her is that I got super drunk one night at a concert and didn't write her from about 11pm until the next morning. She texted asking if I was ok but didn't call. I was so drunk and out of it that I just wanted to get home and crash. So it seemed very plausible. But I was with friends who helped me, not alone as she said she was.

[10dsw]

The thing is that girls are a lot more sensitive to putting together the best possible image for their boyfriends/crushes as opposed to guys to their gfs/crushes. By ignoring you like that she is showing apathy/lack of caring about putting together the best possible image for you, which is a big bad sign.

Anyhow, I wouldn't get overly paranoid because that's pretty unhealthy but I also wouldn't be dating girls like the one you describe