Why are my parents trying to dictate who I date?

So I'm Nigerian and I'm 18. I'm currently a college freshman and majoring in nursing. I met this guy in November, and we have been talking since. He's 23, currently in a master's program, and is Sudanese. Now I have never had a boyfriend before or a guy friend in a long time. I mostly keep to myself and study lol. That's why I am surprised that someone is interested me. He's nice, funny, and understanding. We share a lot of the same values. Although I do like him, I told him I want to take things slow before even entering a relationship due to school and all. So I told my mom about him and she wanted to at least know who I'm talking to. The only thing that makes me upset is she was like, "I want you to marry someone in your profession" and "You know Sudanese is muslim" Like what the heck. He's not even Muslim, he's Christian. What if I do not meet someone in my profession? I'm very close with my mom, so I do not want anything to strain the relationship. But I'm just confused. I CERTAINLY do not want a marriage like my parents. My dad barely shows her affection and they fight almost every day. They did not even date for a long period of time. I'm scared that I'll be in a marriage like that. But what if he is the one? What if they can't get look past the ignorance? He honestly makes me happy as I haven't felt like this in a while. My dad doesn't even know and my mom was saying how he's going to be so angry. For what? My dad never gave me advice about boys or self-love. Also, my parents did WAY more things when they were my age. So I don't understand.

He was supposed to be meeting my mom tomorrow (as a friend) and I'm thinking about just letting it go.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Usually parents are just trying to help or are old-fashioned. I never heard of the marrying in your profession though. Are your parents in the same profession. I hope so because it sounds hypocritical.

    I know you don't want to strain the relationship you have with your parents but sometimes you have challenge authority to get respect or to get them to see the error of their ways.

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    • They are not even in the same profession, which baffles me. I honestly just want someone with a good job. What's the chance or probability of me marrying a nuse? I don't know. I'm scared.

    • Well their is more male nurses now then there was 20 years ago, and al ot of people have found someone through there work. But if you think you have something there with a guy you don't want to take chances in waiting.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Money reasons. Your line of study has to do with money. They want you to marry somebody who you can rely on financially in case you don't get to having a certain amount of money or be able to survive on your own. To be honest with you, this is your choice and decision. I don't know exactly where you live so I cannot say. I assumed you're in Africa. So I answered based on that. And if you're in the States or other Westernize country, 9/10x it's for cultural reasons. Also remember, you said your parents did WAY more stuff than you wouldn't have done. So it's based out of fear you would do the same thing. But only you know you, and only God would know what you would do. But the choice is still yours as long as it's the wise decision for both of you and the family.

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    • Yeah I understand. And I'm actually in the U. S. But I feel you

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • let him meet your mom. it may help her to see the good in him

    doesn't sound like she is dictating just voicing her preferences. try not to worry about it too much unless she starts saying who you can and cannot date and just know that she is wanting what is best for you... but of course you should ultimately date who you want to date

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  • At the end of the day, it's none of your parents' bussiness whom you marry. You can listen to their advice, but your mother doesn't even sound like she wants to give you genuine advice - rather to just pick at your boyfriend for whatever reason she can make up. Live your life the way you want to, not the way your parents imagine it.

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  • You are an adult. Your parents have no legal authority over you. Assert yourself. They can do nothing.

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What Girls Said 10

  • You have a similar problem to what I have been facing for about a year now. My mom refuses to acknowledge my bf's existence and has commented on his looks and weight which is so rude. I'm just as confused as you are. To me, it makes no sense for a parent to tell their son or daughter who they should and should not be with when the person they disapprove of hasn't done anything. I am standing strong in my relationship because I love my boyfriend. You aren't in a relationship with the guy you are talking so you have to really think this through. You have to decide if he is worth it. If you don't like him that much let him go, but if you do really like him go for it. My mom told me a ways before my boyfriend and I got together that she didn't want we with him, no reasons she wanted me to find someone else. But I couldn't ignore they strong feelings I had for him so I went for it and I don't regret it, I love him so much and I just hope both my parents see that someday. You have to go with who makes you happy, you are the one in the relationship.

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  • If he's not going to be a Dr... your parents could dislike the fact that you will make more money than him. What will his profession be? It's all about money... trust me.

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    • His undergrad is in criminal justice, and he is getting his master's in health administration in criminology. He currently has a part-time job. He's trying to get a job with the county juvie department. Okay but what if I do not find a doctor?

    • Well, tbh, don't try to please your parents. My Dad never likes my boyfriends. It doesn't matter if they're smart, nice or anything.

  • Some parents are helicopter parents (meaning over controlling) because they love their kids so much they want to take over their lives to avoid pain and mistakes. But parents don't always know the best option, and when you're an adult, you need the freedom to make your own choices and deal with the consequences.

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  • if they don't have a legit reason for not liking him but you like him stay with him

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  • they just want the best for you although parents always have funny way of showing it but let her meet him. it may change the way she look at him

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  • What do you want to do?

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  • Sometimes you have to do what's right for you

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  • Parents are being protective which is good. I completely understand my parents are the same way.

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  • Because they love you and want the best for you. I guess

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  • Aww, listen this is YOUR life and you have to fall and pick yourself up. I'm sure your mother has "good intentions", so don't be too hard on that. Also, taking it slow is a great idea and will show his real character. You mom wants what she feels is best for you, but only YOU can decide what's best. Let them meet. What can ignore hurt at this point?

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