Is it okay to kiss during the talking stage?

[Anonymous]

So I've been talking to this guy for like four months. I like him, but I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment. Even though I told him I wanted us to be friends and get to know each other more, we have been starting to makeout. Although I want to stop as I feel bad, it feels good at the same time. But we're not together.. is it okay?

[vincjh]

Well, I can say that I have kissed most girls before being in a relationship with them. But I'm afraid you might give him the wrong idea that it could just be a fling or he himself could just take advantage of free kissing without having to commit.

Tell him what you feel and work from there. If you don't someone might get hurt emotionally eventually.

[Asker]

Yeah I'll tell him how'll I feel about it.

[NyxQB]

tell him that you aren't sure at the moment and make sure that he knows that you're not trying to lead him on at least. there shouldn't be anything wrong with taking it slow.

[Asker]

Lol I told him like four times how I felt. I even told him that I didn't want to kiss, but he pressured me. I also want to meet other people so I don't know.

[NyxQB]

Well go meet other people. he's not your boyfriend and you told him that. also it's good to stand for yourself and not be pressured. make sure that he understands and will respect you or cut him out of your life. don't date a person who won't respect you

[Asker]

Alright. You're right. I mean, we're not dating so.. Thanks.

[NyxQB]

np, ask if you want more opinions :P

[Asker]

Thanks ☺ also I have one more question. So I'm 18 and he's 23. He's been wanting me to come over to his apartment.. he drives one hour to see me, so I don't know if I should feel obligated to visit his place. He's visited me like five times. I'm just worried of what's going to happen. & also he doesn't want to talk to other girls, when I told him he can.. so would it be wrong if I talked to other guys?

[NyxQB]

sorry, I can't read all of it for some reason. it won't expand for me. it's nice that you let him talk to other girls. and don't feel obligated to visit his place, if you feel guilty about making him drive to your place, find a middle point to meet up (great chance for a date (

[NyxQB]

also, if you don't feel safe at times, you can choose a public place

[Asker]

Yeah. And sorry I said that I told him to talk to other girls in case we don't work out, but he said that he doesn't want to. I don't know how he'll feel if I talked to other guys.

[Asker]

True. We've hanged out mostly in private, like in my dorm. That's how the pressuring to kiss came about.

[Asker]

Never had a boyfriend before so this is all new to me.

[NyxQB]

tell him that. how is he going to stop you, if he does, it's a controlling relationship so stay out of that (I've been in one) and just talk to other guys. make him understand that you're not in a relationship with him and you haven't decided

[Asker]

Alright. I'll bring it up again soon because we just talked about it for the fourth time. There's a big event next month, and I want to be able to have fun without him being weary of my every move.

[NyxQB]

stay in public to avoid the pressure, especially if there are some other people around who will stand up for you if you can't. bring a friend. resist more

[NyxQB]

fun first boyfriend later

[ImNeutralityandEqual]

I heard of a lot of people saying they kissed on
The first day so I think it's ok

The only reason why one saying I heard is being I watch relationship not be in them you get more info you know

[Like_a_Pisces]

it's okay. just stay honest about your intentions. anything is okay as long as you're not hurting anybody.

[Asker]

Yeah.. but I told him before I wanted to keep my options open, but then again I don't know if I should give him a chance. I also don't know how he'll feel if I talk to other guys.

[JEdwards12]

At this point if it were me I'd feel like you were leading me on. Unless you tell him u just want something sexual and nothing else right now, it'll only end badly

[Asker]

Yeah I told him before that I didn't want to kiss, but he pressured me. Ugh I don't know what to do.

[JEdwards12]

If he's pressuring u to do sexual things (kissing is sexual) then he may only want to do sexual things. Mainly what I mean is if you told him from the get go you didn't want a relationship then you're pretty much entering friends with benefits territory, which he might love. However, once you want to make it an official relationship, he might not want to, and you could get hurt. Just be careful I've seen it happen plenty of times. A guy who really likes/cares for you won't pressure you to do stuff

[Asker]

You're right.. yeah he says he's willing to wait, but I told him what if things change.. so I'm just like, I don't know. I want to meet other people, that's not a bad thing right?

[JEdwards12]

Depending on what you mean by "I want to meet other people". Because at this point you've said you like this guy, but don't want a relationship, but also want to meet other people.

[Asker]

Yeah like I mean guy friends... cause my mom adviced me to not just keep my eggs in one basket when it comes to dating. Plus I told him that I don't know if our relationship is even going to happen because my mom doesn't want me to date him. He said that we should just focus on today.

[JEdwards12]

If you mean platonic guy friends, that's fine. If you're mom doesn't want you to date him, I'm sure there's some reason for that and that's fine. HOWEVER, "don't keep your eggs in one basket when dating". As a 21 year old guy, that's a very stupid thing to say in my opinion. If she means don't commit to the first guy you date, I guess that's fine if you don't feel that much of a connection. But once you start dating a bunch of different guys and getting a bunch of guy friends you as a girl develop a reputation as "that girl", and no guy wants to date "that girl". I know it sounds shitty but thats the world we live in now. Make friends, but just don't date a bunch of different guys, because guys might think you're easy. Im not trying to sound rude just giving you the truth. Just be careful not to let guys manipulate you

[Asker]

Yeah I get where you're coming from. Like I meant in the talking stage though. Cause although the guy is nice and all, I'm just like what if I meet someone that I really really like? I never had a boyfriend before so this is all new to me. I also don't like to hurt people's feelings so I don't know how I would tell him.. That's what I keep telling him we should be friends, but with the making out, I don't even know what are we.

[JEdwards12]

At this point its pretty much friends with (some) benefits. But if you've known him for 4 months and you're not convinced you should be committed to him, chances are he isn't the one for you and you should save both of you the heartbreak and end things now before he develops bigger feelings. You can spend 4 months contemplating whether this is the guy you want to be with and might be missing someone right in front of you

[Asker]

Yeah.. I think I will see how things goes. And I feel things are not going right, I'll tell him to maybe talk to someone else or something

[CapnHawk]

Yes, go ahead and do it!