I'm in a happy little polyam triad (polyfidelity) with my fiance and our girlfriend. We've slowly been telling people around us we are dating. We know it's a taboo topic. what are your thoughts?
Well I tried to be for a few months. It takes too much of my time and energy and felt I couldn't give my attention to anyone. It's too much, can't have the time to make great work, time for myself and for the the people I'm with. I also didn't felt I really loved anyone, I was just with them. People need to be there for each other. It's hard alone with one person, it takes a lot to make it work. I can't imagine what would it be like with multiple people. It was never natural for me because people always got hurt even tho it was all "open relationships". It's a really good feeling being with just one person who wants to share their life with you, and only you, even tho they know you can't fulfill every single one of their needs. You're enough for somebody, you're the person they care about the most, you are their best friend. It never truly worked out for my friends either... They kept looking to fulfill something. Deep inside they always felt bad for seeing the person they love with other people.
PS- I can imagine what it's like sleeping daily with so many people in my bed. I'd go nuts. No space if you don't have a king size bed
Not everyone is mature enough and open-minded enough to be able to handle it, but if all three of you are, then I think it's great. There is too much hate and judging and ridiculous social standards to begin with, and not enough love in the world. I say enjoy it while it lasts!
I think having sex with a lot of people is great. I did it during the 1.5 years of grad school. Kinda a don't ask don't tell like up there. Gave me a ton of confidence. However, I think it drained me of my ability to feel that strongly about any one in particular.
Love is a verb, you know? Love is not all roses, sometimes you really hate the person and the last thing you wanna do is go for a roll in the hay, but at the same time you're trying to build a life together, and after you get through those rough patches you end up closer than ever before.
With my poly phase, if things ever got hard with one gal, I'd just see her a little less. I never had to fight with anyone, everything was just "good". Kinda numbing.
I've tried it and I think it sucks, it seems like a lot of people are just doing it to be hipsters and feel like they're doing something morally superior without having actually seen it in practice.
In my experience/observations, most people who claim to be poly end up gravitating towards one specific partner as their "main". Also they tend to be non-committal or care less when they're poly because they always have options, it seems like an excuse for indecisive behavior. I don't like it.
I'm sure there are SOME people who are genuine about it, but not as many as who claim to be into it.
If you can make it work and all of you are in a happy and loving relationship, more power to you. I just know that relationships can take a lot of work for all parties concerned, so adding more people in the mix, while possible isn't always feasible. However it sounds to me like you are all making it work, so my hat is off to you all. I'm not one to judge people on the basis of their relationship dynamics.
Honestly in this modern age i think hierarchical polyamory or even polyfidelity is probably the most realistic way to think about it. You can't control who you fall in love with even if its with multiple people, and having variety will keep a relationship alive. At the same time there's no way you can treat everyone equal, You may like all of them but you will all way have a favorite. It will prevent bigger problems down the line and will most likely save friendships that would otherwise be broken over a relationship debacle.
Takes all kinds to make a world. If people can do that then power to them. Can't even find one person to spend time with never mind more than one :/ but oh well. Everyone who's a consenting adult can do what they like with other consenting adults.
Honestly... there are so many misconceptions about polyamory. Like it is NOT cheating, and yes jealousy happens, and no it's not always easy. If you haven't tried polyamory, I'd be as drastic to say that it's going to be the future of dating. Monogamy is going to be an outdated concept soon... but that's just my opinion *shrug* I wrote a blog post about it called "Top 3 Excuses and Misconceptions About Polyamory" if y'all want to know more about it! thelusciousword. com
If you have something that works for you, stick with it. Classic concepts of monogamy and heterosexuality are being challenged more and more. We should embrace these changes and be open to alternative ways for us to experience love.
Well didn't it's why many guys want to date an bisexual girl in the first place? was you are the one who bring the idea to him, because you want to be with both a guy and a girl?
Although I "instinctively" wish that I could be in a hierarchical Polyamory, I fear that any form of Polyamory is frowned upon
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It's perfectly fine, unless and until both the partners do not have any problems with each other. Besides, don't let 'What will world think' thought bother you.. :)
You are very narrow minded and judgmental. Does this come from your religion? If it is, you need to find a more open minded religion. Most millennials are.
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