Why do men push for, encourage or even ‘demand’ early or casual sex only to later demonize or punish women for giving in?

[LoloWaye]

Just about everywhere we see guys talking about the ‘easiness’ of most modern women. The most honest will openly state their hate for women who “give it up” too easily and admit they will (or would) discount women who agree to have first date OR casual sex with them.

Many are under the impression that any woman who “throws sex” at a man she barely knows to be “deserving” of the consequences. People thought “only” players and Chad-tier ‘fuckboys’ tried to goad or coerce women into having early or casual sex. They were handsome men that had people thought had obvious red flags. The women who fell for it were just stupid. But it's not just hot ‘assholes’ and out-of-your-league ‘ players. It’s the so-called nice guys and “average” men.

They’re quick to call women “sluts” for having sex with them and even say she “should’ve known better”, but how? These men no longer make it clear they’re only looking for a fling from the get-go anymore. They try to woo women, beg to be given a chance and swear they’re “different” and “not that kind of guy” and pretend to be genuinely interested in a girl, going out of their way to signal their trust-worthiness and stability. Even after sex they'll use sly terms and ambiguous phrasing to keep a girl on the hook; "I think this could be something real", "we'll see where things go", "I'm usually pretty guarded", "I've been burned before", etc.

Why? Most men want sex above all things, it seems ridiculous to me that once sex has been had, it diminishes the woman in their eyes and she becomes relegated to the position of fuckbuddy or fling. Why is it that getting what you want from a woman somehow makes her “less than” in the eyes of many men? It's definitely the biggest shit test of all time. How could you not think someone would fall for what they thought was honest?

Updates

+1 y

Yes everyone, I have dated some real assholes. Currently getting over the last one. 😭

[RandyG]

Some guys pressure girls for sex simply because they think that they are supposed to (otherwise you might think that he is not into you, or that he is gay), but he believes that it is the girls place to say “no”, and you didn’t. Other guys might really want sex at the moment, but feel quilty about it afterwards, so he blames you for what happened so that he doesn’t have to feel bad about being so easy himself. Other guys just want to make you feel bad because they did not want anything serious, and they do not want you gettting attached (if you hate him, you will not fall in love with him). And last but not least, so people are just fickle, and do not know what they want, so they change their mind. Often the anticipation of sex is more fun than the sex act itself, and people sometimes feel a little disappointed when they finally get what they want and realize that their expectations where too high and that reality was not what they thought it would be (this general rule applies to a lot of things, come to think of it), and they want someone to blame for the fact that they felt disappointed with reality.

[israelisevil]

Why feel guilty about sex You got weird understanding. This is the bitter angry karen woman mindset that sex is for men not for women too. Sex is normal if a guy calls girl slut or something after fucking with her he mad how he got played. If guy respectable he won't make problems out of who he used to fuck.

[AleDeEurope]

Lmao yeah every man is out to get you! Booo!!! Haahahha Oh god, you need to spend more time around men, and less time around bitter women.

Listen, there's assholes and hypocrites everywhere, you find them in every gender, race, religion... it is what it is. It's like when a woman demands a man to be a gentleman and do certain things for her, and if he doesn't, she shames him for being less than a man, even though all she is is pure trash who can't even act like a lady for half an hour.

Don't ask why, just ignore these people... and stop being bitter, LoloWaye, it's not healthy.

[LoloWaye]

I'm not bitter lol. Just thoughtful

[ThatLeaf]

I'm not a women who is jumps into bed with just anyone but I disagree with you.
I'm a very to each their own person. All the power to you on what you decide to do with your life so long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
I wish people including women would stop acting like their the victim.
As adults it's our decision whether or not to get in bed with someone and in doing so we accept that we may or may not get pregnant that we may or may not get an std. It is as much responsiblity for the woman as it is the man and no amount of protection can protect you 100%.

[LoloWaye]

I agree with this but it's not really what my question was asking. I was asking why do some men push for sex but then disregard the woman for doing so.

[ThatLeaf]

Because simply that's what they want at the time when they've had their fun they want you to go away as if it never happened.
Women should if they have casual sex or sex on the first date expect this. A person so willing to jump into bed with someone they hardly know clearly doesn't have much of an affinity with the person. Compassion mostly exists when the two develope a connection to each other. Where yes sex is a connection of sorts is not a substantial on to build a relationship with.
Human's are incredibly social creatures we require communication to build relationships there's just not that type of connection within fast and easy to achieve sexual satisfaction.
tl;dr the dude used you and doesn't care if he hurts you.

[LinaDaGoddess]

Wow it sounds like we dated the same guy. Lol

I’ll tell you what my ex told me when I asked why, he said because if you go for the women who are open about having casual sex or friends with benefits, you’re more likely to catch something. He said the women who aren’t open to it tend to be more clean.

Another guy told me that it makes women desperate.. and that were seen as stupid because we know how the game works and we still fall for it. It’s really sad.

[Bandit74]

They don't really lose interest in the girl for giving in to THEM. They lose interest because they assume she gave into lots of other guys as well.

What you are willing to do withban individual guy generally won't turn off that individual guy. What might turn him off is what he thinks you have done with other guys and how many other guys you have slept with overall.

Also, I kinda doubt that stereotypical "nice guys" and average looking men are very successful at coercing women into having casual sex with them. They may try, but its usually the most attractive and charming who will actually succeed at coercing women into have sex without commitment.

[israelisevil]

Me my girlfriend started fucking second time we chilled and been together 3 years focus less on how sex will efect stuff and more on who you want to fuck and like talking too and you'll find a happier relationship quicker. This is like karen woman mindset that sex is for men not for women too. Sex is normal if a guy calls girl slut or something after fucking with her he mad how he just insecure and bitchmade. If guy real and respectable he won't make problems out of who he used to fuck and hell respect them when fucking is done.

[CPLWeeks]

As an "average" man, experience has taught me to consider sexually suggestive behavior (not just flirting) by a woman early on in a relationship to be a major red flag. If she demonstrates a casual attitude about sex with me, then she'll be casual about it with other men; and statistically she's more likely to eventually be unfaithful, or have an STI.

Ladies: If we're dating, I'm already attracted to you. You don't need to keep icing the cupcake to keep me coming back for more. I'll keep coming back because I like more things about you than just your body.

[Anonymous]

I read about the guys with double standards, but I don't actually know many. I think you run into the double standards guys more in more conservative areas, where the guys think women should be prudes, but also can get laid, so do. I don't... see those guys much in real life.

But there's also an issue that some guys wish girls were less promiscuous, and some guys aren't willing to wait for sex, but they may not be the same guys.

Finally i'd guess you have some guys who would prefer it if everyone was more monogamous, but given that things aren't that way now, they play the game. They're frustrated by it though. Basically if a given woman has sex fast if she's genuinely attracted, you HAVE to push for sex fast and move on otherwise, because a failure to have sex fast = low sex drive or low mutual attraction. So even guys who might prefer to wait are learning they have to test early, but some of them... hate the whole thing.

I don't know.

[ImHere4You]

Maybe the best thing to do is wait to have sex until you're in a serious committed relationship. Some guys will wait. I will only have sex if I'm in a serious relationship. If the guy can't handle no then he might not be the right guy.

There are a lot of good guys in the world. Often times it's guys girls don't give a chance. I'm not a 5 star guy and will never date a 5 star girl. If personality meant more than looks there would be much better things happening between guys and girls.

[Lazy_Murphy]

The thing is anyone's opinion about you should not bother you, people talk utter bullshit most of the time when i used to smoke on my terris whenever i saw my neighbour walking by i'd go all "the fuck, does he have nothing to do" when in reality he did have a lot to do, had a nice paying job a nice little family & a happy life
i hope you get the point

[IHateLife]

Some really nice generalizations you've made. It seems like you've spent tons of time reading comments online and finding ones that fit your narrative whilst excluding ones that don't. Congrats.

[LoloWaye]

I did include key words like "most" and "some."

[LoloWaye]

I've also been through this shit, as well as my friends. So hey

[ravedave]

Honestly I've seen many, many, many more women shame each other for being easy/sluts/etc. Than I've seen men do it, most guys I know don't really care.

[Prof_Don]

The double standard the guy has in his head is, "if she had sex with me this soon, how many other guys has she had sex with just as fast or faster than me?"

[Veneno79]

the so called nice guys and average men don't want to live up to moral standards others didn't (go figure). And yeah I doubt they are actually looking to love someone else rather than having the same fun "chad" has. Crazy times.

[RolandCuthbert]

Try dating men who either do not push for sex or at least don't make you feel bad if you choose to be with them

[Hans222]

I'm totally against casual sex... I see sex as a way of making love once your relationship gets serious. Not as pleasure :o :-(

[John_Wolf_123]

I guess most 'Men' you met were not 'Gentlemen'. Yes We Guys Love Sex , but personality, way of life, attitude etc counts a lot too.

[RedThread]

Women can't win. You're either a slut or a prude. Fragile male egos and insecurity can be pretty potent.

[Decentguy]

you have to find a good guy and stop dating assholes

[LoloWaye]

Ya make it sound so easy

[Decentguy]

haha i can understand.
but whenever you date a new guy, make him wait for sex for at least minimum 1 month, and then see his behavior and actions.

[ImHere4You]

@LoloWaye finding true love is not easy. Especially at your age. A lot of guys your age but not all have sex on their mind. Take time to get to know him. Find out what his priorities are.

Both guys and girls lie so before you start a relationship be certain of what he wants. Maybe you have before maybe you haven't but try to focus on personality over his looks if you haven't before. I'm not saying you haven't. Just be more careful next time.

[Decentguy]

@ImHere4You exactly what he said

[ImHere4You]

@Decentguy
The two of us definitely agree. It's a good thing we both do.

[d2796]

most people suck; try to find people who don't, only do something if you want to, thats how life works.

[3timesaday]

Try going for guys that aren't douchbags. Sorry but you actually have to put effort in to find a good guy. Or be a feminist n put all guys in the same boat

[es20490446e]

Because blaming other people is the way of hiding the fact that you are responsible.

[meatballs21]

What answer would satisfy you? Because I'm guessing none.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

You're talking about two entirely separate types of guys.