Have you ever been ghosted after a first date that you thought went well?

[OlderAndWiser]

I had a first date with a woman I met online. We had a few lengthy phone conversations over the course of a few days; then we decided to meet. She lives about an hour away so I drove to her hometown to meet. We had a nice seafood dinner at a place that was nice but not too upscale. The conversation flowed freely. She had a glass of wine after dinner and we talked more. It seems that we had much in common and I felt an instant connection with her.

We began talking about meeting again and we agreed to our next date before parting for the night. I walked her to her car and gave her one goodnight kiss. I texted her when I got home to tell her that I was home safe and that I really enjoyed meeting her. She replied that she also enjoyed it and was looking forward to our next date. That was the last communication I ever had from her.

She did not respond to text messages, phone calls, emails. . . nothing. I checked the local papers to see if something awful had happened to her but there were no news reports concerning her. I knew where she worked but I did not call her at work or go wait for her in her parking lot when she got off work; that seemed like it would be stalking and if she did not want to talk to me. . . what can you do?

My best guess is that there was an ex lurking in the background and she got back with him. An explanation would have been nice, but. . . Maybe she was put off by me kissing her at the end of the first date, but she didn't act that way when it happened and she texted afterwards saying that she had a good time. Bottom line: I have no idea what happened.

What a horrible experience!

What's a date?

No, I have never had that experience.

Yes, I had it happen but I think I know the reason.

Yes, I had it happen and I have no idea what went wrong.

Updates

+1 y

This happened to me two years ago. I was bothered for about a week and them moved on. Occasionally, I remember it and still wonder what happened.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I've never been ghosted after a date that went well but I'll share a similar experience:

I asked this guy out who worked at a drugstore near my old apartment who I had chatted casually with for a year. Invited him over to my place, we played games, I ordered us food (I paid for him) and I had a few drinks. Note, I told him we were drinking beforehand, and he was cool with it, but he revealed he didn't drink. Anyways, I was nothing but myself, we seemed to hit it off, and while he was definitely more reserved than me I was accepting of that and he didn't seem too bothered by my outlandishness. I took initiative and gave him a peck on the cheek before he left, and I expected to hear from him soon since we discussed having another date.

Well it's about 3-4 pm the next day, and he calls me. I pick up and he sounds nervous. I'm chipper and confident, feeling that he's likely just wanting to set an actual date and time for our next date, but instead he drops a line: "I uh... don't think dating is the BEST COURSE OF ACTION FOR US."

That line made me want to puke, so cringe. A simple "I wasn't feeling it" or something would have sufficed, but he made it sound like a business transaction. And for a guy that lived with his mom and claimed he never had a girlfriend I was honestly shocked that he turned me down. However, refusing to be bitter, in the best chipper voice I responded with: "It's okay (name), I appreciate you calling me and not leading me on. I truly didn't have any strict expectations but I still had fun." - Or something to that effect.

Of course, when the call ended I tossed my phone on the bed, gave it the middle finger and yelled: "FUCK YOU! I BOUGHT YOU CHICKEN!" Suddenly understanding the sentiment behind why guys get irritated when they buy a girl dinner and get canned. My friend, from the bathroom asks me what happened. I told her, she went quiet, and just to make me feel better says:

"Well he obviously likes dating dicks up the ass."

Obviously he wasn't a bad guy lol. I still saw him and was cordial with him but yeah, a similar but not exact experience. Sorry for the novel.

[rjroy3]

""FUCK YOU! I BOUGHT YOU CHICKEN!" - Best part lol

[RJGraveyTrain]

@rjroy3 ;P

[OlderAndWiser]

There's nothing like experience to give you some perspective! :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

@OlderAndWiser I don't think it would have worked out anyway; he ordered his chicken without the skin. That's basically the best part so clearly our values were too different.

[OlderAndWiser]

And he was obviously a dumb fuck of the highest order!

[RJGraveyTrain]

Oh shucks!

[OlderAndWiser]

If I was that guy that you invited over. . . you wouldn't be crying fowl! :) :) :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

Hahaha if only we had met in another life <3

[OlderAndWiser]

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

[glockgunne]

you sound awesome but I'm afraid you mightve scared him. he definitely sounded sheepish

[BlackMaleYou]

That guy was probably a eunoch lol. A beautiful lady invites u over at her place instead of staying the night, u ended up going home to mama?😂😂😂. But ur story was really funny and it shows the difference between how guys reject girls. Girl usually 'don't want to hurt ur feelings', so they stay quiet on ur ass, the same as in Olderandwiser's experience.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@BlackMaleYou Haha thanks I'm super glad you enjoyed it and keen observation!

[RJGraveyTrain]

@glockgunne That's what I think too.

[MusicMayhem]

Just cause someone hasn't had a girlfriend doesn't mean they shouldn't have standards for what thry want in someone. Be careful not to judge someone, they could be a great person inside.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@MusicMayhem Lol I never once said he shouldn't have standards, but the guy even said he was happy I asked him out, had a great time and waned to see me again, was open to dating because he never had a girlfriend so yeah I was shocked.

I'll judge how I feel suitable though, thanks. ✌🏻️

[Imsuperstar]

I feel like he was a bit taken aback with your openess, so for him a more reserved person and you a more outspoken person there is a clear difference. I laughed at this because this is one instance where the woman paid, in almost all instances the guy pays, and he may not even get a text back. Could you imagine taking five different women out on dates and none of them want to date you? Money wasted, time wasted. I've never dated but i can imagine you'd need a confidence level high as the sky.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@Imsuperstar listen everyone lol I get why he wasn't into me lmfao. It's cool. I have a man now and I don't need everyone to explain to me why he didn't like me. 😂😂

[OlderAndWiser]

Oh, come on! We all want to be your therapist! :) :) :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

@OlderAndWiser I'm comfortably crazy 😂

[OlderAndWiser]

I would never try to take that away from you!

[wrightontime]

He never had a girlfriend before you. He did want to date a non virgin like you. I won't date your non virgin ass either.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@wrightontime I was a virgin at the time and I told him that. 😂😂 nice try though!

[bc1989]

a lot of people do this nowadays unfortunately online dating makes it so easy to set up dates that they don't mean anything to a lot of people now, one of my colleagues is seeing 2 girls and still uses tinder to go on new dates with new girls once or twice a week (I have no idea how he has the energy to bother with that) but the main thing is that this is no reflection of the people getting played, it wasn't that you wasn't good enough or that you did something wrong, she probably did have a good time with you but she could just be one of many people that enjoys going on a series of first dates with loads of different men. I hope this helps x

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks.

[PrincessPie]

Well not ghosted no.. but them seeming less interested than they appeared on the date sometimes.. its kind of hard to tell what someone feels unless they make it extremely obvious.. i never understood people who think men are all super simple and always say what they mean and feel i can say from experience this is not the case.. obviously i've never dated a woman so i can't say who is more straight forward but i know i've often been left confused what a guy feels for me lol.

[MusicMayhem]

Yeah it happens, it sucks, but you move on knowing there's 7 billion people on this planet.

Usually girls just ghost or make up a lie to get the guy off their back cause they're scared of confronting guys with the truth. Some guys are don't take rejection well and start name calling girls so that's why.

For me personally, i dated a girl about a month ago which went really well. She said we should definitely catch up again soon before I could suggest it. She then went overseas briefly to visit family but hasn't texted back to the couple of msgs I've sent since.

I got the impression she was dating at least a few guys casually before meeting me cause it took a while to organise a time to meet, maybe a month, 6 weeks from when we first started chatting. The harsh reality is, as guys we need to understand women are constantly chased by guys so they will always have lots of options, therefore she may find someone better even if you had a great date with her and she wants to catch up again AT THE TIME. We can have lots of options too, but it just takes more effort to meet lots of girls.

[Anonymous]

Okay so I had the same experience
Met this girl online, went on a date with her. Then the next day she was being cold. I didn't bother it because I enjoyed my time..
anyways after two weeks, she messages me saying something like this.. hey we should meet if you are still interested.. I was like okay let's go.. I met with her and gone to her place we had some fun. Then she was on the same pattern again the next day.. I realized afterwards that she is meeting with other guys through her Facebook. Which made me think she is not stable and wanna try as many dicks she want.

[OlderAndWiser]

Probably the same kind of chick who frequently buys things, tries them at home, and then returns them. She just enjoys the shopping!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah and not to mention she has a very complex and dominating personality..

[burlen]

I have been ghosted and I have ghosted. When someone ghost on you or you ghost someone after a date, the default explanation is: you aren't what they are looking for.

I do not think your ghosting has anything to do with the kiss you planted on her cheek, forehead, or lips. By the way, where [cheek, forehead, or lips] did you kiss her?

Sometimes our wishes can lead us to misinterpret even the slightest innocent behaviour [smiles, laughs, questions, gestures, etc.] of a person during a date.

My colleagues in psychology called it 'confirmation bias', which is the tendency to interpret an observation to fit a belief.

[OlderAndWiser]

I kissed her on the lips. I don;t always do that at a first meeting but I thought that she was okay with it because the date went very well and she was being flirty with me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, many times and it is frustrating as hell. Like I'll know when a date goes bad, but I've had dates where the girl suggests meeting up again and even gives a specific date or event and then ghosts.

I mean of course not everyone you date is gonna be the one, but the problem for me wasn't getting the dates it was getting past the first date or even a few and not knowing what I could have done on my end to make them lose interest.

I don't wanna sound like one of those "why don't girls like me, im nice" or "all women are bitches" type of guys because I hate that shit. It's just I'm one of those if there's no smoke there's no fire type and if there seems to be no issues then they disappear, it kinda fucks with you. It's hard to improve yourself when you don't know what you're doing wrong.

[OlderAndWiser]

This is when have a very good friend of the opposite sex can be very handy!

[Opinion Owner]

Oh trust me i asked, they weren't able to help

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just saying that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells when shit like this happens. Like they're testing you and if there's one tiny thing you said/did that they didn't like then it's over and you don't know what you did which eats you up.

Trying to find out what went wrong especially when it's only 1 or 2 dates is a slippery slope. If you ask it makes you look needy and insecure, but if you don't know then you might make that same mistake over and over again.

[aicarg]

I'm sorry that someone would go M. I. A on you like that after such a nice night out from how you described it. I wonder if all she was looking for was a one night experience/if she actually is still somewhat attached to an ex... it really puzzles me as well. I have never personally gone on a blind date with whom I have no common friends from the guy, as I've heard several unpleasant stories from friends who have. I find set up dates (going out with someone a friend sets you up with) is the most ideal, as if the person ghosts you - you've got a friend who is able to tail the person down!

[SummerNight]

I just recently learned about ghosting, from reading online so I haven't gotten ghosted. But I have few ideas.
1) yes maybe something happened to her sometime that week but it didn't reach the media.
2) maybe that week she meet someone else n just ignored you (rude)
3) she was cheating and got caught
4) she was testing the dating waters then realized she wasn't ready
5) she wasn't into you
6) she gotten little tipsy and was embarrassed that's why she was flirting and welcomed the kiss
7) later she thought it was going to fast (the kiss)
8) was in abused relationship and had to get rid of everything start over
9) she just wanted a free meal and maybe to get out.
(Recently heard stories on the radio)

[LolaB28]

Yeah that happened to me once. A former co-worker set me up with one of her friends. We went out more than once actually. We would talk on the phone and have nice conversations, all of a sudden he started an argument and he stopped talking to me. I really don't know what went wrong, but there is a small part of me thinks that it had to do with the person who set us up. That whole situation was kind of messy to begin with, but recently he was so pressed for me to follow him on Instagram and he liked all of my pictures. I don't bother to look at his page though LOL.

[MrNameless]

Sort of. Not like flat out not answering my texts.. But we had an okay first date. I asked her if she was down for a second, and she said yes. Then I tried to plan something with her over the following weekend, and she said she had plans and would get back to me.. I asked like a week or two later, and she said she was busy again. She never "got back" to me to plan a date. It's really frustrating. I wish people just let me know if they weren't interested rather than wasting my time and what feels like stringing me along. I would have totally understood if they didn't want to go on as second date.

[meatballs21]

Yes! I met this girl on OKC who was physically my ideal - redhead, 5'0, 100lbs. She lived just around the corner from me. We went out to a bar near us, had a few drinks and dinner. The night was still young so I asked if she wanted to come back and hang out more. She agreed and ended up spending the night.

She left in the morning in good spirits and we agreed to plan something for the following weekend.

We emailed back and forth all week and then abruptly the emails stopped. She'd mentioned feeling like she was coming down with something so when she hadn't responded, I gave it a few days and then asked how she was doing. Nothing. Never saw or heard from her again.

[rjroy3]

No, but only similar circumstance I've had was a girl I went out for drinks with in college. After class we got starbucks or something. Not really a date. Nothing serious. I ended up asking her out to dinner. She said yes. I head out to the restaurant only to get a text saying she's not coming, because she doesn't want it to be a date "yet". Just that she wasn't ready for that after her last relationship. I merely texted back, "it's cool. It's nothing serious. You're cool and just wanted to see you again. Enjoy your evening".

Nothing happened with us, but I did see her again here and there. She sent me shower pics which I found weird lol. Just because it was out of the blue and several months later after I stopped investing extra time in her.

[LondonNewYork]

I'm sorry this happened to you. All I can say it, what a loser this woman was!
I can't believe why would a grown person be such a coward and a loser. If you don't see yourself having a relationship with someone, be a grown up and tell the truth.
In your case, look at the bright side. Would you like to be with a person who has no intergity and would bail at the first sign of troubles? Good luck to you. I hope you will meet someone better suited for you.
by the way, how old was she?

[OlderAndWiser]

This happened 2 years ago and I have moved on. She was a very attractive woman who was in her mid-50's. VERY attractive.

[LondonNewYork]

Mid-

[OlderAndWiser]

Did you hit submit before you were finished?

[LondonNewYork]

Sorry bad Internet connection. I was saying that I can't imagine how could a middle aged person act this way. It goes to show that immaturity has nothing to do with actual age of a person. Anyways, good luck to you.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, I know some childish 60 year old people. Thanks for the well wishes.

[kitty71]

Ohh boy Im Reading my own experience with a guy I met 2 years ago. I want to ask also myself what went wrong and what can I do. The worst part is that he is the best friend of my cousin and if my cousin wants to take and invite this guy to family gatherings he may go and I see him again.

[OlderAndWiser]

You know that it is not necessarily anything that you did, right?

[kitty71]

I know it was not my fault the problema was I liked the guy we had a connection he gave me hints taht made me beliee he was attracted and I just fall for those hints and follow. But he thought i was chasing him and he did not like that. He thought i watned a relationshipw which was not true and he is not a guy who wnats a serious relationships

[OlderAndWiser]

I was just looking forward to our next date. What I don't get is that she texted me after the date and said she had a really good time, so either that was a lie or some ex-boyfriend came back in the picture.

[kitty71]

I also was looking for the next date and even he mentioned about going out again but never happened to me. In my case I think it wa s alie or he wa snot man enough to tell me that he was just leading me on. The problema is that I did like him and he seem he was attracted to me too, we hit if off so fast and we got along so I dont know what the heck was wrong with him. In any momento I hinted him I wanted something serious right away, I wanted to be Friends first, but maybe my friendly gestures or the way I behave with him were wrong and look like I liked him and he picked that up and he did not like it so therefoire why he told me just 2 weeks after he hinted me we could go out again, that "what we have" is not going to work, but then the following dates other things happened, that he once again changed to me but then he acted again friendly and teased me and flirted with me, so I dont know what the heck was wrong with him. H ethought I was after him and that is not true

[Anonymous]

Yes it's happened to me a few times but the most awkward time is after I sucked a guys dick on a date then he carried on messaging me the day after telling me how good of a night it was then after that I never heard of him again and it was him who asked for the blow job I didn't just give it randomly 🤔😓😐

[OlderAndWiser]

Did that experience change your attitude about getting sexual very early in a dating relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

It wasn't the first date but it changed it a bit

[OlderAndWiser]

As you get older, you will realize (and perhaps you already do realize) that experience is a cruel but efficient teacher!

[oddwaffle]

I had that happened before. I think I got a prostitute and I somehow missed the clue. Or maybe she just wanted the meal+wine.

I think chances are she is not interested in the 1st place. There are women dating men for an expensive meal. There are sex workers using online dating to fish for a client. Some women just date for the sake of it and to see what's out there.

[Tephra]

Im sorry to hear that happened to you! You actually sound like a real genuine person.

Have been ghosted before and it really makes you think what did you do to upset them? Then you start criticising yourself and blame it on you. But in the end you realise it was them that were the problem, not you.

Looking at it from their perspective, its hard to be upfront with someone about something and especially if it will hurt their happiness

[Redstang88]

Yep, sure have. What was even worse was we were friends before.
Took her for movie and drinks, went great - or so I thought, texted her once or twice after and that was it. Last I ever heard from her.
I can blame her for not being interested, I mean she was way out of my league. But we were friends, at least say something.

[Redstang88]

*Cant*

[Cruciatusdeatheater]

Can't say I've had that happen. I've seen it happen. I've done it once myself after the date went wrong, though. Semi-ghosted.

Prior to that, you two had been speaking daily?

[OlderAndWiser]

We talked on the phone probably every other day for a week and then decided we were ready to meet in person. And those phone conversations went well! We talked for an hour or more and there were never any awkward silences.

[Cruciatusdeatheater]

That sort of reminds me of my current relationship. I mean, I guess you can say ghosted. It wasn't entirely so as she did tell me beforehand to stop talking to her, despite how well the date went. Despite how well we were getting along.
I fought for her because I saw something that I was looking for in that one date. It worked out pretty well in my opinion.
I don't know how great this person of yours is, however, if she's really worth it, why not try fighting for her? Maybe she has something that worries her about getting into a relationship? I don't know what her reason may be. Can't say it doesn't hurt to try, as this one is a risky thing to do, but it's worth it (if you think she is). At least, in my opinion.

[OlderAndWiser]

It was two years ago. If I saw her online, I would at least try to contact her.

[Cruciatusdeatheater]

Ah, that blows. /:

[Waternymph789]

just forget her maybe there is a ex in background i have had my ex using my name on dating sites dont get attached people too soon have a list requirements and any weridness on these sites move on

[OlderAndWiser]

It happened 2 years ago. It was a bit unsettling but I quickly moved on.

[Waternymph789]

why talk about it now

[OlderAndWiser]

My foolish desire to understand the opposite sex.

[Waternymph789]

ya its hard i suppose

[yoshinoya]

I no what went wrong! first, after a date NEVER text her the same night.. always wait till she text you first or a few days later then text her first. and two females always try to be nice and that's why she responded that night.. but I'm telling you it was a turn off..

[Adamnman]

This happened quite a bit, I ended up thinking I might have scared them at some point. Then I thought it was because they didn't actually find me attractive and only did it out of pity, which made me a little self-conscious for a while.
About a million things ran through my head until I realized that it's probably just them that happen to be too judgmental.

Some women are looking for a fantasy date like in the movies and pretty much aren't satisfied by anything else.

[kmmer]

Well, I always seem to get ghosted on. I likely come on too strong or I intimidate. I spend a few weeks over-thinking it and then move on. If some guy can't accept me for who I am, then I'm not going to worry about it.

[sarath1997]

lol when I combined the pic and the heading I thought you dated a ghost.. lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Not exactly but similar!

[sarath1997]

hahaha

[SJKut223]

The reasons could be many and it's immature. It's important not to let this mess with your self confidence though. get back in there

[OlderAndWiser]

Oh, this happened 2 years ago and I got back up, got on the horse, and went for another ride!

[SJKut223]

Good because some people are just assholes

[JohnDoe3000]

A.

Not that I've never been on a date in my life but I tend to get ghosted before there's been a date, which sucks, but I guess it's better than getting ghosted after getting your hopes all up with an actual date.

[dancechick93]

I'm a straight forward person. If I'm not into someone I'll cut it short. And I'll ghost them if they keep bugging me. That's just rife though. No one forced her to text you what she did

[OlderAndWiser]

Exactly! It would be easier to understand if she didn't act like she was into it, scheduled our next date before we parted, then texted me afterwards to say that she had such a nice time.

[dancechick93]

It's crappy on her part. You don't want to be with someone who plays games like that right?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yeah, after about a week, I told myself that her acting that way immediately probably saved me the trouble of dating her, maybe falling for her, and eventually discovering that she was a self-centered person.

[slatyb]

That's just dating. Sometimes one person thinks it was great and the other not so much. When I was dating online I had a few women wanting another but I wasn't interested and didn't call. Yeah, the woman should have just said sorry, no thanks but...

[scooogy]

I once had been ghosted right before a date. I travelled to her city, and when I arrived at the location where we wanted to meet up, I saw her running away from me.

[OlderAndWiser]

That blows!

[FissionStockMaster]

No, I don't think so... I always wound up talking to her the next day at school (HS), but we never rally texted so I can't say we ghosted since texting wasn't something we did.

[sodaa_popp]

I tend to think a lot of ladies that guys meet online tend to have a lurking ex that they still aren't completely over. My bet would be that she rebounded off of you.

[bloodmountain1990]

Being rebounded sucks. Next time I hear a girl is newly single/divorced, I'm either hitting it and quitting it or abandoning ship. Fuck that.

[Anonymous]

Yes a few times way back before internet even, never responded or answered the phone, now I don't even get to even a first , they just stop communicating with me and leave me to try and figure out what happened. My guess is that women just don't care to even tell you they aren't interested anymore and leave it at that while you just guess what happened.

[akadatank44]

Nope never had that. Did you ever hit her up to see what ever happened? I'd be damn curious lol.

[OlderAndWiser]

I tried calling and texting for a week and then I gave up.

[abundantlyrich]

1) you weren't her type
2) she had another guy she was seeing as well as you at that time
3) she isn't committed but just wants to date casually

[COCOCHANEL]

i don't mean to sound like i know what everyone does but i've ghosted? just like the girl you described because i can't be direct in many situations mainly because i don't want to hurt the person's feelings or make the mood awkward but later just can't make myself continue correspondance because i don't want to pretend. basically i don't want to lead them on but don't want to say it.

[OlderAndWiser]

But you are protecting your own feelings and neglecting the feelings of someone who is probably an innocent party. If they acted like a jerk on the first date, I understand you don't want to talk. But if there just isn't any chemistry, I think the respectful thing to do is to tell them instead of just disappearing.

[COCOCHANEL]

there are some things that bother me and i just can't bring myself to say it because i don't want to hurt their feelings. i have had my feelings hurt before and i treat people the way i want to be treated.

[COCOCHANEL]

i should i've also been ghosted before and it didn't bother me much

[COCOCHANEL]

i should mention*

[That1tallguy]

Being ghosted is 10x worse your only thinking about your own feelings when you do that. You rip it of like a band aid sure it might hurt a little but he'll get over it a lot quicker. If you ghost then you'll always be left wondering why. Most guys don't have tons of options like girls there's no 1 next in line, so it's harder for us to just brush it off

[COCOCHANEL]

@That1tallguy not everyone feels that way. some people myself included do not like a direct slap on the face, ok?

[COCOCHANEL]

people need to realize that not everyone is the same, even within a culture there are all kinds of personalities. i don't give a fuck if certain people think it's cold of me not to smile at strangers, i don't feel comfortable doing it and i don't need to force myself to do things i don't want to do. just because you know people who feel that way you do or see it on tv doesn't mean it's the right way.

[BlackMaleYou]

@COCOCHANEL, no one can force u to be sensitive to other people's feelings. The reason why u would feel hurt is that as a woman u are not very familiar with rejection. I can assure you every guy becomes acquainted with rejection from his early teenage days and it becomes part and parcel of being a man.(every man gets rejected eventhose that a good with women). Tho rejection hurts a guys will appreciate it more if were up front with how you feel and not left with the question of 'why? '

[BlackMaleYou]

@COCOCHANEL, Your reluctance of being up front and choosing to ghost guys is a reflection of ur fear of confrontation rather than his feelings (i could be wrong but you know urself better). Like That1tallguy said a lot of guys dont have girls lining up to get their number, so its usually hard to brush it off. But I personally, grew up from and stopped giving a fuck about 1 girl (when there are billions of girls). If you have interest and open to learn just ask any guy if they would prefer to be ghosted or have the girl be upfront. The answer might blow ur mind.

[COCOCHANEL]

@BlackMaleYou you obviously didn't read what i wrote. to reitterate, i am extremely sensitive to the feelings of others and my own. i have been rejected and ghosted multiple times. i have experienced it both directly and indirectly and i PREFER it to be indirect. yes that's right. i would rather be ghosted than hurt in a direct way. i do not care how righteous you feel, i have experienced what i have experienced and feel that way i do.

[COCOCHANEL]

@BlackMaleYou and by the way i only tend to be attracted to guys who happen to have girls coming up to them in droves so yes they are picky.

[BlackMaleYou]

@COCOCHANEL, Just listen to guys. Guys prefere the truth. Just ask you male friends if they would prefer being ghosted. And if you can't bring urself to be direct then do as you feel.

[OlderAndWiser]

@BlackMaleYou @COCOCHANEL I just posted a poll asking if people would prefer to be told the truth or simply be ghosted.

[COCOCHANEL]

@BlackMaleYou ok but i'm not a guy? so why do i have to feel the same way?

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm not a girl and I don't feel the same way that girls feel so I don't need to respect girls' feelings? Is that what you are suggesting?

[COCOCHANEL]

when did i say i don't respect guys' feelings? to reitterate, i treat others the way i wish to be treated.

[OlderAndWiser]

Most guys feel disrespected if they are ghosted. Why not simply tell them instead of disappearing in a fog of mystery? If you don't tell them, you are not respecting their feelings.

[COCOCHANEL]

again, we see things differently. please respect my opinion. thank you.

[COCOCHANEL]

i also believe that you are only thinking from a western perspective (although not all westerners think that way) and i do not date nor have plans to date a western guy.

[OlderAndWiser]

I do respect your opinion, but I am trying to understand and perhaps our cultural differences are the problem. Are you saying that if you had a first date with a guy, you thought it went very well but the guy didn't think so, you would rather be ghosted than told the truth?

[COCOCHANEL]

yes that is correct and it's generally the norm here in japan and yes i am bicultural and raised in the states but i've always been very sensitive and disliked directness. i just plain don't feel good when people say mean stuff about me to my face. some japanese are naturally straightforward and do that but not usually when dating (from my experience) especially if you met on the internet.

[BlackMaleYou]

@OlderAndWiser, Thats what she has been saying all the while. I am not a westerner either. She prefers being ghosted good for her. She can not say she is sensitive about other peoples feeling (guys feelings as she said before, she doesn't want to hurt guys feelings) and yet guys would tell her girls not being direct hurts their feelings, but then she will still do it cos... 'I dont wanna hurt their feelings'. The people she doesn't want to hurt their feelings are saying the thing u do to spare us is hurting our feelings but she says she has another opinion. Its fuckin disrespectful. Being upfront and direct causes discomfort (cowardice)

[BlackMaleYou]

@OlderAndWiser, yep it could also be a thing of culture, cos some cultures are naturally not confrontational.

[Chanel1981]

Whatever her reasoning is that's very rude and cowardly, I'm sorry that happened

[Anonymous]

-->Met woman online
--> Spends days chatting her up
--->Drove to her place which was an 1hr away (money wasted)]
--> I texted her when I got home to tell her that I was home safe and that I really enjoyed meeting her. (already showing her that you are her bitch)

THIS IS WHAT BEING A GENTLEMEN GETS YOU.

So many rookie mistakes. Guess age doesn't give experience.

[Opinion Owner]

Also just lol if u payed for her meal. Women who are online dating have men coming left and right asking to take her out. It was just your turn buddy. Now, she is off to use another guy for a free meal.

i.dailymail.co.uk/.../...100000578-280_634x467.jpg

[OlderAndWiser]

That is a possibility but certainly not an established fact. . Being a gentleman means that I am susceptible to be used by a manipulative woman; I knew that long before you were born. If the most important hing in life was to make sure that I never got used by anyone with improper motives, I would reside in a cave and live a celibate life. The search for love requires exposure to abuse and heartache; if you have decided that the search is not worthwhile, you can join that growing men's group MFTOCEM (Men Fixin' Their Own Coffee Every Morning.) I will continue to take my chances looking for love.

[Opinion Owner]

You can search for love without being an idiot. Being a gentlemen does not get you far in dating world these days buddy boy. I know older users like yourself thinks your age makes you better than others (as you've sort of tried to display in your response) but the reality is dating has change and if you don't adapt you will find yourself getting this treatment over and over.

[OlderAndWiser]

It has happened once in 43 years. Women my age have not changed and people my age expect some unselfishness in dating relationships. Do what works for you and I will continue to do what has worked for me.

[wrightontime]

I have been ghosted by a girl after the first date. Then I met someone hotter with a better personality a week later. The rest is history. Now I'm ghosting the girl who ghosted me. I'm going to tell her leave me the fuck alone soon. Karma is a bitch.

[Imsuperstar]

Women do those kinds of things all the time. You moslt likely didn't make a cut. sad thing.

[christian_witch]

A lot of things could have happened, but in the end it's sad that it turned out that way for you. Some people simply lack the maturity to be honest and do this stiuff.

[Cosytoasty]

You can bet she was married 👍. The kiss made her feel guilty.

[ThisDudeHere]

I have been ghosted after a first quick meeting that I thought didn't go all that well though.

[Unit1]

This is why I like to split the bill on the first date :)

[Unit1]

It prevents me from being used by the downvoters as a volunteer to cover their costs for their meal.

[Anonymous]

Was she hot? You know women are milfs/gilfs nowadays. They enjoy fucking. You may have messed by simply kissing her good night.

[OlderAndWiser]

She is a very attractive lady for her age but I don't think she wanted to do the horizontal mambo that night. I could be wrong but that was my perception.

[Opinion Owner]

Once I have them on a date I've never lost a case by "going strait for it".

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Nah, never found out what was wrong but it was ok, i found someone else nice and crazy.

[Nahid1234]

No because i never took a girl on a date or for something Like coffee 😅

[my_sons_gay]

maybe she got shot on the way home my guy. Rip mystery girl 2015

[OlderAndWiser]

Actually, I checked the Gainesville papers the following week to see if there were any crime reports of murders, abductions, accidents involving her.

[my_sons_gay]

Ah. Honestly man I git no other ideas. Feels bad though

[Anonymous]

well I have done the exact same thing with a guy long back.
I met him once, didn't find him up to my standard.
Then without quoting any reason I banished all my contacts with him.
He wasn't worth, therefore.

[Browneye57]

Ah, the mysteries of dating... :)

[OlderAndWiser]

At our age, I wasn't shocked by this. Not much shocks me anymore, but I was a bit surprised because she gave me the very strong impression that she enjoyed the first date as much as I did. Oh well, live and learn!

[Browneye57]

From what hear it's usually the guy that will ghost. And usually after some time with them. The problem with telling BSC you're dumping her ass is that she's liable to stalk you and make your life a living hell. Or vandalize your car. Or show up at your work claiming she's prego.
:)

But yeah, one would think a properly matured adult woman would just say 'hey, I changed my mind.' They do that a lot anyway. LOL

[Browneye57]

On update...
Consider if the woman is BSC enough to just ghost then you likely dodged a huge bullet.
There's no magic to this stuff. If they bolt they have their own reasons - they are NOT your problem. I quit taking on anyone elses problems a LONG time ago.

YOU deal with your own problems! I'm not making them mine. :)

[Wonderer89]

That's such a crappy thing to do, how rude 😕

[Tomsta]

I've been ghosted a lot end of

[Decentguy]

nope. but then again, i dont go on much dates

[Dred1614returns]

I haven't had that experience.

[razor97]

sounds spooky, i don't want to try

[SuperGlitterGirl]

No never. I do the ghosting.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why?

[Toad-1]

ego im betting

[SuperGlitterGirl]

@Toad-1 Because I only deserve the best guys.

[OlderAndWiser]

And that does not require that you ghost guys.

[SuperGlitterGirl]

Of course it does. Why would I waste my time with someone who clearly does not deserve me?

[Toad-1]

Because that's what any decent human being would do...

[OlderAndWiser]

@Toad-1 Ghosting only means that you don't tell them you aren't interested in a second date. The alternative to ghosting is not a second date; it is telling them that you aren't interesting in continuing. Do you understand that?

[Toad-1]

Yes but that still doesn't mean it's a good thing to do

[SuperGlitterGirl]

@Toad-1 It's good for me

[pachink]

yes ugh

[Caliboy0123]

Multiple times haha

[JoyGirl]

No '-'

[IsraeliSoldierr]

Nope.

[dogfish]

um nope

[Anonymous]

no i dont do that

[Anonymous]

Yes.