Have you ever been ghosted after a first date that you thought went well?

Question

I had a first date with a woman I met online. We had a few lengthy phone conversations over the course of a few days; then we decided to meet. She lives about an hour away so I drove to her hometown to meet. We had a nice seafood dinner at a place that was nice but not too upscale. The conversation flowed freely. She had a glass of wine after dinner and we talked more. It seems that we had much in common and I felt an instant connection with her.

We began talking about meeting again and we agreed to our next date before parting for the night. I walked her to her car and gave her one goodnight kiss. I texted her when I got home to tell her that I was home safe and that I really enjoyed meeting her. She replied that she also enjoyed it and was looking forward to our next date. That was the last communication I ever had from her.

She did not respond to text messages, phone calls, emails. . . nothing. I checked the local papers to see if something awful had happened to her but there were no news reports concerning her. I knew where she worked but I did not call her at work or go wait for her in her parking lot when she got off work; that seemed like it would be stalking and if she did not want to talk to me. . . what can you do?

My best guess is that there was an ex lurking in the background and she got back with him. An explanation would have been nice, but. . . Maybe she was put off by me kissing her at the end of the first date, but she didn't act that way when it happened and she texted afterwards saying that she had a good time. Bottom line: I have no idea what happened.

What a horrible experience!

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

I've never been ghosted after a date that went well but I'll share a similar experience:

I asked this guy out who worked at a drugstore near my old apartment who I had chatted casually with for a year. Invited him over to my place, we played games, I ordered us food (I paid for him) and I had a few drinks. Note, I told him we were drinking beforehand, and he was cool with it, but he revealed he didn't drink. Anyways, I was nothing but myself, we seemed to hit it off, and while he was definitely more reserved than me I was accepting of that and he didn't seem too bothered by my outlandishness. I took initiative and gave him a peck on the cheek before he left, and I expected to hear from him soon since we discussed having another date.

Well it's about 3-4 pm the next day, and he calls me. I pick up and he sounds nervous. I'm chipper and confident, feeling that he's likely just wanting to set an actual date and time for our next date, but instead he drops a line: "I uh... don't think dating is the BEST COURSE OF ACTION FOR US."

That line made me want to puke, so cringe. A simple "I wasn't feeling it" or something would have sufficed, but he made it sound like a business transaction. And for a guy that lived with his mom and claimed he never had a girlfriend I was honestly shocked that he turned me down. However, refusing to be bitter, in the best chipper voice I responded with: "It's okay (name), I appreciate you calling me and not leading me on. I truly didn't have any strict expectations but I still had fun." - Or something to that effect.

Of course, when the call ended I tossed my phone on the bed, gave it the middle finger and yelled: "FUCK YOU! I BOUGHT YOU CHICKEN!" Suddenly understanding the sentiment behind why guys get irritated when they buy a girl dinner and get canned. My friend, from the bathroom asks me what happened. I told her, she went quiet, and just to make me feel better says:

"Well he obviously likes dating dicks up the ass."

Obviously he wasn't a bad guy lol. I still saw him and was cordial with him but yeah, a similar but not exact experience. Sorry for the novel.

bc1989 · Accepted Answer

a lot of people do this nowadays unfortunately online dating makes it so easy to set up dates that they don't mean anything to a lot of people now, one of my colleagues is seeing 2 girls and still uses tinder to go on new dates with new girls once or twice a week (I have no idea how he has the energy to bother with that) but the main thing is that this is no reflection of the people getting played, it wasn't that you wasn't good enough or that you did something wrong, she probably did have a good time with you but she could just be one of many people that enjoys going on a series of first dates with loads of different men. I hope this helps x

PrincessPie · Accepted Answer

Well not ghosted no.. but them seeming less interested than they appeared on the date sometimes.. its kind of hard to tell what someone feels unless they make it extremely obvious.. i never understood people who think men are all super simple and always say what they mean and feel i can say from experience this is not the case.. obviously i've never dated a woman so i can't say who is more straight forward but i know i've often been left confused what a guy feels for me lol.

MusicMayhem · Accepted Answer

Yeah it happens, it sucks, but you move on knowing there's 7 billion people on this planet.

Usually girls just ghost or make up a lie to get the guy off their back cause they're scared of confronting guys with the truth. Some guys are don't take rejection well and start name calling girls so that's why.

For me personally, i dated a girl about a month ago which went really well. She said we should definitely catch up again soon before I could suggest it. She then went overseas briefly to visit family but hasn't texted back to the couple of msgs I've sent since.

I got the impression she was dating at least a few guys casually before meeting me cause it took a while to organise a time to meet, maybe a month, 6 weeks from when we first started chatting. The harsh reality is, as guys we need to understand women are constantly chased by guys so they will always have lots of options, therefore she may find someone better even if you had a great date with her and she wants to catch up again AT THE TIME. We can have lots of options too, but it just takes more effort to meet lots of girls.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Okay so I had the same experience
Met this girl online, went on a date with her. Then the next day she was being cold. I didn't bother it because I enjoyed my time..
anyways after two weeks, she messages me saying something like this.. hey we should meet if you are still interested.. I was like okay let's go.. I met with her and gone to her place we had some fun. Then she was on the same pattern again the next day.. I realized afterwards that she is meeting with other guys through her Facebook. Which made me think she is not stable and wanna try as many dicks she want.

burlen · Answer

I have been ghosted and I have ghosted. When someone ghost on you or you ghost someone after a date, the default explanation is: you aren't what they are looking for.

I do not think your ghosting has anything to do with the kiss you planted on her cheek, forehead, or lips. By the way, where [cheek, forehead, or lips] did you kiss her?

Sometimes our wishes can lead us to misinterpret even the slightest innocent behaviour [smiles, laughs, questions, gestures, etc.] of a person during a date.

My colleagues in psychology called it 'confirmation bias', which is the tendency to interpret an observation to fit a belief.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, many times and it is frustrating as hell. Like I'll know when a date goes bad, but I've had dates where the girl suggests meeting up again and even gives a specific date or event and then ghosts.

I mean of course not everyone you date is gonna be the one, but the problem for me wasn't getting the dates it was getting past the first date or even a few and not knowing what I could have done on my end to make them lose interest.

I don't wanna sound like one of those "why don't girls like me, im nice" or "all women are bitches" type of guys because I hate that shit. It's just I'm one of those if there's no smoke there's no fire type and if there seems to be no issues then they disappear, it kinda fucks with you. It's hard to improve yourself when you don't know what you're doing wrong.

aicarg · Answer

I'm sorry that someone would go M. I. A on you like that after such a nice night out from how you described it. I wonder if all she was looking for was a one night experience/if she actually is still somewhat attached to an ex... it really puzzles me as well. I have never personally gone on a blind date with whom I have no common friends from the guy, as I've heard several unpleasant stories from friends who have. I find set up dates (going out with someone a friend sets you up with) is the most ideal, as if the person ghosts you - you've got a friend who is able to tail the person down!

SummerNight · Answer

I just recently learned about ghosting, from reading online so I haven't gotten ghosted. But I have few ideas.
1) yes maybe something happened to her sometime that week but it didn't reach the media.
2) maybe that week she meet someone else n just ignored you (rude)
3) she was cheating and got caught
4) she was testing the dating waters then realized she wasn't ready
5) she wasn't into you
6) she gotten little tipsy and was embarrassed that's why she was flirting and welcomed the kiss
7) later she thought it was going to fast (the kiss)
8) was in abused relationship and had to get rid of everything start over
9) she just wanted a free meal and maybe to get out.
(Recently heard stories on the radio)

LolaB28 · Answer

Yeah that happened to me once. A former co-worker set me up with one of her friends. We went out more than once actually. We would talk on the phone and have nice conversations, all of a sudden he started an argument and he stopped talking to me. I really don't know what went wrong, but there is a small part of me thinks that it had to do with the person who set us up. That whole situation was kind of messy to begin with, but recently he was so pressed for me to follow him on Instagram and he liked all of my pictures. I don't bother to look at his page though LOL.

MrNameless · Answer

Sort of. Not like flat out not answering my texts.. But we had an okay first date. I asked her if she was down for a second, and she said yes. Then I tried to plan something with her over the following weekend, and she said she had plans and would get back to me.. I asked like a week or two later, and she said she was busy again. She never "got back" to me to plan a date. It's really frustrating. I wish people just let me know if they weren't interested rather than wasting my time and what feels like stringing me along. I would have totally understood if they didn't want to go on as second date.

meatballs21 · Answer

Yes! I met this girl on OKC who was physically my ideal - redhead, 5'0, 100lbs. She lived just around the corner from me. We went out to a bar near us, had a few drinks and dinner. The night was still young so I asked if she wanted to come back and hang out more. She agreed and ended up spending the night.

She left in the morning in good spirits and we agreed to plan something for the following weekend.

We emailed back and forth all week and then abruptly the emails stopped. She'd mentioned feeling like she was coming down with something so when she hadn't responded, I gave it a few days and then asked how she was doing. Nothing. Never saw or heard from her again.

rjroy3 · Answer

No, but only similar circumstance I've had was a girl I went out for drinks with in college. After class we got starbucks or something. Not really a date. Nothing serious. I ended up asking her out to dinner. She said yes. I head out to the restaurant only to get a text saying she's not coming, because she doesn't want it to be a date "yet". Just that she wasn't ready for that after her last relationship. I merely texted back, "it's cool. It's nothing serious. You're cool and just wanted to see you again. Enjoy your evening".

Nothing happened with us, but I did see her again here and there. She sent me shower pics which I found weird lol. Just because it was out of the blue and several months later after I stopped investing extra time in her.

LondonNewYork · Answer

I'm sorry this happened to you. All I can say it, what a loser this woman was!
I can't believe why would a grown person be such a coward and a loser. If you don't see yourself having a relationship with someone, be a grown up and tell the truth.
In your case, look at the bright side. Would you like to be with a person who has no intergity and would bail at the first sign of troubles? Good luck to you. I hope you will meet someone better suited for you.
by the way, how old was she?

kitty71 · Answer

Ohh boy Im Reading my own experience with a guy I met 2 years ago. I want to ask also myself what went wrong and what can I do. The worst part is that he is the best friend of my cousin and if my cousin wants to take and invite this guy to family gatherings he may go and I see him again.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it's happened to me a few times but the most awkward time is after I sucked a guys dick on a date then he carried on messaging me the day after telling me how good of a night it was then after that I never heard of him again and it was him who asked for the blow job I didn't just give it randomly 🤔😓😐

oddwaffle · Answer

I had that happened before. I think I got a prostitute and I somehow missed the clue. Or maybe she just wanted the meal+wine.

I think chances are she is not interested in the 1st place. There are women dating men for an expensive meal. There are sex workers using online dating to fish for a client. Some women just date for the sake of it and to see what's out there.

Tephra · Answer

Im sorry to hear that happened to you! You actually sound like a real genuine person.

Have been ghosted before and it really makes you think what did you do to upset them? Then you start criticising yourself and blame it on you. But in the end you realise it was them that were the problem, not you.

Looking at it from their perspective, its hard to be upfront with someone about something and especially if it will hurt their happiness

Redstang88 · Answer

Yep, sure have. What was even worse was we were friends before.
Took her for movie and drinks, went great - or so I thought, texted her once or twice after and that was it. Last I ever heard from her.
I can blame her for not being interested, I mean she was way out of my league. But we were friends, at least say something.

Cruciatusdeatheater · Answer

Can't say I've had that happen. I've seen it happen. I've done it once myself after the date went wrong, though. Semi-ghosted.  Prior to that, you two had been speaking daily?

Waternymph789 · Answer

just forget her maybe there is a ex in background i have had my ex using my name on dating sites dont get attached people too soon have a list requirements and any weridness on these sites move on

yoshinoya · Answer

I no what went wrong! first, after a date NEVER text her the same night.. always wait till she text you first or a few days later then text her first. and two females always try to be nice and that's why she responded that night.. but I'm telling you it was a turn off..

Adamnman · Answer

This happened quite a bit, I ended up thinking I might have scared them at some point. Then I thought it was because they didn't actually find me attractive and only did it out of pity, which made me a little self-conscious for a while.
About a million things ran through my head until I realized that it's probably just them that happen to be too judgmental.

Some women are looking for a fantasy date like in the movies and pretty much aren't satisfied by anything else.

kmmer · Answer

Well, I always seem to get ghosted on. I likely come on too strong or I intimidate. I spend a few weeks over-thinking it and then move on. If some guy can't accept me for who I am, then I'm not going to worry about it.

sarath1997 · Answer

lol when I combined the pic and the heading I thought you dated a ghost.. lol

Have you ever been ghosted after a first date that you thought went well?

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