My boyfriend is pressuring me to lose weight. What should I do?

Question

First off, I'm all for losing weight. Of course I think it's a good thing to stay in shape. But, it's not like I'm fat. I'd say I'm definitely average, on the weight scale (Like 120lbs?). I already have really bad body dysphoria too. It's unfair. Right now I just want to focus all my energy on doing well in school and at work for once. But I can't help but think about how ugly my body is whenever he mentions it.

Anyways. Am I overreacting, or should I take his advice?

Anyways. Am I overreacting, or should I take his advice?

FireWaitingToCatch · Accepted Answer

Fuck him.

My wife's always had bad body dysphoria, thanks in part to a "supportive" family member who went as far as encouraging & paying for gastric band surgery (which she describes in no uncertain terms as one of worst decisions she ever made. This is all before I came along, and I was so happy when she went through with the surgery to have it removed again). I've seen how she has to deal with that part of her that's always saying she can't have any value as a person unless she's below a certain weight. If I'd needed her to be a certain weight before I could love her? Before I could value her as a person? Then I would have had no right to be her partner, let alone her husband.

So yeah. Normally I'm super reasonable and polite about these kind of things, but this is something where I've had to watch it hurt the woman I love, over and over again. Fuck this guy. I'm sure he has his good qualities but in this he is failing you as a partner. If he can't figure out how to support you in dealing body dysphoria then you owe it to yourself to find a partner who can.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

120 pounds? According to the BMI calculator, that is a normal weight if you are between 4'10 and 5'7. Your boyfriend is both ignorant and obnoxious. Do not attempt to lose weight, 120 pounds is perfect. Your boyfriend is both ignorant and obnoxious and he's stressing you out. Who needs that? Dump him and find a guy who appreciates you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You should tell him to kiss your ass.

Why would you want to be with a man that insults and degrades you? Is he perfect? in my opinion you should tell him this is unacceptable and you are not going to become anorexic to please him and that if he truly loves you, he needs to accept you the way you are or find someone new.

If he truly cared about you (especially since you say you suffer from dysphoria) he wouldn't be encouraging you to change your appearance whatsoever (unless he hears you complain about being fat and is trying to get you to do something about it) That would be one thing..

However, its my own personal experience that when a man starts bugging you about your weight, it means he doesn't find you appealing anymore and is most likely cheating or at the very least, considering it.

You should rethink the relationship if looks are more important to him than your health.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

If you're 120 lbs (depending on your height) chances are you are either 100% fine and you're both delusional or you have a high body fat percentage, which is easily fixable through a proper diet and exercise. I wouldn't advise your goal be losing weight but rather gaining lean muscle IF that's the issue.

But on to the real problem: your partner should never be pressuring you to lose weight unless you are in bad health. Even then they should be a little more constructive. I advise you make that known to this "boyfriend" of yours.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

You know how to you could easily lose a bunch of weight, like really quickly? And it's guaranteed I promise.

Best way to lose 150-190lb of dead weight is to tell him to go fuck himself and that you're perfectly fine and healthy the way you are. It'll be the best diet you ever go on

akadatank44 · Answer

You need to drop him. Seriously. You are at a healthy weight and he's just trying to manipulate you. He knows you have body dysmorphia and he's playing into that.
I'd dump him and never look back.
Focus on school and your work like you want to.
And seek professional help with your body dysmorphia. Not because you have to but you struggle with it. Why struggle with it if their are people out there to help is my point. You'll be a much better well rounded person if you do and you'll see guys like him in the beginning and won't continue things.

darklandrunner · Answer

if you were like 5'7'' 250-and above I would understand but if you make any attempts to diet during your focus on school it's gonna fuck up your metabolism. I'm no doctor by the way or a psychiatrist but he doesn't sound healthy for you. I have dated heavy women most of my life and I feel bad when I have to tell them to lose weight and it's not cause I want a super model it's because I care. lots of guys would give a right nut or a right wing to be with a woman of your stature so I think you should just ignore him whenever he brings it up.

dmbvb · Answer

I strobgly disagree with all of this people. They have probably talked about it and they both agreed. Its fine, its feedback, not accepting feedback stops growth.
That said, I tjink your weight its normal, but I you want to lose weight and your boyfriebd wants its too, just tell him you are into it and please to be patient. He will probably feel "relieved". Then, some weeks/months later, be again the one taking the initive and tell him about your results, and that you are still going to try to lose more (if thats the case). If you do this but he still insists, then maybe you should tell him to really stop.

BikerGirl89 · Answer

Leave this loser. A girl I know who was about your size had a douche bag of a boyfriend too who would tell her to lose weight. She didn't need to lose any weight! Now she has become anorexic and addicted to laxatives. She is dying quickly. Do not listen to him.

SleepyChan · Answer

It's unhealthy for someone you're dating to tell you to lose weight. He's not a doctor or a dietitian so he's not to judge. You should dump him because having a toxic person around a person with body dysmorphia doesn't help. Being in shape and losing weight are two different things. You should eating right and do light stretching.

AaronKrieger · Answer

120 lbs and 5'7, yet your boyfriend wants you to lose weight. I'd get it if you were fifty pounds more and you weren't his body type, but at your weight I think you shouldn't lose any weight. I think your boyfriend is into anorexic people. Lol

BubbleBurster · Answer

If he cannot love and accept you for who you are, dump his ass. You don't need someone who doesn't care about your feelings.

genericname85 · Answer

just try to focus a bit on your caloric intake if you wanna lose weight but it´s probably more sensible to advance your own life untill you have a steady job. if you have a job, you can start focusing on working out and finding a better guy if you have to :D

MrManga · Answer

He should not pressure you at all, if he was concerned with your health then he would be kind and supportive about it, if my converter works correctly so is 120lbs around 55kg and i have a hard time to belive that you would be overweight so dont let him poison your mind.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

None of my business but no girl deserves a guy who
pressures her into losing weight that is lot to handle.
You are in a bad relationship with guy who is treating
the way this guys doing to you, i believe you deserve
better.

kwalter3 · Answer

Well you have to ask the question. Does he love ❤ me for me , if so why is he trying to control me. Love ❤ is never about control, but love ❤ is allowing your mate to be who they are and love ❤ them for the person they are. Only if your doing something destructive should he push you to make a change, even so he should do that tenderly

laleahh33 · Answer

You are tiny girl. Unless you were like 5 years old and weighed that much. Haha, your good. Lose it if you want to. If you don't.. then don't !

DodgersGM · Answer

Wow, what a douche. You weigh 120 and he's talking like it's a problem?  Honestly, I think you should dump him.

Tricialicious · Answer

I think you should do whatever will make YOU happy 😊

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him. You don't need that kind of negativity. Having an intimate partner criticize your weight is horrible. It's not warranted and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

SmallTownGirl15 · Answer

Dump him. I would drop a guy in.5 seconds if he told me to lose weight.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope he is very superficial and a jerk. Tell him he needs to bulk up and have large muscles... seriously give him a taste of his own medicine. Them dump him because he sounds like a shallow asshole

Alexis_901 · Answer

If you don't love me at my 2007 Gucci, you don't deserve me at my 2017 Gucci. Leave him. You're only going to keep thinking you'll never look good enough.

IdkSomethingRandom · Answer

demand he do everything you do >:) every calorie cut, every step measured.

tartaarsaus · Answer

So your boyfriend degrades you by calling you ugly. Clearly he doesn't care about your feelings.  Reconsider your relationship

truthbeknown · Answer

120 is a really nice size. Pretty slim actually. 160 is chubby and 180+ is fat. I think you both are over reaching over this.

Divides · Answer

yea anyone that pressures you into changing yourself is not someone you want to be with. look into your relationship before looking into changing yourself. and wanting to focus on school and work is nothing to feel bad about

aimME · Answer

What the hell is that guy... just tell him to fuck off seriously. None have to tell you what to do if you are fine with it.

jairaam · Answer

friend... you want weight lost and you need to weight lost.. so lost your weight for your self not only for your boyfriend

NerdInDenial · Answer

You should weigh yourself and see how much for sure. If you don't want to change, then don't. Be ready to break up.

TadCurious · Answer

Don't listen to your boyfriend. It sounds like you're at a healthy weight. 120 isn't very much.

Megalyssa · Answer

Lose the boyfriend. 120 just cannot be overweight unless you are a migit.

TheMexicanGamer · Answer

Ok, I'm still a kid so maybe my advice won't be the wisest but I would say to ditch him.

guest2 · Answer

lose weight for your own self, otherwise it won't work.

404filenotfound · Answer

Figure out how much your boyfriend weighs and lose that much "weight".

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Do you actually need to lose weight or is it more about toning up?

fktheworld · Answer

If you don't act in some way to show him that his preference for you (skinnier) is being taken seriously he'll find a girl who matches that.

Anonymous · Answer

Exercise and eat healthy, exercise will also help you in studies, will strengthen your mind.

Harlock2045 · Answer

suggest he loose some too, from the neck up.

oblivion365247 · Answer

The only weight you need lost is him. If he doesn't like how you look get rid of him.

KaydenChrist · Answer

take his advice. he wants u healthy. when he stops caring, thats when you should worry

killer4212 · Answer

Depends how often he says that to you. Plus a person who tells you to have a healthy body isn't bad

Anonymous · Answer

I think so what you want to do but if he's presuring u, u should dump him. He's meant to love you for who you are not change u into someone he wants you to be

bhmotorbike09 · Answer

No guy should tell his woman to lose weight unless it is for health reasons.

Samantha2448 · Answer

You are skinny dont worry about it

indianbutdontdoyoga · Answer

if you want to, then do it otherwise just be as you are

jaxson48 · Answer

loose weight because you want or health reasons tell him to bug off

apple24 · Answer

You need to get rid of him like bad potatos chips.

AynonOMouse · Answer

120 is normal for being 5' 7"

Listening5 · Answer

How is he pressuring u

tialea · Answer

Break up with him

claramins · Answer

Change boyfriend

Whysosirius7 · Answer

How tall are you? I prefer a girl nearer to 100lbs

Mike_hawk · Answer

Have u considered not eating?

Anonymous · Answer

start pressuring him into losing it.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him to fuck off

Anonymous · Answer

lose him.

My boyfriend is pressuring me to lose weight. What should I do?

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Boyfriend wants me to LOSE WEIGHT?

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Boyfriend wants me to LOSE WEIGHT?

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