My boyfriend has tinder, what should I do?

Question

I always thought about my boyfriend as someone faithful and caring. We are living in Spain for 2 months because of his work. Yesterday he though I was sleeping but I heard a conversation about him and his friend, my boyfriend told him that he downloaded tinder here in Spain and is making matches but he is not going to talk to them because he has a girlfriend, then why he would downloaded tinder?

lumos · Accepted Answer

Sounds to me like he just wanted an ego boost, but that could be a dangerous game. It goes from wanting matches to wanting to hear compliments from the girls he matches with. It goes from wanting to hear compliments to having long conversations. It goes from long conversations to meet up. It goes from meeting up to sleeping over. You get the drift. These small jumps can build up if he lacks self-control. Even if he considers it to be just some "harmless fun", there's a reason why he even got on there in the first place and why he's hiding it from you. He knows it's wrong. Otherwise he would have brought it up and talked about it with you.
I'm not saying this automatically means that he is going to cheat on you. Maybe it really does stop at him just looking at the girls he matches with, without doing anything about it and deleting the app once he gets bored. But this sort of behavior is clearly not healthy in a monogamous relationship, and it can lead to a more pressing situation where he ends up crossing the line multiple times.
If you haven't already, I think you should confront him. Don't beat around the bush or try to get him to confess without you actually saying anything outright about it. Let him know that you heard his conversation and that you're very hurt by what he has done. And depending on what he answers, I think it's up to you what you should do with the information. Ask yourself if you can give him another chance and trust him. Try not to let your feelings cloud your judgment too much. Look at it from a logical standpoint: do you think he's willing to do something like that again? Is he sorry because he got caught or because he realizes he did something bad? Is he willing to prove to you that trusting him is worth it? Is he trying to minimize your feelings by either outright denying it ever happened, or by saying that it's something that shouldn't upset you?
Take everything into consideration and think long and hard about the choices you have.

elswilson199 · Accepted Answer

Maybe he's conforming to a norm of all his friends having it and wants to try it out. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you but it could suggest a number of things maybe that he is bored and just wants to chat to other people. I wouldn't worry about it too much but the fact he's telling his friends is even worse! Ask him that's the best thing to do never hide what you've seen.

greyislife · Accepted Answer

He seemed to be bored and thrilled with the idea of adventure in matching with some local women while abroad. I'd bring it up if I were you because its wrong anyway you look at it

oriontheking · Accepted Answer

asker, your boyfriend sounds like kind of an ass, but more than one guy in the past has used tinder (and other apps like hot or not) to find out how attractive they are, by seeing how many girls would be interested in them. It's a self esteem kind of thing, not necessarily a cheating kind of thing. Just like girls like it when others tell them they're pretty, guys like knowing that they are physically and sexually attractive.

Him saying he doesn't like being isolated with you in Spain for two months is a red flag, but I wouldn't worry too much about the tinder alone, since he said (in a conversation that he didn't know you were listening to) that he isn't going to do anything with the girls he matches with, since he's in a relationship with you. If it bothers you, confront him about it and tell him you overheard him say he had downloaded tinder. Be warned, though: you might not like what he tells you.

BigRayFromNC · Accepted Answer

Most people who use "Tinder" are looking to meet someone to get loaded and laid and your boyfriend is not on there to get breaking news or to check his email as if he says he is doing that then he is so full of shit that his eyes are Brown.

Anyone I know that uses "Tinder" is looking to get loaded and laid and nothing more and as well I was informed that "Tinder" is loaded with all the whores a man could want. You can talk with him about it but I really do not think that is going to accomplish anything.

noesbueno · Answer

Confront him about it. Tinder is usually used for casual hook ups or dating, not finding new friends. He needs to delete this damn app.

climbatize · Answer

If he is on there, and matches with some really attractive girl, he is going to follow it up. So, either: 1. be fine with that, or 2. tell him that you know about it, it hurt/concerns you, and why. If he deletes it, great. If not, back to option 1 or option 3. move on.

frankie86 · Answer

So in all honesty I wouldn't worry about it too much. If u actually heard him say that to his buddy, then he is probably only just looking.(i bet he's just getting bored sweety) which is perfectly normal today. ADVICE- u may try to expand/explore ur sexual health. ... Just make it fun and spontaneous, like jump Out of no where demanding sex an NOW,, lol.. well hope dat helps y'all out, an good luck!

memyselfandiamhere · Answer

Maybe he just wants to see if he is appealing nicely. And needs this feedback from randoms. I let hell rain on my s. o. if s. o. would use tinder

vittle1999 · Answer

Why don't u also download tinder on Ur phone. Make sure he sees the app on Ur phone.

jumbojoffer · Answer

All these comments... i have tinder just because it is mindless fun to see random people and swipe here and there

DeeperMeaning · Answer

It'd be kind of funny if you created a tinder account and then matched with him.

ferynn · Answer

Has he changed behavior? Does he still make you happy?

Regular1 · Answer

You need to keep his balls empty at all times. Don't let him out of your sight without first emptying his sack, and never be apart for more than 2 hours.

iwahyt · Answer

He may like getting attention from other people. Do you compliment him enough? Does he even deserve it?

Wurdom · Answer

Clearly he's tempted to cheat. He can only control himself for so long

Bobthesecond · Answer

Sneak onto his phone when he's not looking and check the messages, Dont bring it up with him because if there's any evidence he'll delete it soon after

MABishop · Answer

Wait it out. Maybe he's just curious. If he starts acting weird, confront him. If he avoids the topic, or you don't like what he has to say, then break things off

Anonymous · Answer

I know some people make accounts to get on the app and look at funny profiles, but for me, I would be alarmed. I would be asking some major questions.

ItsYaBoySkinnyPen-is · Answer

Get on tinder too and start your relationship all over again

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Just wants to see what else is out there. It's pretty normal.

psychosam · Answer

I would say he's just doing it for a laugh if he's not going to message any of them. I do the same and I'm actually single hahah

bi-mike-95 · Answer

Maybe he could want to widen his social circle a bit over there as he knows nobody there?

iDeathLord · Answer

leave him to be.. but tell him dont regret it later 👍👍👍

vaalchaos · Answer

Registere a new account, use ur best friend's profile pic. And press Like ur boyfriend

karanb · Answer

He is trying to fool you he lost interest from you skip him

Artemisia8 · Answer

Give him super like, obviously

Don1892 · Answer

Curiousity to be honest

fashionguy17 · Answer

Crucify the son of a bitch!

TheSpartan · Answer

Confront him about it.

Anonymous · Answer

He's having doubts. He's young. I would watch out.

rgb008 · Answer

Kick his ass

LastNightmare · Answer

get yourself one too

rapfan107 · Answer

Let him be

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