I was love bombed, gaslighted, ghosted then he submarined and accused me of ghosting him, why do people play these silly games?

[Anonymous]

In a month we literally went from talking hours, to having the best date, to him telling me he was confused that he was falling so quickly, him suddenly pulling away a little, to the subtle gaslighting, he told me he previously had ghosted another woman and even mentioned being encouraged to start dating again he friendship but didn't want to, after we slept together twice. To ghost me when he started throwing a wobbly over pressure for marriage not even coming from me. To resurface and accuse me of ghosting him!!!

I was open an honest about my wants and needs and was happy with something casual or long-term, I just wanted to see how things could go. All I asked for was a level of communication to keep me on the sane page!

Updates

+1 y

Love bombing
If you have just met somebody who is saying that you are "soul mates" and declaring their undying love for you after a few weeks, you might have just become the victim of something called "love bombing.
gaslighting
- manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity

Updates

+1 y

Ghosting
the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication
Submarining basically, it’s when a dude (or girl) goes off the radar for some time before resurfacing in your life, as if they’d never disappeared at all.

[Smudgination]

Well, everything you say about him makes him seem consistent in his ego-ism. He sounds like a socionics-beta personality type. You just have to learn to focus on someone's character, and tracking their decision making process, not their pretty words. People will often give glaring clues that they use words carelessly to construct illusions, always to support their own cause, and to avoid having to do the work of wielding authenticity. Witness people's character, not their promises. He sounds like a vacuous guy, surprised you couldn't see through him sooner..

[Jayson101]

Drama queen and psycho. I have seen relationships like this and it looks utterly crap and stupid. In my case it was self obsessed melancholic rich kids with issues and too much time on their hands. I couldn't stand hearing about their relationship troubles, they were both too narcissistic and wanted to control the other. They were liars to eachother. Such liars and morons. So obsessive and stupid. Poisonous relationship they had

[Asker]

Well I can assure you I'm no drama queen and I'm no psycho. Which you have no evidence to claim for or against.
I've merely referred to this situation as it was. Using the language used by my age group to define the on goings.
From the starting the relationship inward quite clear about what I wanted which was to take things slow and get to know one another. The lengthy phone calls the at the beginning were initiated and mutually enjoyable. I was and am very independent and our first date was to an event I was planning on going to alone. He was the one that kept delaying due to his parental responsibilities. I was reasonable and gave him the benefit of the doubt so we could get to enjoy it together. I maintained encouraging him to go on the dates with any current tinder matches he had so he was sure about wanting to date me as he was the one talking about falling and I would do the same. He didn't want me to but respected why I said so. It was a shock to get on so well... tbc

[Asker]

But he wouldn't make us exclusive. I mean it was merely a month. After sleeping together twice I felt very content with him but the seeds of doubt and confusion started the odd behaviour and the flaking. When I confronted him he said it was all in my head and he was very much still interested but his input declined further. The sudden flip mid conversation calling me a bitch out of nowhere. The sudden act on fear of commitment converse

[Jayson101]

Yes that was what it was about. He kept going to her "you can be exclusive! We can;t be exclusive!" and he slept with all these other girls and was 'heartbroken' by her sleeping with other guys. Yes I have seen it before. He had no job or anything he dealt drugs, and he would just stalk her and she would stalk him cause she worked part time and her father was the engineer of Transpower so she didn't care about money. And I had to keep hearing about it. I didn't care by the end of it. He was like a woman kept going "this is so hard" blah blah blah. I have experienced heartbreak aswell, in a more extreme circumstance if only I could afford to be that much of a mess over it. I felt bad enough to be a mess but i didn't behave so chaotically cause I just didn't have the money

[Asker]

What are you on about?

[markscott]

Because you allow them to, and because there is something wrong with them to do this kind of thing.

[Asker]

I don't allow anyone to do this to me. I thought this person was genuine. I am new to something like this. I've always dated guys that are open and upfront and we didn't work out because we just wanted different things they were clear so I could make a conscious decision about what path I wanted to take.

[markscott]

It's likely that you are unintentionally missing cues that something is wrong with the guy. That is the part I meant by because you let him. You might use a little personal counseling to help you see into guys a little better, to be better able to pick out trouble before you get too deep into the relationship. One big clue was: "he was confused falling for me so quickly." That should have been a red flag in itself.

[Asker]

I guess I did say to him that I wasn't sure if he was genuine in the love side but I said to him I was enjoying his company and we should just see how things go.
He was quite insistent on telling me that "although I'm pretty I had content!" He was wasn't very flattering and gushy he was was just paying me normal compliments. And I was the same with him. I have met the overt flirts and game players but he has definitely thrown me...

[markscott]

We all make mistakes with relationship, so you're not alone win this department.

[Asker]

Well after this one it's really put me off the whole idea...

[markscott]

There's an old saying: "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." There's some truth to that. I understand that right now you hurt, and may need to take time off from relationships. Next time, look in good places and take your time to get to know the guy better, before letting it get serious.

[sthudig]

I'm going to look up what all these metaphors mean first.

[Asker]

I've added them to the question if you want to check them out

[sthudig]

I did, thank you

[sthudig]

The mind is a powerful weapon, what can I say, some use it for non consensual evil purposes

[Asker]

:-/ well I wouldn't say he was evil but he definitely confused me.

[zagor]

Trying to see how many dating buzzwords you could get in one headline?

[Asker]

No I literally am trying to talk in a way that people seem to understand apparently questions are boring with too much information

[Prime_Sol]

sexy relationship you got

[Asker]

As this is something that has really confused and hurt me, I can't see the funny side in this

[Anonymous]

Because you allow them to.

[Asker]

As mentioned to markscott that's not true. this is new to me.

[Opinion Owner]

FVS... Feminist victim syndrome.

[Asker]

What the hell are you on about. I literally gave this guy all the freedom he wanted. He has a child and I understood that her needs come before mine. I just asked him to let me know what was up. I put no demands on him, I only asked that we take things slow so we could get to know each other so to see if we could make it long term. We clicked and things did go faster than I had hoped but at the time he seemed so right it didn't feel like I was making mistakes. How is that being a victim. I'm using a language that you (my age group ) can relate to.

[Opinion Owner]

Grow a pair.

[Opinion Owner]

Of boobs. Then talk to me.

[Asker]

You are so bizarre but I'll leave you to troll elsewhere

[Opinion Owner]

Well..