Would you give up meat for your vegetarian boyfriend if it was a deal breaker?

Question

My boyfriend and I have had issues recently and one recurring issue is the meat/veg diet. I’m a meat eater and never saw myself change, he is vegetarian and has a strict Indian family life, where he believes that I need to also be vegetarian at home because I will be moving into his house.

He’s making me choose between being a vegetarian at home and breaking up with him. I’m very torn because I know it’s a hard change and decision and the answer I give now will be final. So even if I think I can do it now, I can’t change my mind. I keep going back and forth on my decision with this because I don’t know what it’s going to be like.

Would you break up with someone over dietary requirements for the long term?

Germanium · Accepted Answer

Of course not.

It should be my decision what I put in my mouth, but if my partner is very suggesting that I should eat better, okay then it makes sense, especially if they're trying to get me to eat less sugar and stuff.

But a big change by removing a whole food group from your diet? Especially since you most likely require meat in the first place to survive, now that's just stupid. If he loves you, he'd let you do what you think is right for you or what you enjoy. If he forces you to go vegan, and your body can't handle the lack of nutrients that meats offer, then that's practically slow murder. (Okay, a bit extreme, but if he cares more that you strictly stay to veggies even though you feel horribly ill then he definitely isn't right in the head). This only means he's manipulative and controlling and wants his agenda forced onto people because of his own indoctrination.

You'll only be stockholm'd if you permit yourself to obey every powerful wish of your significant other.

Plus, if he cared, he wouldn't threaten and blackmail you with a breakup, he'd tell you that he just can't do it and that a diet is more important to him than a relationship.

If he honestly is just trying to make you and him not look bad in front of his parents whenever you dine together, then he'd look for a work around. But he's not.

Levin · Accepted Answer

The fact that he is giving you a strict ultimatum of this kind of would give me the answer. It's not that he's saying, 'well I'm from a different culture, and we don't eat meat, so probably naturally you'd be eating less meat, is that cool?', etc.

It kind of sets a precedence for you being submissive to his will and his whims.

Personally, I'd tell him to go fuck himself. It's about respecting yourself and your perspectives, not being a good little doe-eyed sheep. Remember, it's not about how people treat us, but how we treat ourselves, and the decisions we make. But it's ultimately up to you, and the kind of life you want. This is all normative of course.

But the fact that he's unwilling to be sensitive and communicative would ring alarm bells to me.

vishna · Accepted Answer

Well, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me because I am already a vegetarian. However, someone giving me an ultimatum like that-would probably be a deal breaker for me.
When it comes to his family, you could seriously just cook for yourself (or if is implied his mom will cook everything) just form a little meat patty and put it on the side. I know you're on the outside looking in, but it's sooo easy to accommodate meat eaters, you just add meat haha.
Personally, the change isn't hard, especially if his mom will be cooking everything-all you do is eat, the hardest part would be if you like the food/flavor.
But then again, my big issue is that he wants you to change yourself for him and his family-as if your values aren't as important (and hell, this is coming from someone who doesn't even eat meat)
As someone who has only dated guys who eat meat, I never asked them to change. In fact, we cooked meals together (and though I stopped doing it years ago) they will cook meat sometimes and put it on the side.

lumos · Accepted Answer

Nah, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. I’ve thought about becoming a vegetarian and I think it’s still possible I might become one in the future. But then it has to be on my own terms. Having my partner try to pressure me because he’s one is not cool. And what if I did it for a couple of years but then felt like it’s not really for me? Then I would have just prolonged a situation that was never going to work out.
In general I find it distasteful when someone tries to change a massive aspect of their partner’s lifestyle. We’re not talking about a small adjustment, like learning how to put the lid of the toilet down after using it. Like either it’ll happen or it won’t, but presenting an ultimatum is never cute. I prefer relationships in which both parties respect each other’s differences and celebrate them. I’d be more open-minded about it if my boyfriend was like ”hey, taste this awesome vegetarian dish I just made” instead of being like ”hey, we’ll break up if you don’t eat these fucking veggies”.

cuttl · Accepted Answer

I might eat vegetarian more often and I would provide him with vegetarian meal options at my place, but I would not be able to swear to a vegetarian diet.

I've recently met (online) several vegetarians who not only live with/married to meat eaters, but some of them will even cook the meat for their meat-eating family.

This vegetarian diet is a choice. If he was wanting you to cut something out of your diet because being in the vicinity of it put him into anaphylactic shock, that would be a different matter.

PrincessPie · Accepted Answer

No lol, i like meat it adds flavour. "He’s making me choose between being a vegetarian at home and breaking up with him" i don't like being black mailed so i think i know which one i'd go with.

splashofyellow · Answer

Yes I would because I'm not a fan of meat anyway. It would be different if I did actually like meat because it would be harder.

However, regarding your situation, I'd break up with him. I don't like the fact that he's forcing you to do something like that. It's not his choice what you eat. If you decided to do it for him and it was your idea, it would be different.

Logorithim · Answer

No, I wouldn't, but I might compromise. I once had a vegetarian girlfriend, but I didn't give up anything I ate. When we cooked together I ate fish or vegetarian as a courtesy to her (it helped that I do like a lot of vegetarian dishes). Didn't do that if we ate with others.

Most Indians are vegetarians, so it's cultural for him, and thus ultra-important.

ChronicThinker · Answer

No. If you get with me knowing I eat meat/don't eat meat then you are basically agreeing to accept that about me. If you love me you'll get over it.

Allie_Oops · Answer

Sorry, you don’t tell me what I do and don’t eat. Bye.

Anonymous · Answer

If being vegetarian is that important to him, and eating meat is that important to you, and he thinks it should be his way or the highway (or you do, which doesn't seem to be the case), then it's best you break up, unless you want that change.

A friend is just about full on vegetarian... and her husband is not. They have separate dinners, or combine on occasion. Or they do a half and half pizza. She doesn't seem to get angry about him eating meat, and he's not upset that she wants to be (mostly) vegetarian. They seem to make it work.

It's your choice, but be aware that this could happen over a lot of other things. Has he given something major up for you? Have you expected him to? Then maybe give him the benefit of trying it, if you want... but if it's all on his demand, then I'd say that things will not improve.

I have a cousin who was engaged to a guy. Occasionally, she would tell her dad (my uncle) off for some nasty comment he made. He being old school, didn't think a woman should EVER be that disrespectful to her own father to call him on it when he was inappropriate. She wasn't really disrespectful, but in some cultures, a woman is supposed to shut up when a man is talking and just quietly agree. They broke up. She ended up meeting and marrying someone else years later, and she was so much happier than she would have been with the Fiancee she had at the time.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

I'm not into controlling and manipulative men so yes, I would break up with someone who told me I "had" to eat a certain way in order to stay together. Just because HE wants to be a vegetarian doesn't mean you have to. I don't see how your diet impacts him in the slightest. Even if you lived together, he could still make his own food and eat the way he likes.

This is about much more than simply eating meat or not. It's about you being in a relationship with someone who thinks they have the right to control you and manipulate you by giving you ultimatums. If he is doing this now, what else would he try to control in the future if you lived together? Think about it. Stand up for yourself, you don't deserve to be treated like that.

yohyok · Answer

Well hell no, nobody gonna take my meat from me. XD seriously though relationships about understanding your partner regardless of his differences. You are happy of the way of your living, no? If so dont change it. He liked u as you are, so be as you are if he can't deal with it maybe he isn't the right person after all. Well please note that he may just think that his family won't accept you if you weren't vegan. Well imagine he talks with his mom "and you didn't like lalita and choose this steak lover next thing you be alcoholic and join a bike gang you are coming back to india and find you a nice indian wife" disclaimer i mean no offence to any indian mother nb they are scary lmao😫

xearo · Answer

I won't break up with someone for dietary reasons in fact I won't mind trying something new. but I won't be forced into something because I feel like if you can't respect what I do then why should I respect you? if my girlfriend told me I had to give up meat because I was going to u was moving into her house then u would tell her that she has to start eating meat because I let her fuck me. but what I say here doesn't really apply to you, its more about you and what your decisions are and what you believe in because the sacrifice might be worth it, I can't answer something like that for you, only you can

tamilans555 · Answer

As someone who loves meat and dates a vegetarian, I can surely say that you should not be forced to eat a certain way because they do. That is a very big lifestyle change that cannot be forced unless you want to make the change. First, ask yourself if he is worth it. If so, I would express the unfairness of the situation for you and possibly try to make a compromise to eat less meat over time. It's not realistic for you to drop meat like it's nothing. Work together to overcome this. This should not be a one sided issue otherwise more one sided issues will arise like this in your relationship. Hope that helps!

4everAlone17 · Answer

Why does it even have to be like that? I was reading about a family where the wife was vegetarian and the husband was a meat eater. Their kids were raised on a vegetarian diet until a certain age and they could choose if they wanted to be a vegetarian or if they wanted to eat meat. I’ve been following them for a while. They just recently made a transition for the whole household to be vegetarian maybe a few months ago.

The point is they were able to coexist. I don’t see why your boyfriend can’t do that. He’s forcing that lifestyle on you.

Personally I don’t know if I would. I’m on journey to ween myself off eating so much meat. I have stopped eating certain meat. Eventually I want to try a vegetarian diet. I don’t know about permanently doing that. But that is my personal journey with it.

BarbieLola · Answer

Yes, I would, as a vegan. Because the meat and dairy industry are full of cruelty. You should watch the documentary earthlings - it’s free and it talks about the reality of the meat and dairy industry and as a consumer it’s important to educate yourself on it. Animals want to live just as much as you or I and if you love them you shouldn’t eat them - there’s literally no benefits... the world health organization, for example, just classified processed meat as a group one carcinogen- which is in the same category as cigarettes. But it doesn’t stop there. There’s a lot of deception and lies you’ve been indoctrinated with since you were young so that some corrupt people could make money off you and I would implore you to look more into the horrors of the meat and dairy industry

silv3r8901 · Answer

Me personally.

Depends on the reason.
Like if they were allergic to peanuts and coming into contact with trace amounts will kill them, then i would give it up in a heartbeat.
If it was meat, and they expected me to give it up because they made a choice to not eat it, that quite frankly, i would tell my partner to go fuck themselves. Due to fact that if they won't live with me and stay with me, when they knew before we started dating that i was unlikely to give it up, that is a them problem not a me problem.

However I'm not you, and you need to decide where you draw line yourself.

And if you were to give it up, you need to get the protein and minerals from other sources. When i tried to do it a few years ago I ended up in Hospital, so please factor that into your choice as well.

PillowThief · Answer

No. It's extremely selfish and infantile of him to stick a belief in front of something as trivial as being omnivorous. People like that are half of what're destroying today's world. You don't need to take shit like that. I'd put my foot down and call the bluff... and if he follows through, well, it's one less imbecile for you to have to put up with in the world. But don't change yourself for anyone other than yourself, and if you do so, do so on your own terms. There're plenty of nicer guys out there just waiting to be found - namely ones that won't let outdated beliefs lead their lives and the lives of those that stick around them.

Fuck him. Obviously he doesn't regard you very importantly nor even respectfully, and to me, THAT is the deal-breaker.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

I wouldn't date a someone who is vegan or vegitarian unless they ate that way only for health reasons rather than ethical reasons because they draw their boundaries based on mallable emotions, leaving holes in their methods (e. g. a vegan refusing to buy wool socks but listening to a band that uses leather drums). because "who cares? That doesn't bother me." Then they turn around to say "your animal products bother me, stop it or else you're cruel." Like, feelings of what bothers you don't determine the slightest bit if something is right or wrong. It determines what YOU want to do with your own personal conduct, nothing more.

FakeName123 · Answer

There are essentially two kinds of vegans and vegetarians:

1. Those who do it, because they think what they are as an individual are doing is for a good cause, but are chill about different people having different views and way more accepting.

2. Those who do it out of an ideological reason and who try to make other people think the same hivemind thinking than themselves (mostly vegans fall into this category).

Ask yourself this: Do you want to be with someone - independent of the topic - who can't accept any differences between the two of you?

slatyb · Answer

I would break up with someone who gave me an ultimatum like that. I would be wondering when the next one was coming, demanding that I change my mode of dress, or give up some other activity they find objectionable. So I would start with "What else? Is it just diet, or is there more? I'm not Indian. If you want an Indian woman, then you don't want me."

Prof_Don · Answer

Break up with that controlling asshole. It is very possible to simply eat separate dishes (or u eat your vegetarian dish with a side of meat cooked separately).

Chaz269 · Answer

I don't date men. I've given up all animal products for a year while I was single. Giving them up again wouldn't be a big deal unless she refused to accommodate me similarly in any way. Compromise is one thing, being someone's doormat is entirely different.
It's not as hard as you think, especially if you're living with a lifelong vegetarian. They already know tasty recipes and good places to eat out. The hardest part about giving up any part of your diet is the substitution fallacy. Giving up meat doesn't mean you eat something instead of meat, it simply means you don't eat meat. This is particularly challenging in Anglo-Saxon communities where, culturally, meat is the meal and everything else is an appetizer, side dish, or dessert. Stop stressing about it. Try it, you actually CAN go back, even if it leads to a very difficult decision that you've apparently jumped straight to without giving change a real chance.

Anonymous · Answer

You’re not his same religion and/or race I assume so why should you adapt to his beliefs or whatever you wanna call them if he won’t adapt to yours?

I don’t eat meat either just cuz it doesn’t interest me and for whatever reason makes me feel kinda sick (still have no idea why). But even I don’t see an issue on why you can’t eat meat if you are moving in with him. That would be similar to me asking my boyfriend to stop eating rice everyday even though it’s a filipino thing if he moves in with me. Makes no sense

manpower61 · Answer

You have to look at the cultural difference here. Eating meat is from his culture a big sin. He doesn't wan't to disrespect his family values. It means more to him and his family than you can imagine. So he came into a dilemma which forced him to put you into this situation. He still loves you, but he doesn't want to lose the family values he raised up with his entire life.

You need to ask yourself if you can handle to cope with the cultural difference in general? It's hard, but could be worth it.

If you love him, I don't think dropping meat is a huge deal. Especially if you look at indian cuisine. It's pretty good.

Would you give up meat for your vegetarian boyfriend if it was a deal breaker?

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