Does it matter if a guy brings his child along on the first date? Is that a bad idea and should we change days or doesn’t it matter?

[Anonymous]

I don’t really know this guy, we just randomly met and talked a little, but there is instant attraction and we’re both super psyched about the date. Because of my schedule from finals, I can only see him one day next week, and he work every day but the day I have off so does he. He has a 2 year old boy. And he has him on that day so he’d bring him along. Is this a bad idea for a first date? Or shouldn’t it matter? My friend said what if his kid doesn’t like me, and it may be a bad idea. Thoughts?

[MinjieYoo]

To say if it matters or not, I think it matters. To bring his child on the first date must be something along the lines "I have a child. This is my child. Will you still keep dating me even though I already have a child?" I think it is one of the factors that makes dating a person (man/woman) with a child difficult. A lot of us are still in the hopes of finding a single, virgin, fresh other half. But there are also people who wants to try dating for the second time. I see it as a question to ones self of how openminded we are and can we accept a person wholeheartedly, all that he is and what comes with accepting him.

[zombiebacon21]

Wow that was pretty smart minjieyoo I never see it like that

[MinjieYoo]

Thank you. 😄

[zombiebacon21]

Your welcome, It would kind make me uneasy not bc she has a kid but I worry is the kid stressed out or how many times do they bring they kids on dates bc for all they know I could be a creep anyways how was ur day

[MinjieYoo]

Well, sometimes it's like a front or something. That's why it would be safer to be more careful when meeting new people. And worrying about the kid is a sweet thing, to be honest. Haha. Oh well, I trust that people do really think carefully before really deciding whether or not they will meet/date someone they meet online for the first time.

[MinjieYoo]

And I'm having a good day, by the way 😄

[zombiebacon21]

@MinjieYoo I use to think that but then I see this show called catfish , awesome so what ur fav song

[zombiebacon21]

To tell u the truth I'm not sure what people do or wouldn't do anymore

[MinjieYoo]

I'm afraid I've never watched that show. My fave song as of today is probably Super Far by LANY.

[zombiebacon21]

Nice super far is awesome hope ur have a good day

[PinkMichae]

I think he wouldn't bring his kid if your schedules were different. Sounds like he thinks he's met someone fantastic and doesn't want to lose his chance with you. And the kid is 2 years old. They are not gonna have an issue with it. In a perfect world he could wait. But it sounds like that connection is strong. What's the worst that can happen.

[Asker]

Thank you! Exactly. And he told his cousin who is seeing my friend that I’m the first female his child will have been around since the Mom, so it’s not like he does it often.

[PinkMichae]

There you go. I went through something similar only it was the second date. Lol! And I don't regret it because we just celebrated 3 years together. Our connection is like nothing I ever felt even with my son's father I spent 15 years with. When you have a connection like that you don't want to let it get away. I hope your connection grows and one day you'll be laughing about bring a 2 yr old on your first date. Goodluck.😊

[Bribree18]

I would say it’s a bad idea. You have to think of how it would affect the child. If he/she saw you and loved you, then it didn’t work out and you never got to see them again, they would be heartbroken. Take it from a girl whose stepmother, once she divorced her father, never talked to her stepkids again. It’s pretty shitty.

[Asker]

But the kid is 2? I don’t see how he could form that strong of a bond in just a little time.

[Bribree18]

I live with a two year old... they’re highly intelligent. They can still know you? Why would you want a child on your date anyway?

[brendon76]

I agree with your friend. Not for a first date. You two should get to know each other in a dating situation before he introduces the kid. Know who you are with him as a date before you expand it broader to include his kid. Also I would think it would be harder to be romantic with the kid around. What if you want him to kiss you but the kid is crying or something. I’d change the day and politely tell him that it would be best to have the first date just you two and then at another time he can bring the kid. If he really likes you he will understand. It will lead to a better start for the relationship.

[Errantsquire]

Bad idea he needs time with you first and then once he's sure he should bring the kid in. It's an extra level of vetting you have to go through with people that have kids. It's like meeting their parents, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to meet them on a first date.

[jennifer_bloom]

If he has a child - then you should only get involved with him if you are willing to play step mom to the child as well. He may not want your full interference in the child's life but he might want you to offer support to the child that resembles that of his biological mother. Its tough but the guy is a package deal.

[AwesomeCookie]

I don't find it appropriate. Just for the fact that is he bringing his child to meet random women all the time? If your time does not allow you to go without your child, then you should reschedule. If you both already knew each other for some time then the circumstances would be different.

[Aki6000]

It's probably not going to be much of a problem. I mean seriously, I don't think a two year old baby is going to have much of an opinion about anything. What's more important than that is how you feel about a this; if you're fine with it and he's fine with it, just go.

[Andre__]

If you are fine with it there's really no problem.
Typically I wouldn't do it since a first date is supposed to be about only the two of you.
A two year old kid may, if your lucky, sleep throughout your entire date, but otherwise a lot if attention will go to the kid and most likely dominate the subject of your conversation.
If you want a date with just the two if you why not set a date in the evening instead of your days off?

[o2joe]

My old neighbor said not to ask about 'her kids' too much, because she's probably quite protective.
My old man married the woman who worked at the gas station before kindergarten started, so we already kinda knew each other - not the same situation.
Different people have different ways of looking at it. If views conflict, that's too bad.
One thing I've learned: it's important to keep an open mind.
One person might say it's not a good idea on the other hand, you're going to have to meet the kid at some point.

[exhausted]

If he really can't find anyone to watch his kid then i think thats ok but, maybe it would be easier to start out as friends, get to know eachother and decide if you want to actually date? Whichever is easier. If his kid doesn't like you I guess its better to find out early lol. But the kid is 2 as long as you're nice and sweet he'll probably like you.

[Bryce010]

This is an unusual one, but probably his child's perception of you is the deciding factor for whether a 2nd date is going to happen. And/or he doesn't want to risk getting too close without sharing his full package. Some people might be like wishing they knew who they were getting involved with and not get surprised later with "oh by the way, I'd like to to meet my kid"

[AnonBlond22]

I can see it being overwhelming to meet his child on the first date, because that sounds commital already. But if it’s his only day to see his kid, maybe give it a chance?

[Asker]

I want to. After reading all these I’ve come to see how close minded people are. Life is short, honestly why not. Maybe it’s a little weird but why does it matter? All I need is a positive attitude and it’ll go fine.

[Asker]

& Thanks for your answer (:

[AnonBlond22]

That’s the spirit! 😇 And you’re welcome. By the way, take it from someone who has learned a huge lesson about throwing away a wonderful opportunity with someone over an inconvenient situation. Sometimes going on a leap of faith despite an obstacle is worth it. And maybe his son will even take a liking to you!

But just play it cool. Pay attention to both him and the baby but don’t try too hard

[Asker]

Exactly! Sorry that happened how it had for you, but thank you so much for sharing! That’s so spot on. I’m looking forward to our date now 😊

[AnonBlond22]

I’m happy for you 🙂. And I got a second chance with this person, and I hope so much that it doesn’t go to waste.

[Asker]

Oh that’s great! I hope it doesn’t either. Best of luck ^.^

[AnonBlond22]

Thank you 😊 🙏🏻

[Defboy69]

Shouldn't matter. One of the biggest problems single moms have is the whole, "love me, love my children" thing. If the two of you hit it off, eventually it would need to be the three of you. Might as well get it over with. I love children and would absolutely love being a father figure to some lady's child/children. I also understand the sacrifice it takes for a single mother to find a babysitter just to go on a date.

[curiousscorpio89]

He shouldn't introduce love interests to his kids until it's serious. As a single father with 2 kids, I can tell you that no woman I date is meeting my kids until I'm certain it's going to be a long term relationship. It's not healthy for the kids in my opinion.

[Asker]

Well he isn’t going to tell the child I’m a Romantic interest. He goes out with friends and sees others all the time. I don’t see the big deal. We’re just going out to eat.

[curiousscorpio89]

To each their own. As long as you don't have an issue with it, than by all means, do it.

[ConnorH]

Depends on the nature of the date, if it's a fun thing then it's a chance to integrate yourself into the family. Of course if it's a romantic or restaurant date then it obviously would be inappropriate.

[daydreammarie]

He should get a baby sitter, I wouldn't bring kids into the equation just yet. Cause first dates are about getting to know each other and the kid is most likely not going to sit still during the night. Second date yeah, sure, if you guys feel you are gonna have more after that. That date you can do something the kid would like too.

[Aevatar]

Of he takes care of his kid and is a good dad then this is the best possible chance you have to know if it could be a relationship or fling. He should always put his kid first. If the kid likes you your in. If the kid doesn't then don't need to waste your time unless you just want sex

[mrs-turner97]

If you don’t mind then ain’t nothing wrong with it you might have fun playing with the little kid

[Asker]

I was thinking that too! 😊

[zulfiqarali]

Eventually kid has to meet you.. sooner is good so that if it not work for u at least u not have much pain.. did he ask ur permission to bring him with u? If u like that man he will get impress if u handle this in a good way.. just be positive..

[jimyee]

Super bad idea. It's very irresponsible of him to bring his child around women who may not stick around.

[Asker]

I honestly don’t get this mindset. His child is 2. He has no idea I am a potential romantic interest. He just views me as any adult. And he is around adults normally, I don’t get how he is being irresponsible.

[breadisyummy]

Hey is being irresponsible because it isn’t about you. It’s about the child. How he could not realize how inappropriate it is to have his child be on his dates when your not even serious yet with him. What he is doing can potentially mess the kid up. He shouldn’t be bringing a child to the date plain fact period.

[Asker]

How can he mess the kid up? I’m missing something here. I’m a friendly young girl and we’re going out for lunch. I don’t get the big deal

[breadisyummy]

Well it doesn’t really matter how friendly you are think about it. If the kid cries the entire time your out with him. That changes the dynamic where you and him are focusing on the child not you and him. I have had friends who got involved with a baby daddy. If he can’t get a baby sitter then honestly it’s not worth it. If your willing to put that baby first every time your with him then that’s your choice.

[Asker]

Lol if he does then he does. What’s the big deal? Why is everyone here so uptight? If he cries the entire time then we can meet up again another day. We just really wanted to go out and get to know each other, and if that means getting to know his kid too, I’m all for it.

[breadisyummy]

But just realize this can happen all the time it’s not just once... always remember you will always come second to that child. Not to be mean but it’s true. Your young and so is he. Just always remember that.

[Asker]

I don’t think it has to be viewed that way. If I choose to be with him, it’s us working together. The child is part of the package, I know that and I don’t mind at all. Honestly the only worry I had was that he won’t like me but he’s 2, I doubt that’ll even be a thing.

[breadisyummy]

Lol considering how you sound your ability to concept the understanding of this is amazing. Good luck once being in the relationship you will see how the child will be a problematic situation in your relationship.

[Asker]

Come again?

[jimyee]

The fact of the matter is children are impressionable, and regardless of what ever you say it is, if it's "romantic" or not, if you introduce a child to a person, especially at a young age and they get taken away i. e. a break up, it has lasting effects. That's why generally speaking, responsible parents wait months to introduce their partner to their children.

[mrb187]

Odds are if he is single and has a kid, that kid is an important part of his life, and he probably wants to see how you'll interact with the child.

[chrisbigman]

That's a bit bold to bring a child to a first date. I don't think it's a good idea to bring a child to a first date, for multiple reasons. You might give the kid the wrong idea of what they are doing there. They may not be happy to be there once they find out the reason. Meeting the child is a much later meeting, if you ask me.

[Syrian_survivor]

He's 2 bro he can't understand sht 😂

[chrisbigman]

@Syrian_survivor Okay, I didn't read that the kid is 2. But just because he's 2, that doesn't mean it's still a good idea to bring a child to a first date. What if this date of his was psycho and had someone else take a picture of his kid in a plan to kidnap his child? You need to get to know someone yourself first before introducing them to people in your life, ESPECIALLY your children. I'm not saying the @Asker is a psycho. I'm just suggesting what if she was (hypothetically). Some people are crazy in this world. You can't trust people unless you really get to know them.

[Syrian_survivor]

Well yeah you're right but this is a date, the guy's showing the girl all he's honestly got and he's like "take it or leave it"
He wants a woman who will accept him for who he is and his child too

[fauchelevent]

Give it a chance, it might be totally fine but I dunno, I would think it’s a little inappropriate for a first date

[Notyourguy]

for if it does matter. the guy is being honest and he would want you to know that he has a child before even you could think of anything else.