An open relationship, is it ever a good idea?

[BeautifullyCurious]

An open relationship is defined as a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but don't want to be exclusive with just each other. What do you think? Good or bad and why?

Bad (why)

Good (why)

Other (explain and why)

[Bruce_VVayne]

If I ever decide to move on a relationship with someone, we both have to be exclusive for each other. I am already someone jealous and dominating, I wouldn't be cool about it.

It doesn't mean I am someone repressive or who expects her partner to follow his orders, but I am just serious and it is either a serious relationship or not.

I do believe in equality in a relationship, but there wasn't anything like my girlfriend would do anything she desired with her freedom. There are some limits for some things.

[BeautifullyCurious]

That's fair enough

[Bruce_VVayne]

So it means I am not open to that idea heh

[BeautifullyCurious]

Hahaha neither

[Bruce_VVayne]

You better not ;)

[BeautifullyCurious]

Hahaha

[Losalt]

A open or poly relationship can be every bit as serious (or often even more so) then a closed monogamous one.
But fair enough.
It's certainly not everyones coup of tea.
And you two shouldn't try it out before you're both confident enough in your relationship to not feel that it's threathened by someone else.
In other words if you starts worrying about her leaving you to be with someone else because you don't trust her love in you then perhaps a open or poly relationship isn't for you.

[Bruce_VVayne]

Thanks :)

[xTom98]

bad in my opinion, takes the intimacy of a relation out of it. For me the only reason to have a relationship is to be bound to a person I love, to build trust to that person and to have her to myself.

[BeautifullyCurious]

I know I feel the same way, Im way too possessive.. Like I couldnt do it 😂😂

[Losalt]

" is to be bound to a person I love, to build trust to that person and to have her to myself"
Except for the "have her to myself" part every part of that sentence also applies to people in a open or poly relationship...

[Justacatlady]

I don't think open relationships are good. I'm more in line with friends with benefits. I feel that if you are emotionally attached to a person and want to date them, then there shouldn't be the option to go out and see other people.

[BeautifullyCurious]

True, fair enough

[Losalt]

That just don't work for everyone.
Some people genuinly love more then one person at a time.
And I know for one that if I'm with a girl who fall in love with another guy I'd rather that she's happy with him as well as me then that she is forced to choose between us and has to deal with the sorrow of losing the one she has to give up...

Do you really love someone if you force them to choose between you and someone else?

[Justacatlady]

@Losalt Its all situational. If the other person is capable of having two relationships with two people and you as the other person are okay with that, then its perfectly fine. But if you tell her not to choose and that eats away at her because she's of the mindset that it should just be her and another person, then that isn't the right choice.
It all depends on the people involved and what they are capable of

[Losalt]

"But if you tell her not to choose and that eats away at her because she's of the mindset that it should just be her and another person, then that isn't the right choice."
I feel that is a decision for *her* to make, amd *not* me.
Even if she is as you describe it would *still* be wrong in my view for *me* to impose the restriction on her.
That said, I think the girls I deal with know themselves well enough to know if that is the case and would choose not to pursue two relationships if that didn't work out for them.
I just feel that I *should* give her the option and then let her make that decision.

That said, you're very much right t hat it's situational.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with sharing a girl with just anyone.
I'd need to trust the guy I'd share her with to feel comfortable with it.

[Saccharissa]

To me it defies the whole point of a relationship. But as long as I'm not involved, it's none of my business.

[BeautifullyCurious]

Thats true

[Losalt]

We'll have to agree to dissagree on that one.
But yeah, fair enough.

[Saccharissa]

@Losalt Disagree on what? That this is how I personally feel, or that what works for other people isn't for me to judge?

[Losalt]

"To me it defies the whole point of a relationship"
Basically I dissagree with the idea that the point of a relationship in any way, shape or form being influenced by how many people are involved in it as to me the point of a relationship isn't exclusivity.
In other words we *seem* to dissagree on *why* people *should* be in a relationship to start with.

But like I said, fair enough.
You're not letting your own feelings get in the way of how others live their lives, and you're free to feel however you like.

[Saccharissa]

@Losalt Yes, I know some people see things differently, which is why I explicitly said "to me."
Judging by this and several other comments here, you seem to be a bit too eager to show off your personal views, I'd say. Going out of your way to oppose people's personal opinions for no good reasons doesn't put you, and by extension whatever opinion you're voicing, in a very good light.

[Losalt]

You might be right.

[Logorithim]

It's not for me under any circumstances, but if consenting adults are comfortable with it, who am I to judge?

[BeautifullyCurious]

I feel the exact same way..

[MrOracle]

It's only a good idea if you BOTH want it. If one of you has any doubts, then it is a time bomb waiting to go off.

[SuzyB]

It depends from couple to couple, some couples find it more convenient to be in an open relationship where they get to express more physical desires with other people which often bonds their own relationship with trust and even physical pleasure, for example couples that partake in swinging etc. while other couples jealousy may be too much of a factor and can over power the general “pros” of an open relationship, it depends on the couple and their ability to deal with their partner being with other people...

[Losalt]

Yeah.
It requires a lot of faith in the relationship.
If you don't trust your relationship surviving him or her being with or even loving others then you need to focus on your own relationship first before starting with anyone else...

[Losalt]

I think it can work just fine.
But it definitivly doesn't work for everyone.
Both he and she need to be able to handle their partner having more then one partner.
For some it only works that one of the two are permitted to have multiple partners but not that the other one does.
And sometimes one might be able to handle it but the terms that they're able to handle it with don't work for the other.
You should make sure that you truly trust the guy before trying this out and you two need to have confidence in your relationship with eachother.
If you feel that your relationship is threathened by him having sex with or even loving someone else then perhaps you're not cut out for that kind of relationship.

[Bhragu]

I think it's good for a few months but then it really comes down to making a final decision whether to be with that person on a more committed basis or to leave him and live life as a single. Even if you are in an open relationship, you tend to meet other guys and girls and often get involved in sex. People in an open relationship tend to develop strong feelings and that where the problem lies. If one person tends to fuck around then the other person may get depressed. I tried it once but it didn't go well. I would prefer to be in an open relationship only if we both decide to take a decision whether we want to commit to each other or just remain friends or friends with benefits. It would be better than the emotional drama.

[weysally]

hi, after a few years of marriage things can get a little stale, though that didn't happen to us, we first started talking about other sexual benefits in line with just bedroom talk,
we can now have extra sx fun with others but with the others approval it works for us but I would say 60-70% of the time it doesn't work for people,

[Drener]

HELLNO
It is not a good idea..
Here are some questions u need to ask yourself :
1. Do you truly love your SO?
2. Do you want to cheat on him and him cheat on you?
3. Do you want someone else to touch him anyway shape and form?
4. Do you want someone to touch you anyway shape and form?

Why would u want to have a so called open relationship ..
I mean basically it is cheating..
And basically it is telling your SO that he is not good enough for you.

Don't do it
U will regret it

[Losalt]

Having a poly relationship doesn't mean that you don't truly love them.
In fact, if he loves *both* you *and* someone else wouldn't you rather that he was happy then that he is just limited to you?
Now *that* is love.
And "cheating".
Cheating is the breaking of the terms of a relationship.
If you agree to *change* those relationship terms to something else that *includes* one or both of you being permitted to have a relationship with other people then no, such a relationship is no longer "cheating".
Regarding other touching him.
Ok, yes, that's a fair question.
However if you don't trust in his love for you and your love for him to survive one of you having a relationship with someone else then you really shouldn't have a open or poly relationship in the first place.
Heck, if you don't trust that you both have that amount of love for eachother then perhaps your *monogamous* relationship has issues too?

You have so many false assumtions here...

[kilqua]

It's a bad idea for several reasons if your partner is hooking up with other people they can contract STDs, one of you may grow feelings for someone else, one of you may want to stop and other doesn't. While your away from each other you might be thinking about the people whom may be hooking up with your partner. It can cause major jealousy issues and trust.

[Losalt]

Regarding the first issue.
Include a clause in the relationship issues about only permitting people who have first been wetted by the partner (in other words consent from both parties for each relationship).
Possibly also include a clause about no sex without protection if the relationship permits more then just a small group of people who you trust.
Regarding feelings.
Yes, that *does* happen.
And a poly relationship of any kind shouldn't be attempted unless everyone involved feel confident enough in the relationship to *not* be threathened by their partner having feelings for someone else.
Basically if you do *not* trust your partner love you enough to not leave you then that's a relationship issue regardless of the presence of others or not in said relationship.
And you need to have faith in him not loving you any less if he also starts loving someone else before trying this. A open relationship where falling in love is considered cheating is just naive...

[Losalt]

Regarding him or you thinking about the other person while falling in love with that other person.
Yes, that happens.
And yes, initially in a relationship they *do* think more about the other one then you, because that relationship is still fresh and exciting and they're full of hormones and warm fuzzy feelings etc...
But things normalize after a while.
The important thing is for both of you to keep working on *your* relationship during such a period and to communicate *constantly*.
Each person included in a relationship in any way means a huge increase in the complexity of the relationship.
Two people have two relationships, you with him and him with you.
Three people have six relationships, you with him, him with the third person, you with the third person, the third person with him, the third person with you, and him with you.
And so one and so forth.
It scales up quickly...
I recommend starting out with just a few people who you all trust and take it one step at a time.

[Losalt]

Regarding one of you wanting to stop and the other not wanting that, wanting different things is fine.
But not respecting the others wants in this matter isn't.
If you want to stop and he don't stop and you two have a open relationship where one of the terms is that you both need to consent for the relationship to remain open then yes, him continuing when you withdraw consent *is* cheating.
The same applies to any other form of breaking the relationship terms.
And yes, people cheat, even some poly people do.
Sometimes two people are in a open relationship where one of the terms is that the other is to be informed about every single time one of them is having sex with someone else and who that is.
Then the lack of transparency and honesty *is* cheating even if the sex itself isn't.
And appart from the whole poly thing.

Imagine two people into a M/s relationship (Master/slave) then one of the relationship terms might be that one is to lead and the other to follow.

[Losalt]

Breaking with those terms would then be cheating.
Her not doing her best to let him lead, and him not leading according to the relationship terms would both be cheating on the other and just as serious as having sex with someone else would be in a monogamous relationship.

[skeetskeetskeet]

They wouldn't be good all the time it would just depend on the girl... I used to work with a girl and we ended up being friends with benefits. Because she had a boyfriend and I had a a girlfriend. But we just had really good sex but it would never work being in a relationship with her

[jirwin7979]

prevents man or women being cheated on iam in an open realastionship i like it a lot sept it is hard to find a girl with a drive as high and open minded to teach and learn behind doors

[BeautifullyCurious]

Fair enough

[jirwin7979]

but it is altimatly up to the cuple but it can be fun and nerve racking at times

[Decentguy]

whatever float's people boat, but its not my cup of tea, never was and never will be

[BeautifullyCurious]

Same

[Losalt]

Fair enough.
You're most definitivly not alone in that.
That said, I think a lot of people are rejecting the idea without really thinking about it because of missconceptions about such relationships.

[Anon-ymous1]

Hopefully good; it would be nice if people were more open to their inner sexuality and didn't try to own their partner like sexual property. Humans naturally are attracted to multiple people, not just one.

[Snuggly]

False
Im clingy and jealous and fiesty so the other girl will need to visit the hospital shortly after her encounter with my boyfriend

[Guanfei]

If my girlfriend propose me an open relationship, I'll break up immediatly. That means she wants to fuck other guys, and I'm not ok with it. But she'll do it anyway at some point, whether I want it or not, so better leave before.

[Losalt]

Man do you have a lot of prejudice.
For all you know she's not even interested in having sex with others but is turned on by the idea of *you* having sex with others...
And sharing *you*.
I know of a lot of girls who feel that way.
Also her being turned on by poly ideas does *not* mean that she's going to automatically cheat on you... -_-
But yes, if you do not trust her then perhaps you two should not be in a relationship to begin with.
Not because of her suggesting a poly relationship, but because of your lack of trust in her and her feelings to start with.

[Guanfei]

@Losalt Honestly, it's a failed attempt to make me feel guilty of not wanting to let my girlfriend go around and fuck whoever she wants.
Sorry, I'm not with a girl to let her jump on any dick she wants. If that's what she wants, well she's free to do it once I've left, not my business anymore.

[Losalt]

You not wanting your girlfriend to have sex with others, is fine.
But you assuming that she is going to cheat on you just because she has the curage to be honest with you about her kinks instead of just going behind your back and cheating on you *without* talking with you (like some people do) really isn't.
People like you are the *cause* of a lot of the cheating that's going on around this world.
Also, didn't you read what I wrote earlier?
There are *genuinly* people who are not just ok with, but turned *on* by *you* having other partners while being their partner.
I know a whole lot of cuckqueens who gets wet thinking about their boyfriend having sex with another woman while they, themselves are denied.
"quckqueen" being the female equivalent of a "cuckold" of course.
It is a kink, and a surprisingly popular one.
And if you don't believe me just head over to fetlife, make a account and search for "cuckqueen".
The main "cuckqueen" group has about 6 k members.

[Guanfei]

@Losalt Cool, but I don't care. I don't share my girlfriend. With anyone. Truth is whatever you may say, most relationships like that are just an excuse to go and fuck around while keeping the benefit of having an official bf/gf.
And yes, if someone asks for it, he probably wants to get another girl but is just trying to get your approval to cheat. And if he doesn't have it, he will do it behind your back.
Welcome to the real world. Far from your fantasies.
Go and share your girl if you want, that's your business. Don't complain once she'll leave for someone else, you had it coming.

[Losalt]

Heh...
Your ideas of how human relationships work is very narrow minded.
What you call "fantasies" has worked in steady relationships for decades and decades in several real life relationships.
I hope you'll learn to expand your view points as you get older.
In the meantime. Everyone are not out to get you. And humans are not inherently evil.
People always have a choice about doing good or bad things in a situation regardless of what relationship terms they may or may not have. And most people do *not* choose the bad option. But whatever... I hope your faith in humanity is restored some day...
Good luck.

[Plumizz]

Bad idea. Open relationships are for people who are immature and don't understand what a relationship really mean

[Losalt]

Plumizz...
No, that's the exact kind of people it is *not* suitable for...
Open relationships and polyamorous relationships require a *lot* of communication and people with a solid relationship as fundation who don't get threathened by their partner having relationships with or loving another person.

[4get2remember]

It could be a good thing. I'm sure it depends on the type of people you and your partner are and how much you trust each other.

[DanBi03]

Definitely good if both are mature enough to deal with that. Why not? Monogamy is a bit of a naive ideal

[Likewhiteonrice]

It depends on the couple. I used to have one and it was fine. But you need another level of trust and communication to make it work

[Jjpayne]

I think dating is ok to do like that but to say I'm in a relationship with someone, it should be just between them according to me anyways

[browning1996]

I don't see the point. Why be in an open relationship when you can just casually date while single? I mean?

[Anonymous]

I don't really see the point of this because to me it has no different than a friends with benefits thing. The only difference is fwbs don't date each other or spend time with one another except in the bed.

[Losalt]

The difference is that it's a relationship.
A friends with benefits thing could be ended at any time becauce that's convinient for one of them.
For instance if they get a partner that don't want him or her to be poly.
In a relationship however you both can set terms.
So for instance if you're in a friends with benefits relationship and but want him to let you know about everyone he has sex with and to always use condoms and instead of just visiting occationally to have sex you're actually spending time together and living together.
And perhaps there's conditions about each of you can be with, perhaps each of you need to consent before the other have sex with a new person for instance.
Then that's just not a friends with benefits relationship anymore.
But it *is* a open one.
In a friends with benefits relationship you don't have nearly as much say over what he does or him over what you do.

[Philyouup]

if the relationship starts open, then yeah I guess its ok.. but if you are all ready in a committed relationship, I suspect jealousy and hurt feelings will come.

[Losalt]

Not neccessarily.
But they'd need to communicate every step of the way and yes, there *is* a risk involved.
But the thing about jealousy is that it is usually caused by people who do not feel confident enough in their relationship.
They feel that the relationship is somehow threathened by their partner loving someone else.
And if that kind of feelings starts it is a good idea to slow down the process and focus on fixing those feelings first before continuing because if they remain they *will* cause hurt feelings like you described...

[Philyouup]

@Losalt I will concur., Just easier if the relationship starts out open, in my opinion.. You dont have to shed the coat of monogamy, its comfortable once your in it. :)

[vald9inches]

If that what they both agree on it could be really really good for their relationship. No one person will feel trapped in a relationship but still be in one

[Losalt]

Yep, that happens sometimes... :-/
Both need to feel comfortable with it, otherwise it don't really work...

[ElvenMr]

Good: if you two just want a casual relationship for the time being, but you don't see each other as someone you could live forever with.

Bad: if just one of you look at the other as someone you'd want to marry/live forever with.

[blubblubblub]

Depends on the people. Great for some. Not so much for others.

[fantasticass]

Why be in a relationship if you see other people? I dont understand this concept

[Losalt]

Have you ever been in love with two people at once?
Do you have children, and if so, do you have more then one?
If you have more then one child, does your love for one of your children reduce your love for the other one?

[fantasticass]

Actually I have been in love with two people at the same time, but I only had sex with one, not both. Secondly, I do not have children, so I can't respond to your second question

[Losalt]

*nods*
Well, if someone was *both* in love with you *and* someone else, wouldn't you want them to be happy rather then having to live with the grief of being without one of you?
If a girl I'm with fell in love with someone else I'd want her to be happy myself.
As for the sex.
Both men and women have a drive towards having sex with more then one person.
And as long as both are ok with that I don't really see the problem with it.

A relationship isn't really about who you have sex with to me.
It's about actually liking a person and wanting to spend time with them long term.
About spending time with someone I can't imagining a world without.
Me or her having *sex* with someone else is kind of beside the point.

[Midnight_Kiss]

No and I don't see why anyone would, it's just cheating with permission.

[DarkDave]

Its always a bad idea. Always. Open relationships dont exist, at one point one of the pair is gonna develop feelings the other can't return.

[Losalt]

DarkDave
Both open relationships *and* polyamorous relationships *do* exist...
And so, you develop feelings?
Why is that a bad thing?
You're assuming that the relationship terms of a open relationship *has* to include a term about love of someone else somehow being cheating.
For open relationships to work you need the people thinking about trying it out to have a solid relationship and neither to feel that the relationship is somehow threathened if the other starts getting feelings for someone else.
Neither having sex with nor loving someone else should be something that feels threathening to you.

[winterfox10]

I could see myself in an open relationship, if and only if it was like... with another couple or something.

[Losalt]

That's not a open relationship, that's a polyamorous relationship.
It is closed in the sense that it involves polyfidelity.
But yes, that is probably a better starting point then a outright open relationship as it's easier for everyone to feel comfortable with everyone else involved that way.

[amrraziq6]

calling an open relationship a relationship is hypocrisy

[Losalt]

amrraziq6
Really?
So, what are your definition of a relationship then since a open one apparently does not qualify?

[amrraziq6]

@Losalt ** what do I seek, I seek a female to grow old with having all the salt and pepper of life if we are blessed we get children when it is time to go we still love each other, joy and happiness are a long-term exercise which called life.

[hereforthefunofit]

It's not for everyone. But it works for my wife and I. Brought our sex life to an all new high. We have been open for about 8 years now.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your personality and feelings.
If you both can take knowing that one of you is with another right now then it's fine.

[Losalt]

Kind of.
It's a bit more complicated then that.
You don't just need to be able to handle him/her *being* with someone else.
You need to have enough faith in the relationship to be able to handle him/her *loving* someone else and still don't feel that your own relationship is somehow threathened by that.
If you don't have that much faith in the relationship then you both need to work on your own relationship before starting to include others.
If you've *already* started to include someone else then do the work *with* them and try to get more comfortable with eachother in general and ask the others involved to slow things down a bit till the original relationship is back on track.

[Titanic1912]

It’s bad because what is going to happen if you fall for someone else?

[Losalt]

And that is bad *why* exactly?
So, she or he loves more then one person, what's so bad about that?
Loving two people doesn't neccessarily mean that you love the first one less.

[Kelly6]

It’s good for us.
It all depends how you feel about it.

[weysally]

Hi, its good for us as well, but I do wonder if my husband was like me whether it would work, you see in swapping all is involved at the same time, but in threesomes which we like the most, I got jealous at the point of penetration by my husband with the other woman, however my husband loves it when the other man is well giving me all he has,
my husband don't seem to have a jealous bone in his body

[Harsh_Ch]

I'm polyamorous so it works for me... I don't know about others tho

[Berethor]

What the deference between that and friends with benefits? no it's no good.

[Berethor]

I mean difference.

[LuWe22]

Could be both, because it should be make clear and be fair for both partner

[AlainP]

i am currently having a good experience with it, very good actually

[MrRight69]

It can be a very good thing for some people. Bur if you have any kind of trust or intimacy issues id say its a death sentence to the relationship

[Losalt]

Yes, trust and faith in eachother is incredibly important for such a relationship to work.

[Anonymous]

I dont think its a good idea. The more people that get involved in your relationship the more that can go wrong.

[Nice222]

I think they are doomed to failure. But honestly I always wanted to try it.

[Anonymous]

An open relationship, is another way of saying "im only dating you"

[MrKinktastic]

Good for some but not for others.

[Losalt]

Yeah, *that* I can agree with.

[MrKinktastic]

Some people are really made for it but most very much are not in my experience.

Personally Im somewhere in the middle, polyfidelity is generally the direction I lean towards.

[Losalt]

Yeah.
I'd need to trust the guy I share a girl with to feel comfortable with sharing her...

[MrKinktastic]

Exactly

[MlleCake]

It has worked for me but it's not for everyone.

[Hotscorpio3]

May I ask you something in private

[MlleCake]

Yes, as long as you're not crude.

[JasleenKaur]

Because of, no promises to break with

[Losalt]

Um, I'm not sure what you mean with that...

[lernulo]

Consense is the keyword of open relations

[Penelope_]

I don’t think it’s good

[terimator20]

I think it's gross personally.

[Anonymous]

never ever for never ever never

[JesseTheMan]

If it works for you then sure

[Iron_Man]

It's a very bad idea

[Maclane01]

It NEVER works, lol.

[Losalt]

There's a whole host of people living that kind of relationships long term that *prove* that your statement is wrong...
Now if you said "rarely" then it would be harder to prove you wrong...