Its a horrible idea. A relationship requires not only work but commitment. So with an open relationship your basically saying that the relationship is difficult and instead of investing in it your going to run off and get your jollies some where else. You can't have a relationship without investment and biologically speaking, no matter what people may try to say, we are not built for open relationships. Sex releases a hormone in the brain called oxytocin which is responsible for feelings of closeness, happiness and is responsible, among other things, for social bonding. your using the very mechanism that brings you closer to your partner with random people you meet. The end result is it stops being intimate because your giving it to every one you fancy, it stops being an affective method of connection because again, your using it for every one, and it results in you creating a bond with some one else other then your partner (that's why people who have open relationships, swing, what have you, have long lists of rules one of which is a limitation on how many times you sleep with a particular partner because it will inevitably lead to emotional attachment). Then the fact that your brain will slowly be wired to encourage this behavior, of sleeping around so when you stop or have a limit places on you your going to feel withdrawal from this behavior (this has been shown to occur with porn addicts, it actually causes depression and in order to alleviate it they end up watching more porn which just deepens the neural pathways that are causing the problem to begin with. Also the more sexual partners you have the more likely you are to cheat/divorce/be unhappy in the relationship and its important to note that people who suffer from "nymphomania" actually report not enjoying sex because unsurprisingly they do it so often it is no longer special). Then you have the fact that if your missing something in your relationship then ignoring it isn't going to fix your relationship, its kind of like having a leaky roof and instead of fixing it or getting a roofer to do so you just go out and party, sure it feels nice and you stopped thinking about the issue but its still their nothing was done and the longer you wait the worse its going to get. Its hard to get data on this since open relationships are still frowned upon (and with good reason when you think about it) but most relationship specialist report a high failure rate in these relationships because of these things.
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If you have an open relationship, aren't you and your boyfriend just agreeing to be FWB? The idea of a relationship is commitment and an open relationship is a contradiction of commitment. I understand that there is a small minority of people who claim that they can have a committed relationship and be polyamorous; I assume that if you were one of those people, you would not be asking that question.
If you are seriously contemplating this idea, consider these questions:
1. Is it possible that one of you really doesn't want an open relationship but will agree to it because they think the other alternative is to break up?
2. Will your boyfriend tell you about the sex he has with other girls? If he does, how will you feel when he tells you how beautiful her naked body is? How good it felt when he came inside her? If he doesn't tell you, why not? You are in a relationship and you aren't suppose to have secrets from each other.
3. What if he forms an attachment to another girl who is also "okay" with an open relationship and he decides to take her - instead of you - away for a long weekend vacation?
4. How will you feel if he says that he has fallen in love with someone else?
5. What if the other girl claims she is using BCP but is not and gets pregnant?
6. How will you feel if he says he wants to spend Christmas with her instead of you?
7. How will you feel if he says he doesn't have money to take you out for a nice dinner for your dating anniversary and you know that he just spent some money taking her out somewhere nice?
Some young people act like they are think they are supposed to act a certain way - cool, carefree, no strings attached, not clingy, be a "modern" girl - but all of that runs counter to their feelings. Here is what you need to understand: it is perfectly okay to want to have someone all to yourself, to not want to share him, and it is okay to expect a guy to have that same level of commitment to you. If he doesn't share your passion for being committed to each other, perhaps you need to face a harsh truth - he is not the right guy for you.
I hope this helps.
hi, straight off the bat and i know this will sound judgmental, take this openness between you as a great intuitive connection and a possibility and likeness of minds and keep that in your hearts as a major life gift to find a partner whom you can be this open with. then seal it away for a time of possibility in the far future years down the line when you have lived, loved and burned the bright lights of energy that are here now between you and perhaps later much later it will be there to enhance, energise, enliven what you two have evolved along the way. for a couple to take any steps into stepping outside the perimeter of just the two of you will take the upmost fundamental grounding two people could have... for it to work out at its best potential. that said you two could have some special connection that i would not dare to deny or begin to claim to understand, baby steps, discussions, fantasy, ideas, are a brilliant process but practise is another matter altogether xx i would like to have a more private chat on pm if you are interested xx
If both of you are open to at least try it, you can test it out to see if its doable. Believe or not, open relationships aren't as freeing as some people believe. There are still rules that come into play. for example, whats crossing the line, what isn't. Are you allowed to date other people? Are you allowed to have sex with others? Do you tell your partner when you are on a date?
It requires maturity, frequent communication and plenty of trust.
It's a good idea if you feel unsatisfied with manogomy, at least this way, seeing others won't be considered "cheating". Thats the only benefit I see from it.
It's a bad idea if you aren't 100% sure about it. If you and your partner are jealous people, if your relationship lacks communication & trust already. It could be challenging at first and it will really test your love for eachother. It's not easy.
My thoughts are that
1. It's not for me
2. A person who is monogamous in nature should not feel forced to abide to their partner's non-monogamous nature, I sometimes hear about such people who are sacrificing a big part of what they want in a relationship just because they don't want their partner to be unhappy (and vice versa - if you want different things just don't do it)
3. If you're the type to get jealous easily or who overthinks things, don't do it
4. It rarely seems to work out because people don't bother discussing rules and what to do/not do, where their boundaries are etc, so even if both people are on the same page technically, it's still likely that one of them will fuck up somehow and hurt the other person.
I find they're pointless and feelings will always get hurt. I am of the opinion of: don't share what you're not willing to lose.
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It's a terrible idea. What's the even point of being with him/her then If you want to sleep with others?
I mean, if my guy ever suggested this. I would feel really hurt. It would make me he wants others because I'm not good enough for him... he doesn't love me etc.
I don't want to share my man, nor do I wish to sleep with someone else. It's gross. Even the thought of it, makes me feel disgusted.that is so f*cking disgusting and gross in so many ways
1) i wouldn't wanna catch an STD
2) its like a blow to my pride and everything i stand for if the girl i love is out getting rammed by different guys every night
3) if i love someone and they love me, why not just have sex with them instead of with them and others?
4) making love is much more pleasurable than meaningless sex
5) there is truly no such a thing as 'open relationship', its just a bunch of idiots who want someone thats always there for them and also want to have their fun as well
6) I would never date a hoe so this would never apply to me, and im not a desperate punk so I would never treat a girl like that
I understand that there is basically no such a thing as morals in the world today, but you can't hook up with people and also have a bf/gf as your rock, can't have the best of both worlds, if you want a bf/gf then so be it, if you want to have sex and party every other night, then so be it, but you can't combine the two, unless your tiger woods and look wtf happened to him.i think open relationships are a good idea. the most common reason for divorce that i know of is cheating, however, if each person in the relationship is allowed to step out every once in awhile i think its better for the relationship. its important to remember that sex and love are 2 different things. you can remain committed to someone and still have sex outside the relationship.
the problem with cheating is its a betrayal of the other person. the same can be said for breaking the rules of an open relationship. thats just betrayal outside of the social norms. and please dont confuse open relationships with polyamorous relationships. the difference there is that an open relationship still leaves the heart at home. where polyamory spreads the heart thin.
the same can be said for affairs. this is subjective but i think most people would agree that a rule in open relationships should be no continual relations. thats when you start messing with the love in the relationship.
anyway as long as both parties agree with the rules and are willing to follow the rules, get tested regularly, and trust each other i can't see any problem with open relationships.
if i missed something let me know. i think i covered all the bases.Really bad idea. You can't have feelings for a guy while fucking the other and expect your boy not to feel a thing inside and still act like its OK while he bangs another chick and the same goes for you. Break up if you want to fuck around, stay faithful if you want love and someone to trust it's that easy. It's cheating, out front, in each others faces believe it or not it will have consequences on your relationship (big bad ones) but it always depends on the people. I personally couldn't do it because it breaks each and every "law" of a relationship xD pure and simple people that do this love the freedom to do what they want more than they love each other that means love no no fuck yes yes basically.
It is certainly better than cheating since both partners are at least aware and have agreed to each other's infidelity beforehand. But even then, the notion still disgusts me. I could never take another woman into my bed nor allow my partner to take another man into hers. Granted, I might let her sleep with other women. But she would owe me big time, and I mean really big time like performing a private pole dance for me or something. Otherwise the farthest I could probably ever go is watching porn together.
while i am hardwired for monogamy, i get that it's not for everyone; consensual nonmonogamy is a legit option for those who can't or won't commit.
2 types of consensually nonmonogamous relationships:
-open relationships (swinging, fwbs, etc.)
-polyamory (two or more people in love)
both polyamory and open relationships have one thing in common: a set of rules (as decided by everyone involved) to ensure that everyone is happy with the arrangement. violating the established rules=cheating.
as long as everyone involved is happy with the way things are, i say live and let live.
however
if you are in an established monogamous relationship and are thinking of making the shift to one of the above models, both of you must be on the same page in order for the new relationship to work.
also, if you are even the slightest bit insecure (about "losing" your partner to someone else), then
ABORT MISSION AND RELOAD LAST SAVE.
otherwise, you'll be unhappy af.So here is the difference between open and poly.
Open means you will allow each other a sexual partner that is nothing more than a fuck buddy. So nothing relationship involved like cutesy text messages or meeting this persons family.
Poly is when you agree to bring another person into your relationship as a partner. They don't necessarily have to have sex with both of you, but it is understood there is a commitment with that person.
Keep talking about it, feel 100% sure and make sure if you go through with it, communication is always open. Last thing you want is for either of y'all to feel like you can't say anything with fear of being a buzzkill.Not for me. If other people are able to make it work and the arrangement is fulfilling for both partners, that s great! But often there is one partner pushing for it and the other just agrees for the sake of keeping the relationship - that isn't healthy. It should be something that both partners want and you need to be 100% on the same page about where you draw boundaries. And you have to have a lot of trust and a solid sense of security for it to work, even if both partners are into the idea.
I just think it is not something that can work for most people. Some can. To each their own!It's the only relationship I'm interested in. It's like children. You will love your first born. But when you have a second or third one, you don't suddenly stop loving the first child. You'll love each child each in their own unique way. And it's kind of like friends. Some friends will stay with you for life. Some will come and go, and some will come and go and come back again. Exclusive relationships are like eating your favourite food again and again, morning, breakfast and dinner. You would get bored of it eventually. With open relationships, you're getting variety and you never take your favourite food for granted, especially if know your partners are dating others. This encourages you to be your best self each time.
All I ever see is a sausage party begin for her and a dude either realizing the deal isn't in his favor... or... he's the type of dude that enjoys the idea, presence, or sight of extra cocks.
My guess is that it works for the latter, but the prior usually ends up with one or both parties going through a plethora of verbal contracts and boundaries breaking.
You two have your own agendas and objectives, but any third party will have their own... and any will can be swayed in matters of lust and desire with opportunities at hand. i. e. despite prior agreement to only have safe sex, a partner could easily be swayed not to in the heat of the moment. An agreement to not give oral can easily be ignored with the right genitals presented.
Things can and will happen, and the other partner/partners will be none the wiser... until someone slips up, then all hell can break loose.Any man that would agree to one is the lowest, most disgusting form of simp. "Open" relationshit basically means she takes miles of strange cock, and unless he's a thug or trust fund baby he gets to fuck one or two other women every few months. Meanwhile, she's using him as an emotional tampon, walking ATM, etc.
Granted, it's not much different than 'regular' relationshits. But at least in a regular relationshit, she's generally at least *trying* to hide the fact that she's fucking a bunch of other men. She's not shoving her actions right in your face.It is a fantasy lifestyle.
My wife and I fantasize and tease each other about others, she could mess around and so can I. The fantasy provides the mental rush enough for our love making to be very intense.
But when we sleep with someone else, we are essentially giving a little chunk of ourselves to someone else that belongs to our partner. If it is many, then we are giving bigger chunks of our heart.
I'm sure both you and your boyfriend can sleep with anybody, but you chose each other so that says a lot about your relationship.
Maybe you 2 aren't emotionally connected enough to want to stay true to each other, so it isn't like you and he has exclusively surrendered your heart to each other, so maybe it won't make a difference to you and he.Personally I could never be in an open relationship, when I'm with someone I don't want anyone else and if he wanted me to be with other guys or didn't care then that would make me feel as though he doesn't love me. I also wouldn't want my man to be intimate with other women, that's something special between us.
In saying all that I pass no judgement on people who are in open relationships and I think their love can be just as real and strong as people in monogamous relationships. Who are we to judge what real love is? People love in different ways, just because it's not how I love or want to be loved that doesn't make it less important.I believe western culture is not "ready" for such drastik changes. From centuries of monogamic values opression and teachings of possesing things. Moreover, in this complex world, dealing with the emotions involved in relationships (friendhsip, romantic relationship, business relationship,...) is already painfull for people that dont learn young enough how to deal with them. Now this concept comes in. I think it makes sense in theory as nature allows it and loving is not attached to a number. but in practice... good luck finding people that much secure, stable and mature
I couldn't do it but since my guy and I don't believe in divorce (marriage is for life), he did say that if things between us got that bad, he'd be open to having an open marriage to help us to work. I guess I'd be open to that but I know I couldn't possibly do anything with anyone else because I know I only want him. Luckily though, we're that compatible, if we ever did get married then I know it'd never come to that.
In my experience it's only a good idea in the beginning stages of dating. You're seeing her as well as other girls and you make that known, while she knows she is free to see other people as well. During that period of time you find out if you both are for eachother or not. To me I don't think you should get into a relationship unless you love someone. You shouldn't start a relationship and hope love comes later. So that's why I feel open dating is best starting out and if love unfolds, that's when you cut off the other girls and be exclusive with the one you love. Obviously that's if she wants the same thing as well and it makes sense to do so.
What you don't do is meet a girl, make her your girlfriend right away. Then a few months later realize you want more variety and discuss making your relationship an open relationship. That's a bad idea lol.Being in one myself, I can tell you it takes a lot of trust and communication. They are not for everyone and I don't judge those that are monogamous. Jealousy is natural. I'm not wired much for jealousy, and I have a very adventurous libido, so open is the only kind of relationship I can have, unless I want to be a cheater (which I used to be).
I'm actually in a type of open relationship.
It works for us. It doesn't for everyone and I will be the first one to admit this isn't for everyone.
It takes very secure and confident people to do what we do, not just personally but in the relationship as well.
My boyfriend knows he's the only one for me romantically and emotionally. Physically is another story. And I assure you it's not because I "can't keep it in my pants", as someone else suggested. I have been monogamous and would be again if tomorrow he said he wants it all to stop. I wouldn't have a problem with it.
Are you and your boyfriend considering this or were you just discussing it for giggles?I have no problem with Open Relationships, its not my business what kind of relationship other people are in. Personally I have absolutely no interest in ORs. I don't know anyone in real life involved in OR, so my experience is just from online.
So far I've not heard of any successful OR, they eventually end. Its usually guys who want OR but once reality kicks in they realize its easier for her to get guys near impossible for him. Not surprisngly relationship suffers and ends.
It seems they just want fuck buddies they are close to and have kids with.I've always thought about it every now and then but never got the chance to have one. I'd be comfortable with an open relationship that has me, my current girlfriend and either a boyfriend or a girlfriend I don't really mind it being a guy/girl if he/she is like a best friend to both my girlfriend and I before we have an open relationship with them. Plus the way I see it is that if us 3 share and be equal to each other then we won't have any issues. No one sidedness like say everyone has a job and provides an equal part.
I slightly rather it be a girl than a guy due to how awkward sex may be. Mainly since anytime we talk about threesomes its with her girl best friend
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