What makes a pretty girl "unapproachable"?

The question is pretty self-explanatory. One which I have struggled with. I know girls who, according to beauty standards, are pretty but some of them often complain about "having no chance with guys". Since I'm not at all experienced in the dating realm, please explain this to me: What makes you not want to talk to you a pretty girl? Is it you not feeling confident? is it the girl not sharing similar interests with you? is it her mannerism? is it her shyness? is it her unfriendliness? I am honestly baffled by this!

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Haha, @Baranishere...

    You ask a very good question. If you understand what I'm about to tell you, you have a chance to get the hottest guy around.

    Firstly, pretty girls and hot guys are not unapproachable. What I mean by this, is that there is no inherent quality of a hot person that makes him/her unapproachable.

    The reason he/she is perceived to be unapproachable... is all because of... YOU. You have placed him/her on this altar or pedestal, where you knowingly or unknowingly believe that your attractiveness is not at the same level.

    This means that most average-looking men and women are too afraid or feel unworthy to approach a super hot guy/girl. On the other end of the spectrum, most average-looking men and women have no problem speaking to unattractive ones.

    Now... REVERSE...

    From the perspective of the hot girl...
    Hot girls are rarely approached. It is a very common complaint among supermodels and ultra-attractive women that they can't get a guy. Or when a guy actually approaches her, it is a douchebag. This is because many aggressive alpha-males have the guts to ask EVERY woman... average or attractive. And so while the average women gets approached by a mix of nice/douchebag men, the hot girl only gets approached by... douchebag men.

    Hot girls and guys are human being just like you and me. And if they want happiness in their lives, they want a STABLE, LOYAL partner.

    The only time that the average man thinks about asking a hot girl out... is when that hot girl already has a boyfriend that looks like an average guy. Because then the man will think, "What the hell is that gorgeous woman doing with that ugly guy... I'm better than him"". But by then, it's already too late. She's taken.

    So if you want that hot guy, go and ask. The worst that can happen is he says no. If you never ask, you'll never know for your entire life what could have been. The reverse is true for guys... go ask her out.

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    • Please put this as MHO. Perfectly accurate. What a wonderful answer! This is 100000% on point!

    • Oh my goodness, this is so true!!! Even my own husband was afraid to ask me out because I'm hotter than him. I had to ask him out! I get chased by all sorts of undesirable men, but the nice ones are all afraid of how pretty I am and the fact that hoards of other guys want me. It's to the point where really pretty girls sometimes get stuck trying to chase down a decent man. Ha ha ha. I hope more men read your post.

    • 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  • Because more often than not they act stuck up and sometimes do that simple-minded thing where you walk by and you do give a "Hello" or "How are you doing?" and they look you right in the eye and say nothing.

    You can't think the world of yourself and be unapproachable yet want guys to want you.

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    • They want attractive men to want them, that's the difference.

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    • @RalphBlack donald trump? you should be more specific I guess

    • @StarShine98 and that is the typical bullshit people play when u want to know somebody they automatically believe u are desperete or u chase its fkn stupid bcs its not true it doesn't work like this

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think it's all body language, no resting b face and not being afraid to look someone in the eye and smile. While also not treating or acting like you are better than everyone just because of your looks

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  • Probably because if a guy even says “hello” to some of these women today, he’s likely to have a sexual harassment case against him. I’m not saying you would do that, but a lot of these women would which would make it scary to even approach a woman at all. Not to mention a lot of guys assume pretty women are either taken or not interested and then there are some who prefer to date lesser attractive women. Not all beautiful women are stuck up bitches.

    I think beauty is both a blessing and a curse to many women, but you’ll find someone 😊

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What Guys Said 110

  • She's perceived to be high value and unobtainable by most guys, if she is very attractive. I suppose you could say it's a lack of confidence, but it's also a feeling of "She's probably already taken, or probably only goes for millionaires and professional athletes, etc." Ironically leading to many attractive women not being approached at all. Average women seem to be more obtainable, so they get hit on the most.

    See, when a bunch of women like a guy, it tells other women he is desirable and cool.

    When a bunch of men are after the same woman, it tells other men "There's a shitload of competition here, so you are not valuable enough."

    It could be her mannerisms or closed off body language, as well.

    You could call it a lack of confidence, but I feel that's not entirely accurate, as it's also just questioning whether the risk is worth it, if she will blow them off or look down on them as far beneath her.

    The guys who realize that that's not the case tend to win the most. So only the most confident guys go after the most attractive women, usually. Most guys prefer to go after seemingly more "obtainable" women.

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  • Most attractive girls tend to already be taken or are talking to multiple guys. Plus, girls these days don't do anything to show they want to be approached. You see them buried in their phones with their ear buds in. Or they're busy with something and don't look like they're interested in being bothered by a random guy that they've never met and likely have no interest in.

    So its not like they make it easy on themselves.

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    • Im pretty and I have the worst of luck inthe love department. Im not a stuck up arrogant lady onthe contrary im simple. Im not even taken and Im not even talking to multiple guys. I have shownn signs I im attracted to a guy but the guy seem not to be interested still me being no arrogant or narcissist or full of mysef

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    • @kitty71 you're nearly 50, his points are for our generation not yours

    • @Tslaveee U eman the guy who posted this comment orginally?

  • Too b! tchy , as in really mean and you know its better ot stay away and its not worth it to get rejected by someone like her, plus her entire attitude and life choices scream bad.

    too self centered, spoiled, materialistic and high maintenace, look the majority of guys aren't rich, and we are not gonna tolerate always being compared to others and never letting our guard down cause you might leave us for a rich fella, therefore such women are problematic and better to stay away from.

    Too friendly with guys... kissing, hugging and genrally being too close to men is a big no no for most men, we just dont tolerate loving a woman only to find out every other dude in a 100 miles range has had his way with her or keeps touching her here and there with her consent.

    The girl whom we simply have no way to reach, maybe she's great all over but i dont know her name, rarely run into her and iam just never in the mood to approach or any other reason that basically prevents me from reaching her.

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    • Basically, what I said. But without the stalker trolls making it personal.

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    • @wolfcat87 : You have no idea how many time's I've had legitimate reason to look over my shoulder. I seem to be a magnet to freaks and troublemakers. And my dating history is a horror story. My life is like all the sucky parts of a Spider-Man comic rolled into one. Minus the villains wearing cheesy costumes.

    • @ObscuredBeyond I can believe it. There are plenty of bad people on the market, but the vibe you are putting off would scare off any nice people and leave you with only the bad...

  • I was very introverted and shy, so from my younger days at that age:
    * Not feeling confident
    * Actually being attracted and thus running the other direction.. thus intimidated in that I had no dating experience or girl experience.
    * perception of her being a different person... e. g. in a diff social group I don't want to be part of (druggies, smokers, drinkers, partiers, etc..). Could be a mis perception.
    * Her energy conveying negative emotion... e. g. stay away (in spite of all the makeup, etc..
    * her hanging in a group of girls which would be even more intimidating
    * don't know how to communicate with her... e. g. what to talk about

    * Best you can do is convey confidence, appear approachable like a normal person, have some interests that that align with guys and learn how to mingle with them. You can't make someone ready who isn't.
    * Maybe you should approach them, at least enter into their space.

    Your question supposes that because she looks a certain way she should be approached. That isn't right. The guy has to be ready, have not just the interest (which is there by now at your age), but skills, practice, confidence, time/energy, and the girl has to look like she would fit in his world (e. g. she isn't so on a different level it intimidates).

    The other personality would be an aggressive, experienced or outgoing guy, and why they don't approach I can only conclude they have other better options or are attracted to others.

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  • If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

    "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

    All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

    And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
    1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
    2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
    3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
    4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
    5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

    So, he basically thinks that
    1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
    2) if he did, he'll lose her, and
    3) she's going to be a lot of work.

    Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

    Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

    So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

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  • I often don't bother initiating with girls who are very conventionally attractive.

    Often times, they have very little interesting going on on their heads. Their looks attract the interest, which gives them a pass to let their minds and character decay.

    If I go for girls at all, I go for healthy-looking, moderately attractive ones.

    I'm not intimidated, I just know better.

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  • Everything that you stated could be a factor. A lot of men are actually intimidated by attractive women for one reason or another and a lot will figure they're already in a relationship, so may not approach. You are spot on, but it will mainly vary by the individual and the specific interaction.

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  • Easy-going, friendly women are the most approachable. Looks honestly don’t have much to do with it; body language and attitude are far more important! I want to get to know nice, kind and funny people.

    I don’t like to approach total strangers, ‘cause you’re interrupting someone. If they don’t look like they’d welcome a chat with a stranger, I’d not bother. It can be intimidating to see someone give everyone the evil eye. Read their body language and avoid them.

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  • If she's a pathological liar, a Potifar wife, a manipulator, con artist, atheist, pro-abortion, pro-any form of sexual anarchy, taken, snooty, rude, shallow, incorrigible, ill-tempered, excessively violent, mentally deranged, or has some other outstanding red flags, she could be a fantasy come to life in appearance, and I still wouldn't have anything to do with her.

    No one needs a witch like that.

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    • I don't see any beautiful woman wanting to have anything to do with you, tho.. 😂😂

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    • @smg99 : Okay, some can pretend to be pretty. I'm not talking about Sabrina. I'm talking about the kind that make Elphaba look good, as she's at least honest about her intentions.

    • @MidnightCowboy : No, Lutheran. WELS. Not so much hate, as won't date. Not the same. And believe me: if you've ever been trolled on Facebook by these types of women, you'll know what I mean. I seem to be a conflict magnet for every troublemaker on social media. They're nasty on YouTube as well, but who isn't nasty on YouTube?

  • If she's pretty, she might be a total stuck up bitch who thinks she's god's gift to this earth because she was born with aesthetic beauty making her vain and shallow.

    Believing she is out of everyone's league because of her beauty

    In reality tho, she's just another dumb thot

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  • OK here is something I wish feminist could see for them selves. They speak of empowerment and they don't even realize how powerful beauty is which brought up the question. Beauty itself is very powerful and that is why guys are intimidated by it. So indeed females have special powers that men don't have if they'd only realize that.

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  • If a girl is too stylish or wearing expensive gear, yeah it's scary because it appears they are after a guy with a big wallet.
    Experience tells us as guys that the prettiest girls know they are above average and they're usually quite rude. So if you're a very pretty girl, dress more casual and DON'T BE RUDE.

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  • Years ago if a girl was pretty AND had a great personality, I would (in my mind) have them on such a pedestal that I felt I couldn't approach them, like I was not worthy. Sadly, much later I found out that a couple of them were actually interested in me.

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  • For me, I am a special case, I won't approach any girl unless I have the feeling to do so, even if she was really pretty I won't do anything unless I am like really attracted then I Wil just act without any consideration.
    As for most guy they would think that she is taken most of the time because a good looking girl won't be single.

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  • Title IX; #MeToo; false rape allegations; sexual harassment complaints; the Daluth Model; child support; alimony; absence of due process and a presumption of male guilt.

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    • Of course I am against rape and sexual harassment, but many girls put a bad name to women by falsely accusing men of things when things don't go their way. And I hate that.

  • Because many ugly guys, like myself, get called a creep or the women harshly rejects us and humiliates us. Actually, now that I think about it, MOST women do this... not just the pretty ones. If a guy isn't attractive, it's a waste of time for him.

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    • I want to give you a hug. I'm sorry women make you feel shitty. 🤗

  • When they have that bitch face. They look like a bitch or they are just some dumb slut who'll eat all your money. At that point looks aren't worth it unless it's an easy fuck where you don't need to waste too much of your time with her

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  • i think it's that some of us assume we have to take pretty girls seriously. But guys your age are generally not ready to be serious. It's a pressure to perform, perhaps..

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    • What? So good don’t feel that they have to take a regular (or less than regular) looking girl seriously? Gosh. I’m married, just curious here... but goodness... why? Lol this makes me think what would be my odd if I were single. This is sad!!

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    • @prettynormal yes and no. It's more that they assume "room for error." Like, if we don't do everything perfectly with a 'normal' girl, and she leaves, it's not as big of a failure as if it were with a 'hot' girl.

    • Ahhh I get it now

  • they don't even have to be pretty for that.

    basically any girl who does or does not smile at me and give a stare who does not reply to basic interaction like "HI" makes me want to turn my back on. if y'all just foolin around go on some shitty dating apps to boost yo low ego

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  • No girl is out of my league. She has got only power to say ‘no’ to me. Sorry, I can’t chase them for love. There are lots of beautiful girl out there with whom I can date. Every lady is beautiful in their own ways. Love you all beautiful ladies.

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  • That's a tricky question. It's usually a combination of factors. Unapproachable could be something as simple as having headphones on all the time, to something as complicated as just not looking like you want people to talk with you because you have resting B face.

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  • A warning sign that a girl will be unfaithful to me is being very popular, so if she has a ton of friends, especially if her friends are girls, I know that pursuing her will only lead to pain, heartbreak, and I don't know whether or not I'll be able to control my anger.

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    • Wow that's a bit of a overgeneralization and totally inaccurate. I have a lot of friends and it doesn't make me unfaithful. In fact I despise unfaithful people.

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    • This is not an overgeneralization.

      It is perfectly true that anybody cheats because of two reasons

      1) better opportunities
      2) dissatisfaction

      3) when they're not ready to accept his/her partner's flaws and keeps expecting a "perfect partner"

    • Yeah I can feel your feelings buddy.

      These people who keep trying to look "cool" all the time and keep laughing on others like monkeys. They're more likely to cheat.

  • Probably since your pretty I'd assume you've got heaps of boys chasing after you so my chances would be slim or none so I'd just accept that and not even bother. Also my lack of confidence and shyness would also make my chances slim. The likelihood of rejection and the conversation being awkward would stop me

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    • How many guys are shy?

    • I wouldn't have a clue, how longs a piece of string?

    • Lol ok fair enough I actually was thinking of my paramour crush. He’s shy I am shy it’s definitely going to be on the fence soon. That breaks my heart.

  • Well why don’t girls try approaching guys for a change and see how hard it is. Although girls will get let down easier if they do get reject which I’m sure they won’t. Guys are afraid of rejection and nervous and don’t know how women want to be approached

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  • “What makes you not want to talk to you a pretty girl?” They tend to be in most cases narcissists so I usually don’t have my winter coat with me.” Is it you not feeling confident? “not really, I am just not into getting an unnecessary ass chewing for saying hello when I am out to enjoy myself. “is it the girl not sharing similar interests with you?” Couldn’t say unless I talked to her. “is it her mannerism?” I am not any good at ice sculpturing with a chainsaw “is it her shyness? is it her unfriendliness?” What happens here is she gets so much attention so that anymore from me would be harassment
    “I am honestly baffled by this! “ Now you know!

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  • Her personality if she acts like a cold hearted bitch to everyone thats an instant red flag to stay sway and not bother because a “woman” like that will only cause you problems (aka a southern new england “woman”)

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  • Her shyness could be a problem. Some guys won’t approach a pretty woman if she’s giving off signals that she doesn’t want to talk regardless of the reason.

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    • Shyness doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk! I'm very shy because in part of all the rejection. I would love for somebody to talk to me.

    • I would agree with that. It’s just a possible reason why a guy wouldn’t approach an attractive woman. She might ask a friend to introduce her

  • Usually it's because a lot of them have a huge ego and will be compete assholes to me but with some exceptions bust the girl that was the exception she slept around a lot so It honestly depends I am not afraid to approach them at all

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  • What makes a pretty girl unapproachable is her 6'4" Hells Angel biker boyfriend standing right next to her.

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  • - Surrounded by a group
    - Nose buried in phone/complete disinterest in surroundings
    - Guys get self-conscious too

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    80

What Girls Said 23

  • I think both facial expression (RBF for example) and body language can make someone look closed off and unapproachable.

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  • I've been bitchy, mean and in some cases a real "I'm me and there's nobody as good " and guys got humiliated and embarrassed to even to me, but I was being a right slut for bad boys! I soon learnt I was thought of as an easy slapper by the lads and a love myself bimbo by the quiet ones

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  • I don't know either I am not approached because I am not attractive but some of my blonde hair blue eyed beautifull friends don't get approached either and I think it is because guys think they might not have a chance because they are too pretty but that is just my opinion I am not a guy so I wouldn't know but It might be true

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  • Well as far i can tell i think its just that some people have personal traits others consider a no go... for example i heard that some guys would never date a feminist so jeah... no gos for one, and maybe just no shared interest in the other part.

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  • Sorry of my life! I want to hear the answers too. Guys stare at me like they will eat me alive but will not talk to me. This is worse because I am shy and can’t talk to them.

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  • You will so regret thinking like this, never force anyone to like you, nor should you beg them, neediness will ruin you.

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  • Same with men. I turn into a total idiot who doesn’t remember my own name. The guy/girl is out of my league and I often feel judged by them even if they haven’t done anything.

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  • I actually wanna know the answer to this too, been curious about it.

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  • #1 is she projects "bitchiness" and "you are not the guy I want to ask me out"

    #2 You try to say hi, she blows you off by not even acknowledging you or worse, "hi, whatever... im busy"

    #3 They are looking for the perfect guy. Mr. Wonderful that meets ALL of their wants...

    it is why when i see a guy i want to talk to or go out with, I dont waste time waiting for him to get his nerve up. If i see he is interested or he interests me, I talk to him and dont let him brush me off.

    So, ask her out.. if she says NO, move on. Later, after you date some other women, go ask her out again. Word gets around amongst us girls when a guy is a good catch.

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    • I don't know why guys always assume that a pretty girl is stuck up. What if they're waiting for the guy to make the first move? Because the guy may think she's desperate

  • Because they’re intimidating. They’re so beautiful that I can’t even imagine them liking someone like me.

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  • Her attitude and/or his lack of self-confidence.

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  • Bitchy slutty attitude

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  • If she's surrounded by bees

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  • Just being a bitch

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  • Her pit bull

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  • I'm guessing it's a stuck-up personality

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  • Resting bitch face

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  • I’m here for the responda

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  • For me it's my resting bitch face and extremely serious attitude.
    I do still get approached though lol.
    If you are a 'pretty' girl and dont get approached then you're not as pretty as you think you are, or something else is deeply wrong.

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  • Some women are intimidating be it their looks or their overall vibe. I know because I've struggled with it. All my exes admitted they were afraid to talk to me at first because they were afraid I would reject them and I'm just... intimidating in general? Even though I don't try to be. It's all about vibes.

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  • Her face expressions, always on her earphones, looks busy

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  • I always get this! No guys ever come up to me except the creepy ones that have been drinking way too much. All the nice cute boys go for girls much lower in their league

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    • Those are the girls they marry too, women who aren't much better than them so that they will love them for who they are and not what they can provide.

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    • @Tslaveee so only ugly women can be good wives?

    • Yes because thats exactly what I was saying without implying it

  • Her bad behavior

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